by Harloe Rae
I SHAMELESSLY GAWK as the joyful sound expands around us, chasing away any lingering misery. My jaw drops further when his infectious tune grows louder, feeding my aching soul. My eyes devour every jolly shake from Ryker’s muscular chest. Happiness explodes and spills over, soaking into my skin while stealing my breath. The moment stretches and swells until we’re floating in a bubble of bliss, anything else blurs and fades into the distant background. Ryker laughing satisfies all senses, the epitome of a full body experience.
Is this real?
The paper crinkles in my trembling fist, calling attention to the journey ahead of us. Not just the one jotted down between the lines but the life we’re slowly building together. Now is the time to celebrate what we’ve found despite it all. Our kindred spirits found each other, through years of pain and suffering alone.
I tuck my chin as my eyes mist for the billionth time this evening. I can’t seem to clog the emotional spigot, especially with Ryker spoon-feeding me reasons to cry. Whether the situation calls for it or not, I’ve always shed tears easily, and he’s probably thinking there’s something seriously wrong with my stability.
Who else cries this much?
I roll my eyes at that silly thought, considering we just talked about comparing ourselves to others. When I glance up through wet lashes and find Ryker’s lips tipped into a small smile, my concern melts away. He cares for me, weepy or not. I watch his calm ocean irises, content with the silence once the giggles taper off. His raw strength and power shines from every part of him, but I see it most from his glittering gaze.
“What do you see?” His whisper startles me from my trance.
“Paradise,” I breathe, feeling weightless. “Everything good and right and meant to be.” I blink a few times to clear my mind. “We’re together on a tropical island with white sand and crystal-clear water waiting to provide comfort. The sun blazes down, toasting every bit of bare skin with a golden glow, giving limitless warmth. Gentle waves lap against the shore, offering loyal protection and devotion. Endless possibilities and freedom and . . . you,” swirls from my lungs and I shiver slightly.
His Adam’s apple bobs with a heavy swallow. “Is that island on there?” Ryker’s voice is hoarse as he juts his chin to our list, being mercifully crushed by my hand. “Because I’d like to take you.”
“I’m already there,” I say smoothly.
The air shifts with my accelerating pulse, longing blankets the both of us. I tip closer, my palm over his pounding heart, before reaching to his flushed face. He smells spicy, like cinnamon candy, and I want to taste him. Badly.
Ryker’s cool palm travels up to cup my fiery cheek. “Can I kiss you?”
“No need to ask,” I reply and he pulls me into him.
Our noses bump and I giggle while his laughter puffs lightly against my lips. The amusement dissolves when his mouth touches mine, so delicately at first that I shiver from the tease. Ryker’s tongue tickles along my bottom lip before exploring deeper. I shift higher to get a better angle and soon find myself straddling his lap. Our mouths fuse while hands wander willingly. My fingers drag up his neck into his cropped hair while his skim down my bare shoulders, goosebumps rising in his wake. Ryker’s arms thread around my lower back, holding tight, as I rock against him. His body is taut, practically vibrating, as I nip his lower lip. I want to drive him crazy, exactly as he’s doing to me.
Is it working?
Ryker groans into my mouth and I swallow the warm air like a drug. I ingest his pleasure greedily, wanting every drop he’s willing to give. His flavor is intoxicating and my tongue strokes along his for another burst.
When he switches into another gear, Ryker rolls until we’re falling flat on the couch. I bounce against the plush cushions and an unladylike oomph deflates my chest. We’re about to topple over the edge when his palm slams to the floor, halting our clumsy descent.
“In my mind, that move was graceful as hell. Are you okay?”
I nod vigorously and pull his mouth back to mine.
Less talking, more touching.
Ryker grinds against me, leaving no space between us, while our slick lips slide together. His whole body is hard against me, his pecs firm and abs flexed in effort, not to mention what’s rocking below his waist. I’m pushed deeper into the soft padding and my back bows, searching for more of him. My palms sneak under the hem of his shirt and beg for more.
Suddenly he rips his mouth from mine.
“Mini golf! We should get going.” His rapid breathing matches my own.
“Pretty sure that can wait until later,” I murmur while trying to yank him down. Ryker resists and lightly circles my wrists to loosen the tight grip on his shirt. I release him with a huff, not ashamed to be pouting. “I was having fun.”
“And you think I wasn’t?” He questions incredulously with a deep crease in his brow.
I squint and wrinkle my nose. “So, why did we stop?”
“I only have so much control, Lennon. I mean, look at you.” Ryker blows out a heavy exhale as his sparkling eyes dart along my features. “You’re my every waking dream laid out before me, but this isn’t how our first time should be.”
“There’s other things we can do . . .” I begin to suggest when he cuts me off.
“I want to touch you, feel every part of you underneath my fingertips but not on the fresh grave of my past. I’ve put those memories to rest tonight but the ghosts just left,” he explains carefully while rubbing along my forearms.
I scold myself as I look around as if I can see these invisible figures.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s been a very emotional evening and we should get out of this space for a while. Mini golf, here we come.” I smile and shimmy, trying to defuse the heat scorching my skin.
Ryker groans as he stands and tries adjusting himself secretly before helping me off the couch. While stretching, we take turns blushing while catching each other gawking at exposed slivers of flesh. I bite my lip, swollen from his kisses, before snatching up the list and my phone.
I smooth out the wrinkled sheet.
“We’ll have to re-write this if it keeps getting tossed around. Or I can just put it in here.” I wiggle the device in my hand.
“Nah, it’s perfect like that. A few folds and bruises add appeal, right?” He flicks a crinkled corner and smirks. I realize the hidden meaning and my stomach flutters at the dimple piercing his stubbled cheek.
Our fingers lace as we head out, ready to try our luck at miniature golf. When I was in middle school, a group of popular kids would always spend Friday nights at the local putt-putt. I wasn’t cool enough to get an invite, not that my parents would have let me go, but I was always curious what the fuss was about. That’s why it was the initial activity I thought of when jotting down ideas. My teenage self is silently squealing and very pleased to finally uncover the secret.
“This place has great reviews and isn’t too far away,” I say while putting the address in my map app after we’ve climbed into Ryker’s truck. We take off once the automated voice spits out directions and settle into compassionate silence.
My knee bounces wildly while I glance out the window, lost in random thoughts. I jolt slightly when Ryker’s palm rests on my thigh.
“Nervous?” he asks.
I swing my startled gaze to him. “No. Why would I be? This is going to be fun, right?”
“That’s kinda the point. Just making sure since you looked about ready to tuck and roll.” He glimpses at me from the corner of his eye.
My chuckle bubbles out.
“Um, that’s something I’m good with never attempting. Very funny, very funny.” I lay my hand on his.” I’m excited for this, that’s all. Maybe a tad concerned about making a fool of myself but hopefully you’ll be kind enough to let it slide.”
Ryker snorts as he guides the vehicle around a sharp curve, following the robotic lady’s commands. “Don’t worry, Sunshine. I’m sure you’re a natural.”
We found out he was super wrong after my first choppy swing about thirty minutes later. The small neon ball zipped over the short wooden wall so fast I figured it was running scared. The next five holes had a very similar outcome. I would line up, or attempt to, but the club never glided across the green with ease and the ball shot to the stratosphere. An enormous decorative clown mocked me for missing a shot. A surprisingly realistic T-rex blew smoke from his nose when I failed to sink the putt into his castle, and it became very evident mini golf was not my game.
Bless his heart, Ryker kept a straight face while I huffed and puffed in frustration. This was all in the name of a good time but I was turning this fun-tivity into a travesty. At least my date was holding his own—and stopping me from doing any permanent damage to the course. When my shot on the sixth hole ricochets into the water, Ryker takes pity on me.
“Wanna quit? No one said we have to finish. Maybe we should grab ice cream or do something else.” His lips quirk as his eyes twinkle.
I gasp and act affronted, over-the-top goading tone and all.
“My word, Ryker. Was that a joke? We’re far past the point of no return. We’re going all the way!” I exclaim while shaking my fist in a ridiculous fashion.
“Wow.” Ryker shakes his head and bites his plump lip. “You’re too adorable. C’mere,” he says while tugging on my belt loop.
I sway into him without resistance as he dips down to my mouth. The kiss is chaste and quick but powerful all the same. Sparks erupt in my toes and travel up until the sensation zaps my scalp. I sag against him further, an effortless comfort cuddling around us like a favorite blanket.
Ryker nuzzles into my neck before gently brushing his lips along the sensitive skin. I shiver in his arms and stretch my throat to give him more room. He sweeps up to my ear before nipping the lobe.
“It’s your turn,” he whispers with a heated sigh.
My teeth clack together as I stiffen, remembering where we are. I push away from Ryker slowly, as if not to draw more attention from onlookers.
“Tease,” I mutter as I bend to set up my tee.
“What was that, Sunshine?” he questions after I straighten.
“Oh, nothing at all. Just getting ready to win.” I glance over my shoulder.
“You’re asking for trouble.”
“More like begging but whatever,” I volley back.
“Why don’t you take your shot?” Ryker motions to my club.
“I thought you’d help me, since you’ve got all the skills.” Electricity buzzes under my skin as the lighter blue of his irises crashes into the darker edge.
“Maybe if you ask nicely.”
I bite my lip before purring, “Please?”
His huge palms engulf my hips as he steps behind me, apparently set on assisting me with this shot or something else entirely. We both know what’s really going on but I’ll gladly play along.
My feet take a tiny shuffle backward as I wiggle in his hold.
“Now who’s the tease?” Ryker’s breath rushes across my nape. I almost moan. My entire body is like a match waiting to be lit and I have no clue what to do about that. My inexperience doesn’t stop me from trying though.
“Wanna make things interesting?” I ask with my chin tipped to face him.
“What do you have in mind? That glint in your eye is kind of freaking me out,” he admits while shifting away from my advances. “You’re going to get me kicked out of here for public indecency so it better be clean fun.”
I pout shamelessly, hoping it looks flirty.
“If I get the ball in, you give me a massage later. If I miss, you’ll be the one getting a little rub down.”
Ryker makes a strangled noise before coughing loudly. “Jesus, Sunshine.” His voice is a hoarse rasp. “Seems like I win either way.”
I smirk while lifting a coy brow. “Exactly.”
Ryker
Each day is a new experience that leaves me blissed out of my mind. I had no concept of what happiness could be.
SHE’S TEMPTING ME again.
It’s been a week of this exquisite torture, a beautiful pull into her delicate web. Ever since that massage after golf, which I gladly guaranteed she received, my control has been tested and stretched beyond feasible limits. When I picked up that golf ball and tossed it in the hole, a chain reaction of delicious enticement began. Sunshine has been playing with fire and I’m not sure how much more I can take before taking the plunge.
When we went to the zoo, Lennon tucked tightly against me while looking at the exhibits. At the aquarium, she lured me into hidden corners with promises of stolen kisses. I’ll never forget her overtly seductive strut each time she got up to bowl, suggestive but subtle. Wandering touches that gave me goosebumps, lingering kisses that made my heart race, sweetly whispered phrases that left plenty to the imagination, shy glances with flushed cheeks . . . all tasty bait I gobbled up like gummy bears.
I’ve always known Lennon will be my first, if she’s willing. Sharing my body with her has been my craving since she smiled at me and by now, I’m sure she feels the same way. The potential of those wicked fantasies becoming reality have me panicking.
The reluctance to take our relationship to a more physical level is solely due to sheer terror. My anxiety has been ratcheting up to dangerous degrees when I think of the thousand ways to fuck up. What if I hurt Lennon by being too rough? How do I make sure she has an orgasm? Will she still find me attractive naked? What if she isn’t turned on enough? If I do something really wrong, will sex be ruined for her? I could blow it in countless ways—prematurely and just . . . in general. It’s far too much for my already frazzled mind to manage.
At least we’ve gotten really good at making out and dry humping. Anything with her that close to me, even with layers of clothes in the way, is fucking mind-blowing. Those are hints of how it could be between us, the slight brushes of skin that leave me hard, aching, and boiling with desire. I never understood the term blue balls when the stupid jocks joked about it in school, but my clarity on the painful subject is extremely obvious now. The sexual frustration, and agonizing pressure in my groin, is worth it though.
Everything needs to be perfect for our first time—the most important first of all.
We’re comfortable and compatible in ways I didn’t know existed. I’ve already lost count of the number of times she’s pointed out ridiculously accurate details about me that no one else would notice. If I didn’t know better, I’d assume Lennon has been studying me over the years too.
Lennon is currently humming softly while draping fabric over a mannequin, her hips swaying hypnotically to a silent beat. We’ve been at her studio on campus most of the day, quietly working on separate tasks. I’m building a new software so hopefully neither of us will have to worry about money again. I’ll have more than enough to make all of her wishes come true, which hopefully include me.
“I don’t hear much typing going on over there, Mister Doxson,” Lennon sing-songs before twirling behind the dress form.
A shiver passes through me while I imagine calling her the same name, except as my missus. It’s way too soon for such visions but that doesn’t stop my wild brain from diving into the future. Her graceful moves distract me further.
“Who do you dance for when you’re by the window?” I blurt as my eyes lock on her delicate movements. My filter is even weaker than usual since my brainpower is being directed to keeping other areas in check.
“What do you mean?” She cocks her head my way. “I’m in the middle of the room and this is my typical flurry of artistic chaos.” Lennon demonstrates by continuing to bounce around her creation.
“Not what you’re currently doing,” I start. “There were a few times when I was watching that it seemed like you were almost . . . putting on a show.” I bust out the last part before nerves clamp my mouth shut.
Lennon’s face turns a bright shade of red as she dips her chin. “Um,” she bites her lip. “That’s really
embarrassing.”
“Sorry, Sunshine.” My nape burns with shame. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Just curious but forget I asked.”
She shuffles over slowly as her gaze bounces around the open space, refusing to land on me.
“It’s fine. I just feel really silly about it.” Lennon takes a deep breath. “I caught on that someone was following me when the gifts started appearing in really convenient spots. There were several situations when I actually caught sight of a shadowy figure but you’d disappear just as quickly. This might sound super bizarre but I grew attached to the mere idea of having a secret admirer. There was a person out there who was infatuated and interested in me enough to do all this wonderful stuff, like leave sweet notes and my favorite coffee.” She fidgets with a pin between her fingers. “When I was feeling a bit bold and picturing the mysterious stranger, who for whatever reason didn’t scare me, my body would take charge. Thinking about you watching was exciting.” Her words are soft and barely-there but I hear the meaning loud and clear.
My palm drags over the stubble covering my jaw. “Am I dreaming? How is this real life?”
Lennon hums and I pull her into my arms.
“You were really doing all that for me?”
Her head bobs again and my pulse pounds ferociously, echoing throughout my entire being.
She shifts slightly before peeking up at me. “I told you how special that attention makes me feel. My courage kept increasing as Seek became more obvious,” Lennon murmurs through a smile. “I wanted to draw you closer and entice you. Having you watch was . . . hot,” she exhales the ultimate invitation before burying her flushed face in my chest.
I groan loudly as my resistance frays to tattered strings.
“Sunshine, you have no idea what that does to me.”
Lennon bumps her hips into mine before edging even closer, rubbing along some very solid evidence.
“Pretty sure you’re giving me a big hint. Why are you holding back, Ryker?”
My jeans become impossibly tight and delaying sex suddenly seems very stupid.
“I don’t want to screw anything up. There’s a lot of pressure, from everywhere, and I can’t stand the idea of doing anything wrong for you.” My hands tremble as they drift down her back.