by Stacey Pond
“I can do this. I will not let that bastard control my life.”
Kenzie lifted her shirt, ran her hand over the scar on her belly. It would never go away, just like the fear he’d planted inside of her brain. She shoved the thought away, a scowl on her face. That wasn’t true. She couldn’t let him win.
She pushed off from the sink and adjusted her hair and clothes before she left the bathroom. Everyone was looking at her with concern, but she ignored them. Marco tried to touch her arm, she shrugged him off. She wouldn’t show weakness in front of anyone.
“Sorry about that. Again,” she said.
Several times after that Kenzie tried to force herself through the song, but whenever it was her cue to sing, she froze. She started to get more frustrated with herself by the minute. The more she tried, the more she could hold down the rising feeling of nausea, but she hadn’t even finished one song yet. Her body felt tired, beat down.
“I’m sorry, I’m just really tired today. Maybe I’m sick or something. I think I’ll just go home.”
Marco nodded. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll feel better tomorrow. Get some rest.”
Kenzie gathered up her things without a word. She gave him a nod as she left the room, closing the door behind her. Quickly, she wiped the tears from her eyes before anyone could see. Clearing her throat she pushed off of the door before she headed outside. The sun held no pleasure for her, the hot summer day no warmth. The only thing she could think about was her career slipping out of her fingers like sand. It was enough to drive her mad.
She saw the guard down the street, waiting in his car. She turned down the next street instead and slipped into a bar. It was easy to drown her pain in a bottle of vodka, so that’s what she did. She spent money until she was out of cash. As she stood, she almost toppled over, but caught herself. The world spun. She felt a hand on her shoulder making her jump.
“What are you doing? I thought you’d let us know when you were done with practice.”
Kenzie shrugged Brick’s hand off of her, but he wasn’t so easily dissuaded. As she tried to order another drink, he pulled her from the barstool before taking her outside. She was too unsteady on her feet to fight back, so she let herself be dragged along down the sidewalk until they reached the car. He deposited her inside.
“Take her to the house. Keep an eye on her.”
As the car took off, she leaned against the seat, her eyes on the ceiling. It wasn’t fair. Her life was being taken away and none of them understood that. Kenzie felt herself spiraling, felt her life spinning out of control as her head slumped onto the glass. What was she going to do? Her only dream in life was slipping away.
The next week was a lesson in repetition. She went to practice, choked, stumbled through everything before she quit. Only each day brought more agitation, more anger. The guards couldn’t stop her from lashing out, sneaking off, drinking until she couldn’t see straight. Still, Gianni was no where to be found. She longed for him in a way that she couldn’t comprehend. Whenever she asked about him the other guards said he was away on personal leave, but would be back soon. It frustrated her more.
After a week of no results with her practicing, she ditched it all together. If she was going out, at least she’d have fun doing it. Every night she went to a different party, flirted with a different stranger, drank until she forgot the pain of what was happening to her. It didn’t fill the emptiness she felt, but it was enough to make her pass out, enough to keep her from thinking about the pain.
Cassie tried to call her, comfort her. She suggested she could come over, help her calm down on more than one occasion, but Kenzie declined. She didn’t want to have to move again. Besides, the only person she wanted to be around was herself. She didn’t even take Ben’s call the day of their date.
Not long after her mood slipped, she saw her face on the TV, in magazines. They were saying she was having a mental break down, that the man who’d tried to kill her was causing terror in a psychological way. She stayed away from the TV and the internet. It was all too painful. They had no idea what was going on, but they would paint her any way they could get a story. Celebrities breaking down always did seem to sell the magazines and keep up the ratings for a show. It felt as if the world was simply waiting for her to spiral out of control.
Kenzie tried to return to practice, but every time her hand drifted to the door knob she froze. It was too much, too soon. What did they expect from her? When she had exasperated the other guards, they seemed to mostly leave her alone.
She sat in the house, nursing a hangover when the front door opened. Gianni stepped through in his plain clothes, jeans with a maroon t-shirt. She leaned back further into the couch. As much as she was pissed off at him, she couldn’t help the excitement that coursed through her body or the sense of comfort.
“What’s going on?” He asked.
Kenzie shrugged. “Nothing. Reading a book,” she said pointing to it before pretending to be reading it again.
Gianni walked over to her slowly. “No, I mean what’s been going on with you? I’ve been hearing about you drinking, sneaking out, taking off. I thought we had agreed you’d try your best to be careful.”
“I’m alive. Why do you care? Wasn’t your vacation with your girlfriend more important than protecting me?”
Kenzie could hear the anger in her voice. She hadn’t meant to let him see that side of her, the ugly side, but there it was. As she felt herself becoming overwhelmed with her emotions, she rose from the couch to leave the room. She almost knew it wouldn’t be that easy and it was confirmed when Gianni followed behind her into her room. The place was a mess of discarded take out containers, ashtrays filled with butts, laundry on the floor.
“Tell me what’s going on?” He said softly.
Kenzie cleared a space on the bed. “Nothing. Just go away,” she said as she pulled the blanket over her head.
She felt the mattress move under his weight. He pulled the blanket back and wrapped his arms around her waist as he’d done before. His breath on the back of her neck was comforting, stimulating.
“Are you mad because you saw me with a woman or because I left you by yourself?”
Kenzie found herself choking on tears. “I don’t care.”
“Liar.”
She felt him stand up before she heard him push things off of the bed. When she moved the blanket, he was slipping underneath the covers with her. She tried to wipe her eyes quickly, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Cry if you need to cry. Stop trying to prove to everyone that you’re so strong when you’re not. Let yourself feel it.”
Kenzie wasn’t sure what it was about his words, but she burst into thick tears. She buried her face against his chest. His arms circled her body, holding her close as he rested his chin on her forehead. She let herself cry, her body shaking against his until the only thing left was dry hiccups and sniffling. When she was done she felt that old embarrassment work its way up forcing her to hide her face. His finger went beneath her chin.
“Stop trying to hide, there’s nothing wrong with letting yourself be sad, but when are you going to stop? When are you going to not let this get the best of you?”
As she gazed into his eyes, she felt the anger melting away slowly. How could he get her to open up so much, no one; not her mother, best friends or therapist seemed to be able to get her to let them in completely. Here she was wrapped up in his arms, their bodies pressed together and her tears staining his shirt. She wiped her hand across his shirt.
“You know,” she said still sniffling. “You still haven’t told me about that woman I saw you with.”
“I thought you didn’t care,” he mumbled against her hair.
She slapped him on the chest making him laugh.
“I’ll tell you all about it, if you eat something. I’ll even cook for us,” he said. “Deal?”
“Deal.”
Chapter 7
Gianni whipped up omelets for them while she sat on a chair with legs drawn up to her chest. The house was empty except for the two of them. She wore a big t-shirt that fell down to her thighs, the sleeves so long they slipped over her hands unless she rolled them up. It felt comfortable to sit around Gianni even in her junk clothes as she called them. He sat a plate in front of her. There was only a small portion of eggs and toast as if he’d already known that her appetite was gone. Still, she had promised to eat so she picked up her fork before she cut into the eggs.
“Now?” She asked.
Gianni sighed. “One track mind.” He took a sip of orange juice. “Yes, now. That woman was my ex wife.”
“You were married?” She asked in surprise.
“Yes, I’m not completely undesirable to all women.”
Kenzie grinned. “I never said that. What happened?”
Gianni shrugged as he popped another piece of egg into his mouth. “We were young. Dated all through high school so we thought it didn’t make any sense not to get married. We were only nineteen, completely different people than we are now. We realized that in our late twenties, divorced, but remained good friends.”
She nodded slowly. “So why did you take a week off?”
“Her mother was sick back home in Italy. She had to take care of her and wanted to know if I could watch her daughter Samantha. I’ve known Samantha since she was a little thing so I told her yes. Me and that little girl had a blast.” He paused, reached a hand across the table. “Of course, I didn’t know you were having such a hard time. Why didn’t you just call me? I only found everything out this morning when Brick called me.”
Kenzie shrugged. “I didn’t have your number.”
He scoffed and shook his head. “You could have gotten it from anyone. That’s not it. You were going through a hard time and didn’t want anyone to know. Am I right?”
Kenzie shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.”
“Look, I don’t need you or anyone else analyzing my life okay? If I say I’m fine, I’m fine.”
Kenzie stood up, grabbed her plate before dropping it into the sink. She was surprised that it hadn’t broken. When she turned around, Gianni was in her face. She tried to go around him, but he was blocking her path. Frustration colored her features.
“Move.”
Gianni ignored her. Instead, his hand went to the back of her neck, pulling her close. She felt the urge to melt as he held her close. He leaned down, lips moving against hers with a hunger she only faintly knew he possessed. Fluttering filled her stomach, the nervous anticipation of his hands roaming her body made her forget her anger.
“Your problem is that you think you have to fight all the time. That you think I didn’t give a shit about you. And you thought that one evening was all there was. I never said I didn’t care about you,” he whispered the words against her lips.
Kenzie felt the anger, frustration, sadness that she’d gathered over the past week slip from her grasp. In his arms, it all meant nothing. His fingers trailed the line of her neck, as his tongue danced within her mouth. She found herself giving in to her emotions, the tears that graced her face a release she didn’t know she needed. His thumbs wiped the tears away, he replaced them with kisses on her cheeks. She sunk into him.
Passion flared up like a fire, consuming them both until their kisses ignited each other. His hands roamed over her smooth brown skin, his fingers slipping beneath the hem of her shirt, dragging across the fabric of her panties. She let out a deep moan, one filled with longing as her fingers gripped his arms. She never wanted him to let go. He spun them both around, picked her up in his arms before depositing on the cool wood of the table. His hands were ripping at her panties, but his mouth was locked onto her neck. His lips traveling to her collarbone, leaving teeth marks in his wake.
“I missed you,” he growled.
She knew it was true. In the pit of her stomach she had always known that it was true, no matter how deeply she’d tried to deny it. Kenzie felt the tears rising in her eyes again, the sheer emotional bliss of the moment overwhelming her in it’s raw form. His hands weren’t gentle, they were all consuming and she found herself lost to his appetite. Gianni didn’t bother unbuttoning the pale, blue shirt she wore. He ripped it open like a savage, the buttons popping off in all directions. Her braless breasts were sucked into his eager, wet mouth. Her panting filled the space of the small kitchen, her head thrown back in ecstasy. She felt the hostility in her body dying away. It felt like renewal, a rebirth of the old her that had been so viciously ripped away that violent night.
Gianni’s dominance was powerful, pleasure curled her toes as he licked and sucked on her hardened nipples. She could feel the frustration he’d held inside bubble to the surface, now it was being taken out on her flesh. His hand grabbed hers, pushed it to the front of his jeans where she felt his stiffened cock against her palm. Her fingers worked on their own, opening the jeans, pushing them down. She slid from the table without being told. As he kicked off his shoes, she marveled at the dripping cock before her. She wanted to take her frustration out on him as well, make him lose himself entirely in her.
As soon as his clothes were off, she wrapped her mouth around his cock. The taste of precum filled her mouth making her moan. She looked up at him as he removed his shirt over his head. His eyes fell to hers, the half lidded gaze conveying what she knew he felt. Kenzie slipped him from her mouth, ran her tongue over the length of his throbbing cock as she teased him. Her tongue traveled to the shaven globes of his balls, ran over them as she heard his breath catch in his throat, the moan unbridled as he pushed his fingers into her hair.
Kenzie continued her journey upward, tracing her tongue in swirling slowness up his shaft, before she wrapped her lips around the head. She slid his cock deep inside her mouth, felt it twitch as she continued to slide him into her throat. She watched his eyes close in pleasure, his hips bucking into her mouth with every suction, every languid stroke of her warm tongue.
His hands gripped her shoulders, pulled her off of his cock before he lifted her to the table once more. The coolness of the wood against the heat of her skin was both torture and heaven. His hands gripped her ass as he spread her legs, pulling her closer to his throbbing cock. He slipped into her slowly, every inch making her writhe her hips in anticipation. When he was nestled inside of her, his mouth found her neck once more. He bit into her flesh, kissed her lips, his tongue greedy inside her mouth. Kenzie’s arms wrapped around his neck holding on as he began to thrust into her.
The woman cried out as his muscled arms lifted her from the table, her legs around his waist and the strength of his arms keeping them together. Sweat pooled between their bodies, the heat of their passion growing every minute until she thought they would both lose themselves in each other for good. Her body trembled against his, her thighs tightening around his waist as he moaned, her orgasm making her lean against his neck as she rode it out. The sound of his deep moaning filled her ears as he came inside of her. They stayed there like that together, wrapped in each other’s arms until they had both calmed down.
Gianni let her down slowly as she tried to regain her footing. She swiped at him as he laughed, but he moved away. He took her arm, leading her to the shower. As the water washed over them, he wrapped his arms around her. She felt so safe inside his arms. They took their time, enjoying the water and washing each other before they both felt that familiar urge taking over them. The bathroom soon became home to their moaning and panting until they were spent. They washed off again quickly before stepping out of the porcelain tub.
When they got out, Gianni rubbed her down with a thick, yellow towel until she was dry before he did the same to himself. He gave her one of his t-shirts to wear, the cool cotton sliding against her skin as he helped her into it. They curled up in her bed, legs and arms tangled in one another until they drifted off to sleep.
*****
The
next morning, Kenzie felt invigorated. She dressed in small, denim shorts, a plain pink tank top and flip flops before they headed off to the studio. She didn't sit in the backseat as she usually did, instead she sat right up front next to Gianni. The closer they came to the studio, the more she began to squeeze his hand. She could feel her fingers digging into his skin, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Nervous?” He asked.
Kenzie nodded.
“You’ll be fine. I just know it.”
When they arrived, the band was already set up, but they looked dubious. Gianni took a seat where he could watch her up close. The music started. She closed her eyes, shutting out the world, trying to recapture the memory of how she’d felt so many months before. In an instant she was flooded with images of her and Gianni. She decided to go with that instead.
“Baby, I’ve been losing so much sleep, thinking about the memories that used to be...”
She felt her heart lighten as the words came naturally. They were her words, feelings and experiences that were hers to share. She almost wanted to jump up and down, but she didn’t want to lose the moment. So, she sang until her throat hurt, until her lungs were screaming for air. It felt better than it ever had before. They were able to run through the set before they called it a day.
“Did you hear that?” She asked excitedly as she hugged Gianni.
“I heard. You sound amazing.”
Kenzie squealed with delight. For the first time in days, she wasn’t confused. Singing was the most important thing in her life, the only thing she wanted. The thought of the crowds still made her nervous, but she knew she could handle them if Gianni was by her side. The fear had been pushed aside for the time being, she could celebrate.
As they pushed out of the studio, Cassie stood nearby with Ben. She was surprised to see them there. Then she remembered the date that she had blown off with Ben. Embarrassment flooded through her. Cassie looked irritated like she always did lately. She glanced at Gianni only briefly before she turned back to Kenzie.