* * *
Later on, as the stars twinkled in the clear night sky and the moon cast a silvery light over the ocean, Eve and Jack lay on a picnic blanket spread on the deserted beach, gazing up at the sky. The wind had died down and the evening was calm and still. Eve wriggled over and rested her head on Jack’s shoulder.
‘You know … I feel like I’ve known you for years, not just weeks.’
‘You’re fed up of me already?’ he asked, turning his head slightly to kiss her hair.
‘No! Not like that. I meant that I’m so comfortable being with you, Jack. You make me feel safe and cared about. I can be myself with you and it’s like you’ll always be there. I don’t doubt that you care or that you like me.’
‘Of course I like you. How could I not like you?’
‘I’ve spent my life wondering if people like me. My own parents weren’t fussed, so why would anyone else be?’
Jack rolled onto his side to face her and stroked her cheek with his free hand. ‘Your parents were fools if that’s true, Eve.’
She shrugged. ‘They’re just people, and not all people should be parents.’
‘I know that. But not us, eh?’
‘What?’ Eve gazed into his eyes and her heart filled with emotion. His eyes shone in the moonlight and she knew that she’d never seen anything more wonderful than his face.
‘Well, Eve … if you do want me, then I see a wonderful future ahead for us.’
‘You do?’
He nodded. ‘I can’t stand the thought of not being with you. I want you to stay here in Conwenna Cove forever.’
‘I want that too.’
‘And perhaps … one day, we can get married and have a family.’
‘What?’ Eve held up a hand.
‘I was just thinking that when the time is right … Wouldn’t you like that? A baby, or even babies?’
The sincerity in his eyes tore right through her, and when she tried to swallow, it was like she had broken glass lodged in her throat.
‘Babies?’ Her heart pounded furiously. ‘What makes you say that, Jack?’
‘You want children, don’t you?’ His expression was suddenly wary and Eve could see a vein throbbing in his neck. ‘To have a family … with me?’
‘Oh Jack.’ Her voice cracked. She wanted to be with him but she hadn’t thought beyond them as a couple; she hadn’t thought of what might happen after that.
And now …
She sat up and looked around as panic seized her. ‘I’m so sorry, Jack. I just can’t do this. I have to go!’
She paused for a moment, then slid her feet into her shoes, jumped up and ran off along the beach. She didn’t know if Jack was following her or if he tried to call her back, because she was running so fast that all she could hear was the wind rushing past her ears and the sound of her own sobbing.
Chapter 27
Eve ran and ran and ran, up the steep path, past the rocks and along the road towards the harbour. Her lungs threatened to explode and the muscles in her legs burned. Her chest heaved in and out as she tried to catch her breath. Her face was wet with tears and her throat was raw but she didn’t know if it was from running or crying or both. She sank onto a bench in front of the dark windows of the harbour cafe and buried her head in her hands.
As her breathing slowed, she listened to the tide as it lapped against the harbour wall. Life was so fragile yet so tempestuous, just like the sea. One moment it seemed like she had it all; the next it had all been washed away.
She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest.
What would she do now?
She’d come so far, then when Jack had … What had he done? Proposed? Or not quite? She’d panicked and run away. But with good reason. She hadn’t told him about the twins, about what a terrible mother she’d make. How could she? Where did you start with something so terrible? And yet look at the outcome. The man she adored had been left stranded on the beach, their beach, wondering what on earth he’d done wrong.
‘Oh Jack!’ She covered her mouth. How could she have done that to him? Run away with no explanation or reassurance? He would think he was to blame and she couldn’t bear the thought of that. The idea of hurting him, such a good, kind, honest, caring man, was unbearable. She had to put it right.
She got to her feet, intending to head back down to the beach to try to find him. But as she turned, there he was just a few feet away, his arms full of things: the picnic blanket, her cardigan, his shoes, and the basket that he’d told her contained their celebratory supper – because she’d done so well at the fair that day.
Eve shook herself.
She loved this man. She owed him more than an act of cowardice. She was tired of running away and she certainly shouldn’t be running from Jack.
So instead she ran towards him, and watched as he dropped the basket and the blanket and opened his arms. She leapt into them and wrapped herself around him, crying into his neck and telling him over and over that she was sorry.
‘Eve.’ He spoke softly, leaning back to look into her eyes. ‘I don’t understand. Have I got this wrong? One minute you’re all over me, and the next it’s like you’re pushing me away. I’m up and down like a yo-yo. I can’t do this, much as I … I love you. I just can’t.’
She ran her hands over his broad shoulders and down his arms, then slipped out of his embrace. ‘Let’s sit down. I need to explain something to you.’
She took his hand and led him to the bench, where she sat sideways so she could face him.
‘Jack, there’s something you need to know about me, something bad … before you make any sort of commitment to me.’
‘Go on.’ His expression was so serious in the moonlight that her heart almost fractured. His eyes were deep black pools and his jaw was set, as if he was suppressing the emotion that bubbled inside him.
‘I’ve fallen for you, Jack. I’m not deceiving you about that, I promise. But I haven’t told you everything about my past, about why I had the … the breakdown, I guess you could call it. My job was everything to me, and I gave everything to it. I don’t know if it was my way of trying to feel important, of proving to myself that I did matter, but it was a place in my life where I had control. I could achieve things, and I did. I was celebrated as a head teacher, I achieved an outstanding rating from the school inspection team. I was a good classroom teacher then a good manager of people.’ She shook her head. ‘But I failed at real life. Outside of work, I didn’t really know what I was doing. I married Darryl, a good man, a kind man. But the wrong man. And I hurt him.’
‘It happens, Eve.’
‘Yes, but I should have slowed down, stopped for a bit, yet I just couldn’t. Darryl wanted a family but I guess I didn’t. We couldn’t conceive naturally, so we paid for private treatment. It cost thousands but he said it would be worth it. Only I wasn’t so sure. The money wasn’t an issue, but having children was. I went into it half-heartedly. Then at sixteen weeks …’ She gasped, the memories suddenly darting through her head with startling clarity. ‘I started to bleed.’
‘I’m sorry.’
She bit her lip. ‘I could have done something about it. The doctors advised total bed rest, to take time off work and to just stop …’
‘But you didn’t?’
‘No. I was stubborn. I refused. I guess I thought that whatever happened would happen whether I was resting or not. So I went back to work, and three days later …’ She sighed and stared out across the harbour towards the horizon. The sea was black but its surface glowed silver in the moonlight.
‘You know, Eve, people are as deep as the sea.’ Jack had almost read her exact thoughts. ‘We all have hidden depths, dark places we’d never want anyone else to know about. Nothing in life is easy and everything comes with a price. I’ve done things I regret. I blamed myself for a long time for the deaths of some of my fellow marines. If I’d been standing where they were or if I’d just spotted that ambush in time … but life is full of these
moments and all we can do is learn from them and try to move on. The alternative is to give up. Which some people do.’ He cleared his throat. ‘But you’re not a quitter. Losing the babies was a tragedy, but I doubt you could have changed it. Bed rest might have helped, but it might not. You’ll never know one hundred per cent and you can’t spend a lifetime blaming yourself.’
‘But Jack, I lost them. I denied them the right to live. I hurt them and I hurt Darryl. Don’t you see that I’m not fit to be a mother? I don’t even deserve to be happy.’
‘No! That’s not true. It wasn’t the right time. I know people who’ve been through similar things; a buddy of mine and his wife had IVF and lost their first two babies. They finally conceived naturally and went on to have three kids. Sometimes we just have to accept that what’s meant to be is meant to be.’
‘You believe that?’
Jack shrugged. ‘If we don’t find some sort of acceptance then we just go slowly mad. You’re not a bad person; you were driven by a need to succeed at work. That stemmed from other things, things in your childhood. You married the wrong man but look at how many other people do that. Look at me!’ He patted his chest. ‘But life is about learning, Eve. We don’t always get it right first time. You weren’t ready to be a mother when all that happened and maybe you never will be. But you don’t know that yet. There’s a whole life ahead of you to be experienced. Whether that’s with me or not. But no pressure, right?’
She watched him carefully, amazed by his understanding and his bravery. After everything she’d just told him, he was still offering her comfort and freedom.
‘Eve, I want you, I want to be with you, but if you don’t want me, or if you want me but you don’t want kids, then we can work around that. None of us knows what’s around the corner, but right now, I do know that I’m bloody terrified of not waking up with you in the morning.’
‘Oh Jack!’
He pulled her into his arms and she snuggled close to him as her heart expanded with love. He was right. The past was the past. It had happened and she couldn’t change it; all she could do was learn from it. Whatever the future held, right now all she knew for certain, and all she needed to know, was that she wanted to be with him.
Because never before had she felt so warm, so loved or so complete.
Epilogue
Eve walked out of the school building and crossed the car park. The early summer morning was warm and she breathed deeply of the sweet scent of flowers. She’d had a good morning with the pupils and had been delighted, as she always was, by their interest and enthusiasm.
She stopped in front of the car. ‘You’re such a good boy, Gabe! They all loved you today, didn’t they?’
Her large black dog wagged his tail then dipped into a greyhound bow. ‘Yes, I know, you were the star of the show!’ She opened the boot of the Range Rover and Gabe jumped up onto his quilt, then she made her way round to the passenger door. It opened before she touched the handle.
‘Hello there, beautiful! How was your morning?’ Jack leaned over and kissed her softly.
‘Really good, thank you! Lots of questions and excitement and the head teacher asked if I’ll come back in a few weeks’ time to talk to the parents too. They’re very keen to get involved in fund-raising as a school. I think it’s partly because the head teacher has two greyhounds herself.’
‘That’s fantastic!’
‘And how did your morning go?’ She ran her eyes over his handsome face and her heart flipped, just as it did every single day when she looked at him.
‘Well, I finished the illustrations for the fourth instalment of Gabe’s Greyhound Adventures, then I put the changing table together for the nursery.’
‘You didn’t!’ Eve grinned. ‘I can’t wait to see the table, and the illustrations. Oh Jack, the children loved the first book. I read them the whole thing and the teacher asked for an order form.’
Jack nodded. ‘Couldn’t have done it without your wonderful stories, Eve. I just drew some pictures to go with your cleverly crafted tales.’
She smiled at her husband. Together they’d had a successful year, creating a series about a greyhound named Gabe and his adventures in Conwenna Cove, as well as expanding the sanctuary up at the farm so that it now had a new and impressive website and Eve as its schools liaison. She went out into the local community and spoke to the children about greyhounds and the possibilities for adopting them, and spent time teaching them about animal welfare. The books were a way to continue that education whilst encouraging them to read and improve their literacy, which of course was one of her passions.
‘Anyway, Jack, your son is telling me he’s hungry, so how about you take us for some lunch?’
Jack leaned over and placed his strong hand on Eve’s growing bump. She was twenty weeks along now and had filled out with her pregnancy. Most of the time she felt wonderful, though every so often she’d hit a wobbly moment when the pregnancy reminded her of the first one with her twins. But Jack was always there, holding her up, supporting her and helping her to accept that she couldn’t change the past. He’d even persuaded her to return to the garden of remembrance at the cemetery in Bristol, where the twins’ ashes were buried together in a small plot. She hadn’t been before, terrified that she would completely crumple if she did. It had been incredibly painful and she had cried for days, but she had promised to return there every year on what would have been the twins’ birthday. Acknowledging the fact that they had existed and would always be a part of her life had helped with her grief, and helped her to find that peace of mind that had eluded her for so long.
‘So, little one, I need to take you and your mum for some food, do I?’
The baby wriggled in response and Jack kissed Eve’s belly.
From the rear of the car came a high-pitched whine, and Jack turned in his seat. ‘Don’t worry, Gabe, we won’t forget about you! Sausages, is it?’
He was rewarded with a bark and Eve’s laughter.
As her husband started the engine and pulled out onto the road to Conwenna, Eve leaned back in her seat and smiled. It had been an eventful year since she’d first arrived in the pretty Cornish village and her life had changed beyond recognition.
She didn’t know if it was magic, as Aunt Mary had suggested when she’d first arrived, but she had to agree that something very special had happened during her summer at Conwenna Cove.
Acknowledgements
My husband and children, for your tireless encouragement with my writing and for putting up with me during edits, as well as every time I suddenly need to write an idea down. I love you and you are my world. XXX
The fabulous team at Canelo, for showing faith in this story from the outset. Your enthusiasm and hard work are deeply appreciated. In particular, thanks to Iain Millar for your early emails regarding Summer at Conwenna Cove, and thanks to Louise Cullen, for all your hard work during the editorial process. Summer at Conwenna Cove is a much better book because of your efforts and expertise. Not forgetting, of course, thanks to Jane Selley for the rigorous copyedits.
The incredibly supportive authors I interact with daily. You make me laugh, offer valuable advice and are the best cheerleaders ever! In this case, special thanks to Trevor Williams for reading the rough draft of Summer at Conwenna Cove and offering me some great tips, to Holly Martin, Katie Graham, Andi Michael and Joanne Robinson, for your support behind the scenes, and to Ann Troup, for driving such a lonng way just to give me a hug when I needed it most.
To the blogging community, because, as ever, your support and friendship is incredible. I can’t name you individually because I’d hate to miss someone out, but you are all amazing!
To my readers who come back for more. I love you guys! XXX
And special thanks go to Greyhound Rescue Wales, an amazing charity made up of fabulous people who work tirelessly to rescue and rehome greyhounds. Sandra Wynne, you matched us with Freya, and for that you have our deepest gratitude. Jonathan Baker, Emma Byrne
and Kerry Baker, thank you for your stories about the real Gabe. Huge thanks to Kerry Sands, for your advice regarding the greyhound sanctuary and greyhound behaviour. Finally, thanks to all the members of the GRW Facebook group for your wonderful stories and photographs that make me smile – and sometimes cry – every day.
First published in the United Kingdom in 2017 by Canelo
This edition published in the United Kingdom in 2017 by
Canelo Digital Publishing Limited
57 Shepherds Lane
Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 2DU
United Kingdom
Copyright © Darcie Boleyn, 2017
The moral right of Darcie Boleyn to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781911420606
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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Summer at Conwenna Cove Page 27