by Greta Milán
“All together?” asked Bastian.
“Hawaiian, like I said!”
“That doesn’t sound much like Hawaiian to me,” he remarked. “Are you all right?”
His skepticism came through loud and clear. She covered her face with her hand. She had to sound normal. “Uh-huh.”
“You sure?” he insisted.
She had no intention of discussing her suspicion with him on the phone, especially if she was wrong and it really was just a stomachache.
“Yes, everything’s fine. It’s just been a stressful day, and I haven’t eaten anything yet,” she said. “We’ll talk later, OK? Say hi to Felix for me.”
“Will do,” he replied, clearly perplexed.
She hung up before he could say anything else, then took a shaky breath.
It was no stomachache.
She could feel it.
No, if she was really honest with herself, she had suspected it all along. Half an hour later, she was holding the proof in her hands. Several times over.
Isabelle was staring at the five different sticks that all announced the same result. To be on the safe side, she had picked up tests from several manufacturers, and purchased a bottle of bubbly just in case. To calm her nerves, she claimed. Now she clapped her hands in delight. “I’m going to be an auntie!”
“Oh, my” was all Julie could say. She sat on her bathroom floor, looking at Isabelle. “Bastian will go ballistic.”
Isabelle paused in her outpouring of delight. “Of course he will. What man with half a brain wouldn’t? But we’re talking about your future together here.”
Julie rubbed a tired hand over her face. That wasn’t all. But she preferred not to think about it right now. She stood up and stuffed the tests and their packaging back into the plastic bag.
“Don’t look like that,” grumbled Isabelle. “He’ll come around and be as pleased as you are.”
“You think so?”
“But of course.” Isabelle rose to join her. “Once he’s got over the initial shock.”
She wanted to call and tell him to come over right away. She wanted to hear him say that everything was all right and that they’d get through it together. She wanted to share her excitement and her joy with him.
She realized how pleased she actually was when Isabelle cracked open the champagne and babbled excitedly. “You’re going to make such wonderful parents, and I’ll be an even more wonderful babysitter! You can hand the baby off to me day and night. Unless it needs changing, that is. I’ll teach the child everything there is to know about life, especially the things that really matter. If it’s a girl, of course I’ll be the first person she turns to for fashion advice, and if it’s a boy, I’ll let him know from the start what really counts with women. And of course, we’ll have to come up with a really special name. Something unique, glamorous, not one of the trashy names from those charts.”
She rambled on without pausing for breath. It was all madness, but she succeeded in dissolving Julie’s doubts and making way for the euphoria that she’d been suppressing out of fear. The two friends were so absorbed in their joy that they jumped in surprise when they heard Bastian enter the apartment.
“I should have been the keeper of the keys,” murmured Isabelle.
Julie grinned and drained her glass so that Bastian couldn’t see that it only contained orange juice.
With an appetizing-smelling pizza box in his hand, he entered the room.
“You’re here sooner than I expected.” Julie jumped up and hugged him.
He gave her an innocent kiss on the forehead, then looked uncertainly back and forth between the two women. “I was worried,” he said with a frown. “You sounded so strange before.”
Since she was unable to tell him why just yet, she gave him an effusive kiss. That seemed to pacify him somewhat.
“How was Felix?” Julie asked.
“Fine. I’m to pass on his greetings and tell you it’s about time he saw you again.” He raised the carton clumsily into the air. “Ready for some pizza?” he asked.
Isabelle grinned. “And spoil my lean figure? No, thanks.” She stood. “Besides, I’ve got to go.”
She kissed Julie on the cheek and grinned at Bastian. “Bye, handsome.”
“She’s crazy,” murmured Bastian as they watched Isabelle sashay out of the apartment. He shook his head and turned to Julie. “Shall we eat?”
“In a minute,” she replied, suddenly feeling nervous.
“Are you sure everything’s OK?” Bastian asked again as he set the box down and removed his gloves.
“Yes.” Julie snuggled into his arms, enjoying his familiar scent and warmth.
He tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. She sank into his gaze, immersing herself in the depths of his green eyes. An embarrassed smile darted across his face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Julie’s heart began to race. She hadn’t had time to think about how she should break the news to him, so she simply said out loud what she was thinking.
“I’m looking at you like this because I’m happy, and I’m happy because I’m expecting your baby.”
Bastian froze.
It was the shock. She was ready for that.
She took a nervous step back to give him some space. She felt for the belt of her cardigan and began to knot the ends in her hands to settle her nerves. “I know it must be quite a shock. We haven’t been together very long, and I know we’ve never talked about the future.” She gave a nervous laugh. “We don’t even live together. But things don’t always go according to plan. We’ll just have to do things a bit differently from other people. We’ll find a way through.”
“You really mean that?” he asked breathlessly.
“Yes.”
“Say it again.”
“We’re having a baby,” she repeated with a smile and waited expectantly, hoping her fears were unfounded and that after registering what she had said, he would finally take her in his arms.
But Bastian’s shocked expression gave way to one of sheer horror. “But you’re on the pill.”
Julie’s shoulders sagged as she felt her dream slipping away.
“How is that possible?” he asked in dismay. His voice had an edge of panic that made Julie deeply uneasy.
“You remember when I got food poisoning a few weeks ago? I can only guess that it must have stopped the pill from working.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he snapped.
“Because I didn’t know,” said Julie, growing irritated.
“How can you not know something like that?” he yelled.
Julie took a step back. He had never shouted at her like that.
He rubbed his face, obviously trying to calm himself down.
“I’ve always taken my pill on time,” she said in a shaky voice. “Even that night when I felt so ill. I threw up several hours later, and it simply never occurred to me that that would interfere.”
Standing in the middle of her living room, they stared at each other silently. Although there were only a few inches between them, Julie felt them drifting farther and farther apart.
When she could bear it no longer, she raised a cautious hand and stroked his cheek. “Bastian?”
“I’m not ready to be a father,” he blurted out in a choked voice. He shook his head. “God, I don’t even know whether I want children at all!”
Julie lowered her hand. “What are you saying? You’re crazy about children.”
“But not like this, Julie.” He was shaking his head more vigorously, and the anguish in his eyes intensified. “It can’t happen. I—I don’t want this child.”
It was a moment before Julie took in the meaning of his words. She looked uncomprehendingly into his eyes.
“You mean I’m supposed
to get rid of it?” she asked softly.
He didn’t reply.
He didn’t have to.
She understood.
And with that, he broke her heart.
CHAPTER 30
Bastian could hardly catch his breath. It was as if someone were squeezing him until the oxygen left his lungs. If it went on any longer, he would begin to hyperventilate. His thoughts were spinning out of control. He knew only one thing: what she was asking of him was impossible.
Why couldn’t she see it? After all they had been through together, she must realize that.
He gazed into her big brown eyes in search of the same understanding that had helped him through his crises great and small over the past few months. But her eyes were devoid of all expression.
“I think you’d better leave,” she said flatly.
Very well.
He had to get out of there.
Without uttering another word, he grabbed his gloves and rushed out of the apartment. The door slammed shut behind him. He pulled on his gloves as he ran down the hall and immediately felt more secure. But as soon as he was out on the street, he almost fell to his knees, fighting for breath. Gasping, he stared at the black asphalt.
He had known something wasn’t right. All evening, he had been aware of a strange feeling, but never in his life had he expected anything like this.
How could he have been so stupid?
She had assured him that her pill was totally reliable, and they had spoken no more about it. Because he had trusted her.
And now this.
He couldn’t remember ever feeling so disappointed in his life. She had moved the goalposts completely.
She would come to realize that her plans were completely crazy. His solution was the only answer; it was reasonable and responsible. If she would only step back and think about it, she’d be bound to come to her senses sooner or later. He simply had to wait it out.
It wouldn’t be easy, but that’s what he would do.
CHAPTER 31
Julie looked around in bewilderment. She was sitting in her parents’ house across from her mother, who was looking at her suspiciously. She couldn’t remember how she’d gotten there, but she must have somehow managed to get dressed and make her appearance for Sunday-afternoon coffee.
Her father entered the room. “Joanna called. She’ll be a little late.”
“Why?” asked Louisa.
“Car trouble,” said Joseph, sinking down onto the sofa next to Julie’s mother. “A wonderful day for golf,” he remarked.
Bright light was shining through the window, giving the day a deceptively idyllic feel. Julie felt indescribably cold, but if this was because of the weather, she had no idea. She had felt it constantly for two days now. She was freezing all the time, no matter how many sweaters she piled on.
The clattering of a porcelain cup snapped her out of the fog of her thoughts.
“Honestly, Julietta,” said Louisa after putting her cup down on the table with excessive force. “I’d appreciate it if you could grace us with your attention as well as your physical presence.”
“Sorry.”
Joseph looked toward the window. “I’m going out later to check the measurements on a new piece of land. Maybe I should make the most of this weather by playing a round on my way.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Louisa demanded, taking no notice of her husband.
“Nothing,” replied Julie flatly as she reached for her cheesecake. She absently raised a bite to her mouth and felt the cool cheesecake slip down her dry throat. Suddenly, she began to choke and a cold sweat broke out on her forehead. She put her plate down and ran out of the room.
“Julietta!” Her mother’s indignant voice called out, but Julie was incapable of answering. She pressed her hand over her mouth and headed blindly for the guest bathroom, where she threw up.
Afterward, she splashed cold water on her face. She straightened herself up and looked at her reflection in the mirror over the sink. She looked as bad as she felt. There were deep shadows under her eyes, windows into the depths of her despair. Her fair skin was far too pale, her lips colorless. She was a horrifying sight and had nothing in common with the cheerful woman she had been just a few days before.
She filled her cupped hands with water once more and wetted her face in the hope of stimulating a healthier color, but it was futile. She took a deep breath and returned to the parlor on shaky legs.
Her mother was looking at her expectantly from the sofa. Her father stood at the window, hands linked behind his back. His face showed a mixture of concern and helplessness.
“What’s the meaning of this, Julietta?” asked her mother.
“I’ve probably got some stomach trouble,” murmured Julie, reeling slightly beneath her mother’s gaze. She couldn’t bring herself to sit back down. “I think I’d better go.”
“You wouldn’t be pregnant, would you?” shot out Louisa.
The last thing she wanted just then was to discuss this with her parents. She couldn’t. She shook her head wordlessly.
Louisa narrowed her eyes. “Don’t lie to me, Julietta.”
But it was pointless to deny it. Her mother knew what was the matter. Julie squared her shoulders and looked her mother straight in the eye. “Yes, I’m expecting a baby.”
Louisa gasped for air. “By that penniless—”
“Louisa!” interjected Joseph sharply. He walked over from the window and positioned himself behind Louisa as if prepared to cover her mouth to deflect any further verbal attacks. Julie found his gesture heartening.
She stuck her chin out rebelliously. “By that penniless what, Mother?”
“Oh, don’t think we don’t know about it,” replied Louisa, trembling with indignation.
“About what?”
“About this—this disease,” she hissed.
“Quiet now,” Joseph warned.
Julie looked incredulously from her mother to her father and back as every last drop of color drained from her face. Of course she had taken her sister into her confidence some time ago, but she would never in her wildest dreams have imagined her parents also knew. “You’re aware of it? But how?”
“At my birthday party, Bastian had to remove his gloves. Joanna and I came upon him by accident,” explained Joseph in a composed voice.
That had been months ago. They had seen one another several times since then, but neither of them had said a word. On the other hand, she was not surprised at their silence. Her parents were experts at handling problems with discretion. Bastian was just one more item on their endless list.
But the fact that Jo had said nothing to her . . . Julie felt most betrayed by her.
“What do you intend to do now, Julietta?” demanded her mother.
“I don’t know.”
Louisa tutted in annoyance. “You’re not seriously considering keeping this baby?”
“And why shouldn’t I keep it?” countered Julie, berating herself for being so stupid even as she uttered the words. She had opened herself up for attack with that question, which was not long in coming.
“You’re a single medical student struggling to support yourself by waitressing. Your current situation is totally unsuitable for bringing up a child. You’ve got nothing to offer it. Nor does your moderately successful photographer with deficient genes,” she spat. Her words made Julie feel nauseated again. “Have you asked yourself what it will be like if your child has the same disorder as its father? How much of a burden that would be? You can’t be serious, Julietta.”
“That’s enough,” barked Joseph.
“Oh, but I am,” Julie said, looking at her mother with disgust. “It’s my decision. No one’s but mine.” Then she turned on her heel and marched out.
Her parents did not follow her, which was probably for t
he best, as she would not have been responsible for her actions.
Somehow she made it home. With the last of her strength, she managed to take off her shoes and crawl into bed with her cardigan still on. She pulled her blankets up over her head and lay there in her safe little world, relishing the protection it provided from the storm that raged outside.
She heard her phone ringing and someone talking into her answering machine. Judging from the barrage of words, it must be Isabelle. Her cell phone also buzzed a few times, and then finally her doorbell rang.
But Julie stayed where she was.
She lost all sense of time and place. She had no idea whether minutes or hours had passed, but she eventually heard footsteps and Jo’s panic-stricken voice echoing through the apartment. She must have used her spare key to let herself in.
“Julie!” she called. This was followed by a relieved sigh when she reached the bedroom and spotted Julie’s form nestled beneath the blankets. “Oh, you poor thing,” she said.
Julie heard a rustling, then the mattress sank down as Jo crept into bed beside her. She burrowed under the blankets until they were lying face-to-face.
“Hey,” said Jo. She gently stroked Julie’s cheek, wiping away the tears trickling unnoticed down her face.
“Hey,” she croaked back.
The sisters looked at each other for a long moment. Jo didn’t push her. She simply waited until Julie was ready to talk.
“I’m pregnant,” she finally announced with a sniffle.
Jo gave her a sympathetic smile. Julie realized that Jo must already know. Her mother would undoubtedly have called her immediately and ranted about Julie’s mess of a life.
“Bastian doesn’t want our child,” Julie continued hoarsely.
Jo’s smile froze. “He said that to you?” she asked, her tone betraying her incredulity. When Julie nodded, she saw her sister’s features harden. Suddenly, she looked alarmingly similar to their mother. Her face uncharacteristically angry, she took Julie in her arms. “Everything will be OK,” she whispered.