by Jude Ouvrard
Copyright © 2018 by Jude Ouvrard
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All rights reserved.
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No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Acknowledgments
About the Author
I don’t really want you to read this book or any of mine because it would be awkward but I dedicate this book to you.
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Isaac. You are the definition of strength and love.
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Never give up.
Kyle
Cassidy would be finishing her ballet class any second, so I was running as fast as I could to pick my girlfriend up on time. Seattle was getting colder each and every day, though, and running without my chest burning from the frigid air wasn’t easy. Winter had arrived, but I was already looking forward to spring and summer. By the time I made it to her school, I was breathing hard and my lungs seared in pain.
Upon my arrival, the pianist was still playing in Cassidy’s classroom, so, I caught my breath, and then lost it again as I watched my girlfriend dance. Her body twisted and turned with fluidity, showcasing how perfect her figure was. Cassidy’s feet were arched and taut, pointed with perfection; I couldn’t imagine that pain in my own feet and toes. I’d never understood how she could put her body through such discomfort day after day, night after night. Sometimes I wondered if the aches made her push herself harder.
She’d once compared her dancing to my tattoos. Even though they hurt, knowing that doesn’t stop me from getting more. Right, so she had a small point. The difference between us was that I didn’t get tattooed every damn day.
My pulse eased as I watched Cassidy command the dance floor. She seemed to float through the air with every grand jeté and as she spun across the room with her enchanting pirouettes. She’d worked so hard to reach this level, and I’d been there to witness it all. My girl amazed me, every damn day.
“One, two, three, four. Be careful with your leg, Cassidy. You want the full extension. Six, seven, eight!”
Cassidy’s leg was fine, in my opinion, but Mrs. Cléroux always went for perfection. She wouldn’t accept any less.
“Arabesque penché. Hold it.” Mrs. Cléroux stepped back to observe every dancer in her class, then went about correcting some of their positions. Each dancer waited for her signal to release. As usual, Cassidy was perfect, standing still on her pointe shoe.
Her toes are probably bleeding again, I thought, hating the pain this caused her.
Minutes later, the class was dismissed, and then I had to wait a few more while she got changed and gathered her things before I could kiss my ballerina. It had been a long ass day.
“Kyle, I’m over here.”
Her voice alone made my day. Every shitty little detail of the last several hours vanished at the sound of her voice.
“Cassidy, babe. It’s so good to be with you again,” I said going toward her and guiding her arms around my waist. She held me close and found my lips. When we kissed, I took it all in, like she was the air I needed to survive. “How are the toes?”
“Bloody, and in pain,” Cassidy admitted with a heavy sigh.
I sighed, too. She was wincing with every step hurting her toes, and it didn’t go unnoticed by me. “Come on, Cassi, let’s get you home. I’ll give you a piggy back ride.”
Anything I could do to make her feel special, I would. We were engaged after all, and planning on getting married soon. For now, though, my time was spent on drawing and my studies. I loved drawing, all things art and tattoos, but she deserved better. I wanted to give her a great life—a big house, kids, and trips during summer vacations. These were the things she’d always wanted. So, these were the reasons I was still in school and trying to get my real estate license. Soon, everything would be ready for us to embrace our dream. Until then, our small apartment was nothing luxurious, but we were happy there. We had a roof, a bedroom, and privacy, plus Cassidy had enough room to practice her smaller dance routines. I didn’t mind cutting down on my needs or space; she mattered more to me.
Cassidy giggled like she did every single time I offered her a piggy back ride. She jumped up, her weight so light it wasn’t hard for me to carry her. My girl was tall and delicate, like most ballerinas, but her red hair made her stand out. As soon as she walked on a stage, all eyes were on her like they knew she had something special.
“K, I’m super hungry. Do we have something fast to eat at home?”
Chuckling, I shook my head. “No, but I’ll fix you something while you get your feet in a bucket of ice water. Mac and cheese? Or a salad maybe?”
“Your mac and cheese is very tempting, but I’ll opt for the salad. I have an audition this weekend.”
Which meant she was watching everything she ate. For a ballerina, having a “jelly belly” wasn’t an option, not if you wanted a career in this business; it was a failure. Her body didn’t contain much fat. She was lean, and she was fit. An athlete.
“I’ll make you the best salad ever, so good you won’t even remember I mentioned my mac and cheese.”
“You’re the best.” She kissed the back of my neck, and right away, I smiled.
“You could still change your mind. We aren’t married yet,” I joked, and she started laughing while I set her down outside our apartment building. Facing the empty studio below our apartment, I considered once again how I wanted to make this my office once my license was procured. The possibility had been on my mind for some time now. Calling the landlord to find out how much the rent would run me was the top of my to-do list for tomorrow morning.
“You could never make me change my mind.” Her lips found the same spot on my neck again.
We hurried up the steps, and once the door was unlocked, I helped Cassi sit on the couch. I went get the ice bucket ready while she removed her shoes. She winced and the tears rolled down her cheeks, but she never complained. Cassidy was tough. A lot tougher than me.
Getting some ice from the freezer, I added it to the small bucket of cold water. “Here, for you, darling. I’ll get your bath ready, and then start on your dinner.”
“See? This is why I can’t change my mind.” The smile she was bestowing on me was radiant.
It was the simple things like this which made me so damn happy. Some couples we knew were always arguing. Us, though? We never argued. We’d been together for over five years, and we were still inseparable lovebirds. I loved that about us.
Her feet were resting while the bath was filling, and dinner, well, it was still in the works. A salad shouldn’t be so complicated, except I wanted to create the best salad she’d ever have. Crumbled feta cheese, broccoli, green olives, sliced red onion, balsamic dressing, and a whole bunch of crispy lettuce were
tossed in a bowl before plating. A few slices of pre-cooked grilled chicken breast on the side finished off the plate. All I could hope for now was that she liked it, which I was pretty sure she would. Cassi loved to add balsamic vinegar in her cooking.
“I’m ready to get in the bath now, Kyle. I need to warm up.”
“You want me to come with you?” Although she hadn’t answered yet, my shirt was already on the floor, and when I looked up, her cheeks had turned a light pink shade. Being a natural redhead, her fair skin could never hide her blush for long.
Cassidy nodded at me, her blue eyes glistening.
We met half-clothed in the middle of the small bathroom. After hurrying to undress, Cassidy reached the tub first and eased her feet in, giving her cold limbs a few seconds to adjust. As her body sank into the water, a tiny hint of discomfort appeared on her face. A deep Y appeared between her eyebrows as she winced.
Adding a mix of healing essential oils to the water, she dragged her hand through the water to disperse it before I joined her. Shiver bumps appeared all over her skin in reaction to the temperature changing from cold to hot on her naked flesh. Facing her, I stepped into the tub. Once I’d sat down, I grasped her foot and started massaging.
“How many hours did you dance today? This week?”
“I lost count. I’m getting tired, though. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to keep doing this. My heart is loving it, but my body is getting tired. I’ve been doing this over ten years now.”
She had never spoken like this before. Ballet meant everything to Cassidy. Something had to be up, because this wasn’t normal behavior. “Did something happen today?”
“Ever since Maddy broke her ankle and Mrs. Cléroux made me the prima ballerina, everything has changed. There’s all this pressure to be perfect and everyone else is acting different around me. I’m the same old Cassi, though. Nothing changed.”
“Maybe they’re jealous. It could be as simple as that.”
Cassidy shrugged. “I think I just want to relax tonight and start over tomorrow.”
“That’s the spirit. We’ll take it easy this evening.”
“Yes.” She sighed.
“Hey, Cassi, no matter what you decide, I’m here to help you and support you. Don’t forget that.” Cassidy had been talking about opening a dance school of her own. Maybe it was time for her to give that a more serious think.
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just a tough time now, with the troop.”
“Don’t let them get to you, babe. You’ve worked extremely hard to be where you are now, and you deserve it.”
“I know.” Cassidy shook her head then undid her bun, letting her long crimson hair fall over her shoulders. “I feel better already,” she said, and leaned back.
“Just relax, babe, and I promise you, tomorrow will be better,” I said switching to her other foot before continuing to massage her aches away.
Her eyes closed, and her chest rose and fell as she breathed. Studying her, it was clear how tiring her lifestyle had become for her body. Lately, her sleeping schedule on her day off had been off the chart. She could sleep for over twelve hours. Now that I thought about it, it concerned me.
We stayed in the bath for an hour, and I massaged her feet like I knew she loved. Once we were out, I got dinner on the table while she applied some therapeutic ointment on her toes. Cassi joined me wearing jogging pants, one of my hoodies, and white cotton socks. She might’ve been tired and all, but damn, she looked gorgeous.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You know why. You could be wearing a sexy, tight dress but you wouldn’t be as sexy as you are right now, I swear.”
Laughing, she rolled her eyes. “You’re just trying to get lucky. I look like hell. A tired dancer turned into a zombie.”
“Well, you are one damn hot zombie, let me tell you.”
We both laughed. Before taking the seat next to me at the table, she stopped and kissed me. Her small frame nestled into my arms while our lips touched. Sucking my bottom lip into her mouth, she hummed, teasing me, while gripping my shirt as if she were holding onto it for dear life.
My elbow banged on the table, making the plates scatter, and she giggled. “Maybe we should stop, or we won’t eat for another hour.”
“Not that I’d mind,” I teased as her stomach growled again. “But let’s get you fed.”
“I love you, Kyle.”
“I love you, too.”
As we ate in silence, Cassidy devoured her chicken and salad in no time. She drank a lot of water, as usual, but then surprised me when she announced, “I feel like eating a big fat piece of cake.”
“If you really want a big fat piece of cake, I’ll get you one.”
“Maybe later,” she conceded then emptied her bottle of water and threw it in the trash can like a basketball, making me laugh. She’d picked up the habit from me. “Come with me, let’s relax on the couch. I can draw something on your back, if you’d like?”
Her drawing skills were pretty good, and she liked to draw on my skin with washable crayons. For my part, I freaking loved it. She took pictures of all her art pieces; I’d made her a promise I would get one of them tattooed on me one day.
After she got settled, sitting with her legs crossed on the couch, I sat on the floor in front of her, giving her access to the blank canvas of my back. Each crayoned line left a cold mark on my skin, sometimes leaving a wave of goosebumps behind. Instead of a movie, we watch reruns of One Tree Hill, a show we were both hooked on. Of course, I wouldn’t admit that to my friends. Levi would make fun of me for the rest of my life. He might be my best friend but he’d would never let something like this go; he’d tell every person in our circle of friends.
Tonight, it took her longer than usual to complete her drawing. When I heard the click of the camera, I knew she’d finished. Using the full-length mirror in our bedroom revealed a “selfie” of Cassidy doing a pirouette on me. Her hair floated in the air as her image twirled around, pointe shoes placed with perfection, and at the bottom her name was in all caps in a large font: CASSIDY.
I fucking loved it.
This would be the piece I’d get done someday. It was meaningful, beautiful, and so representative of her. Not so masculine, I had to admit, but I didn’t care. It was all Cassi, who I couldn’t live without.
Kyle
I was waiting outside the women’s bathroom, and could hear another dancer talking to Cassi. My girl had been sick for two days now, vomiting up everything she’d eaten. I’d never seen her so nervous, and it was scaring me, to be honest. In general, she handled auditions well, so hearing her hurl for the past twenty minutes wasn’t sitting well with me. My place was with her, holding her hair and rubbing her back when she was ill. Not out in the fucking hall where I couldn’t do anything to save her from her hell.
Knocking on the door, I called out, “Cassidy, can I come in?”
“I’m on my way out now. Give me two seconds,” came her reply.
My arms wrapped around her as soon as she exited. Thank God. I’d had enough impatient waiting for one day. The rims of her eyes reminded me of when we’d both had the stomach flu. It was clear she had cried from puking so hard.
“Kyle, I have to talk to you.”
“I’m right here, baby.”
She glanced behind me then nodded toward a free wooden bench while taking my hand in hers. “We should sit.”
A cold wave of anxiety ran down my spine, making my hands clammy and my knees shake as she guided me to the bench. Is she okay? Is her health okay? The feeling inside me made me fear what was coming. I could see it in her eyes, could feel it in her shaky hand. Something terrible was going to come out of that beautiful mouth of hers. My anxiety grew bigger with every breath.
“Why do I have the feeling that something is about to crash on us? Like a plane, or the Universe…”
“Sit, Kyle.” She was waiting for me to sit, so I fucking sat, but never
looked away from her because I was afraid we would disappear or that she’d slip through my fingers if I did. “Do you know what this audition is for?”
“Not really. Another show, I guess.”
She nodded, tears in her eyes. “Yes. But this one will run for a year, in Vegas.”
Pounding inside my ribs, my heart twisted with pain. Being away from her wasn’t an option, but stopping her from reaching her dreams wasn’t either. “Okay. We… we’ll figure it out.”
“There is something else, Kyle. I– I… think I might be pregnant.”
My heart twisted so hard in my chest, it felt like my blood had stopped circulating. Pregnant? Shit. Okay, just breathe, Kyle. “This could be a good thing. I mean… do you want to keep it, if you are pregnant?”
Crying harder, she nodded and swung her arms around my shoulders to pull my unresponsive body against hers. All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind. What about her career? Her dreams? A baby? Oh, my god. Little by little, as I worked through my melodrama, I wrapped my arms around her body and imagined what she would feel like against me with a baby bump. “Your career, Cassi? What about your dreams?”
“This, us as a family, is my real dream. Dancing is what I do. It’s my job, that’s all. You, Kyle, are my dream, and what I can’t live without.”
“What about the audition, babe?”
“You know what? Screw it. I want that big ass piece of chocolate cake.”