by Jude Ouvrard
“I can see that.” I went to touch her bicep as a joke, but it was hard as hell and my mouth fell open in surprise. “If I ever get in trouble, I’ll make sure you’re on my side.”
We started laughing and then our eyes connected for a second or two. It got awkward, so I turned away and moved to the weightlifting area. Working on my arms and shoulders until I couldn’t lift anymore, my plan was simple: ignore Tiff. She had to understand that, to me, gym time wasn’t for fun or to hang out. It was my therapy. I needed this.
After twelve reps of each exercise for the fourth time, I’d had enough and Tiff was nowhere to be seen. Part of me felt hurt she’d left, the other part didn’t care. Heeding the call of the punching bag, I wrapped my hands and put on the gloves then started hitting the bag with simple tricks. A few minutes later, after I’d warmed up, I added sidekicks and got into the groove. Before long, my t-shirt was drenched, and I decided to take it off. Kicking the bag as soon as the t-shirt reached the floor, I kept a quick tempo feeling the burning sensation in my muscles. The burn didn’t stop me, it’s what I was here for. I enjoyed it.
“I never took you for the ballerina type of guy,” Tiff said behind me, and my body stiffened. Why was she choosing now to comment on my back piece? It wasn’t the first time she’d seen it.
Irritated, I turned around to face her and found her attempting to complete a pirouette and arabesque. “Don’t do that.” The words came rushing out of my mouth as images of Cassidy flashed in my mind. A glimpse of her red hair. A fleeting smile. “Stop!” I yelled at Tiffany. “Just stop already.”
Tiff’s body froze while she watched me with fear in her eyes. Perfect. I’d rather have her scared of me than liking me too much.
I grabbed my t-shirt while my fingers and arms trembled. “What the hell, Kyle?” I muttered to myself. For two seconds, as I’d watched Tiff dance, it had seemed like Cassidy was back. Minus the red shade of Cassidy’s hair, everything else looked like her.
Outside the gym, I broke into a run straight back to my place. I never bothered to check if Tiff followed me. It didn’t matter.
I missed Cassidy.
So much.
My heart sank a little more as I realized that, even after all this time, I was still so far away from being healed. My soul continued its perpetual open heart surgery.
Tiffany
Watching Kyle remove his gloves and throw them on the floor, his face turning white, I wondered what the hell was wrong with him. Unable to look at me, he put his drenched t-shirt back on, covering the ballerina tattoo, and rushed out of the gym. He never looked back.
“Shit.” I ran my fingers through my wet hair, picked up his gloves and put them on, and then started hitting the bag as hard as I could. It hurt my knuckles—the gloves were too big and didn’t fit properly—but I hated to be yelled at and ignored. Why had he pushed me away so rudely? All I’d done was dance for two seconds, and he flipped. Out of breath, I got lost in my thoughts wondering how my attempt to become friends with Kyle had been ruined.
Still early in the morning, I walked home and called Nix as soon as I was inside.
“Tiff? Is that you?” Her voice was rough, and I knew I’d woken her up.
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry, mate, it’s too early to ring, but I have to ask you something.”
She sighed into the phone. “Shoot.”
“Has Levi ever mentioned anything about Kyle? Why is he… how he is?”
She didn’t answer my questions. Instead, she handed the phone off to Levi, because he spoke next.
“Tiff? Why are ya calling so early? Did you meet K this morning?”
“I did. Everything was fine until I did some ballet shit, and he flipped out and left.”
Levi muttered something inaudible. “Look, Tiff…” He paused. “It’s obviously not my story to tell, but in our early twenties, Kyle was engaged to a ballerina, and he’s never gotten over her. My only advice would be not to push him too hard on the subject. He doesn’t talk about it.”
“No wonder she left him. He has such a shite attitude.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“No, Tiff. She didn’t break up with him. She died.”
His words were a blow right to my face. I hadn’t seen that coming.
“Tiff, are you still there?”
“Yeah… um… I’m sorry for waking you guys up. I’ll see you later,” I mumbled then hung up.
As I fell to my knees, everything started to make sense in my head. How he could be outgoing with Bekka or Nix, but never with me. For him, there was no way I could be a friend and his sex buddy. He didn’t treat me the same way, but I couldn’t say he got any better from me. He didn’t. In my experience, men were assholes. Every time I trusted a man, I got hurt or humiliated.
So, why do I care now? Why Kyle? If only I knew.
My dad was the only man I’d trust with my life. My first boyfriend, Pete, had tried to sell me to gang members in exchange for drugs. I’d known he was on drugs, but never imagined him doing something so awful to me. That night forever changed my life. We all knew what kind of men they were. I would’ve probably been beaten and raped for refusing sex, and would’ve been expected to pay Pete’s debt working the streets of London as a prostitute—if I hadn’t managed to run away.
I’d come to Seattle as an exchange student, to hide for a few months, which was when I first met Tyler. He never asked questions, but helped me around town like a big brother would’ve done.
Once I felt safe enough to return to England, I kept my life as low key as possible, and ended up working as a barrister in a small café until I got an offer to work in a pub. Those were the years. The crazy ones. Money flowed and I was in the best shape of my life. I looked good and felt great. It was during one of those endless nights that I met Rob.
Rob had been born in London, was gorgeous and smart, and tattooed. My parents loved him, but I loved him more. Our seemingly perfect relationship lasted for three years. Call me blind, but I never saw the signs or the picked up on the lies. Turned out he had a double life. Rob was dating another girl while I worked my night shift, and the way I found out devastated me. I hadn’t gotten my period, which never happened to me, so during a work break one night, I took a pregnancy test, which showed positive. I told my boss I had a migraine and went to Rob’s place. Scared, but excited and happy at the same time, I couldn’t wait to tell him. When I got there, I could hear a girl moaning in the hall of the apartment building, but thought it was Rob’s roommate. Until I got into his room and saw him with another girl, I never would have believed it. Rob had been the perfect partner, until that night. That night he became the biggest asshole in the world.
“Rob. What..?” Words failed me, and I didn’t know what to say. The panic raised in me so fast, it made me dizzy.
Horror flashed in his eyes as he asked, “Tiffany, what the hell are you doing here?” Of course, he hadn’t wanted me to find out, but every good thing has to end, right?
“Who is she, baby?” the woman asked, flustered, and I hated that she used the word baby. It meant this wasn’t their first time.
“Baby? He’s my boyfriend. We’ve been together for three years. How long have you been cheating on me like this?” I cried while clutching the pregnancy test hiding inside the palm of my hand.
“Adele, shut up. Now isn’t the time.” He pulled away from her and got out of bed. His hand hid his dick, like I’d never seen it before. “It’s not what you think, Tiff.”
“Fuck you, asshole. It is exactly what I think.” I ran out of his apartment, and never saw him again.
I lost the baby three weeks later and promised myself to never date a man again. Whenever I opened my heart to one of them, it got smashed without mercy.
Kyle. Since the first night I met him, I’d known he had a dark past. Something had been different about him. The way he looked at me that night from across the bar, he didn’t quite smile but it wasn’t a frown either. Sexy mixed with mysterious,
Kyle had caught my attention. My flight back to Seattle had been long and exhausting, and he appeared to be willing to give me what I wanted and nothing more—sex.
While his face hid his emotions, his actions made me feel comfortable. Like the way his hands danced across my skin with such delicate finesse. There was something vulnerable about him, and no matter how much he tried to hide it behind his cold-as-ice facade or his bad boy tattoos, I could feel it. Which explained why I kept ringing him. That Tyler knew him well helped, too. Somehow, I trusted this man, and up until an hour ago, he hadn’t seemed to mind my company.
Still on the floor lost and confused, the memories of my past culminated with the sadness I felt for K and the death of his fiancée to break my heart. Crying to ease the pain seemed all I could do. When the stiffness in my legs couldn’t be ignored anymore, I hesitated between a bath and my bed, and then picked the bed. It waited for me as I had left it way too early today. Sleep would help me forget the morning I’d had.
Tears rolling down my temples to my pillow, I tried to create a void in my mind. A few hours of sleep before work tonight were much needed. Instead, my mind wandered, wondering if Kyle would show up at the club or not.
But that shouldn’t matter, right? Because he’s just a fuck-buddy. Nothing more.
Tiffany
My ringtone was drumming, and it seemed to be getting louder and louder, waking me up from my much needed sleep. Fumbling for my phone, I answered without looking or caring who it might be. “What? Hello? Who is it?”
“Open the door. I’m here.”
He didn’t have to say who, because I knew that voice. Kyle had come to me. Rushing to the door, I tried fix my hair while reaching for the door.
“Tiff.”
“Kyle.”
We stared at each other. His face looked pained, and as for mine, well, I tried to act as if his presence didn’t matter to me. Keeping my cold attitude, I hoped, would help me keep the mask on long enough for him to go.
“What do you want, Kyle?” I asked once he’d walked inside.
“Levi talked to you. I think I have some explaining to do.”
Something in his voice told me he didn’t want to do this, and I couldn’t say that having him here made me comfortable. “You don’t have to. I know enough.”
“I know you do, but I want you to hear it from me.”
Fair enough. I gestured for him to continue.
“I was engaged to a ballerina. That’s why I freaked out when you did those dance moves. She was killed right before my eyes, and I’ve never stopped loving her or missing her.” I nodded. “When I met you that night, I didn’t know who you were. If I’d known you weren’t just some stranger, I never would’ve slept with you. My friends are important to me, and I wouldn’t have sex with them. Ever. Sex is a completely different thing for me. I don’t mix friendship with sex. Our situation put me in the unknown. I’ve tried not to build any friendship with you because, let’s face it, we do have chemistry when we’re together.”
I liked how he said “together.”
“But we’re in the same circle of friends and that’s confusing things, making either relationship, sex or friendship, impossible.”
“So, what’s your plan now?” It was getting harder to maintain my cool.
Chuckling, he looked me straight in the eyes, and said, “If only I knew.”
“I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I don’t trust easily,” I said as a warning, but more to protect myself. What am I doing?
“I’m most definitely not looking for a girlfriend.” He waited for me to say something, but I didn’t know what to say. Part of me was hurt.
Maybe I want him to fall for me. Maybe, a small part of me still believes in fairy tales.
No. No, I didn’t.
“Good,” I snapped.
The anxiety coming off him was palpable as he ran his hands through his hair without looking away from my eyes. “We could try to be friends, but if the lines get blurred…” He stopped, shaking his head. “We’ll have this conversation again. I don’t want to mess this up. You get along with the girls and Ty, and I don’t want to ruin anything with a misunderstanding.”
“My friends are all I have here. They’re my family,” I said.
What kind of conversation is this? Kyle had more issues than I thought; he feared relationships to an unexpected level. “I won’t dance again… when you’re around, at least.” As soon as I’d spoken, I regretted bringing it up again and broke our gaze.
He grabbed my hands and pulled me toward him. “I normally hit the gym alone. Having someone with me was new, so it had me on edge. Training, boxing… it’s what I do to ease my pain. Watching you dance brought on too many memories too fast. I’m sorry that I yelled at you.”
“I forgive you. Don’t worry about it,” I said with a shrug, and he hugged me, which left me unstable.
“Are you working tonight?”
I nodded, still uncertain of what or how to feel. “I am. Tomorrow, I’m off.”
He gave me a smile, one that made me feel tingles. I would have to force myself to stop reacting like this. Like he’d said, this could have a bad ending.
“Your eyes, they’re so unusual. I know I’ve seen them before, but I feel like I’ve never seen them.”
“Heterochromia iridium. It’s in my genes, that. I have two different eye colors. One’s brown, while the other is more on the green side.”
I let him examine my eyes, like I’d done all my life with the curiosity they attracted. The tingles reappeared, and again, I fought them, not willing to let my emotions guide me. When he exhaled, a few inches from my nose, the scent of hard liquor and mint thumped my face.
“That makes you… special. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with hetero– shit.”
“Heterochromia iridium.”
We both laughed.
“It’s rare, I guess.”
“It makes you unique.”
I smiled at his compliment.
“Look, you have two hours before the club opens its door again. Are you hungry?” His beaming smile at the end of his question left me flabbergasted. Yet again, he’d surprised me.
“A little.”
“Maybe we could order something in, to eat here?”
“Sure.”
He stepped away from me then, and looked around my small apartment. “How long are you planning on staying here in Seattle?”
“As long as I can, but it’s complicated. My mum is American but my dad is British, so I have both nationalities.”
“I don’t see anything too complicated with that.” Great, he has the ability to make me feel stupid.
“The complicated part is when I miss my family. London is my home, and always will be, but here, it’s a safety nest. I love being here even if it means living in an apartment that could be considered a cage.”
He laughed. “It’s not that bad. At least it’s clean and freshly painted, just small. It could have been worse.”
We ordered in Italian food and, for the first time, we talked. About anything and everything. We were getting to know each other as friends. Kyle acted like a gentleman the whole time; his mother would be proud. He helped me set the table, and later, he took care of the dishes while I got ready for work. Then, he held the doors while pressing his hand against my back as we walked into the club.
That he kept a safe distance at all times, told me Kyle’s intent was to pursue the ‘friend zone’ with me.
Another crazy night at the club. Nix, Bekka, and I hardly had time to get used to working with each other. Most of the time, I ended up on the floor, with the clients, as a shooter girl or a waitress while they handled the bar.
I tried keeping my thoughts off Kyle, but since he was here tonight, my gaze kept drifting his direction. Levi was keeping him company, along with Tyler. At one point, they all went into Tyler’s office.
A busy night meant a lot of students from the university, and more flirting than I
could handle. A tall blond man had been staring at me for quite some time. I thought about offering him a beer, but knew I didn’t want anything from the guy, and the beer would suggest otherwise. Ignoring him was my best option. If only the feeling of being watched could go away.
“Hey, Tiff, have you seen Levi?” Nix asked, her eyes drifting around the club.
I nodded and leaned toward her ear to tell her. “Last I saw, they were headed to Ty’s office.”
With a relieved exhale, she turned around and resumed working.
“Excuse me, miss, would you like to dance?”
I looked to see who it was, wasn’t surprised me when I saw the blond guy from the bar. “I can’t. I’m working.”
My body was suddenly pressed into the curve of his elbow. “Oh, come on. One song.”
“I’m afraid I can’t help you. Unless you want something to drink?” I said, and tried to wiggle out of his arms while shaking my head.
“Everything okay, Tiff?”
Kyle.
“Yeah, everything’s under control. You can go,” the blond guy said.
“She doesn’t look like she wants your company, and besides that, she’s with me.” Menacing with the tone of his voice, I had no doubts Kyle could break blondie’s face with one hit. Kyle pulled me out of the guy’s arms and locked me to his side. “Understand?”
The poor guy didn’t even try to protest, he just left, and then Kyle started to laugh.
“I had this under control, K.”
He laughed louder. “It didn’t look like it to me.”
“Whatever. You want something to drink?”
“Sure, if you’re offering.” That got me to laugh with him.
“I’m offering,” piped a short blonde girl who’d approached and was winking at Kyle.
Can she be more obvious?
“Thanks anyway, sunshine.”
Sunshine? Did he just call me sunshine? For real? Shooting me a sorry smile, he then left with her. That moment felt like a stab through the heart with a knife, and I almost dropped the tequila bottle to the floor. What he’d done, I would never do to a friend. Out of simple respect.