“We are to be married. I suppose my job is to insure her happiness the best I can, isn’t it?” He sighed. He sounded defensive.
Griffin shook his head. “Seems to me to be more than that. I’ve never seen you so focused on one woman before. You breathe, eat and sleep Marion Hawthorne.” His friend grinned again. “And you blush like a schoolboy when the subject is broached. Sort of like you are now.”
Noah’s hands came up to his face and he did feel the telltale heat of a blush warming his cheeks. Damn Griffin for taking so much pleasure in his discomfort.
“You’re a bastard, you know that?” He gave his friend a half-teasing frown. “You poke your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
Rising to his feet, he paced across the room to refill his drink. Though Griffin laughed, he could feel the other man’s eyes following him, concerned and intrigued.
“I think you need a friend to talk to. And since I’m the only one left in our circle who can stand you, I’ll have to do. Do you want to talk about what’s going on? Or shall I just wheedle it out of you the deeper in drink you sink?”
Noah spun back around for a biting retort, but found he could think of nothing to say. Griffin was right. He needed to talk about his confused emotions. At least sober he could control the way he said what was on his mind.
“I had a plan, you know.”
Griffin laughed. “You always do.”
“And this was not the plan.” He set his drink down on the mantel and folded his arms. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to go down to Woodbury and get tangled up in this mess.”
His friend arched a brow. “Why did you go to Woodbury?”
“Investigation.” He waved off the question with a shake of his head. “It was only to be a bit of an adventure before I settled down and got married like I was supposed to do. To a respected young woman in the ton. To Charlotte.” He frowned as he thought of the pain he’d caused Charlotte, of the promise he’d made to her and broken.
“Sounds like heaven.” Griffin twisted his face.
“Perhaps not, but it was controlled and staid and proper.” He ran a hand through his hair as he sank back into his chair. “I was definitely not supposed to meet some country chit and get coerced into marrying her.”
Griffin let the silence in the room stay for a long moment as he stared at Noah. Noah knew why his best friend did it. He wanted the comment to hang in the air for a moment, to let the emotions Noah felt behind his words build as he waited. Finally, Griffin smiled.
“And you weren’t supposed to fall in love with said ‘country chit’ either, were you?”
Noah sighed, surprised at the relief that filled him when Griffin said the words. Now that someone had expressed them, the tension that filled him every time he thought of his feelings for Marion left him.
“No.” He gave a hollow laugh. “I was most definitely not supposed to fall in love with her. But I did.”
Griffin couldn’t cover the shock that leapt to his brown eyes. Noah couldn’t really blame him. After years of avoiding love, even professing that it didn’t exist, this was a change for him. Even more of a change was being able to admit his feelings.
“I know.” Griffin cleared his throat. “It’s obvious by every way you behave when she’s around. But how long have you known?”
Noah shrugged one shoulder as he swirled the liquor in his glass. “I’m not sure. One day I looked at her and I just knew. It was like… like…”
“A thunderbolt.”
Noah smiled at his friend. Griffin did understand, more than Noah had ever realized. “Yes.”
“Have you told her?”
“No.” Noah thought of the night they made love. The way he had held her, the way he’d kissed her. Weren’t they ways he’d told her he loved her? “Not in words. I want to do it right.”
Griffin shook his head and poured himself a second drink. “The words are important. Women need to hear them. If you feel this way about her, you need to say it.”
Noah ran his hand through his hair a second time as he set his drink down on the sideboard between them. “I know. And I will tell her… I will when the time is right.”
“When?” Griffin’s eyes narrowed and Noah felt him searching his face. He turned away from the scrutiny.
“Soon!”
Instead of reacting to his friend’s sudden outburst, Griffin leaned back in his chair with a short laugh of disbelief. “Incredible. After all these years. Incredible.”
Noah glared at his friend. “What?”
Griffin leaned his elbows on his knees and met Noah’s gaze evenly. “You’re afraid.”
The statement hit Noah like a punch to the stomach and he reeled away to press his back flat against the cushioned seat. His first reaction should have been anger to be accused of cowardice, but that wasn’t what twisted his gut into knots.
It was recognition that his keen friend spoke the truth.
“I…” he stammered, trying to find the words. “I’ve never loved anyone before. I’ve risked my life for cases, but never my heart. I don’t know even how to do it.”
Griffin’s laughing face softened. “You just say how you feel and trust it will set you free. Risking your heart is terrifying, but the alternative is even worse.”
“What’s the alternative?” he asked with a hard swallow.
Griffin held his gaze once more. “A life without her.”
Noah shivered as he stood up. “No, I don’t think I could live with that.”
His friend nodded. “Then you already know what you must do.”
***
“I know what I must do,” Marion muttered as she stumbled up the back staircase toward her room. Her eyes blurred with tears and she came to a halt to lean back against the stairwell.
What an idiot she was! To go downstairs ready to confess to Noah how much she loved him only to hear him telling Griffin how sorry he was that he’d ever become involved with her. That it ‘wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen’.
All of Noah’s reassurance that she would make a good wife, that they could be happy, had been an act on his part. A chivalrous way to ease her worries even while he hid how unhappy he was at the thought of a union with her… what had he called her?
A country chit.
And what had making love to her been? Just another night with a warm body? Or a way to make her believe, yet again, that he cared for her even though he obviously didn’t.
Nausea swept over her but she choked back the bile in her throat and continued up the stairs. The hallway was nothing but a blur, but her feet found her room from feel and memory. She twisted the door handle and fell inside. When her body hit her bed she allowed herself to succumb to the wracking tears she’d wanted to shed since she heard Noah proclaim that she wasn’t in his plans.
She’d run away so she wouldn’t hear more. Run away from his tired voice, from Griffin’s agreeing silence. But the pain in her heart she couldn’t escape. It kept her in its grip. Unavoidable and inescapable.
“Marion? What in the world?”
She glanced up from her tearstained pillow to see her mother enter from the adjoining door. She stood in the doorway for a brief moment before she rushed to her daughter’s side and gathered her into a warm, comforting embrace.
As a little girl, Marion had believed if only her mother had been there to hold her all her pain would have gone away. But she now realized just how wrong she’d been. Even her mother’s comfort couldn’t wipe away this agony.
“What happened?” her mother asked as she rocked her back and forth like she would a child. “What did he say to you?”
Marion drew in a shuddering breath as she tried to form words through her sobs.
“He said I wasn’t in his plan,” she hiccuped. “He doesn’t love me.”
She broke into hard tears again as she pressed her face into her mother’s lavender scented shoulder. Ingrid clucked her tongue and Marion could hear the anger in
her mother’s voice. “Heartless man.”
“No.” She struggled to sit up. “He is a decent man trying to do the right thing. I’m glad I kn-know.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Now I can do what I need to do.”
“And what is that?” Her mother dug a handkerchief from her pocket and handed it over to Marion. She took it with a wordless smile of thanks.
“I must leave here as soon as I can. You were right. I can’t marry a man who doesn’t love me. A man who views me as an inconvenience and a duty.” She choked on another batch of tears. She had to be strong. “Please, Mama. Will you help me?”
Her mother’s face softened. “For years I could do nothing to make your life easier. I’ll do anything I can now.”
“Then take me away from here. Help me leave with as little upset as possible. Help me hide until Noah’s sense of duty has been spent and he’s gone back to the life he wanted in the first place. With the ton, with a woman of breeding.”
She shivered at those words. Of course Noah would find a new woman to marry. She’d seen the predatory looks on the women’s faces at the ball when he walked by. Many of them wished to have him as their husband, even more as a lover. Would he choose one of the young women who’d fawned over him? Or would he make things up to Charlotte Ives? Call Marion a dalliance he regretted but that he’d come to his senses?
“Oh!” She struggled to her feet and hurried to the window to look out as she twisted the handkerchief in her hand around and around.
“When do you want to go?”
“Tomorrow.” She nodded at her own reflection in the glass. “We’ll behave as if nothing is wrong and simply climb into your carriage and ride away. We can enlist Sally’s help to prepare us for our journey without rousing the suspicions of the house staff.”
She turned to face her mother. Ingrid looked uncertain as. “Are you certain you want to do something so rash as to sneak away?”
Marion nodded. “I have no choice. If I confront Noah, he’ll try to appease me with pretty words and with…” She blushed. “Making a clean break is best for us all.”
She could only imagine what Noah would do if she confronted him. He would try to convince her to stay and it would only break her heart even further. She couldn’t bear the thought of him lying to her in order to keep her near him, or worse yet, tell her the truth that he could never love her but that he was planning to force her into the marriage regardless.
Her mother pursed her lips. “Very well, my dear. If you feel running is your only chance, I’ll help you. I certainly understand wanting to flee. I’ll make all the arrangements for our leaving and for a place for you to stay until Lord Woodbury has ceased any search for you.”
Marion nodded, but a sudden wave of exhaustion worked through her. Now that the decision had been made, the only thing she wanted to do was collapse on her bed and cry herself to sleep. Alone.
“I should rest if we’re to travel tomorrow.” She hugged her mother. “Goodnight, Mama.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
She shook her head slowly. “No. I need to be by myself for a while.”
Her mother nodded slowly as she leaned down to place a kiss on her daughter’s forehead. “Marion, Marion. You’ll find your happiness someday, my dear. I promise you.”
Marion somehow found the ability to nod as she watched her mother slip from the room. As soon as she was gone, she dropped her head into her hands and let out a low sob.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Noah paced across the sitting room floor and checked the small clock on the wall once more. It was two in the afternoon, and he was waiting for Marion’s arrival. Each time the pendulum swung his anxiety grew.
In all the years of spying, all the times he’d nearly been caught, he’d never felt such a sickness in the pit of his stomach. But telling a woman he loved her, a simple task in theory, made him weak. If it hadn’t been so painful he would have laughed at how far he’d fallen in such a short time.
The door creaked open and Noah spun around, but his expression fell when he saw it was only his mother, sister and Griffin who came to greet him. It was all he could do to control the twist of disappointment from coming to his face.
“Good afternoon.” He crossed the room to kiss his mother’s and Audrey’s cheek and shake Griffin’s hand.
“Well, you look suitably awful,” Griffin teased in a low voice. “How very romantic she’ll find your bloodshot eyes.”
Noah turned away with a glare. “Will Marion and her mother be joining us soon?”
He did his best to ignore Griffin’s chuckle as he took his seat beside Audrey. His sister reached up and absently wound her hand through her husband’s. Noah winced with jealousy. He hoped he would soon enough be able to show his feelings for Marion with the same ease. Until then, his sister and brother-in-law’s happiness was only a reminder of what he risked to lose.
“Did you not receive my message?” Tabitha asked as she motioned for the maid to pour tea for their party.
“No. I was out running a few errands.”
He’d gone to pick up the ring he’d had designed for Marion. He planned to go down on one knee and propose to her properly. Much the same way he had planned to propose to Charlotte, but with real emotion and passion behind the words he would say.
“She and her mother went out this morning to visit and shop.” Tabitha cocked her head. “In fact, I’m a bit surprised they haven’t returned as of yet. I thought certain they’d be home for luncheon, but they’ve yet to arrive or send word.”
Noah’s heart leapt with concern, even though rationally he knew he had nothing to worry about. “She’s sent no explanation for her tardiness? That doesn’t seem like Marion.”
Audrey shook her head with a laugh. “You worry too much. She had a wonderful debut last night and it’s likely she and her mother met with people who desired to increase their acquaintance. It’s often difficult to tear oneself away from the matrons of the ton. Even more difficult to do it without offending them.”
Noah was surprised that the worry he felt was growing. He’d come to trust his instincts over the years and now stood up with a frown.
“Was there anything out of the ordinary when she departed?”
Audrey drew back at his intense stare. “Noah, what on earth has come over you?”
“Please don’t argue. Answer the question,” he managed through clenched teeth.
His sister shook her head. “She seemed fine. A bit sad, but there is bound to be a modicum of let-down after such an exciting night.”
Noah interrupted her before she was finished speaking. “She seemed upset, and you did nothing to inquire after the reasons?”
“Noah!” Griffin said as his face grew red. “I would adjust your tone. There’s no need to attack my wife.”
“Really, Noah,” Tabitha agreed. “You’re getting so upset over nothing.”
Audrey stared at him with the eyes of a former spy and he could tell his sister realized he was truly worried, not simply acting the over-protective fiancé.
“I’d never let her leave this house upset without trying to find the cause.” Her voice was soft, but her eyes never left his. “I did speak to her but she revealed nothing. Why this concern?”
“A feeling,” Noah answered as he moved toward the door.
Audrey hurried to her own feet and followed him. “A feeling…?”
Noah nodded. “I want to see her room.”
Now Tabitha and Griffin were both close behind the siblings.
“Noah!” Tabitha cried in outrage. “That would be entirely inappropriate. You cannot go barging into the young woman’s room.”
He ignored his mother’s pleas and began to climb the stairs two at a time. Something was wrong. Something had happened. Marion wouldn’t leave the house in upset and simply not return without an explanation. It wasn’t in her nature.
“Noah!” Audrey caught up to him in hurried strides and blocked his way
with her body. “Your feelings are generally correct on these subjects, but Mama is right. You can’t go searching through her room. I’ll go. You wait in the foyer.”
Noah hesitated, but saw the wisdom his sister’s advice. With a frown, he nodded and turned back to the main floor. At the bottom of the stairs, Griffin and Tabitha stared at him with a mixture of shock and worry.
“I don’t understand you, Noah,” his mother said as he stepped off the last stair. “Causing all this uproar over a shopping excursion.”
“You’re right, Mother.” He put an arm around her while he continued to watch up at the staircase where his sister had vanished. “I’ve probably lost all my instincts over the years and am panicking over nothing. If that’s the case, I’ll apologize wholeheartedly to everyone involved. But if not…”
He trailed off as his sister came hurrying down the stairs. Her face was pale and she clutched a note in her hand. Instantly Noah knew.
Marion was gone.
***
Marion gripped the seat edge as the carriage rocked along the bumpy road out of London. They’d almost escaped the city, leaving the plush houses and crowded neighborhoods behind as the countryside became greener and wider. The hour since they left the Berenger mansion that morning had dragged by, for Marion knew each moment took her further and further from the man she loved.
She winced, but didn’t cry. She’d run out of tears and didn’t intend to weep anymore. She hadn’t when she watched Noah leave the house after his enlightening conversation with Griffin Berenger. She hadn’t when she wrote the note to explain her departure. She hadn’t even when she said her last goodbyes to Tabitha and Audrey, though it had been difficult. Audrey had even seemed to sense her pain, though Marion had withheld the cause from her.
The Temptation of a Gentleman (The Jordans) Page 25