“Karik might come back next year,” Kei offered.
“Well then, we can work with you when you come back. Now, while I have you, please try this.”
She ran him through some vocal exercises, and got him to sing a little. She told him he had quite a pleasant voice—nothing remarkable, but it was no hardship to listen to him, apparently. “But singing your village songs isn’t enough, I’m afraid. I’m sorry, Master Kei. There’s so much I would like to try with these new ideas Seiki has given me.”
Kei bowed low in response to her politeness. “Never mind, Mistress Titira. I’m very grateful to you for your assistance.”
“Yes, th...ank you,” Karik said, trying to suppress the stammer as Seiki had demonstrated, with a little success.
Since his parents and Risa and Seiki were all busy elsewhere, Kei suggested they visit the menagerie one more time. Karik again felt the pang of regret about Jembis and all that had flowed from his actions that fateful day, as they stood watching the tewis—he couldn’t help wondering what had happened to the cubs they had looked after on the trip.
“I remember about what you said, about how they capture these poor things,” Kei said, watching the fat male pace. “It’s so wrong, to kill the mother like that, when it’s for nothing but a rich man’s pleasure.”
“Yes, I kn-know.”
Obviously sensing Karik’s unease, Kei led them away to where the birds were caged. He crouched down to look at the pesquils, but it was clear the little birds weren’t what was on his mind. “After what Titira said, you know what I’m going to suggest, don’t you? Have you hated being up here that much?”
“N-No. But I c-can’t face leaving Ma and Pa.”
Kei looked up at him. “Yes, I know, and I’m the last person to deny how awful homesickness can be. But you don’t see what I’ve seen, how you’ve blossomed this last week. You were rather...timid, I think is the best term. Clinging to Reji and Jena as if you were afraid you would be taken from them. You’ve gradually lost that, and you’ve already made friends, made an impression—I tell you, Karik, the world is there for you to seize. How do you feel about going back to face Jos as you are now?”
At the sound of the name he’d managed to forget entirely for several days, Karik’s stomach gave a lurch. “I guess I....” He stopped, feeling paralysed by his revulsion at the idea.
“Not really looking forward to it, are you?” Karik shook his head. “Now, how do you feel about being able to lose your stutter, spend more time with Reis and Seiki and me, use the library and learn more about anatomy and botany?”
Karik couldn’t help it—the lurch in his stomach became a flutter of excitement, and of course, Kei knew it, and had been expecting it. “I wuh-want to go home. I don’t wuh-want Jos to push me out,” he said, his hands clenching into frustrated fists. “I don’t wuh-want him to win.”
Kei stood up and dusted off his trousers. “The only difference I can see between you going back now, and you going back in three months’ time, is that you will have had a wonderful, fulfilling time if you stay and then you can go back and show that bastard that being Prijian is actually something to be proud of. Or you can go back now and live the way you were. Were you really that happy after you got back from Utuk?”
“No,” Karik muttered. “Everything wuh-was different.”
“Yes, I bet it was. It was when I came back home the first time too. You can’t go back, you see. Not to how it was. You can only go back to how it is now, how you feel about it now. You’re no longer a child. The village of our childhood has gone forever, though it hurts to say that.”
Karik looked at him in despair. “I n-need to go home. I wuh-want to....” His fists clenched even tighter. Did Kei mean he could never live happily in Ai-Albon again?
Kei put his hand on his shoulder and that act took away some of Karik’s anguish. “Calm down,” he said gently. “Come and sit.”
There was a bench nearby onto which Kei sank, pulling Karik down. “I went through all this myself when I had to consider possibly leaving the village to be with Arman. I was torn between desperately wanting things to stay as they were, because I’d had so much trouble and sadness being a hostage and my parents dying before that, and desperately wanting to be with Arman because I loved him. I was afraid of losing all that made me happy. Fortunately, Arman made the decision easy because he came home with me, and then by the time he needed to leave, I was ready—I’d had time to adjust. That’s what I’m offering you—time. But time doing something, not hiding, not pretending things can’t change, or that they’ll just get better on their own. Do you honestly want to live in Ai-Albon looking after beasts for the rest of your life?”
“No. But Meran and K-Keiji and G-Gyo....”
“Yes, you’ll miss them, but there are bigger issues affecting you.” Kei sighed. “I swore I wouldn’t do this to you, put pressure on you, because it’s not fair. But damn it, I know you’re thinking about it, I can feel your fear and I don’t want you to make a decision based on fear. I nearly made that mistake and I nearly lost the most precious thing in the world to me. Make your decision on what makes you happy, not on what makes you afraid. The Joses and Mykises of the world want you to react to their bullying, so they control you. Don’t let that happen.”
“Ar-man hates me. If I s-stay, he’ll be ah-angry.”
“No, he won’t. Karik, I discussed you coming to stay with us with him. He said he would talk to you about the situation with your mother and with him. I can’t promise that will be an easy conversation but he doesn’t hate you. I would know if he did, remember?” Kei’s expression was earnest, pleading with Karik to believe him. “To be sure, he gets pretty emotional about you and I don’t think even he knows why—I can only guess, but I don’t think I understand it any more than he does. But he’s not a bully trying to destroy your life to make himself feel better. You can’t go through life avoiding difficult people.”
Arman wasn’t exactly difficult—more terrifying—and he was a killer too, not that Karik really thought his father would murder him, not with his own hands. “I h-have to decide soon.”
“Yes, you know you do. I’ll tell you a secret—Titira didn’t ask to see you on her own. I asked Jena and Reji to let me have you to myself this morning so we could talk. But now I’ve said my piece and I won’t say more. If you’re not ready to decide, then I respect that. If you want to change your mind and come up later, your Pa says you can come back with him anytime you want. If it’s next year, or the year after, or never, then so be it. I know it’s been a damn tough few months for you. I just want you to think about why you’re doing what you’re doing.” He held out his hand. “Friends?”
“Always,” Karik said, accepting the hand and squeezing it. How could he be angry when Kei so obviously wanted the best for him, just as his parents did?
“Then I’m glad. Why don’t we take the long way back to the academy? It’s such a lovely day—I adore the spring in Darshek.”
It was a beautiful day, and the breeze from the harbour was fresh and uplifting to the spirit. It being Darshek, there were always people around, but the harbour-side path wasn’t that crowded, so he and Kei could walk unhindered. It seemed to Karik that Kei was a little sad, perhaps because they were all leaving the following day. “You r-really miss him?”
Kei turned to him and smiled. “Am I that obvious? Yes, I miss him. It’s been such a blessing having you all around this week, and an excuse not to sleep in our bed on my own. It worries me, really, that I’m so hopeless without him. If anything ever happened to him....” He drew in a breath. “Ah, but this is depressing and there’s no reason to imagine him anything but completely safe.”
“K-Kei, duh-oes it bother you that h-he’s a killer?”
“A killer? I don’t really think of him like that. The war was a long time ago. He was doing what he thought was the right thing to do. He doesn’t kill now, and never would do, I know that.”
Karik thought
Kei sounded on the verge of being annoyed and was sorry to have asked the question. He walked on in silence, thinking about Arman, thinking about what it would mean if he stayed and had to face the man.
Kei stopped after a minute or two. “I suppose it looks bad, doesn’t it? That I just say it’s in the past, and dismiss it.”
“I don’t kn-know.”
“You see, this was a big thing for us. That he had killed, that I abhor killing. But you can’t forever punish someone for what they have done if they’re genuinely remorseful, and have done everything in their power to make amends. It’s not that I don’t care. I just know the man he is now is not who he was then. I love both men, I just don’t think I could have lived with who he was.” He smiled rather ruefully. “Does that answer your question?”
“Yes. I th-think so. Kei—h-how can Reis l-love two people at once?”
Kei’s smile was happier this time, and he motioned to Karik to start walking with him again. “You’re full of questions today—are you thinking of falling in love with someone?”
Karik flushed. “N-No!”
“Are you sure? You sound a bit defensive.” Karik glared at him. “I’m only teasing, Ka-chi. The answer is that we usually all love more than one person at the same time. You love your Ma and Pa, don’t you?”
“Y-Yes, but....”
“But being in love’s different.” He sighed. “There was a time when I loved two people, and if one of them had been willing, I might have been very happy to live as Reis does. But they would not have been—most people would not be, you must know that—and as it turned out, it was right that I didn’t end up with both. Now Arman is all I need, even if once I might have wanted more. Reis is different. He needs Neris and Meda, and they—particularly Neris—need the other two. They’re not like you, Karik. You’ve grown up with love all your life. Reis and Neris were rejected by those they loved, and had to find another way of filling the void. Both were starving for affection and turned to one another as friends. Then Meda came along and filled that part of their need they could not offer each other. I think Reis is one of the most amazing people I know, and not because of his powers. So many people in his situation would become bitter and angry, and reject the world. He responds by opening his heart to it. Did you not feel that when you met him?”
“Y-Yes. Like a ch-child.”
“Exactly like a child. Honest and open and accepting. He’s a walking miracle. Wyma loves him very much, because he is so pure in his soul.”
“Wh-who did you love?”
“Ah, now, that’s none of your business, Ka-chi. Leave this old fool with some dignity, will you?” The idea of Kei being elderly was completely destroyed by the cheeky tongue he stuck out at Karik. “I was very young and very greedy. Let’s leave it at that.”
Karik wasn’t entirely content with that but it would be rude to push. He bet Ma would know. He was suddenly very curious to know whom Kei could have loved before Arman.
They had arranged to meet the others in the dining hall, and as they came into the room, they saw Karik’s parents just about to sit down. Risa and Seiki were already there. “What did she say?” Seiki asked.
“Some imp-provement but sh-she wants me to wu-ork with her some more.”
“Did she say you’d be able to work on it alone?” Pa wanted to know.
“A bit. B-But I’ve decided I-I’m going to stay. Uh-Until the summer.”
Kei, about to sit, froze and stared at him. His mother reached for his father’s hand, and Risa looked at them both in concern. Seiki was the only one who wasn’t shocked. “That’s great, Karik! I’m sure you can improve a lot.”
“Karik, are you sure?” His mother’s voice was quiet, and she was clearly trying to sound neutral, but her eyes were suspiciously bright.
“If yuh-you d-don’t wuh-want me t-to, I wuh-won’t.” The decision he had come to so quickly, just as quickly felt quite wrong—he didn’t want Ma to cry.
“No, wait, son.” Pa took his hand. “It’s just a surprise to us, but if it’s what you want, I think it’s a good thing. You know I already thought so even before we knew about the stuttering cure. Jena love?”
Ma cleared her throat and smiled, though it looked forced. “Yes, if it’s what you want, of course you should do it.”
Risa stood up. “Karik, come for a walk with me, will you?”
Surprised, Karik was at a loss what to do, but Kei cocked his head and indicated he should go. “Seiki, why don’t you go with them? Lunch can wait a few minutes.”
She nodded. Risa clapped Karik on the shoulder and indicated they should walk out the back of the building, to the gardens. Karik felt horrible—he had been persuaded by Kei’s argument, and hadn’t thought how his parents would receive it.
Risa took them to sit under a tree. “It’ll be all right, Ka-chi. Jena was just a bit emotional because she had been saying goodbye to some friends this morning.”
“Oh. S-So it’s not b-bad?”
“No, I don’t think so. It’s a surprise, that’s all. Not saying we won’t miss you for a few months,” he said with a grin, ruffling Karik’s hair.
“I’m sorry your mother’s sad, Karik. But I’m happy about it,” Seiki said. “I didn’t want you to go home so soon. I mean. I just met you,” she added, giving him a shy smile.
“I think it’s good,” Risa said firmly. “You’re wasted in the village, and you’ll be doing us all a favour if you’ll look after Kei for us. Poor sod’s really suffering without Arman being here. You’ll take his mind off it. I know your Pa will be grateful for that.”
“Pa?” Why his Pa more than any one else?
“Well, of course. Kei is Reji’s best friend. They used to be lovers after all.”
Seiki blushed and looked away. Karik didn’t know where to look. “Uh....”
“Oh...pissing hells. You didn’t know.” Risa bit his lip. “Gods, please don’t tell them I said...I just thought you knew. It’s not a secret—it was years ago.” He rubbed his forehead. “Reji will kill me. Arman will beat me to death. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all r-right, I wuh-won’t say.” But it explained a lot, now he thought about it. “It’s n-not important.”
“It’s not like that now,” Risa said, still obviously worried about his indiscretion. “Reji adores your Ma, you know that. He and Kei—there’s nothing going on, I promise.”
Karik patted his hand. “I kn-know. Don’t wuh-worry.”
“Are you going to come home with them in the summer?”
“I guess. Huh-haven’t discussed it.”
“Well, if you want to come back sooner, all you have to do is hitch a lift with a trader going south. It’s not like you’re going away for years. Your parents wanted you to do this, I know.”
Karik wasn’t so sure.
“Risa’s right, you know. I know Jena was already upset before you arrived. I think it will be all right, Karik.”
“I don’t want to hurt them. I know how much I’ll miss them.”
“I know. But at least you can go home afterwards.”
He took her hand and made her look at him. “I’m really sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”
“You can’t.” But then she smiled. “I’ve had so much fun this week, with you and them. I’ll always be grateful for that. And now you’ll be here a little longer—it’s wonderful for me.”
“Good things c-come from b-bad things,” he murmured, which made Risa look at him curiously.
“Ah, Kei just said to come back,” she said, getting to her feet.
“Now, Ka-chi, if you’re going to do this, it’s important that Reji and Jena feel you’re happy about it. So lose that sad look or you’ll only upset them, all right?”
Karik nodded and made himself smile brightly. Seiki pulled a face at him. “Now you just look silly,” she said in disgust, which made Risa laugh.
“Don’t overdo it—they’ll think you’re glad to see the back of them. Come on.”
He wasn’t the only one trying to look cheerful, but he responded to her words, rather than her slightly reddened eyes. “It’s oh-only for three m-months.”
“I was just saying to Kei that if we time things right, I might even be up here when you all come back,” Pa said. “We could make a little caravan, so Lord Arman can travel in style. What do you think?”
“Good idea.”
“Fine, then I’ll see how my plans go.”
“You know,” Seiki said politely, “you and Jena can talk through me anytime you want. Even if Neka’s busy—it’s not like I will have so many other things to do.”
“Thank you, dear,” Ma said, squeezing her hand. “That would be kind, and a comfort. But you and Karik aren’t to spend all your time thinking about us. Karik, you’re to make the most of this and work hard. It’s a wonderful chance for you—Meran will be insanely jealous.”
Kei held his hands up. “Gods, I hope she doesn’t try to get Myka to persuade me to let her come up early. Karik’s one thing, a fourteen-year-old girl is too much for me to handle.”
Pa raised an eyebrow. “You’ve changed your tune. I can remember when you and fourteen-year-old girls were on a very intimate basis indeed. He was only fourteen himself, mind you,” he added with a wink to Karik.
Kei sniffed. “That’s all in the past,” he said with immense dignity. “Now I’m respectable and I have to think of how it would look.” Risa coughed and grinned, and Pa’s expression made it clear he frankly disbelieved that statement. “Look, you lot, dealing with you is one thing, but if Meran was up here, Myka would probably want to stay here too, and my sanity wouldn’t last that long, I’m sorry.”
Falling From the Tree (Darshian Tales #2) Page 48