Although I smell like Braxton.
“You first,” he says with a smile when we’re both more or less put back together. “But I’m leaving in two minutes, tops. I want you back at my place as soon as you can get away.”
I lift onto my tiptoes to kiss him again. “I’ll be out of here in three.”
I slip through the door, into the entry foyer, and walk back to the party. I find Selene and let her know I’m tired and heading home. She tries to talk me into staying in my room here, but she’s distracted by another friend, so I don’t have to come up with an excuse. I give her a quick hug goodbye and leave through the front door.
Braxton is waiting just outside. Although he’s shirtless and it’s a freezing October night, he puts his coat around my shoulders. He takes my hand in his, twining our fingers together, and we walk back to his condo in silence.
“That ought to do it,” I say, turning the wrench one more time. Selene’s kitchen sink was leaking, so I came over between clients to take a look. “It just needed a little tightening.”
I get up and brush my hands together.
“Thanks,” she says. “Do you have time to stay for lunch?”
“Depends,” I say. “Are you cooking?”
She glares at me. “I can cook.”
I raise an eyebrow at her.
She rolls her eyes and gets a bag out of the fridge. “Fine. I grabbed sandwiches before you got here.”
She sets out our lunch on the island and we both pull up a barstool.
“Do you think Mom and Dad would have kept this place?” she asks out of the blue. “You know, if they were still around.”
I put my sandwich down. “Yeah, I think they would have. This is a great old house.”
“I just wonder. Life would be so different. Would we still live so close? Would they have us over for dinner?” She pauses for a moment. “Sorry, I know it’s hard to talk about them.”
It is hard to talk about them, but I don’t want her to feel like she can’t. “It’s okay, I don’t mind remembering them sometimes. You can talk to me about whatever you want.”
She nudges me with her elbow. “Thanks, Brax. You’re a good guy, you know that?”
I feel a twinge of guilt, and shrug. Maybe I should just tell her about Kylie. But I know Kylie wants to be here when I do, and she’s at work. “Hey, we should do a movie night. Just the three of us.”
“Sure,” Selene says. “If you can get Kylie to come.”
“Why wouldn’t she come?” I ask.
“Well, she’s been banging some guy for who knows how long and won’t introduce me, so…”
Even though I know the guy is me, a jolt of jealousy rams itself into my gut. Calm down, dumbass. I force my face to stillness, but I know Selene saw my expression change. She’s looking at me with too much scrutiny.
The stab of jealousy turns into a swarm of guilt. I never should have lied to her.
“So, what about you?” she asks. “You haven’t said a word about a girl in months. Who are you sleeping with these days?”
“God, Selene, why would you even ask me that? I don’t want to know if you’re sleeping with someone.”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. You seem like you’re busy all the time. I figure there must be a girl involved.”
How should I play this? I don’t want to play it at all anymore. I’m sick of hiding my relationship with Kylie. It was a stupid thing to do in the first place, and I want it to be over. But I have to tread carefully. I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t hurt my sister. Losing Mom and Dad almost killed her, and I couldn’t live with myself if I caused her pain.
Of course, I’ve been lying to her about Kylie for months. Isn’t that going to cause her pain?
No, it’s going to make her mad, and I can deal with mad Selene.
“Yeah, there might be someone,” I say.
“Do you want to tell me about her?” she asks.
There’s something weird in her voice. First of all, since when does she care who I’m seeing, especially if I’m just having a fling on the side with someone I don’t intend to bring around? It wouldn’t be the first time, not by a long shot. Second, she sounds too suspicious. Like she knows what’s going on and she’s trying to get me to admit it.
Fuck.
“Why do you want to know?” I ask, shooting her an annoyed look.
She shrugs again. “Just wondering.”
She picks up her sandwich, but she stares straight ahead into the kitchen. I can tell she’s thinking about something. After a lengthy silence, she puts down her food.
“I see the way you look at her,” she says, her voice unusually soft.
My chest clenches. “Look at who?”
“Kylie.”
I try to laugh it off, like she must be joking. “What does that mean?”
“You can’t look at her like that, Brax,” she says.
She’s not joking. Shit. I get up and go to the fridge so she won’t see my face. “I don’t look at her like anything.”
“Yes, you do.”
She’s right. No matter how hard I try to hide my feelings when the three of us are together—which isn’t very often these days, and I realize how fucked up that is—I know it still shows.
I decide to feel this out. “So what if I do?”
“No, Braxton,” she says.
I look at her over my shoulder. Her face is severe.
“What do you mean, no?”
“You heard me,” she says. “You cannot look at Kylie like that. Not ever. Do you understand me?”
Shit. My heart starts to beat too fast and adrenaline runs through my veins. What the fuck do I say now? “What are you worried about?”
“I’m worried about you. And her,” she says. “And you being you. Kylie is not on the menu, Brax. You have to keep her in the friend zone.”
Too late for that. “Where is this even coming from?”
“The three of us are fragile,” she says. “We’ve known her so long, it seems like we’ll all be friends forever. It’s hard to imagine it any other way. But a guy-girl friendship is always breakable, especially when the guy is you. So whatever thing you’re doing in your head where you think you can make something work out with her, you need to stop. Now. Right this second. Because if you hook up with Kylie, it will absolutely fucking kill me.”
It’s like my lungs are caught in a vice. I’m panicking; I can’t breathe. My head is spinning, but I keep my expression still so it won’t show. Hide behind my walls. I’m pretty good at maintaining a tough exterior, especially in front of Selene. I’ve always had to. But this has me crumbling inside, reality crashing down on me like shards of broken glass.
No. There has to be another way.
“Kill you? That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”
Her eyes are huge, and her stress and fear pours into me, like it’s my own. I can feel it, hard edged and biting. The twin thing again.
“No, it’s not dramatic,” she says. “Don’t do it. I could not handle it if you hooked up with her. Do you understand me? You can’t. Promise me.”
“What?”
“Promise me you won’t hook up with Kylie.”
I stare at her, the rawness of her emotions pouring over me. She’s totally and completely serious.
No, Selene. Please don’t make me do this. Please don’t make me give her up.
“Come on, Brax,” she says.
She needs this from me, as much as she’s ever needed anything. And I always give my sister what she needs. I run a hand through my hair to give myself a second before I have to speak, then croak out a reply: “Sure, Selene. Whatever. It’s not like that. Kylie’s my best friend.”
“Promise,” she says.
I swallow hard. “I promise.”
Her shoulders relax and her expression softens. “Okay, good.”
I need to get out of here. Now. “I have clients this afternoon. I have to head out.”
; “Okay, so movie night this weekend?” she asks.
“Sure.”
Somehow I make it outside to my car. I’m surprised I’m still on my feet. Shouldn’t I have dropped to the ground by now? Isn’t that what happens when your heart stops beating? The blood quits flowing and your brain is starved for oxygen and you die.
How am I still alive?
I can’t hurt Selene. I’ve been running interference for her since we were kids, standing in the way of anything that threatens her. Sometimes things get by me, especially where her relationships are concerned. I know I can’t protect her from everything, and fuck, she has horrible taste in men. When she gets hurt, I deal with it with alcohol and sex, and whispered threats if I’m lucky enough to run into the bastard who messed with her.
But never me. I’m never the one doing the hurting, and I never will be. I guard her with my life. I’d take a bullet for her—give her a kidney or a lung or my fucking heart if hers stopped working.
I certainly don’t need mine anymore.
I’ve made two real promises in my life. One was at our parents’ funeral. I didn’t cry that day, even though I was ten and no one would have blamed me. I didn’t cry because Selene needed to, and she needed me to be strong for her. I held her tight as we stood by their graves and I whispered my promise. I will never hurt you. I will always take care of you.
And I have. I’ve never broken that promise.
The second promise was when I told Kylie I wouldn’t break her.
My two promises are colliding. There’s no way I can keep them both. I can’t stay with Kylie without hurting Selene. I heard it from her own lips, saw the truth of it in her face.
I can’t do that to her.
My only hope left is Kylie’s strength. Knowing what I have to do makes me feel like I’m drowning, but I cling to the thought that Kylie can take it. I’ll explain, and maybe she’ll understand.
And then I imagine her face when I tell her it’s because of Selene—that Selene doesn’t want us to be together, that she needs the dynamic of our friendship to stay the same. That I’m faced with the impossible, and there’s nothing else I can do. That Kylie has my heart and always will, but I’ll give it up for my sister if I have to.
I can’t tell Ky. She’ll be angry with Selene. Of course she will. She’ll blame her, and I’ll do the very thing I’m trying to avoid: ruin Selene’s friendship with Kylie.
And Selene will never forgive me.
I head back to the gym, but I’m going to call my clients and cancel. I can’t deal with anyone right now. I’ll get in a hard workout, and at some point I’ll go home. Kylie will be there. And I’ll have to tell her.
I’ll have to be the man she was afraid I’d be.
The sound of the front door wakes me up. I got home from work late, but Braxton wasn’t here, and I didn’t have any messages. I tried to call, but he didn’t answer, so I texted. He replied, saying he was working late. I curled up on the couch with the TV on, and must have dozed off.
He comes in and sets his keys down on the counter.
“Hey,” I say, rubbing my eyes. “What time is it?”
“I don’t know.”
I shift so I can see the clock. It’s after eleven.
“Wow, it’s late,” I say. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He heads into the kitchen and opens the fridge.
My shoulders tense up. He is not okay. “Are you sure?” I ask. I sit up and pull a pillow into my lap. Something about his posture makes me nervous.
He grabs a beer and opens it, but doesn’t look at me. “Yeah.”
My heart beats faster and my hands tingle, like my body is getting ready to flee. “Where were you?”
“Nowhere. Just getting a drink.” He takes a long pull from the bottle.
“Okay,” I say. “Did something happen? You seem upset.”
“No,” he says. He still won’t look at me. “I just needed to do some thinking.”
“About what?”
He doesn’t answer, his eyes on the counter in front of him.
Something is very wrong.
My throat feels like it’s closing and I almost can’t speak. “Brax, what’s going on?”
He’s silent for a long moment. He takes another drink and sets the bottle down. “I think we made a mistake.”
“What did you say?”
“This,” he says. “It was a mistake. We were better off as friends.”
Oh, no. No, he can’t be saying this. “What are you talking about?”
He rubs his chin. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this serious relationship stuff. I thought I could be, but I was wrong.”
I feel sick to my stomach. I’m falling, spiraling down through nothing. Why is he doing this?
Oh, god. There’s only one reason he’d do this to me out of the blue. “Holy shit, did you—” I don’t know if I can say it. “Did you cheat on me?”
He finally looks up. “No. God, no.”
“Then what is this about?”
He takes a deep breath. “We were great as friends—you, me, and Selene. And I screwed that up. I shouldn’t have. We should have stayed the way we were. I’m no good at this stuff, Kylie. It was better before.”
I stand up and wrap my arms around myself. “You can’t be serious. Are you ending this? Are you breaking up with me?”
“I think it’s for the best,” he says.
I stare at him, my mouth open. Tears sting my eyes. My legs shake. I’m not sure if I can stay on my feet. My bottom lip trembles and I cover my mouth with my hand. I think I might vomit. “No,” I say. “No, Braxton. You can’t. I thought we—”
I stop and turn away from him. A sob breaks through, shaking my shoulders. The world is crumbling around me, crashing down, leaving nothing but ruins. My body hurts, like I’ve been hit by a truck. He can’t be doing this to me. He said he wouldn’t. He promised he wouldn’t break me.
I close my eyes. He’ll only break me if I let him. I feel like I’m being ripped to shreds, but fuck if I’m going to fall apart here, in front of him.
Goddammit, I should have known. This is Braxton. How else did I think this was going to end? I saw the end play out as soon as it began.
I slowly lower my hand and take a deep breath, swallowing back the panic that tries to rise in my throat. I clench my teeth together, anger burning through my veins. “This is my fault,” I say. My voice is cold, unemotional.
“What?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I should have known better. I was stupid enough to think I was special. That I was different. God, I was such an idiot. After all those women. I know you. I know who you are, and I know exactly what you do. I actually thought I could be the one to tame you.”
Braxton doesn’t answer.
I put a hand to my forehead. “I fell for it all. I can’t believe I did that. You, Braxton Taylor, confessed your longtime love for me, and I actually thought it was real.” I look up at him, stare him straight in the eyes. “You don’t know what that means. You don’t know what love is. You don’t have a fucking clue.”
“Kylie—”
“No,” I say. “You want to do this? You want to break it off? Fine. But don’t try to tell me it wasn’t all bullshit. You owe me at least that much. You can be fucking honest with me at this point.”
“Fuck, I don’t know what else to do,” he says.
“What is this about?” I ask. “Because this morning, when you were screwing me in your bed, you didn’t seem to have such a crisis. But then, you were fucking me, so of course you didn’t. Your dick was happy, and that’s all that matters to you.”
“That isn’t true.”
“Oh, really?” I’m halfway between screaming at him and crying my eyes out, and the heady swirl of emotions just makes me angrier. “Fuck you, Braxton. How dare you. How dare you touch me. It was a mistake? Fuck yes, it was a mistake. It was the biggest mistake of your life.”
“Baby—”
“Don’t you dare,” I say, my voice sharp. “You do not get to call me that. If you’re done with me, you do not have the right to talk to me that way.”
I can’t look at him anymore. I stomp off to his room and try to gather up my things. There’s too much. I practically moved in. Why the fuck did I do that? He never asked me to. He never said we should take this to the next level and live together. I just stayed, like a stupid puppy. God, I was such an idiot.
I pull out a duffel bag and start throwing things in. He better not come in here, or I’m going to punch him in the mouth. No wonder he didn’t tell Selene. This whole time, I let myself believe it was because this was so big, he didn’t want to freak her out. But then he kept putting it off.
I should have known. He didn’t bother telling her because he knew she’d be mad, and there was no point in pissing her off when he was just going to fuck me for a while and move on. Just like every other woman he’s ever had.
I fill the bag and toss in some of my stuff from the bathroom. I’m going to have to come back at some point to get the rest. Or just leave it and never get it back. That’s feeling like a better option, because I do not want to see him again. Ever. I don’t think I can take it.
My keys and phone are in the living room, so I have to go back in before I can leave. Braxton is still standing in the kitchen, unmoving. I don’t look at his face. I can’t. I pick up my stuff and head for the front door.
“Kylie.”
I pause with my hand on the doorknob, my bag slung over one shoulder.
“Please, I—”
“No,” I say. “You’re done. I’m leaving. And if you ever cared about me as anything more than a goddamn sex toy, you’ll leave me alone. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
I pull open the door and walk out, slamming the door behind me.
I make it to the car before I break down, tossing my bag onto the passenger seat and falling forward onto the steering wheel. My body shakes; sobs choke me. I can’t breathe. Part of me wants him to run after me—to come out and get in my car and tell me he was wrong. That he didn’t mean it and will I please come back inside.
But I know he won’t. He did mean it. He wouldn’t have said it otherwise.
Always Have: (Bad Boy Romance) Page 15