“What?”
Her dark eyes dig into me. “Braxton, did something happen between you and Kylie?”
Yes, I ruined us both. “No.”
Her mouth opens wider, and she sets her drink on the coffee table. “Holy shit. You slept with her didn’t you?”
I swallow hard, looking away. I can’t lie again, so I don’t say anything.
“Tell me,” she says.
I stare at the floor.
“Tell me the goddamn truth,” she says, her voice sharp. “You promised me, Braxton. You promised me you wouldn’t do this. Did you lie to me?”
“Yes.”
She sucks in a breath and I wince. The tirade is about to start. She stands up and paces around the living room. “For fuck’s sake, Braxton. Really? Kylie? Do you see what you did?”
“I know what I did.”
“No, you don’t,” she says. “You screwed us all over. Why couldn’t you just keep it in your goddamn pants? You get every woman you want. Why did you have to add her to your list of fucking hookups?”
“It wasn’t like that, Selene,” I say. “I didn’t hook up with her.”
“You promised me you wouldn’t,” she says.
“It was too late.”
She stops and puts her hands on her hips. “What? You had already slept with her?”
“Yes, but it wasn’t—”
Selene cuts me off. “Goddamn it, Braxton, why did you do that? Why did you take my best friend from me?”
Anger pours through me, and I stand up, clenching my fists. “She was my best friend, too. I lost everything when I lost her.” I’m breathing hard, and I want to put my fist through a wall.
Selene looks a little scared. “I knew this would happen,” she says. “I knew if you fucked around with her you’d screw it up for all of us. Why did you have to use her like that?”
I’m so mad my vision is going blurry. I might have to leave before I break something. I’d never hurt Selene, not in a million years, but I don’t want to scare her when I blow up. “I did not use her. I would never.”
“This is what I was afraid of,” Selene says, shouting at me. “I knew you would do this. You took her from me, damn it. Why did you fucking take her? She wasn’t yours!”
My anger melts, emptiness spreading through my chest so fast I can’t stop it. I fall back down to the couch and bury my face in my hands. My walls crumble.
She isn’t mine.
Selene is silent for a long moment. I don’t look up. I can’t.
“Brax,” she says, finally. Her tone is soft, with a hint of fear. “Brax, what’s going on? What are you doing?” I feel her sit down next to me. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“I loved her,” I say. I can barely choke out the words. My eyes burn. I have to get my shit together. I’ve never cried in front of anyone in my life—especially not my sister.
“What?” Selene breathes.
I take a deep breath and find my voice, my face still in my hands. “I loved her, Selene. I’ve always loved her. When she broke up with Derek, I told her.”
“That was months ago,” she says.
I nod.
“So, you were…” She pauses. “There wasn’t some dumb guy with a big dick. She was with you that whole time?”
“Yeah, she was with me,” I say. Now that I’ve admitted the truth, I can’t seem to stop. “It was everything, Selene. She was everything. I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember, and I finally had her. She was mine, and we were so good together. I wanted to tell you. I was such an idiot for lying. We wanted to wait until the time was right, because we knew you’d be upset. But the right time never seemed to come, and I kept lying. Fuck, that was a stupid thing to do. I’m sorry we lied to you. I should have told you from the beginning.”
“Wait.” She leans away from me. “You’re saying you guys were actually together. Like, in a relationship, together?”
“Yeah.”
“Not just sleeping together?”
“Yes.” I sit back and lean my head against the cushions. “It was so much more than that.”
“But you guys broke up?” she asks. “I’m so confused.”
My head fucking hurts. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I promised you.”
“Promised me?” Selene asks. She gasps, putting a hand to her mouth. “Oh my god. When I talked to you that day, you were already with her … and you thought you had to break up with her for me?”
I don’t understand why she sounds so panicked. It’s not like she’s the one who got her heart smashed to pieces. “What the fuck was I supposed to do?” I ask. “You made it clear that you couldn’t live with Kylie and I being together. You’re my sister. How was I supposed to choose between you?”
Selene puts her hand on my shoulder. “Oh, Brax. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I never would have said that if I knew.”
I stare at her. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I was always afraid you’d hook up with Kylie, like all those other girls,” she says. “You’d have sex a few times, and get bored or whatever it is you do. She wouldn’t be able to go on being friends with you after that. What was I supposed to think? You don’t exactly have a history of commitment.”
I look away, my gut churning. I thought I was getting better, but this conversation is making me feel worse all over again. “Look, you don’t want us together, that’s fine. I’ll do what I have to do. And Kylie will come around. She’ll get over me, and the two of you will be good again. I’ll stay out of the way so you can still be her friend.” I stand up and go to the kitchen. My glass isn’t empty, but I want more anyway.
“No,” she says.
“No?” I ask. “What more do you want from me, Selene? I gave up everything for you.”
Tears leak out of the corners of her eyes, trailing down her cheeks.
“Why are you crying?” I ask.
“This is my fault,” she says.
“No, it isn’t.”
She sniffs. “Okay, it’s mostly your fault, because you lied. But it’s a little bit my fault. I didn’t want to hurt you like this. Do you really think I’m that selfish? That I’d make you leave her?”
I put my glass down on the counter. “It’s not about being selfish. Kylie is important to you. You needed things to stay the same. Of course, I screwed that up, too. I never should have told Kylie I loved her. I should have just kept pretending I didn’t.”
“You really love her?” Selene asks.
“Yeah, I do, Selene. I always have. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters. Braxton, what are we talking about here? Love? Like, the real kind?”
“Yes, the real kind.” I don’t want to talk about this.
“The forever kind?” she asks.
“I would have loved her forever. I would have married her.”
Selene’s mouth drops open. “What did you just say?”
I take a big gulp of Scotch. Holy shit, I just said it, didn’t I? I’ve never said it out loud. But I mean it. I put the glass down. “I would have married her, Selene. In a heartbeat.”
“This is huge.” Selene slowly stands up from the couch. “This is the biggest thing that’s ever happened to us.”
I shake my head. “No, it isn’t, because no one is marrying anyone. I broke her heart, remember? I did exactly what I promised her I wouldn’t do.”
“So?”
“So, she hates me,” I say. “She told me she never wants to see me again. And trust me, she meant it.”
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
“Do? I’m going to drink Scotch until I’m numb. I’m going to stay as shit-faced as possible until I have to go back to work, and then I’m going to try to survive this. Even though I don’t particularly want to.”
“You aren’t going to fight for her?” she asks.
“There’s nothing left to fight for,” I say. “I broke us both.”
“Th
en put the two of you back together,” Selene says. She walks over to the other side of the counter. “We need a plan.”
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” she says. “And you aren’t getting drunk either. We’re going to get Kylie back.”
“We?”
“Yes, we,” she says. “You did this because of me, and she won’t see me either, so we both have apologies to make. But we are going to fix this, Braxton.”
I stare at Selene. “You want me to try to get her back?”
“Of course I do,” Selene says. “I want you to be happy. Honestly, Braxton, I’ve always known you had thing for Kylie, but I figured you just wanted to bang her. But if you love her, you should be with her. That’s kind of amazing.”
A tiny shred of hope worms its way into my mind. Is it possible? Kylie said she never wanted to see me again, but that was because I pushed her away. Do I still have a chance?
I clutch my chest like I need to restart my heart. Fuck, I miss her so much.
I look up at Selene. “Okay, what do we do?”
I take a deep breath to settle the flutter of nerves as I wait for my flight. I look up at the screen. Seattle to London, departing 3:15, on time. I check the time on my phone. I have about ten minutes before they’ll start boarding.
Braxton and I were supposed to go to London for New Year’s. He even bought tickets. When he left me, I didn’t even think about this trip—but a couple of weeks ago I decided to go. I’ve wanted to spend New Year’s Eve in London for years, and I keep putting it off. This year I have extra money from my design clients, so I decided to splurge. I don’t know what happened to the tickets Braxton bought; I’m sure he canceled them. I bought my own, booked a hotel, and now I’m really doing it.
I bring up my dad’s number and hit send.
“Hey, Kylie,” Dad says. “Are you at the airport?”
“Yeah, I’m waiting to board.”
“I want you to have a great time, all right?”
“I will.”
“Be safe,” he says. “I don’t know how I feel about you traveling so far by yourself.”
“Dad, I’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ll be home in a few days.”
“That’s a long way to go for such a short trip,” he says.
“I know, but I need to get back for work,” I say. “And, I don’t know, I have a feeling it’s going to be worth it.”
“It will be,” he says. “Call me when you land.”
I smile. “I will. Love you, Dad.”
“Love you too, sweetheart.”
I hang up, and the announcement for first class boarding blares through the speakers. First class would be great—it’s a long flight—but my splurging didn’t go that far.
I wait for my turn to board, fiddling with the zipper on my purse. I have my whole trip planned out. I’m going to museums, the theater, shopping. I fly home on New Year’s Day, so my last night I’m going to fulfill my silly bucket list item and watch Big Ben tick over to midnight. From what I saw online, there’s a pretty spectacular fireworks show.
I board the plane and take my seat, stowing my purse near my feet, then get out my phone and plug in headphones. I have my new let’s have an adventure playlist all queued up. I tuck a few magazines into the pocket in front of me and sit back, getting as comfortable as I can. I’m going to be here a while.
I glance at my phone, wondering if I should text Selene. I haven’t seen her in weeks, and I made some excuse about not being around for Christmas. She’ll be pretty weirded out to find out I left for London without letting her know. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I miss her, but I know nothing will ever be the same between us. There’s such a huge gulf now, and I don’t know if I can bridge it.
The worst part is, it’s as much my fault as Braxton’s. I lied to her, too.
I lean my head back and close my eyes. I don’t want to think about Braxton, but that’s essentially impossible. He left a hole inside me that no one will ever fill. I miss him so much it hurts, a deep ache that I don’t think will ever go away. Not completely.
I wait while the plane fills, and it isn’t long before we’re taxiing down the runway. I look down at my phone again. He’s not going to call. It’s been six weeks, and I haven’t heard a word from him.
I turn my phone to airplane mode and close my eyes, relaxing as the plane takes off.
“It’s going straight to voicemail,” Selene says. “Should I leave a message?”
“No,” I say. “Not yet. Maybe her phone is dead. She always forgets to plug it in.”
Selene puts her phone down on the counter. So far, our thirty minutes of planning over Scotch has gotten us as far as Selene calling Kylie, since we both know she won’t pick up for me.
After that? I have no fucking clue.
“Should we go over to her apartment?” Selene asks.
I’m buzzing too hard to get behind the wheel. “Can you drive?”
“Good point,” she says. She moves the Scotch out of reach. “We could Uber, but we need to sober up anyway.” She pours us a couple glasses of ice water. “I can text her, and when she charges her phone, she’ll answer. At least then we’ll know we can call.”
“Okay,” I say. “That’s a start.”
She types out a text. “There. Now I guess we wait?”
I blow out a breath. This sucks. I’m so amped, I can barely stand still. I walk from the kitchen to the living room so I can pace. “I hate waiting.”
“You have to figure out what you’re going to say to her.”
I pause and glance over my shoulder. “You’re not helping.”
“I’m serious,” Selene says.
“I’ll figure it out when I see her,” I say.
“Tell you what,” Selene says. “Stay here tonight. Who knows when she’ll answer. As soon as she does, we’ll … do whatever it is we’re going to do. But in the meantime, let’s watch a movie or something so you don’t wear a hole in my new rug.”
I take a deep breath and rub my hands over my face again. I don’t think I’ll be able to relax until I see Kylie, but there’s not much I can do about it right now.
***
I roll over and almost fall off the couch. Fuck, I fell asleep out here. I should have gone to bed, but I didn’t think I was ever going to drift off.
I get up and run a hand through my hair. I don’t see any sign of Selene, but her phone is on the coffee table. Her message notification blinks. I swipe my thumb across the screen, but she has a fucking passcode. Damn it.
I haul ass up the stairs and knock on her door. “Selene. What’s the passcode on your phone?”
I hear a muffled reply through the door.
“Selene, get up. You have a message.”
She comes to the door, tying a belted robe around her waist. Her hair is a mess, and she rubs her eyes. She grabs the phone and makes a little triangle across the screen with her thumb.
“Is it Kylie?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Selene says. Her brow furrows. “All it says is, ‘Sorry I missed your text. Been busy. Catch up soon.’ But it’s timestamped at 3:27 am. Why was she texting me back at three twenty-seven?”
Busy? At three in the morning? What was she doing?
Fuck, was she with someone?
“Call her,” I say.
“Braxton, it’s six o’clock in the morning. If she was up a few hours ago, she’s probably—”
“Just call.”
Selene stifles a yawn behind her hand and calls. She puts the phone to her ear but shakes her head. “Voicemail.”
“Did it ring?”
“Nope,” she says. “I bet her phone is off.”
“Fuck.”
“Come on, Brax, it’s early. Go back to bed for a few hours. We’ll call her later.”
I head to my room, but I know I won’t be able to sleep. Instead, I shower and put on clean clothes. Selene is still in her room when I come out, so I quietly leave through the front doo
r.
I drive by Kylie’s place, and see her car. I almost go up to her door, but I decide to wait—partly because there’s something I want to do first, and partly because I’m half-terrified she’s not alone.
***
“Where were you?” Selene asks when I walk in the door a few hours later.
“I had to take care of something,” I say. “I drove by Ky’s. Her car was there.”
“Did you see her?” Selene asks, her voice excited.
“No, it was still early,” I say. “And fuck, Selene, what if she was with someone last night?”
A flicker of pain crosses Selene’s face. “I know, I thought of that, too. But she probably wasn’t. Let’s not get all freaked out until we know what’s going on.”
“Has she called?”
“No,” Selene says. “And I tried again a couple times. Straight to voicemail. She’s going to think I’m a psycho when she checks her missed calls.”
“Let’s just go to her place. If she’s got someone there…” I can’t even think it. “I don’t know, but I can’t sit around waiting for her to turn on her phone.”
We pull up outside Kylie’s place. Her car is still there, parked in her usual spot. My heart thunders as we walk up to her door. Selene and I both have keys, but I knock.
Nothing.
Selene looks worried. She pulls out her phone and checks it again, as if she’s hoping we might magically have a message from Kylie.
I knock again. We wait.
No answer.
“What the fuck?” I ask.
“I hate to say this, but maybe she didn’t sleep here last night,” Selene says.
My gut twists. I know Selene is right. If she was out with someone, he could have picked her up, which is why her car is still here. And if things went well, she might have gone home with him.
“Let’s check inside,” I say, and pull out my keys.
“What? No, we can’t go in.”
“Why not?” I ask.
Always Have: (Bad Boy Romance) Page 17