by Brynn North
But I smiled the entire way home at his compliments.
18
“Vi! I got it!” I crowed through the speaker as soon as she picked up the phone.
“Well, whatever it is, you took my hearing along with it,” she grumbled.
“Oh, whatever, quit answering your phone with your AirPods and you won’t be having that issue.”
“Speaking of someone with issues…what is it you’re trying to tell me? That you finally found the perfect cookie dough recipe? You certainly have been testing it out enough.”
“No, Vi, thanks for reminding me I still haven’t accomplished one of my ongoing life goals.” I stuck out my tongue even though she couldn’t see me. “But I found hobbies to do!”
I waited for Vi’s response as I flicked through the local MeetUp groups.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked a bit cautiously. Can’t say I didn’t blame her. My primary hobbies for the last couple of months seemed to center on cyberstalking Shane while drinking wine on the couch.
But tonight, that changed.
“More like, what are we going to do?” I shot back.
I had decided to dive straight into my third article while I was still high on the momentum from sailplaning, even if it wasn’t due for a while. Besides, I figured I would need enough time to sort out what I liked.
Determined to prove to Boston I could do adventurous things again, I had spent hours looking at all sorts of potential hobbies that were out of the ordinary. Turns out, my hatred for the outdoors limited me quite a bit, and I had no genuine desire to learn any kind of art, including mosaic setting, glass blowing, or even regular old painting. But, despite my limitations, I came up with a few things.
“An axe-throwing league, aerial yoga, and woodworking classes!” I exclaimed triumphantly. “Axe throwing starts tonight.”
“You want us to learn to…throw an axe…?” Vi’s slow voice was skeptical. “And I don’t even know what aerial yoga is, and if my body in its old age can still contour to the images my mind is coming up with.”
I hurried to explain before I lost her. “Well, the pinball league I wanted to join was full, but the axe throwing league had two spots open tonight. Some people out of town or something.”
“What’s wrong with like, I don’t know, learning to sew? Bike riding maybe?”
I sighed. “Vi, don’t be so lame. To be too practical is madness.”
“That sounds like something Boston would say,” Vi said suspiciously.
I decided not to confirm to her that, in fact, it was something Boston had said. I wasn’t exactly hiding our budding friendship from her, but for some reason, I couldn’t explain, I wasn’t exactly telling her all about it either. I just didn’t know what she’d say, after all the years of me proclaiming I couldn’t stand him. Somehow I had a feeling she wouldn’t be thrilled about our newfound friendship.
“Meet me there at seven. I’ll text you the address.”
“Are. You. Fucking. Serious.” Vi’s mouth hung open in shock. “You realize we’re standing in an adult arcade in downtown Minneapolis, not actually up in the North Woods? And after we’re done tonight, you aren’t really going to be a lumberjack woman, or whatever in the hell they are called?”
“I take it my outfit is on point?” I asked cheerfully, giving a little spin to show off my red and black checkered flannel dress with the flouncy skirt. “And I also take it you’re jealous?”
Vi circled me, staring downwards. “Where did you even get fur-lined ankle boots in the summer, anyway? And can you even throw in those things?”
“Consignment store. And we’re about to find out!” I looked her up and down. “At least, I’m about to find out. Not sure how well you’re going to do with those stilettos and skinny jeans.”
She gave me a sigh and headed to the bar. “I’m going to need something to get through this.”
Despite Vi’s objections, the axe-throwing league turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun. It was like playing darts, but with an axe, and in a group of people egging us on.
At first, my skills weren’t on point. I had mustered up all my energy for the first few rounds, but fell short of the mark each time. A cute guy named Luis came over to my side after the third miss.
“Here, let me help you out,” he said, positioning his hands over mine on the axe. Vi caught my eye and started wiggling her eyebrows up and down, and I pointedly ignored her before I started to laugh.
Luis helped me draw the axe back before he told me to let go. It bounced to its side and fell to the ground before it even reached the target. “Guess I’m not that great at this thing,” I said, looking at it resting in the sawdust.
“Anything make you mad lately?”
I jerked at his question. “What?” I gasped. Now wasn’t the time or place to get into my psyche, was it? I started to worry that the stress of the last few months was so obvious on me that I may as well be wearing a flashing billboard, announcing that I felt like a loser.
He shook his head at my confusion and grinned. “Just sayin’. Picture something that makes you mad. A boss, forgetting to record your favorite show, whatever. Get that feeling building up in you. Then?” He shrugged. “Let the axe go.”
He stepped back, and I contemplated his advice. What made me mad? I scanned through all the things going on in my life. Sure, Kiara still scared me, and yesterday Vi ate the fried chicken that I was saving for today’s lunch, but those weren’t things I was really angry about, just annoyed. Suddenly, my mind landed on a thought, like it was pushed into it with an invisible force.
Shane. I had spent so many hours, days, hell, make that weeks moping around. Depressed that he dumped me the way he did. Wondering how I could fix things. But I never really considered allowing myself to feel angry about what he did. I mean, he broke up with me minutes after I spent a thousand bucks on a birthday dinner! In the most brutal way possible, without even giving me a chance to speak my piece. When I thought about it, it was a total, selfish, dick move. One I didn’t deserve after years of loyalty.
I held the axe in my hand, reliving the night he broke it off in my head again. And again. I stood there, holding the axe above my head.
“Um, everything ok, Kat?” Vi’s voice sounded concerned. Probably wondering why I looked like a statue.
I thought about his words one more time, and with a giant swing, I threw the axe as hard as I could.
Bullseye.
“So, fine, it was okay,” she admitted after the group dispersed and it was just the two of us sitting at the old, wooden bar with some buffalo wings between us. I liked this place. Reminded me of Chicago.
“Only okay?” I smirked. “I heard that cute guy with the beard asking you if you were coming back next week and I got secondhand embarrassment from how fast you tripped over your words to agree.”
“He said he needed my skills!” she defended herself.
“Yeah. Sure. That’s why you want to come back next week. To save the poor men of Minneapolis from losing in their axe-throwing league games.” I started humming the theme song to Mighty Mouse. “Hereeeee she comes to saaaaave the dayyyyyy!”
“Stoooop!!!” she insisted, blushing. “You are so lame.”
“When did I ever claim I wasn’t?”
This caused her to snort. “Fine. Yes. I had fun, okay? And yes. He was cute. Will you drop it now?”
We dissolved into a fit of giggles. I felt different somehow, but I couldn’t quite place why. It was an unusual feeling, one I hadn’t felt in a while.
I felt, well, improved. Like a light in me had been extinguished and was coming back on. But it was a light that had been out longer than before the breakup. I had been going through the monotony of life for so long with Shane, waiting for him to come home while I did chores around the house, meeting up with his friends from the office, doing things in a city that wasn’t my own, and generally floating along instead of living. I had fallen into a rut.
The la
st week, I realized, was the first time in what could literally be years I had been doing something for myself, and solely to enjoy myself. Shane would have never gone ax throwing or sailplaning. He preferred happy hours at fancy restaurants or the occasional game of billiards with his buddies while us wives or girlfriends clustered in the back, gossiping. I hated those nights, but put on a smile for the sake of his career, thinking it would help him out at the office, which in turn would help us out. I never walked away from those nights with a good feeling, just a feeling that I wanted to get home to my pajamas as soon as possible. Allowing myself to feel something about the situation other than grief must have been good for me. Allowed me to view the situation in a new way, one that served me better.
Huh, I thought to myself, looking around at all the people engrossed in their pinball machines. Vi was happily ordering us another round of wings after accusing me of eating more than my fair share. Maybe this is what they call ‘self-improvement.’ Doesn’t need to be all about curing cancer or getting a PhD, it’s lighting yourself back up from the dark, even when you didn’t realize you were in the dark, I thought to myself as I reached for a celery stick.
Later that night, I settled into bed with a book with a bright color that I snagged off Vi’s bookshelf. Since my spirits were still lifted, I picked up my phone. I thought about Facebook stalking Shane, but somehow, I found myself navigating to my text messages. After overthinking the cheek kiss for hours upon hours, I decided the best course of action I could take with Boston was to pretend like it was a normal interaction and be buddy-buddy again. Friends hugged and kissed each other on the cheek all the time. This was Boston, someone I knew for most of my life. Why I continued to act so awkward around him was a complete mystery, and I was determined to push the entire memory out of my head like it never happened. I was just lonely and hormonal, and it could never happen again. So, back to normal.
Kat: You were right.
Boston: Of course I was, Kitty Kat Love.
I decided to ignore the name.
Kat: Aren’t you even going to ask what you were right about?
Boston: Don’t need to. I’m always right.
Kat: