Jay couldn’t help but smile. If Lindsay had spent any time at all in a small town, she’d know there were no secrets there. And if she knew Rachel, she’d know that Rachel would never cheat. “Rachel isn’t like that.”
An ache of longing rose up inside him. He missed Rachel more every day. His life, which had once seemed so full, now felt empty and flat without her in it.
He still loved his job, but he loved Rachel, too.
What am I going to do if I lose her?
His palms grew damp. It had been three weeks since he’d left Millville. He called Rachel every day, but he could sense her pulling away.
Last night she’d asked him for suggestions on how they should “break up.” Though he should have seen it coming, he hadn’t known what to say. But he’d quickly improvised, telling her he had something in mind but was still firming up some of the details.
Thankfully, she’d let the subject drop. For now.
But it would come up again. Jay thought about what his father had told him: how God had helped him during the rough times in his marriage. Maybe the Almighty could help Jay, as well.
Dear God, I feel bad about shoving You to the back of my life and now coming to You with a request, but I desperately need a favor and I don’t know where else to turn. I love Rachel and I know I can make her happy. I want to put You and my family before my career, but does that have to mean I have to give up doing what I love? Isn’t there any way that both Rachel and I can have what we want? Please help me to find a way to make all of our dreams come true. Amen.
“…I don’t know anyone else here,” Lindsay said. “I wouldn’t go at all but I’ve known the groom forever and I promised I’d make an appearance.”
Jay looked up and realized that while he’d been lost in thought, Lindsay had continued to talk.
“Well?” she pressed when he remained silent.
He lifted a brow. “What was the question?”
Irritation skittered across the model’s flawless face. “Will you go with me to the reception?”
Jay thought for a moment, then shrugged. After all, it wasn’t like it was a date or anything. “Sure, I’ll go.”
Rachel swung by the bank after school on Monday. The drive-thru was packed so she parked out front and went inside, praying she wouldn’t run into Tom. She hadn’t seen him since that day at the church and she hadn’t really missed him.
Thankfully, the lobby was empty and both tellers were open. It took less than a minute to complete the transaction. She smiled her thanks and took her cash.
“What a pleasant surprise.”
Rachel stifled a groan at the familiar male voice. Plastering a smile on her lips, she turned. “Tom. Where have you been hiding out? I thought you’d dropped off the face of the earth.”
“I’ve been out of town.” He returned her polite smile with a friendly one of his own and she couldn’t help but notice how fit and tanned he looked.
“Florida?” She vaguely remembered his family having a condo in Bonita Bay.
“Actually, the Caribbean,” he said. “St. Barts.”
Rachel nodded. “Well, you look great. I’d better be getting h—”
“Wait.” Tom reached out a hand and stopped her hasty retreat. “Can you spare a few minutes? I’ve got something in my office to give you.”
Rachel hesitated and glanced at her watch. “I don’t have much time. My mother is coming over for dinner.”
“It won’t take long.” Tom put his hand against the small of her back and urged her across the lobby. “I promise.”
She’d been in his office many times. It sat toward the back of the bank past the open cubicles of his employees. Rachel felt their eyes on her, curious, no doubt, as to what she was doing there now that they were no longer a couple.
He let her enter first then pulled the door closed behind him. Rachel glanced around the room. “Where is it?”
“Where is what?”
“What you wanted to give me.”
An uncomfortable look crossed Tom’s face. “Actually I wanted to talk to you first.”
Normally Tom was confident to the point of being arrogant, but today he appeared not only unsure but oddly vulnerable.
Rachel’s heart softened. “What is it, Tom?”
He motioned for her to take a seat, but when she did, instead of sitting behind the desk, Tom remained standing. He rubbed his hands together and paced the small office. “I wanted to thank you for encouraging me to see a therapist. You were right. My behavior was something I needed to address. Dr. Peters thinks I’m making great progress.”
“You’re still seeing him?” Rachel couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice. Though they hadn’t discussed the issue since Tom had announced he’d met with the psychologist, she’d just assumed he had quit going after they’d broken up.
He nodded. “I’m also attending an anger management group. It was hard to admit I needed the help and I know if you hadn’t pushed me, I’d never have done it.”
The clock in Tom’s office chimed and Rachel’s eyes widened. She’d known she was running late, but not this late. She rose to her feet. “I’m happy for you, Tom. I really am.”
He hesitated, measuring her for a moment. “There’s one more thing.”
“Something quick, I hope,” Rachel said with a smile. “And good.”
“I guess you could call it good,” Tom said. “I mean, it’s best to know the way things really are, rather than living in a fantasy world, right?”
Rachel’s smile faded at the cryptic remark. She shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. “What are you talking about?”
Tom picked up a newspaper clipping from his desk and handed it to Rachel. “This pretty much says it all.”
It was a picture and an accompanying article from the arts and entertainment section of the L.A. Times. Rachel immediately recognized Jay. A tightness gripped her chest at the sight of his pretty companion.
“I’m not sure who the woman is.” Tom leaned over her shoulder. “The article says something about her being a model.”
“Her name is Lindsay Stark.” Rachel somehow managed to say the name with just the right amount of casual indifference. “She and Jay used to date.”
“According to the article they’re back together again,” Tom said, his voice unusually soft and gentle.
Though Rachel told herself she was completely in control of her emotions, she found herself blinking back tears as she scanned the article. “Can I have this?”
“Sure.” Tom’s hand dropped to her shoulder. “I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you, Rach, but I thought you’d want to know.”
Want to know what? Rachel thought. That my fiancé is cheating on me? Even as the possibility flashed before her, Rachel rejected it. She knew Jay too well to believe he’d hooked up with his old girlfriend, no matter how attractive.
But why was he with her in the first place? It just didn’t make sense.
I have something planned.
Jay’s words came back to her in a rush. And with it, his earlier promise to take the heat for a breakup. The breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding came out in a whoosh.
He’d staged the whole thing.
But why hadn’t he told her what he’d done last night when they’d talked? Instead, he’d spent the whole time talking about some new church he was attending and how much he liked the minister. It didn’t make sense. Unless he hadn’t known for sure the story would get picked up by the wire services and hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up.
Rachel stifled a sob at the irony. Any hope she once had was now gone.
It was over.
“If there’s anything you need.” Compassion filled Tom’s voice. “Or if there’s anything I can do for you, just ask. I care about you, Rachel. And, once I work through these issues, I still believe you and I could have a future together. I know we both want the same things out of life.”
Rachel lifted her gaze to Tom. How coul
d she tell him he had it all wrong? That the only thing she wanted out of life was the one thing she couldn’t have.
“I need to go.” She walked to the door and opened it.
“Remember what I said,” Tom called after her as she slipped through the doorway and headed toward the lobby. “I’m here for you.”
Rachel didn’t look back. She kept her gaze focused straight ahead and walked with a brisk, determined gait through the lobby and out the front door. Crossing the sidewalk, she stepped off the curb and reached for her car door.
“Hey, little lady. What are you up to this afternoon?”
Rachel jumped at the unexpected greeting. She turned to see Henry Nordstrom standing on the edge of the sidewalk, a warm smile on his lips.
Rachel had always liked and respected Henry. If she and Jay had married, his father would have become hers. She knew in her heart that he’d have been the kind of dad you could depend on. The kind she’d never had; the kind she’d always wanted.
Rachel experienced a sudden urge to throw her arms around Henry and cry on his shoulder about the unfairness of life, but she was a grown woman, not a child, so instead she smiled in greeting and clasped her hands together to still their trembling. “Hello, Henry.”
To her dismay, her voice broke slightly.
His eyes narrowed. He searched her face before his gaze dropped to the article she still held. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly, resisting the urge to shove the clipping into her bag. “Nothing at all.”
“Let me see it.” He held out a large weathered hand. Though his tone brooked no argument, the look in his eyes reflected his concern.
Rachel hesitated. The last thing she wanted was for him to be angry with Jay or think less of his son. Still, Jay had gone to a lot of work to set this up….
She stepped to the edge of the sidewalk and handed Henry the clipping. “It’s about Jay and Lindsay.”
Henry’s gaze skimmed the article and his lips tightened. He stared at the picture for a long time, then handed it back to Rachel. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It doesn’t?” Rachel couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice.
“Of course not,” Henry said. “My boy loves you. I know that. So do you.”
“What about the picture?” Rachel asked. “And the article says—”
“Those newspaper people will write anything they think will sell papers,” Henry said, with a dismissive wave. “This is simply a misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding?” Rachel echoed.
“It’s obvious the person who wrote that article doesn’t know my son. Or you.” Henry’s chin lifted in a determined tilt. “Jay loves you. You love him. Tell me that isn’t true.”
The older man’s loyalty brought the tears back to Rachel’s eyes. “Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes it’s just…impossible for a couple to go the distance.”
“You’ll make it work.” Henry reached out and awkwardly patted Rachel’s shoulder. “The pastor told me something once that helped my missus and me when we were going through hard times. He said that when things look the darkest, we needed to remember that we’re not alone. God is on our side. And with God on our side, nothing is impossible.”
Rachel opened her mouth to argue, then shut it without speaking. Regardless of what Henry said or believed, her engagement to Jay was over.
And regardless what her heart said, her head told her it was for the best.
Chapter Twenty
“More coffee, Mother?” Rachel pushed aside a half-eaten piece of Dutch apple pie and held up the silver carafe.
“Only if you’ll join me,” Shirley Tanner said with a smile.
“Of course I will,” Rachel said.
She filled her mother’s cup as well as her own before resuming her seat at the kitchen table.
“That was a wonderful dinner.” Shirley Tanner stabbed a slice of apple with her fork. “And dessert is fabulous, as always. But—”
Rachel stilled, the rim of the china cup pressed against her lips. She lowered the cup to the saucer when her mother didn’t continue. “But?”
Shirley leaned forward, her eyes filled with concern. “You’ve not been yourself tonight. Oh, you’ve put on a good show but I can tell something is wrong. Did you and Jay have a fight?”
The tears that Rachel had held back all evening slipped down her cheeks. This was the perfect opportunity to tell her mother the engagement was over, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Oh, honey,” her mother said softly, reaching across the table to take Rachel’s hand. “You two will work it out.”
“I don’t think so.” Rachel took a deep breath and swiped at her tears with a napkin.
Her mother sighed. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Rachel paused. Her mother had been Rachel’s best friend for as long as she could remember and she wanted to be honest with her.
“I love Jay,” Rachel said. “But I’m smart enough to realize that a marriage between us would never work.”
“Because of that newspaper article?”
Rachel glanced up in surprise. “How do you know about that?”
Her mother’s cheeks pinked. “You ran into Henry this afternoon.”
Rachel nodded. “At the bank.”
“Well, he called Twyla,” her mother’s voice quickened. “She called me.”
“And?” Rachel found herself being more curious than angry.
“Do you really believe Jay is cheating on you?”
“No, of course not,” Rachel said quickly.
“Then I’m confused,” Shirley said. “Why do you think a marriage between you and Jay won’t work?”
“It’s a lot of things. It’s his job. It’s where he needs to live to further his career.” Rachel started to add “it’s his lack of faith,” but she was no longer sure that was a valid point. Jay’s faith might be a work-in-progress, but she could tell by their phone conversations that he was on the right track. “The last thing I want is the kind of home life I had growing up for my children.”
Surprise skittered across her mother’s face. “What do you mean?”
“Dad worked long hours at the store,” Rachel said bluntly. “He was never around. You never did anything together as a couple. We never did anything together as a family. Everything came second to the store.”
“The place kept him busy.” Her mother’s eyes took on a distant faraway look. “But it was also his excuse. Our home life had more to do with the kind of man your father was inside rather than his job. Even if he’d have had all the time in the world, it wouldn’t have made a difference.”
“Still—”
“Still, nothing,” Shirley said. “Marriage is about caring. It’s about compromise. And it’s about sacrifice.”
“I’ve told you,” Rachel said, wondering how her mother could have missed such an important point. “Jay isn’t willing to—”
“Forget about Jay for a moment,” her mother said. “Let’s talk about Rachel Ann. What sacrifice is she willing to make?”
Rachel shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
“I like it here,” Rachel said finally. “You’re here. All my friends are here. In L.A., I’d be surrounded by strangers.”
“My mother once told me that strangers are just friends we haven’t yet met,” her mother said with a smile. “But it’s your choice, honey. I just want you to think this through.”
“He won’t live here.” Rachel lifted her chin. “Not even for me.”
“And you won’t live in L.A.,” her mother said calmly. “Not even for him.”
Rachel sighed. “We’re at an impasse.”
“You’re at a crossroads.” Shirley leaned back in her chair and studied her daughter for a long moment. “And the answer to one simple question will chart your course for years to come.”
Rachel lifted a brow. “What question is that?”
Her mother met Rachel’s gaze. “How far ar
e you willing to go for the sake of love?”
“You’re leaving?” Jay couldn’t keep the surprise from his voice. When Kathi had suggested lunch at a trendy café near the studio, he’d thought she’d wanted to discuss the most recent ratings. Instead she’d told him she’d found another job.
Kathi smiled and sipped her chai. “October fifteen is my last day. Rick is already in Lincoln looking for a place to live.”
“I can’t believe you’re moving to Nebraska.” Jay had friends in Lincoln and while it was a nice college town, it was small, with barely a quarter of a million residents.
“It all happened so fast, sometimes it’s hard for me to believe it, too,” Kathi said. “The evening anchor who’d been in that spot for a bazallion years left and a friend happened to mention the opening. I had my agent check it out and, voilà, I had a new job.”
Jay knew it was probably not as easy as all that, but snagging a woman with Kathi’s experience had to be a great coup for the station.
“But why Nebraska?” Jay asked.
“Like you, Rick and I have a lot of family in that part of the country,” she said. “It’ll be nice to be close to them. Especially as Tyler gets older.”
“But your career—”
“Isn’t as important to me as it once was.” A wry grin twisted Kathi’s lips. “There, I’ve said it. I bet you never thought you’d hear those words coming from my mouth.”
She was right. Like him, Kathi had started at a small station straight out of college and had willingly moved every time a better opportunity came along.
“What made you decide to take such a drastic step?” For the past few weeks, Jay had been struggling with what to do about his own career.
On one hand he missed Rachel so much, he couldn’t imagine spending one more day without her. On the other hand, he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life at some small station in Iowa reporting hog futures.
“You know as well as I do that there’s a lot of pressure in this job. While you were gone it started affecting my home life.” Kathi’s gaze dropped to her plate. “I began taking out my frustrations on the ones I loved most.”
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