She looks up at me and her expression is neutral, as though she doesn’t even know me. Her eyes shift back to the paper in front of her and the action tears me apart. Have I really lost her over something I didn’t even do?
The rest of the team files in and her mood lifts slightly, but I can tell she isn’t herself. I take a seat across the table from her and try to act nonchalant even though I feel the furthest thing from that emotion. Matt starts talking and everyone goes around the table providing updates. When it gets to Mackenzie she has to be nudged by Matt to realize it’s her turn and I realize she wasn’t paying attention.
She clears her throat. “I don’t have any new updates since we last spoke.”
“Are you sure?” I ask. “No new developments at all?”
“None that I can share at the moment. I’ll keep you updated.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
She fixes her emerald green eyes on me and they reflect sadness and something else. Regret? We make it through the rest of the meeting and when it’s over, Mackenzie stands to leave. I want to let her go and not draw attention to us, but I can’t. Her presence causes an ache in me I’ve never experienced before.
“Mackenzie?”
She looks over at me and I see her body tense. “Yes?”
“I need a moment with you, please. Can you come to my office?”
“I have a lot to do right now. Can it wait?”
Several people pause when they hear her response. It’s not common that anyone says no to me.
“I’m sure you do. I won’t keep you long.”
“Alright.” She walks in front of me as we head back to the elevator bank. “What do you want, Brayden?” she asks softly.
“I’ll tell you upstairs.”
The doors open and we step on. The silence between us is tense and heavy with emotion. If we weren’t only one floor away from our destination, I would throw her against this wall and make love to her right here and now.
Mackenzie nods politely at Macy as we walk inside my office. Closing the door behind us, I motion for her to sit.
“Why am I here?” she asks.
“Because I can’t breathe without you.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I can’t function with us apart. I need you back. Last night was pure bullshit.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“I was trying to hurt you and you clearly wanted the same for me. I don’t want us to be like that. I can’t sleep or think straight without you.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you struggling at all?”
“What do you think?”
“Can’t you say it? Can’t you tell me how you feel? I just want to know. I want to hear it.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I can’t.”
“Go out with me tonight. Or come over. Talk to me. Please.”
“I don’t have anything to say yet.”
“Then just be there. Let me hold you and kiss you. I need you.”
“No, Brayden! Can’t you just…” She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t know that there would be feelings. I thought we would just, you know, just fuck. That’s how it was supposed to be. That’s the kind of guy you are. I wasn’t prepared for anything else and I’m not ready for it yet.”
“You have feelings for me?”
“Stop asking me obvious questions.”
“Let’s talk it out together. We’re both in new territory. I never expected this either, but I like it, and I want it with you.”
“I need more time. We need to get through the next few weeks. It’s the end of the quarter and we both have a lot of work to do. We need to keep it cool at work and get past Macy’s wedding. After that, maybe we can talk, but I’m not there yet. I have a lot of shit to think about and work out in my head. My demons need to be beat down.”
“I can help with that.”
“I don’t want help. I want to do it alone.”
“God, you have to be the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met! Why can’t you let someone help you?”
“You can’t help me! You’re the trigger. Don’t you see, Brayden? You’re bringing everything to the surface that I have fought so hard to bury. I’m not prepared for it.”
“I want you, all of you. I don’t care about anything else but us being together.”
“I…” She pauses and turns away from me. Staring out a window, she crosses her arms over her chest. “I want it, too, Brayden. I was happy, but now I’m scared and I need to work through that by myself. Please, if you feel the way you say you do about me, then please, respect this and give me the space.”
“Okay, I will, but can we agree to stop trying to tear each other down?”
A frown crosses her lips. “Yes, I don’t want that.”
“Can I please just hold you once? Can I kiss you and then I swear I’ll let you go and give you the space you need. I just need one amazing kiss from you.”
“We shouldn’t…”
I walk quickly towards her and brush my fingers against her cheek. “Please, Mac.”
She falls into my arms and I hold her tightly for several minutes. When she looks up at me, I press my lips against hers, enjoying this moment of closeness that I so desperately needed. She opens herself to me, allowing my tongue to slide inside her mouth.
Our kiss is heated, the kind that just a week ago would have resulted in me removing her panties and sliding inside of her, but this will have to do. Inhaling the heady mixed scent of her perfume and shampoo, I pull her just a little closer, before finally letting her go. I’m slightly out of breath and definitely turned on. Only she can do this to me. I hold her face in my hands and kiss her forehead.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “I miss you so fucking bad.”
“I know,” she says. “I miss you, too.”
“I’ll wait for you and I’ll hope every day that you come back to me. I’ll never be the same now that I’ve had you in my life.”
She pulls away from me. “If anyone asks, I’ll tell them you scolded me about my lack of enthusiasm and participation in today’s meeting. That will be believable.”
“Okay.”
“I just need time, please,” she says.
I pull the clover keychain, which I now carry everywhere I go, out of my pocket and hold it out to her. “Do you want your key back?”
She stares at it dangling from my hand and shakes her head. “No. Do you want yours?”
“No. I hope you’ll use it one day.”
“I would like to get back to that for us. Just…please…” she sighs. “A little more time.”
“I’ll stay away for as long as I possibly can and I will wait for you to realize that you and I belong together. I will wait for you.”
“I hope you do.” She looks back at me with a tortured expression on her face and walks out the door.
I am suddenly hopeful that this relationship might have a chance.
A few minutes later, I walk out front and am surprised to see that Mackenzie is still here talking to Macy. Both women look up at me and smile, and I am immediately suspicious.
“What’s going on here?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Macy says. “Mackenzie was asking about the dress code for the wedding.”
“Yep, just girl stuff,” Mackenzie says. “I better get back downstairs. Have a good day.” She looks up at me. “Both of you.”
“You, too…” I stop myself, wanting to say so much more. “Mackenzie. You, too.”
I watch her walk to the elevators, admiring the soft sway of her hips. There couldn’t possibly be a sexier woman alive than that one.
I turn back to Macy. “So what was really going on?”
“She asked me about the dress code, honestly. I told her what to wear and asked her if she had a date. She rolled her eyes and said Tony, but she regretted asking him. She told me if he tries to lay a finger on her, she is gonna deck
him in the balls. Then she asked if you had a date.”
“And you said?”
“I said I had no idea, which is true.”
“I don’t. Not yet.”
“I recommend getting one. You don’t want to be there alone while Mackenzie has a date.”
“Yeah, I know. I have no idea who to ask.”
“I’m sure you could find a willing intern.”
“Not in the mood. Besides, if one of them made a move, I’d have to deck her in the balls.”
Macy laughs. “Glad your sense of humor is back. Those few minutes with Mackenzie must have been good ones.”
“It was nice, but still frustrating. She has walls a mile high and she won’t open up about how they got there. She asked for more time and I agreed, but I feel like maybe there’s a chance we’ll get back together.”
“I honestly hope you do. I wasn’t a fan at first. I didn’t think it was a good idea for you to get involved with someone at work, but honestly, when you’re with her, you are a changed man. For the better. I’ve never seen you so happy and, well, tame. I never thought you had it in you to be devoted to just one woman.”
“I didn’t either, but I guess all it took was the right woman.”
“Yep.” Macy looks at her computer screen. “You have a meeting in five minutes.”
“Oh yeah, shit. Thanks.”
“No problem.”
I walk back into my office to get my planner and see my phone blinking with a text message.
Stacey: Thank you for the flowers. They are so beautiful!
Flowers? I didn’t send flowers.
Me: Sorry, Stace, I didn’t send flowers.
Stacey: Of course you did! I read the card.
I decide to call instead of doing this through text. She answers on the second ring.
“Stacey, I did not send flowers. I don’t want to be a prick, but it wasn’t me.”
“Well, that’s weird. They were on my doorstep when I came home for lunch. The card says, ‘Good to see you last night, Brayden.’ Who else would have sent something like that?”
“I don’t know. Very odd.” Especially since last night wasn’t good at all.
“It’s okay if you don’t want people to know about it. I get that, but you can tell me.”
“Stacey, seriously, I didn’t send you flowers.”
“Okay,” she says with a tone that sounds like she doesn’t at all believe me. “Anyway, they are beautiful.”
“I gotta go.”
“Okay, bye.”
I hang up, completely perplexed. I know for sure that I did not send Stacey or anyone else flowers, so how did she get them with a card in my name? Surely she’s not delusional enough to send them to herself? I shake my head. I don’t have time to think about it right now.
I stare at my naked reflection in the mirror, scowling at my rib cage that is starting to protrude from my normally well-toned chest. I’ve all but lost the definition that I had in my abs. I don’t remember the last time I went to the gym or had a meal that consisted of more than a peanut butter sandwich or coffee.
It’s been almost two weeks since that moment of intimacy in my office. Two weeks since she’s spoken to me, since I held her and felt her lips on mine. She avoids me now, only speaking to me when professionally necessary. Matt says she is more focused than ever and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to think about me. I’m losing her. I can feel it. The longer we are apart, the easier it gets for her, but the harder it is for me. I’m falling apart without Mackenzie.
It doesn’t help that Stacey is constantly trying to get my attention. There is the daily ‘have a good day’ text and the nightly ‘sleep well’ follow up. I don’t respond and yet she does it every day. I don’t get it. It’s fucking annoying.
I get dressed for work, noticing how my clothes have started to hang on me. I decide to make myself force down a proper meal today. Maybe I’ll even take it a step further and go outside. God knows I could use some sun.
When I walk inside the office, I decide to skip my morning walk around. I’m just not in the mood to pretend I’m okay. I walk past Macy, who is thankfully on the phone, and close my office door behind me. Today is my free day and I plan to stay holed up in here away from all distractions as long as possible. I’ve got plenty of reporting to do for my team. Their performance is the one thing I can really be proud of right now. We are killing it and our bonuses will reflect the hard work everyone puts in.
At noon, I stand and stretch, grabbing my sunglasses off the desk. I tell Macy I’m going for a walk and head downstairs. In the lobby, I see Mackenzie standing there talking on the phone. Our eyes connect, and she holds my gaze for a moment. She smiles and my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. She shifts her glance away from me and returns to her conversation. God, I want her to look back at me again so badly. I want to hold her and kiss her again and Jesus, I want to make love to her. Instead I just walk past her and out the doors.
Walking down the street, I stop at the park near the office. It’s a nice, warm day and the sun is shining brightly in the sky. I sit down and just stare at the grass. My eye catches a four leaf clover and I grin as I pluck it from the ground, just like the one I found all those years ago. Finding it, I’m sure my luck is going to turn around. I lie back against the cool grass, rolling up the sleeves of my dress shirt, and place the clover on my stomach. Closing my eyes, I soak in the sun’s rays and try to relax.
It isn’t long before a shadow is cast over me, causing me to open my eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
“Um, meeting you here, like you asked me to.”
“What?” I ask as I sit up.
“Geez, Brayden. This is starting to be annoying. Do you have short term memory loss or something?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Stacey.”
She sits down next to me. “You texted me and asked if I could meet you here.”
“When?”
“Ten minutes ago.”
“Let me see your phone.”
She hands it to me and sure enough there is a text from me—well, at least it appears to be from me. I pull my own phone out of my pocket and check it. No texts. “See?” I show her the screen. “I didn’t send you a text. Someone is fucking with us.”
“Who would do that? And how?”
“I don’t know.” I look around and see nothing out of the norm. “It’s starting to freak me out.”
“So you really didn’t send the flowers?”
“No. Is that why you’ve been texting me every day?”
“I haven’t texted you at all.”
“Really?” I’m really confused and freaked out. How is this happening?
“Wow, I don’t know what to say,” Stacey says.
“I’m fucking pissed. I want to know who is behind this and why. It’s not funny.”
“No, not funny at all. I thought you were interested in me again.”
“I’m sorry, Stacey. I’m not interested in anyone at the moment. I’m still working through some stuff.”
“Are you back with Mackenzie?”
“No, but I want to be.”
“This sucks. Again. I feel so stupid right now.”
“Don’t. Whoever is doing this is trying to fuck with both of us. Or maybe somebody just has something against me. I don’t know, but this is really shitty.”
“How can we figure it out? I was convinced this message was from you.”
“I don’t know yet, but we need to be careful. It’s got to be somebody who knows us somehow.”
“Do you have any enemies?”
“I’m sure I do. I haven’t always treated women the best, you know. There is a long line of scorned women behind me.”
“That would make the most sense.”
“Yeah, but I have some coworkers who don’t exactly love me, either. It could be anyone.”
“Who is most likely and how did they make it look like it was you?”
/>
“I have no idea and how anyone would get your number is beyond me.”
“Just be careful okay?”
“I will. Hey,” I say, rubbing her back. “I’m really sorry you got pulled into whatever this shit is.”
“It’s okay. It was kind of nice to get your attention for a while, even if it was fake.”
“I hope you’re doing okay.”
“I am. Believe it or not, I’m happy.”
“I’m really glad to hear that.” I stand up. “I should get back to the office. If I find out what’s going on, I’ll let you know. If that person texts you again, tell them you know it isn’t me and let me know what they say to you.”
“I will.” She throws her arms around me in a big hug. “Good to see you.”
“You, too, Stace. Take care.”
“Bye.”
I watch her walk away and then I start to head back to the office. I can’t figure out who would do something like this. I start thinking of all the women who hate me. Savannah, Denise, Erica, oh and Meredith. She lost the most. Maybe she’s holding a grudge. I mean, who else would be behind something like this? The only thing I can’t figure out is how she would pull it off. How does she even know about Stacey? And how do these texts look like they are coming from me? Maybe those times I felt like I was being watched, I really was.
When I get back to my office, Macy jumps in front of me. “Head’s up. You have one pissed off redhead in your office right now, waiting for you.”
“Why?”
“She didn’t say. She just asked for permission to wait for you in there. What did you do?”
I sigh heavily. “I have no idea, Macy. She hasn’t spoken to me since the last time she was here.”
“Well, I guess you better go deal with her.”
“Super.”
I open my door and see her sitting in a chair. She swings around and glares at me.
“You have some explaining to do.”
“Is that so? What did I do now, Kenzie?”
“Stop calling me that!” she says, through clenched teeth. “Is this some kind of game you find amusing?”
“Could we start by telling me how I fucked up?”
“Really?” She practically throws her phone at me. “You ask me to meet you at the park and when I do, I see you kissing your little virgin girlfriend again.”
Chasing Desire Page 26