by Roy Bright
His uncle whispered to him once more, “Be gone now, boy, don’t look back and never return, or you and your family will die.”
He turned and walked past his uncle; the Sanhedrin staring at him in silence. He walked out of the house and into a night air that no longer felt comforting. A night air that now felt bitter, cold and empty.
Forty
Sunday 11 November 2012, 06:28
He opens his eyes and stretches out his arms and legs. It had been so long since he had actually slept that he had forgotten just how good it felt, but twice in as many days was proving to be a luxury he could get used to. On most occasions, he would just fade in and out of consciousness reliving old memories; his body never shutting down into true sleep mode, as it had no need to. He never felt hungry or tired, having learned to let go of such trivialities a long time ago, so those chemical signals from his brain telling him that his body needed something had no meaning anymore as he would never suffer any ill feelings through not satisfying them and in time, he had educated himself to ignore those signals. However, tonight he knew for just the second time in as long as he could remember that he had slept, and just how much he had needed it. He looked down to his right as he felt the form of Charlotte sleeping against him. She must have woken during the night and, having seen him camped right next to her, snuggled into him. This was another reason he knew he must have slept as well as he had, having not felt her presence cuddling into him. He was always alert, always ready to move into action at the smallest sign of trouble but tonight, even though he knew it had been one of those dreams, he had slept, the most probable of reasons being due to the radiance of comfort from the child.
He smiles as he looks at her for a few seconds then it wanes as the dream he awoke from returns to him in graphic detail, the betrayal of his friend haunting him once again.
That memory is one of the most repeated throughout his life, forever torturing him as he is unable to block out the vision of the eyes of his Master as he stared back at him whilst bound on the floor in the home of the priest Annas, knowing that he was the one who had betrayed him. He hated that memory more than anything he had come to despise in his life. The memory of the single most selfish and evil act he had committed in his entire existence. He had his reasons for the betrayal, but doesn’t every criminal? Doesn’t every mad man who commits such foul acts, and then spends the rest of their lives trying to convince themselves that they had their reasons? He hated that memory; hated it with a passion.
He looks down at Charlotte once again and feels better. Her warm and invisible, radiant life light shines into him, coating every single inch of his core with goodwill and harmony. This child will truly do great things for man, he tells himself, smiling. Taking in a deep breath and great care not to wake her, he gently lifts her off his chest and places her back onto the makeshift bed with the same amount of delicateness. He stands and stretches once again, it coming to a premature end as he gazes up at the huge cross, the form of Jesus upon it. His immediate reaction is to look away, but then finds his gaze wandering back up into the eyes of his old friend and Master. The sight of him upon the cross and the forlorn look on his face stirs another memory, however this time he pushes that one back down into the dark recesses of his mind. He stands there, motionless, staring into the eyes of the man he had betrayed, wishing he could change the events that happened, searching for his own forgiveness that this statue is unable to give. He shakes his head and looks away again, “I truly am sorry, my Lord,” he says as he turns to walk away. As he does, he becomes aware of hushed voices from the back of the church and notices two figures standing talking to one another. He recognizes them both and heads towards them, glancing at Charlotte, satisfying a fatherly need to ensure that she is covered and not sleeping in an uncomfortable manner. She is still fast asleep, a look of beautiful serenity on her innocent face and so he carries on, walking down the steps leading up to the altar area. The figures are two men, one of whom is Father Keel, the other wearing a long black trench coat.
The Angel greets him as he approaches, “Ah, Judas, good you are awake. How are you?”
He looks at Father Keel and nods and he returns the greeting with a smile. He then turns his attention to the second man who is awaiting an answer and says, “Good morning, Gabriel. I am fine, thank you for asking.”
The Archangel Gabriel smiles at him, bemused by his rare politeness, “My, my, Charlotte clearly has had the desired effect on you hasn’t she? Polite, humble, caring, I hardly recognize you at all, Judas.”
Gabriel smiles and Judas laughs, “What can I say? She has an incredible effect upon anyone who spends time in her presence.”
Father Keel joins in, “That she does, Judas, and that is her gift. At this moment in time her calming nature and power is by radiance alone, eventually she will be blessed with many great abilities including being able to speak great words of wisdom, words that will fill man’s soul full of joy and hope; this is how she will help us reclaim our world.”
He shakes his head, a little confused, “Reclaim our world? You say that as though it is already lost.”
Father Keel and Gabriel look at each other.
“What is it?” he asks, perplexed, “what are you both not telling me?”
Gabriel speaks up, “In light of your service over two millennia it is only fair that we offer you some explanations. Please, Judas, take a seat.” He points to one of the few remaining pews.
He looks at it, then back at Gabriel, sighs and sits down. Gabriel sits next to him whilst Father Keel remains standing.
Gabriel smiles at the old man. “You truly are a strong individual, Father, even at your age.” He laughs, “I won’t insult you by asking you to sit also.”
He smiles at him, “You had better not, Archangel, not if you know what’s good for you, my boy.”
Both Gabriel and Judas stifle a laugh, aware that they do not wish to wake the others as they sleep.
Gabriel folds his arms and turns to face Judas. “Okay, an explanation, but before I start, you must promise not to fly off the handle and lose control. We really do not have time to worry about your tantrums right now.”
He shakes his head at him, “No promises, I don’t know what you are going to say now do I?”
He stares at him for a moment and then takes in a deep breath. “Okay, here’s the deal. You, Judas Iscariot, are the reason we are all here today. You are the reason Christianity exists and more importantly, you must ensure you remain the reason it will continue.”
He shakes his head, “What the hell are you talking about, Gabe?”
“I am sorry to tell you this, Judas, but your entire life and existence have been the result of events destined to happen. Your involvement in what you believed to be the betrayal of our Lord’s Son, your plot, your idea, none of this was your own doing.”
He is about speak when Father Keel interrupts him, “Judas, just listen to him, then field your questions at the end of this revelation.” He smiles.
Judas nods, “Okay, please, continue.”
“Believe me when I say this, Judas, I am truly sorry for the last two thousand years you have had to endure but, to put it bluntly your suffering was necessary, to ensure the plan succeeded. You see, during the time you were new to the planet, He became very aware that man was slipping and needed guidance, not only in your era but also for years to come. Without the right guidance, the balance would have swung too far towards darkness and man would not have been able to redeem himself. So, a plan was devised that a Son would be placed amongst men, who would teach and nurture them from within as one of their own and, when the time came, would give up His life to ensure the message was carried on through the ages.”
Judas holds up his hands and shakes his head, “Whoa! Wait! Are you telling me that the big guy upstairs had planned to put His Son on earth just to be eventually betrayed by me or some other poor sap, so that man had something to root for?”
“Judas, I don’t expe
ct you to fully understand the legitimacy of the plan nor the reasoning behind it but trust me, the alternative was not an option for any of us.”
“So you are telling me that I was set up? That I was, made to betray Him?”
“I won’t lie to you, yes you were given a small… push, shall we say.”
“Oh, we fucking shall, Gabriel; that we fucking shall!”
“Please, Judas, let me finish and try to remain calm, remember, I am on your side here.”
He takes deep breaths and closes his eyes for a moment then reopens them. “I believe you, Gabriel, please, go on, you won’t get any more outbursts from me.”
“Thank you.” He smiles. “As I said, man was becoming tiresome to control and guide to the right path. He was in danger of doing some serious damage to his own existence, so God put His Own Son onto the planet to guide man, but we knew it wouldn’t be enough; the people needed something to get behind, to root for, as you put it. Therefore, the plan was this: a person close to Jesus would betray Him to His own people. This would ensure the beginnings of martyrdom as such an act would eventually instill revolutionary-type movement from those who felt the pain of the persecuted. This method had proven itself many times over in the past in other worlds.”
He interrupts, “Yeah… that was the plan I had, only in my plan freeing him from the Romans would set off the revolution.”
“We know, Judas. We know, because it wasn’t your plan.”
He looks at Gabriel for a second and then laughs, “I should’ve known. It was a dumb plan right from the start.” He shakes his head.
Gabriel smiles, “It wasn’t a dumb plan, it was the only plan, and you executed it perfectly, I am sorry to say. You see, that moment, where you had your idea in the home of Annas, that idea was passed to you from above, you had been led onto the path by forces much greater than your own imaginings. It wasn’t entirely our doing however. You had thoughts within you that made you a viable target for this act. You were constantly thinking about how to free your people from oppressive rule and, as you sat at the table pondering the leanest of thoughts to that nature, you effectively selected yourself for the mission and being close to His Son it was just, well, too perfect.” He shifts slightly in his seat and leans forward, hands clasped. “What I will tell you now will make you understand the importance of it all.”
Judas looks at him, intrigued, wondering what the next statement will bring, hoping it will validate his pathetic existence and bring him another step closer to forgiving himself for the deed he committed.
“For this to truly work, His Son had to be made aware of His importance and the nature of the plan.” He stares at Judas.
He stares back at him and, shaking his head asks, “He knew what was going to happen?”
Gabriel closes his eyes and nods, then opens them, “Yes, Judas, He did. As a matter of fact, He had known for a very long time. You see, time has little meaning where I come from and events effectively happen within the same framework. As everything unfolded, it did so for us almost in the same continuum. Although Jesus had known for a long time, the plan passed to you had happened almost at the same time as He was made aware of it, from our perspective.” He laughs, “It’s a real mind fuck mate!”
He continues to stare at Gabriel in disbelief. Disbelief that his Master had been aware all along of his impending betrayal and that the very people whose lives he was supposed to enrich, would sentence him to death. He looks down and asks, “How old?”
“What?” Gabriel responds, albeit knowing in full to what he is referring.
“How old was He when you told Him this?”
Gabriel nods his head a few times then smiles, “Twelve. He was twelve years old.”
He struggles with this as his mind tries to process the gravity of it all and it dizzies him. The fact that a twelve-year-old boy had to deal with information of this magnitude was insane. “Twelve?” He states, immense anger in his voice, “You told a twelve-year-old boy that He would have to suffer a life of persecution and that eventually He would be betrayed by one of His own so that man may be forgiven of his sins and saved through time? What kind of monsters are you?”
Father Keel decides to sit down. He sits next to Judas and places a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.
Gabriel looks at him and answers with a heavy heart, “Terrible ones. We are terrible indeed. But just as the General on a battlefield has to make difficult choices by sacrificing a few to save many, we too made and will continue to make, tough decisions and hard calls for the benefit of all.”
“Oh, that’s what they all say as an excuse,” he blurts back at him, whilst rolling his eyes.
The two men begin talking over one another.
Gabriel raises his voice, trying to make his point and validate his justification as Judas continues to shake his head. “Jesus understood eventually. True it was heartbreaking and terrible to tell a twelve-year-old boy, a child, what His destiny was. I had to tell Him Judas and I hated every single second of it. Understandably, He had massive issues with this information. That is why little is known of the boy as He passes from twelve to thirty. I had to visit Him almost daily to try and reassure Him that his would be the greatest sacrifice man had ever known, that He was the single most important person that would walk this earth, that He was the key to the beginnings of His people, His race’s salvation. It broke… my… heart… everyday, Judas, every single day, but you know what? He eventually accepted it and understood that His calling was too great for Him to wallow in self-pity about the path that had been chosen for Him. He was the strongest man I ever knew, even at that age.”
Judas looks at Gabriel and sees a deep sincerity in the Archangel’s eyes. He is beginning to understand that Gabriel had watched over Jesus as though He were his own son and the knowledge of His eventual death had pained him every day of his existence. He pities the Archangel and at once, realizes that his punishment, even over two thousand years, was not in the same league as the sacrifice Jesus had to not only make, but also deal with for eighteen years.
All three men sit in silence for a short time until Judas breaks it with a question. “You say that time has no meaning for you in paradise and that you know almost everything at once, yeah?”
Gabriel looks at Judas and nods, “That is correct, my friend, yes.”
“So, what I thought was a curse, a punishment, wasn’t and you knew that my gift, so to speak, of being unable to die would be best served in this time, in this moment. Is that right?”
He smiles and nods once again, “Yes, you are correct and you are beginning to see with your own eyes the plan’s means to the end.”
“So if you know the outcome of this struggle, can you tell me if we win?”
Gabriel stands and faces away from him rubbing the top of his head. He then turns towards him, “Well, that’s the actual problem. The only thing in time and space that we cannot see into or past is this day, and that is why you have been trained for all these years to be the protector of Charlotte. She is His second child, Judas, and this year, this day is the last point in time we can see. When Jesus spoke to you in the garden and told you about the Great Light that will mark the dawn of a new generation, He was talking about Charlotte, His sister.”
He looks at Gabriel and then turns towards Charlotte’s direction. “So it’s true then, she is the daughter of God? The actual daughter of God?”
“Yes, she is. You two were a destiny that has taken two thousand years to come to fruition. Everything that has happened has been of His design. Every time you have broken a rule or gotten close to someone, we tipped off and effectively dispatched demons to spoil your friendship or closeness. It was intentional so that we could maintain the charade of your curse to pile on the pain and misery and to sharpen your fighting skills in preparation for this time.” He sits down once more and faces him. “You know; you were never truly punished.”
He laughs, “It just gets better and better.”
�
�You were never truly punished, because you did nothing wrong, you did not betray Jesus, it was not of your doing, but we needed your shame, your guilt, your anger, your hatred even, to mold you into what you are today. You had to be ‘cursed’ to receive the gifts you possess. You have been to the depths of the darkness and back again. You have been beyond madness, yet you remain. Even though we can see all things at once, the one thing we cannot account for is choice and being human you have it. At any one time, you could have chosen to give in and stay in the world of madness but you didn’t, you came back. Our prediction, our plan, was based on the idea that you would choose the right path but if you hadn’t, the alignment of time would have changed and who knows where that would have taken us. Judas, you have always been an important part of this history. As I said before, without you this religion wouldn’t be where it is today, it wouldn’t hold faith for those who need it. True, it could have been any one of the disciples that had chosen to have the thought that you had, a thought that lit you up loud and clear on our radar, but it wasn’t one of the others, it was you. Between Jesus and yourself, you are the founders of Christianity. Hey, why do you think we looked the other way when you flaunted some of the so-called rules?”
He looks at Gabriel, and laughs, “Goddammit, and there was me thinking I had found suitable loopholes.”
Gabriel chuckles and pats him on the shoulder, “No, my friend you hadn’t, because quite frankly there were no holes to loop. We just needed you to think you were being punished to keep you down and we also needed others not party to the plan to think you were cursed so that during this time, on this day, you could rise and complete your second and most important task.” He smiles once again.
Judas stands and paces the aisle. He rubs the top of his head with his right hand trying to comprehend all at once this massive influx of important data.