by Erik Swill
“I know….”
“And now you got a boyfriend? Wow! You’ve changed, mate.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. I fucked it up.”
“So how long were you together before you broke up?”
“A day.” Adrian hurried to clarify as Mason’s eyebrows shot up. “But it’s not like that. He wasn’t ever my boyfriend.”
“So what was he? A hot fuck?”
“At first, yes.” Adrian tried to think of a good way to explain how he was feeling. “But something clicked in my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. For months now, he keeps crossing my mind.”
“What is the problem, then? He doesn’t like you?”
“No, he does. At least, that’s what he told me a few months ago.”
“And? You don’t have the courage to tell him that you like him?”
Adrian looked at the art hanging from the wall. It offered him no comfort. “I basically told him he could go stuff himself.”
“Ouch!” Mason cringed. “If you like the guy, why would you tell him that?”
Adrian recalled that evening in Ubud after Ketut drove him back to his villa. After being dropped off, he’d mumbled a thank-you and paid him for the tour. Ketut didn’t want to take the money at first, but Adrian shoved it into his hand, closed his fingers around it, and walked into the villa without even looking back. As was the case now at the table with Mason, Adrian’s eyes had glossed over with tears that wouldn’t fall down his face.
“I was afraid.”
Mason leaned over the table and patted Adrian on the shoulder. He offered some reassuring words, but Adrian was no longer listening. He knew what he wanted, but he was scared his second attempt at a relationship would be over before it even started. And this would be entirely of his own making. He realized Ketut wasn’t the asshole his first boyfriend had been. Adrian was the asshole his ex had been to him.
After some coaxing, Mason got Adrian to open up more about what had happened that day with Ketut. He listened while Adrian struggled through the more difficult parts. Mason offered his own ideas on what to do to right the wrongs. He also insisted Adrian go to Rockhampton as soon as he could swing it with his other responsibilities. Adrian silently agreed and started to work out the arrangements in his head.
XI
IT DIDN’T take too many days before Adrian was pulling in to the main entrance of Central Queensland University, still asking the same set of questions and two dozen others that had crossed his mind during the drive up. His body was tense from the paranoia as well as the high-speed traveling, but the campus was his destination. He parked near the library and rested his body at the Cups and Muffs Café nearby. His new plan was to bump into Ketut on campus. Somewhere.
Unfortunately, Adrian wasn’t the best of planners. He had tried a Google search for Ketut but realized he didn’t know his last name. Then he noticed that about one in every six people in Bali was named Ketut, half of whom were women. He figured he could make a WANTED poster, but he didn’t even have Ketut’s picture. Adrian resigned himself to sitting at the café by the library’s entrance from 10:00 a.m. until it closed at 3:30 p.m., hoping he would notice Ketut passing by at some point.
He also thought to go to the Psychology Department just before their office shut down for the day, figuring someone in administration there would know Ketut. The self-guided mini tour he took of the campus while looking for the building was relatively uninspiring. There were plenty of palm trees that dotted the grounds, but the architecture was dull. The buildings looked like they were mass-produced on the cheap. Ultimately his walk around campus proved to be for nothing. There was no receptionist for the Psychology Department. Instead, the department was grouped under the Faculty of Arts, the largest grouping of students on campus. Adrian felt silly asking the receptionist there if she knew a psychology student named Ketut. She likely didn’t know any student personally and certainly wasn’t going to dig through student records for a random, unauthorized request.
By the time the weekend came around, there was still no sign of Ketut, and the café would be closed until Monday. Adrian had tried everything on the menu at the little café and people-watched to his heart’s content. But he never saw Ketut. He had asked a few students—several from the Psychology Department—if they knew anyone by Ketut’s description, but nobody seemed to know him.
Adrian retreated to his motel for the day to plan his next course of action. He had not expected it to be so difficult to find Ketut. The campus was bigger than he had thought. Even the city, while small and compact, was not so small residents bumped into everyone they knew simply by leaving the house. Adrian also considered the possibility Ketut never even left Bali to study in Rockhampton. He may have just been talking shit the whole time.
That thought pissed him off more than his own lack of planning or approaching the situation with realistic expectations.
If I’m gonna drive halfway across the state for a guy, he had better damn well be there!
He got that twisting feeling in his stomach again. He needed to do something to release stress so he wouldn’t end up hating Ketut based on his own overactive mind creating these negative scenarios.
He smiled snidely as he opened up a web search for “gay Rockhampton.” To his surprise, a number of sites and articles came up. One of the first was a page that said residents of Rockhampton were the most homophobic in Australia, with nearly half of them considering homosexuality a “serious sin” in a recent poll. That was fairly consistent with his views of the people of the city.
The remainder of the pages, however, widened his perspective of the work the LGBT community had been doing here to help create a less toxic environment that offered opportunities and events that could be found in the biggest cities. There was an LGBT film festival. The local police had a dedicated LGBT liaison for community concerns. The university offered a full diploma program in drag queen makeup art. And there was even a gay nightclub. Not just gay-friendly… but gay!
XII
LATER THAT night, Adrian drove up to Club-Roc. It was bigger than any gay club he had ever been to in Brisbane or the Gold Coast. That was unexpected. He felt a little out of place, as he had shown up so early in the evening. It was just 11:00 p.m., and he was one of only twenty people there. Before arriving at the club, he would have expected there to be no more than twenty gay men in all of Rockhampton. But based on the size of the club, he suspected there were quite a few more. He was just a little early.
Luckily, that did not prevent the twenty already there from expressing interest in the fresh meat in town. Two guys walked over to him at the same time from opposite sides, and neither backed away when they noticed the other had also approached. Adrian made small talk with the men, both of whom were in their upper forties or low fifties. Their age difference didn’t bother him, but he expected he would at least be able to get a younger guy on his first time to this new club.
As he chatted with them, they started talking about all the great things to do in town. Both offered to give him a personal tour of the city and additionally show him all they personally could do for him in their bed. While Adrian was moderately flattered to have two men civilly fighting over him, he decided to turn the conversation back to his original objective in being in Rockhampton.
“His name is Ketut.”
“Toot? What sort of name is that? Is he one of those ethnic guys?”
Adrian tried to offer a physical description before settling on the guy’s own choice of language. “Yes, he’s ethnic-looking.”
The man scoffed. “I’m not into that. I’m no rice queen, mate. Meat and potatoes for me all the way, you know?”
Adrian ignored him as he waved his racist views around like a pride banner and shifted attention to the other man, who seemed to be patiently waiting for his chance.
“I might know him.”
“Really? That’s great.”
“Well, no promises. But I’ve had my share of those Oriental guys. Those wir
y frames, taut skin… fuck, mate. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? If I could afford to move to Bangkok, I’d do it in a heartbeat. It’s a fuck buffet up there. They all want my cock.”
Adrian wasn’t interested in listening to the guy boast. Nor was he buying this guy’s fantasy. When Adrian inquired about Ketut again, the guy set his terms.
“First, we fuck. Then we discuss whether I’ve screwed your friend already. But just so we’re clear, you’re the top, but you must be submissive to me. I will video it, and I want you to use a small handheld camera to film from your POV as well. I won’t sell the videos or post them online. They are exclusively for my personal use. Also, you won’t use a condom, but I don’t want you to cum in me. I want you to shoot into my belly button.”
He continued his rules and restrictions, but Adrian had already started to zone him out. This guy is too much trouble. He shifted his attention to the new faces who had come in the door. He decided that if he needed to ask each and every person in the club if they knew someone—anyone—named Ketut, then he would.
Thirty minutes and two drinks later, the club transformed from a drag to a real party. Gone were the regulars who trolled it in the early hours of the evening. If they were still there, at least they were well hidden in the crowd. There were over one hundred sweaty, tight-bodied men gyrating on the dance floor. Bodies rubbed and pressed up against each other as they slid through cramped spaces to move around the club.
Great. I’ll never find him in here now. If he’s even here.
As Adrian pushed his way through the crowd, he guessed there were a few faces he would peg as being Indonesian based on the darker complexion than the average Chinese person. Then again, Indonesia had about a quarter of a billion people. What were the odds they would know Ketut? His Ketut?
He ordered another Victoria Bitter at the bar and scanned the faces nearby. No luck yet. He decided to stick around the bar area, hoping Ketut would eventually come over for a drink. Or if any of the other Indonesian-looking guys came over, he would start up a conversation with them. It couldn’t hurt to ask, right?
Another thirty minutes later, Adrian still had not seen anyone who resembled Ketut. And to add insult to injury, the guys who approached him were not even his type. He began second-guessing his decision to come out to Rockhampton. If all he accomplished was visiting the town’s gay club, it wasn’t worth his time or the money he had spent.
“Rough night, huh? Let me buy you a drink, mate.”
Adrian turned to see a handsome blond returning an empty mug to the bar. He was a little taller and wore a shirt that looked like it was just painted onto his pecs. The tight shirt also revealed his abs. Six, maybe eight? There was little left to the imagination. Still, it got his attention. “An Adonis” would have been the best way to describe this guy.
“Cheers, mate.” Adrian took the mug offered to him and gulped heavily. “You have no idea. I’m Adrian, by the way.”
“Adonis.”
Adrian choked on his beer. “Are you fucking serious?”
Adonis looked concerned. “Why? What’s the problem? Wait, let me guess. That’s the name of your ex. Am I right?”
“No, I just… never mind. I’m just being stupid.” It was stupid, he reasoned, because his first thought was that his ex-boyfriend’s name was Ketut. They had only known each other for a single day several months ago, and Adrian was thinking about it like they had been a couple for years. By definition, it was just a fling. Adrian was the one wishing it had been more. And who knew what more—if anything—Ketut wanted from their encounter. Especially several months after the initial hookup.
“Well, I don’t care how smart you are. But I do think you are really hot.”
“Likewise,” Adrian offered as a reply. The guy was quite handsome, but Adrian was still a little distracted by his failure. He drove across the state to look for a guy he’d had a fling with on a holiday in Bali, simply because Ketut said he was going to be studying here this semester. That was all the information he had. Adrian didn’t know if he even came to Australia… or came to the club, for that matter.
It was possible Ketut had taken Adrian’s advice and switched universities to one in a real city. He could have transferred to one of Brisbane’s universities and spent the last few months looking for Adrian there. Stalking the clubs and bars just like Adrian was doing now.
Or not.
Adonis reached over and tweaked Adrian’s left nipple, bringing him back to the present. “Hey, I was just kidding about the smart comment. Sorry if you took offense. But I was dead serious about you being hot. I haven’t seen you around here before. Are you new to town?”
“No, don’t worry about it, mate. I am just passing through. First time to Rockhampton.”
“Welcome to the Rock! I should give you a tour of the attractions, then.”
“Attractions? Does Rockhampton have any attractions?”
Adonis laughed. “Just one that I can think of. Wanna check it out?”
“Where’s that?”
“My bedroom.”
Of course. Adrian thought he had heard someone else use that line once, though maybe it was in a movie. Nobody had ever tried to pick him up like that. If the guy wasn’t so hot, he would have used that line as an excuse to shut him down and walk off. But he was starting to see the night—and the whole trip for that matter—as a failure. The extra attention and flattery from someone as attractive as Adonis was at least a small consolation.
“Ground control to Adrian? Have we lost you again? It’s cool if you just wanna hang here all night. I’ll leave you alone. I’m thinking of taking off anyway. Try my luck somewhere else.”
“No, I was hoping to meet someone here tonight. But I don’t see him.”
Adonis shrugged. “Okay, then. I’ll let you continue your wait.”
“Hey, Adonis. Where are you going? I mean, is there another gay club in town? I only know about this one.”
Adonis smirked. “There’s only one club for us. But this isn’t the only place to meet guys… if you know what I mean.”
Adrian wasn’t sure what he was talking about but figured he didn’t have anything to lose. “If it’s okay with you, mate, I’d like to tag along. Maybe I’ll find him there. This club is a dead end.”
Adonis replied with a cocky smile. “Let’s go, then.”
XIII
ADRIAN FOLLOWED Adonis to his modified ute, and they left the club in a cloud of dust. Adonis explained there were a few places where guys in town would congregate on weekend nights to look for some company. They drove down Quay Street along the river. He pointed out some of the places in the narrow park esplanade where he had picked up guys before. The drive was somewhat of a tour of his sex life.
“This one bloke came from Rolleston. A miner. Blew all his money at the pokies on his first day here. I pitied him. Took him back to my place for the weekend. Best time ever, mate!” Adonis gloated. “Ever since then, I come by the riverside park here once in a while. You know? Try something I won’t ever find at the clubs.”
Adrian nodded. He knew it wasn’t likely, but he thought saying it aloud again might bring Adonis out of his reminisces. “Maybe my friend, Ketut, is here tonight?”
Adonis looked over at Adrian, then toward the stretch of park. “Doesn’t look like it, mate. Empty tonight.”
When they got to the end of the esplanade, he made a U-turn and drove back through the CBD, zigzagging his way to a few other “hot spots” in town. They were also uneventful and nearly deserted. Adonis’s hand had rested on Adrian’s leg a few times during the drive as they talked. He never asked further about Ketut each time Adrian brought him up. He mostly talked about himself and his sexual conquests.
Adrian grew bored listening to Adonis. He couldn’t imagine talking about his peculiar hookup stories—most of which he had shared with Mason—with Adonis or anyone he didn’t know. And at that moment, all he could think about was Ketut and the likelihood that not finding him this e
vening in Rockhampton meant he never would.
“Central Park. This is the last cruising spot I can think of. Pretty empty too.” Adonis shrugged with an apathetic grin. “Looks like we’re the last two guys left on earth. Let’s fuck.”
Adrian rolled his eyes. “Mate, you gotta work on your pickup lines.”
Adonis laughed jovially. “I’ve done okay with them so far.”
Adrian thought to tell him that he would probably do even better if he didn’t try to speak at all. But there was no benefit in telling this player how to live his life. He knew Adonis’s lifestyle. He knew it well. And for the first time in his life, Adrian started to understand how lonely it really was. How much attention he needed from a wide pool of guys. He wasn’t sure how it would even work or if he could ever adjust, but he wanted a life where the only person’s attention he needed was Ketut’s.
“Are you hungry?” Adonis clarified, “For food?”
Apparently, Adonis was. He pulled into a Hungry Jack’s across the street from the park and killed the engine. As Adrian hadn’t replied, Adonis motioned with his hands that they should go inside.
“This park usually has a lot of action at night. But if it’s too hot or too cold, most of that moves inside. Plus, this place is twenty-four hours, so when the clubs shut down, Hungry Jack’s fills up.”
And Adonis was right. Bustling in the middle of the night with clubbers, this fast-food joint made Rockhampton look almost trendy. On closer inspection, though, Adrian noticed this party-going crowd was mixed with the bogans and small-town hicks Rockhampton was infamous for. And at least half of the people inside this small restaurant were cantankerously drunk.
“After-party,” Adonis said as he wrapped his arm around Adrian’s shoulder and walked him over to the short line at the counter. All of the tables were occupied. The standing-room-only crowd walked around with their burgers, putting their drinks down on random surfaces and occasionally coming back to sip from them. The environment was like a house party but with burgers replacing the beer.