Chapter Twenty One
“May I steal you away for a moment, Miss Ridgeway? A letter has come from France which I must discuss with you.”
“Please forgive me, Captain Clayton. We have friends who are still prisoners in Saint-Malo and I would like to learn their news.”
He bowed. “Until tomorrow then. Mr. Anselm, your servant.”
Lucy put her hand on O’Rourke’s arm and let him lead her out into the corridor. They found a window alcove where they could be seen but no one was near enough to overhear.
“Is there really a letter from France?” Lucy asked.
“Of course not, who would write to me here? I needed an excuse to speak with you and this adds to the tale we agreed if you are ever questioned about me. I promised to come tonight, didn’t I? I’m glad I did, seeing you in all your finery; you look so beautiful.”
“I never thought of you as someone who made pretty speeches.”
“You didn’t know me when I had the right to do so. I still don’t, but I couldn’t go without telling you. Had circumstances been otherwise, I wouldn’t leave you.”
She gasped, “You’re going?”
“The day after tomorrow. I’m taking the stage to Belfast where several ships are due to sail for America. From there I can travel to New York or Boston or Toronto.”
“So this is goodbye?” she whispered.
“It has to be. We can’t meet again.” She swayed and her face paled. He caught her arm and murmured, “Courage, Alannah, there are people at the end of the corridor, watching us.”
“I don’t care about them. Take me with you.”
“I won’t blight your life. You’ve no conception of what it is to live as a fugitive. I wouldn’t condemn a dog to such an existence, even less the woman I love. In time you will forget me and find happiness. I pray it is so.”
“Never!”
“Lucy, let me go. Smile for me, so I shall always remember you as you are now.”
For a few moments, Lucy could not bring herself to do so but when she did, he kissed her hand, turned and walked away. Lucy stood there alone, looking blankly after him, unable to move. A group of girls came out of the salon together. One of them saw her, left the others and walked up to her.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “You look dreadfully pale.”
“What?” Lucy’s eyes focussed on the speaker and as her thoughts cleared, she recognised Amy Edmondson.
“Why you are crying!”
“Am I?” Lucy reached up and touched her cheeks which she was surprised to find wet. She fumbled in her reticule for a handkerchief only to see Amy holding one out to her.
“Use mine,” she offered.
Lucy did so and dried her face. “Thank you.”
“Shall I find your aunt for you?”
“If you would be so good; I have such a terrible headache.”
“Stay there and I will fetch her directly.”
Lucy was relieved when Lady Ridgeway appeared.
“I’m sorry, Aunt, but I am in so much pain. Is it possible for me to leave without causing a fuss?”
“Of course.” Lady Ridgeway motioned to one of the pages and ordered her carriage. “I’ll take you home and then return for Mama. Come with me now.”
Very shortly, Lucy was tucked up in her bed with a hot brick at her feet. Rose blew the candle out and the room was left in darkness except for the soft flicker of the firelight. Lucy sank back into her pillows. The headache, which had been an excuse, was suddenly real. Unhappiness, stress and pain made her toss about uneasily and it was a long time before she was able to sleep.
The next morning she was heavy-eyed. She longed to stay in her room and hide away from the world, but Nell tapped on the door and came in, eager for her to describe her presentation. Lucy did not have the heart to refuse her. At this moment she felt so alone and friendless that her young cousin’s admiration was doubly dear to her.
She sat up in bed, sipping her hot chocolate and answering Nell’s questions as well as she could. For a brief while, she was able to divert her thoughts. She had no intention of telling Nell why such a marvellous occasion had ended so badly. So, to distract her, Lucy suggested they walk in Fitzwilliam Square after breakfast. There they would be sure to meet some of the other debutantes and be able to discuss all the events of the evening.
Lady Ridgeway readily gave her permission. “The fresh air will do you good, my dear. You still look pale this morning.”
“I’m almost better but I would like to go.”
One of the first people Lucy saw in the Square was Amy Edmondson, with several of her friends. Amy and most of the others looked bright eyed, despite their late night, Lucy thought with envy. She went forward and said, “Thank you so much for helping me, Amy, so silly of me to make such a fuss.”
“Not at all, I was happy to help you. Are you better now?”
“Much better, thank you.”
The girls walked together for a little while and Nell was delighted to listen to the stories they told about their presentations and the party afterwards. One debutante had disgraced herself by tripping over her train, as she backed away. A page had caught her just before she fell. Another had the misfortune to sneeze, just as the Duke of Richmond was kissing her.
“She was mortified,” Amy said. “We must be kind and not mention it to her.”
When Lucy and Nell left the others, Lucy promised to meet them at the Rotunda where a musical evening was being held while poor Nell sighed with envy.
“Oh, to be old enough to go!”
“You will be soon enough,” Lucy replied.
They returned to the house for a small nuncheon. Afterwards, Lady Ridgeway sent Lucy to change her dress.
“Why, Aunt?”
“Have you forgotten that Captain Clayton is coming to visit us this afternoon? He us certain to ask to see you before he leaves.” Lucy nodded listlessly. “What’s the matter, child? Do you dislike him so much?”
“No. I don’t dislike him at all.”
“Then hurry up. He’ll be here soon.”
Lucy did her best, but her heart was not in choosing clothes or in preening herself. She allowed Morgan dress her as the servant wished. At the end of the process, Lucy had to admit that she looked every inch the debutante, once after Morgan had pinched her cheeks to give them colour. Lucy tried to calm a sudden attack of nerves as she answered her grandmother’s summons. Please don’t let him ask me to marry him, at least not yet, not until I accept the fact that I will never see Patrick again. Let him have called for some other purpose, any other purpose.
Lucy’s prayer was not to be granted. As she appeared in the doorway of the drawing room, Captain Clayton, her grandmother and her aunt all rose to greet her.
“Come in Lucy,” Lady Mary said. “Captain Clayton has asked to speak with you. Let us leave them alone, Agnes.”
“Grandmama!” Lucy cried.
“It’s all right, my dear, stay and listen to what the captain has to say.”
Lucy stood petrified as the door closed behind the ladies. Reluctantly she turned to face the young man. He was smiling down at her and took possession of the hand she held out to him.
“Why Miss Ridgeway, you’re shaking.”
“Am I?”
“There’s no need to be afraid of me. I came today to tell you how much I admire you and to ask you to marry me. Your grandmother has given me her permission to pay my addresses to you.”
He paused for her reply but she could not answer. As he waited, his smile died.
“Do you have an answer for me?”
“No, yes, I’m not sure,” she blurted out.
“How adorable you are, so young and innocent. If we become engaged, you will learn to know me much better. Won’t you agree to make me the happiest man on earth?”
Lucy raised her eyes and looked at him. He’s everything I ever dreamed of, handsome, rich and in love with me. I’d be happy with him and I’m lucky he wants m
e. In that instant as the words formed in her mind to accept; she knew she could not. Calling on her courage she said, “You do me a very great honour in asking me to be your wife and I thank you but I am sorry that I must say no.”
“No?” He looked as if she had just hit him. She drew her hand away from his and stepped back.
“You can’t mean it…” he stammered. “You haven’t thought. Do I offend you in some way?”
“No. You are courtesy itself. I like you very much as a friend, but I am not in love with you.”
“If that is the only reason…”
“No it is not. Forgive me and pray say nothing of this. Please excuse me.” She whipped out of the room before he had a chance to say anything more and ran up to her bedroom. She cried until Lady Ridgeway tapped on the door and came in.
“Lucy, what happened?” she asked.
“Captain Clayton asked me to marry him and I refused.”
“But Lucy, why? He is just the husband for you.”
“I realise all the benefits of becoming his wife, but I could not say yes. I’m so sorry to disappoint you and my grandmother.”
“There’s no doubt it would be an advantage to our family if you married him, he is so rich. That is not our prime concern, however. If the knowledge of your refusal becomes known, I’m afraid it might decrease your chances of receiving another offer.”
“I see,” Lucy said, turning this thought over in her mind. “I shall certainly say nothing and neither will Captain Clayton, if he is truly the gentleman.”
Lady Ridgeway smiled. “He left us saying that he would not despair just yet. He described you as being confused and he blamed himself for having sprung his proposal on you before he had a chance to fix your interest. Unless you tell him that you have changed your mind, he promises not mention his hopes to you again, so you may be easy in his company.”
“That’s very nice of him.”
“Do you agree to give him the chance to prove himself to you?”
“On those terms, yes, I would like to know him better but I’m not sure I’ll ever care for him enough to marry him.”
Lady Ridgeway rose. “Who knows what the future brings, my dear? You’re young and the Season is just starting. I will tell Captain Clayton what you said and I believe he is a man of his word. Rest now.”
It was excellent advice but Lucy found it impossible to make her mind easy. If Patrick leaves, what’s left for me? I’ve no money of my own and I can’t expect Grandmama and Uncle Edgar to support me for the rest of my life. Does it matter whom I wed? I’ll never love anyone as I love Patrick, so Captain Clayton is as good a husband as any other. He seems kind enough and is keen to marry me. Many men would have been affronted by my refusal. At the end of the Season, if I have met no one else and he still wants me, then perhaps I should say yes.
Although she had made this resolution, she still wept. When her tears dried at last, she was exhausted and slipped into sleep. She was roused by someone tapping at the door.
“Come in,” she called and Nell walked in.
“Why, you’ve been crying,” she exclaimed. “I thought you’d be so happy today. Didn’t Captain Clayton ask you to marry him after all? No one ever tells me anything!”
Despite herself, Lucy smiled at a phrase she used to use herself a few months ago. She pulled her cousin towards her and gave her a hug.
“Dearest Nell, you shouldn’t talk about such things. Your mother would be horrified to hear you.”
“It’s only because you and have become such friends. I wouldn’t ask just anybody!”
Lucy’s hug turned into a little shake. “I promise that if someone ever asks me to marry him and I accept, I will tell you immediately.”
“You can’t mean you refused him!”
“What makes you think that’s why he called here today?”
“Why Mama and Grandmama were aux anges all morning and the servants were jostling in the doorways to get a sight of him. They told me what was happening. Then, when nothing else occurred, I decided to find out.”
Lucy thought hard, seeking a way of telling a limited version of the truth without encouraging her young cousin to add to the servants’ gossip.
“I hardly know Captain Clayton, so we have agreed to meet while the Season continues. If we have formed a preference for one other at the end, then we will announce our engagement.”
“Oh!” Nell’s eyes were round. “So you may marry him after all. How lucky you are!”
“Nothing is decided yet,” Lucy warned her. “If you gossip about this, Nell, it won’t happen. If you love me, promise to keep this a secret.”
“Yes, I will. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt your chances. I like him don’t you?”
“Yes I do.” Lucy said, but she crossed her fingers as she said it.
Chapter Twenty Two
Lucy begged to be excused from greeting callers for the rest of the day and Lady Ridgeway allowed her to stay in her room until they left. She would not excuse her, however, from coming down to dinner or going to the Rotunda that night.
“What would people think if you stayed here? By now everybody is aware that Captain Clayton called on us today and spoke to you alone. Servants gossip with other servants. His attentions to you have been particular enough to be noticed. If you hide yourself away, they will be sure to say that either he could not bring himself to come up to scratch or that you have refused him. You’re not a ninnyhammer, so no one would believe you have said ‘no’ to such a wonderful offer. Dress yourself, let Morgan put a little rouge on your cheeks for you are too pale. Then, when you meet him, smile and talk to him as you have always done. Do anything else and you’ll be in a fair way to ruining your chances.”
So Lucy allowed herself to be dressed and rouged although she said to Morgan, “I look like a painted doll.”
“No, you don’t, miss, forgive me for saying so,” Morgan replied. “You look just like you usually do; you were too pale before. Your own roses will come back very soon and you won’t need any more rouge.”
Lucy swung around to her. Did she know?
Then Morgan said, “Enjoy yourself this evening, miss.”
Lucy did not feel ready to mix with others. Two couples were dining with Lady Mary and Lucy found it difficult to make conversation, something which was usually simple for her. She hardly touched her dinner; every one of her favourite dishes tasted like ashes in her mouth. She was glad to leave the house to attend the musical performance.
Lucy had never been to the Rotunda before and the Round Room was packed. She nodded and talked to her acquaintances as they waited for the music to begin. Lady Ridgeway had been right, she admitted to herself. Several ladies stared at her and then turned sharply away. She heard a stifled giggle or two. This brought out her courage and she held her head high, smiling at many people. She did not pay attention to the superb Italian soprano who sang that night, or to any of the performers who followed her, being lost in her thoughts. Captain Clayton came up to the family at the interval and asked Lady Mary if he might take Lucy to meet his sisters who were present at the gathering. She smilingly agreed and Lucy had to put her hand on his arm and go with him. He gave her no cause to be uncomfortable, conversing on indifferent matters and introducing her as, ‘My friend Miss Ridgeway’, to his sisters and their husbands. Lucy thought his sisters looked rather critically but she made herself answer their questions and brushed through the ordeal reasonably well. They were returning to her seat when a voice said behind her,
“Why Miss Ridgeway, what a surprise to meet you here.”
She turned and found herself looking into the face of the real Mr. Anselm. Lucy almost fainted at the sight. She dug her nails into the palm of her hand, hoping the slight pain would take her mind off her shock. She thought rapidly. Captain Clayton had met the false Mr. Anselm only last night, he would be certain to remark on it if she introduced them now. It was unpardonable not to do so, of course, but she needed time.
“How lovely to meet you again.” She gave him her hand and then said, “Pray forgive me. My aunt is signalling, so I must go to her directly.”
“May I call on you?”
“Please do.” She pinched Captain Clayton’s arm and gave him a slight tug to hurry him away.
“What was that all about? Why didn’t you introduce us?”
“I’ll explain it to you tomorrow.”
“Has that man offered you insult?”
“No, not at all. Tomorrow, I promise. Please take me back to my aunt now.”
Lucy spent the rest of the evening trying to find a way out of her dilemma. Why did these things have to happen to her? Two Mr. Anselms were in Dublin, just as they had feared! Bishop Mortimer had accepted O’Rourke as the released prisoner from Saint-Malo and sponsored him into society. Now the real Mr. Anselm had arrived, there was certain to be a scandal. She knew both of them. The bishop would ask questions and what answers could she give? O’Rourke was leaving tomorrow but what if Mr. Anselm met him before he did so? Someone might mention tonight they had met someone with the same name in Dublin. The real Mr. Anselm would be sure to query it because it was so unusual. He would expect to meet a relation but if he saw O’Rourke, he would immediately recognise him. O’Rourke would be taken and hanged. She herself would be suspected, if not accused of conspiracy. Her whole family would be horrified and repudiate her for her deceit. The horrors whirled around and around in her mind.
At the end of the performance, she stood up, accompanied her aunt and grandmother to their carriage. She spoke to people, said ‘goodnight’ and went to her room, all without being aware of her actions. She allowed herself to be undressed and put to bed. As soon as Rose left she threw back the bedcovers, lit a candle and found some clothes in the press. The one thing she could not bear was to see O’Rourke captured and accused of piracy, without making some attempt to save him. She must go to him now and tell him that Anselm was already in Dublin. He had to leave for Belfast tonight before the hue and cry could be brought against him.
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