by Dom Price
Hair pulling, dead arms and inappropriate comments had made for a disappointing progress to date, which meant that Dave was strictly enforcing the 7P’s for this plan and was thanking Grandad Bob in his head. This mission required proper prior planning. Dave didn’t have a lead to connect the two stereo’s together, so was working on keeping the two systems in the quiet corner of his room and doing the recording when the house was empty. As for his second challenge, being the eclectic but ageing set of music he had, the collection of Smash Hits magazines that he’s seized from Anne’s room would surely help, and he had gathered his collection of “Now That’s What I Call Music 1 -14” to compensate. He’d also located a “Best Love Songs of the 80’s” from his sister, which was sure to come in useful.
His plan involved a two phased approach to what was already titled “The Ultimate Mix Tape Vol.1”, ignoring the irony of the fact that if it was the ultimate one, how could there be another?
Phase 1 of the plan involved the selection of the songs in terms of creating the ambience and the message that Dave wanted to convey to Veronica. He’d decided to start smooth, build up in terms of emotion and meaning, before having a big hitter as the finishing song to side 1, with the ‘seal the deal’ track as the final song on side 2.
Phase 2 was the element of the plan that took this from a general melancholy collection of love songs, and traversed it into a journey of young passionate love, entwined with affection, caring and the powerful desire to snog. Phase 2 would connect the heart strings to the tear ducts and send an immediate notification that love was on its way in the form of Dave Marsdon. “No pressure then”, thought Dave as he examined his playlist. Thinking back to the boys on the bus, he knew this was a good idea still, but appreciated that he needed to differentiate and lift things up a gear, not just because he thought Veronica was something extra special, but that he was needing to recover a situation where she thought he was a racist who loved her mother! Not a lost cause, but hardly ideal preparation. So Phase 2 had originally been to DJ his own mix tape by introducing each song.
“And track 2 is all about you”. The practice wasn’t good. Dave’s voice was on the verge of breaking, and was neither deep nor innocent. He also hated the sound of his own voice.
As an alternative, Dave decided written word would provide a safer link between the songs. He took words from certain songs and paired them with moods or memories, to really lift the meaning of the songs and make them special in both their minds. Writing these words on the inlay in the cassette holder was supposed to guarantee that the meaning he intended was the same as the interpretation Veronica got when she listened to the song. Dave really didn’t understand the risk he was taking here, being slightly ignorant to the thought that a song could mean different things to different people.
So far, the tape had begged its cheese from The Bangles, borrowed its tears from Madonna and stolen some emotion from Roxette. The excitement of the sauce came from Bobby Brown, the meat from 10CC, Chicago and Mike + The Mechanics, and the seasoning from Donna Summer.
Dave’s first school boy error came with the finishing track for side 1. Having compiled words on the inside cover such as “Track 4; this is where I am” for Richard Marx Right Here Waiting for You, and “Track 8; how I feel about you now” for Fine Young Cannibals and She Drives Me Crazy, he was aiming for a biggish finish to the first side of the tape. You see, the interpretation of a lyric is a funny thing. With the latest edition of Smash Hits in his hand, and seeking inspiration to bring side one to a crashing finish, Dave’s original plan was to bring it to life with a new phenomena in pop music, being ‘Color Me Badd’, and ‘I Wanna Sex You Up.’ He’d already written in the cover of the tape; “Track 9; this is what I think about in bed at night”.
Having listening to it several times, Dave was perfectly happy with the speed and the jingle, and the mood to dance that the beat really created. Luckily, on the third listen through, it suddenly hit him as he performed some lurid dance moves around his bedroom, that given that they hadn’t even snogged yet, the notion of “wanting to sex her up”, however appealing, was probably a little beyond his ability right now. Dave wanted a song that shouted “LOVE” and not “SEX”, and a song that talked about how love can grow and develop overtime, rather than “making sweet love all night long”. Perusing the Top Of The Pops listing for that year, Dave suddenly hit across the perfect ditty that would say everything he wanted to say. And even better, it fitted perfectly in the time left over on side one.
Side 2 was a similar collection, lifting occasionally with crackers from Phil Collins, Mariah Carey, and a quick stint back into love from long ago, with Al Green, Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder. Dave was very happy with progress, and wanted a repeat of the crescendo finish of side 1, but with more impact. This would be the final song of The Ultimate Mix Tape Vol 1.1, and it had to yell about the way Veronica made Dave feel. The smile she put on his face. The laughter that spread across his entire body like a tingle when she spoke. The giggle that occupied his whole being, whenever he sat and thought about her. And it had to tell her that not only did he like her…he wanted her too. Searching for this silver bullet was so frustrating, that Dave had temporarily abandoned the mission in source of inspiration. Saturday passed and Sunday came, and the pressure was on, as Dave’s mission critical plan had a delivery date of T – minus 1 day.
The rendezvous point was Veronica’s locker on the Monday morning, but he knew it would be battle lost if he delivered a tape with 3m22 seconds of silence at the end of side 2. Especially given that all officers in the Army of Mix Tape Specialists knew that it was the last song that carried the message. Of course, all the tunes combine to make the tape, but it’s the last song that you listen to before you leave for school that hums around in your head all day, and Dave knew that this had to count. The pressure intensified as Sunday droned on with nothing to report of interest other than Derek being in the garden and Anne and Grandma preparing the delights of a Sunday Roast fit for a small clan rather than a small family. Sunday fry up brunch hadn’t provided the necessary stimulus, and Dave had found himself engrossed in “Lost In Space” and “The Waltons” as Channel 4 eased him through the uneventful day with the glimmer of hope diminishing with each passing wink. As dark set in, and the preparations began for the following day with uniforms being ironed by Jane whilst Grandma had her late afternoon nap, and Derek made the finishing touches to the latest batch of home brew, Dave and Anne were in their respective rooms, packing their bags for the next day at school. This normal routine was fraught with angst this weekend for Dave, as his days and hours of preparation were looking like a waste of time. All of his homework was complete and in his bag, but the tape still sat waiting to be finished. It was a cake without the icing, the cup of tea without the milk and the Christmas without badly fitting paper hats. It just wasn’t complete. It was the kiss without the recipient.
Pacing the upstairs hallway waiting for Grandma to exit from what seemed like the longest toilet visit in modern day history, Dave took a peek into Anne’s room. Dave and Anne had always being close as twins, but recently, as their bodies began to change, so did their views on life and they just didn’t seem as close as before. The innocence of yesteryear was replaced with a protective veil as they both grew up themselves. Anne probably knew nothing of Dave’s new found admiration for girls and for Veronica in particular, and Dave certainly didn’t know that Anne had a liking for boys. As Dave peered in, he noticed that Anne had taken up her now usual Sunday night position of taping the Charts. Like the keenest of operators, she’d sit and press record and then pause, making sure she only got the songs and not any drivel in between, meaning she could get most of the Top 40 on one tape. Gone were the days when Sunday meant the two of them splashing around in the same bath water and being dried by their parents. Dave would rather suffer a life without Veronica than be seen naked by any of his family. Anne would use the recording as her own “Now” album for the week, but
the real work for her would be saved for after Sunday Roast, when she’d play back the charts and write down the song lyrics. Whilst she was an avid subscriber to Smash Hits, it made a dent in her pitiful pocket money, and so the frugal alternative, which Dave admired, was to write down your own song words from your own recording. This required microscopic hearing, a diligent ability to hear and write at the same time, and a wee bit of imagination to fill in the gaps. Admittedly, as Dave had learnt from many a long Marsdon car journey, Anne didn’t always get the words right, but there were often some amusing variations.
As the hour merrily marched towards 7 o’clock, and the charts neared their pinnacle, and just before Grandma finally pulled the flush, inspiration came to Dave rather than Dave finding inspiration. Mountains, Mohammad and all that jazz. The song, that according to Bruno Brookes, had risen to a chart position of No.4. Given that it wasn’t a new entry, it almost certainly meant that Anne would be throwing her long hair back and breaking into song as she hurriedly turned the pages of her notebook searching for the words she’d written from the previous week. Dave hadn’t heard the song and wasn’t particularly interested or listening, being a little pre-occupied with his need to pee, but then the words that tunelessly exited Anne’s mouth changed everything.
“You're the one who makes me happy honey
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine”
On the “e” of mine, the bathroom door unlocked, and Dave rushed in to relieve himself, brimming with the knowledge that his mission had just acquired the reconnaissance information required to win the battle. As he excitedly left the bathroom, he had made it just in time to hear Bruno’s dulcet tone provide the final piece of the jigsaw.
“That was The Divinyls there, this week at No.4 in the UK’s No.1 Chart Show from BBC Radio 1.”
Later that evening, as Anne was safely locked in the bathroom taking her bath, Dave rushed into her room, borrowed the tape, rewound it until he heard those same words from Bruno Brookes and quickly recorded it as the final track on The Ultimate Mix Tape. Not sure of the song title, which had been missed by the sporadic pausing in between recording, Dave simply finished off the tape cover.
“Track 20: The Divinyls; I want to make you mine…I think this song says it all, Dave, x”
***
Chapter Equal Opposite Reaction
***
“Please no. Please let this be one of those nightmares. Like when you dream that you are at school but you’ve forgotten your clothes. Please.”
Dave’s head was in his hand, but the impending pain wasn’t going away.
It wasn’t until the Tuesday morning just after first period that Dave realised the magnitude of his mistakes, the weaknesses in his plan, and how the best execution can be destroyed with the simplest of errors. In what proved to be a psychological version of a Roman stoning, Dave eventually saw his mission collapse around him at the same time as his chance of love was annihilated. The fact remained, that the destruction had occurred days previous when he’d failed to listen back through his mix tape with Veronica’s ears and imagination, rather than his own.
The stakes had been lifted when news of the mix tape had circulated on the Monday afternoon, and excitedly Tony had reported back to Dave that Veronica had found the tape and the note, and that she was going to listen to it that night, but not alone. Last period was geography, and Veronica was going home straight afterwards with 5 members of her geography project team, all of whom were girls and all of whom were members of the impenetrable girly clique. Dave knew that this was make or break, but had confidence in his Ultimate Mix Tape Vol 1.1. Hours of research couldn’t let him down, despite the fact that he’d not listened to it himself. The songs were timeless classics and had been combined with love ballads that would pluck the sternest heart strings. To keep his mind off what was now out of his control, Dave and Tony had gone to kick a ball around the local field, unaware of what was unfolding less than a mile away.
As the gaggle of girls scuttled into History on that fateful Tuesday, Dave’s sleepless night of wonder was about to be resolved, but he was a little concerned by the giggles, sniggering and avoidance, particularly by Veronica who almost looked embarrassed. Confused and a little concerned, Dave scanned the room and eventually his view took him 180 degrees to the entrance to the classroom where he saw a very distraught and defensive looking Mr Johnson talking to an extremely feisty Mr Cartwright. His head flopped solidly towards his hands as Dave tried to hide. Mr Johnson was their history teacher and also their Head of Year, and a shudder of petrification went through Dave’s body like the time he’d accidentally licked his fingers after chopping some chilli’s for his mum. This was bad.
Dave had got ‘the look’ of disappointment from Mr Johnson as he’d entered the room, but was surprised and shocked to see the lesson go ahead as normal, albeit with Mr Johnson being particularly pert. It was after the lesson that Mr Johnson took Dave aside and asked him to stay behind, which is where the true final piece of the jigsaw fell into place.
“I think we need a chat young man, and you have some serious explaining to do. I’m very disappointed in you.”
There was something about the word disappointment that debilitated Dave and took down any defences that he had.
During a very tough conversation between Dave and a completely perplexed Mr Johnson, Dave was informed that the matter would not be taken any further and that a letter wouldn’t be going to his parents, but that he should write a letter of apology to Veronica and her parents. Through the calming and mature voice that only a real teacher displays, Mr Johnson had been almost apologetic and sympathetic towards Dave. For however much angst he’d caused on that night for Veronica, her friends and her parents, Mr Johnson knew that Dave would pay for this mistake in the playground, in a form of retribution that would be fitting the crime. The playground and the rumour mill would deal out Dave’s punishment.
Dave sank silently in his chair as Mr Johnson revealed what happened in an embarrassing level of detail. He gently explained that Veronica’s parents had heard the growing commotion from her room as the group of girls gained excitement as they powered up along to the journey of The Ultimate Mix Vol 1.1, and wooed at the words on the inside cover. He told how their attention went from curiosity to intervention when there was an explosion of amusement from the teens room, and the glamorous Mrs Cartwright had entered to see the five girls rolling around the floor in tears of hilarity at ‘Tears for Fears’. Holding the tape cover and reading the words, barely managing to complete the sentence without breaking into raucous laughter.
“Track 9; this is what I think about in bed at night”
On the floor, and in between the giggles, the girls were forming the chorus and singing along with much vigour.
“Sowing the seeds of love, seeds of love…sowing the seeds”.
Whilst Dave had picked something which said “Love” and a song which appeared a damn sight safer than “I wanna sex you up”, his vision of an analogy of farmers spreading the good word of love through song, was different to the girls who thought that Dave was admitting that every night he gets into bed and dreams of sowing his seed.
Mr Johnson retold that by the time Mrs Cartwright had given Mr Cartwright the breakdown of the laughter and the reason behind it, and they’d debated what to do about the apparent vulgarity of one particular track, the girls had seemingly got part way through side 2. The romance, sentiment and nature of side 2 had calmed the girls back from the frenzy, and Dave’s kudos was being re-established as he became a real contender for Veronica’s affection with the encouragement of the clique. It was then that disaster truly struck. Veronica’s parents entered her room to explain that they’d allow the tape, but that Veronica should probably be careful as boys can easily get confused at that age. Mrs Cartwright had a firm stance on this apparently.
“That Marsdon boy has alrea
dy blotted his copy book once with his over-excited hormones, so this is his last chance, OK?” Dave’s antics at the museum were coming back to haunt him.
“Don’t worry Mum. The rest of the tape has been really sweet, and he has even written cute little messages inside the cover.”
“Yeah Mrs C, the whole of this side has been dead nice. There were even a few old songs on there that I bet you and Mr C would like.’ The clique had seemingly softened and Dave had allies in the room. Momentarily.
“Look Mum, I honestly think that he put that on there by mistake. He is a nice enough lad. Look, this last track will show you how OK this side has been. He has written that this song says it all. It says here that it’s called ‘I Want to Make You Mine’ which is so sweet”
The girls collectively coo-ed as they covered their blushing cheeks, all secretly thinking about the boys in class that they wished had made them mix tapes.
As the drum, bass line and guitar came in, and Veronica leaned back, looking over to her parents hoping that her ears were deceiving her, the harsh reality of the moment hit. Two of her friends went crimson red with combined shock, horror and breathlessness as they tried in vain to hold back the laughter, only to snort out of their noses in an uncontrollable fashion. In a domino style affect, this set two of the other girls off crying as the collection of girls collapsed into non-stop giggles around Veronica, who could only look in trepidation at her parents. Her mother looked like someone who’d just been told that they’d won the lottery, but lost her ticket. Her father looked like he was strangling the thin air, and the air was about to be killed if the anger in his face could be turned into action. The room was silent by the time the song had reached the chorus, and the real song title became apparent.