by Dom Price
“OH SHIT. Tim Parkin.” Glancing down at his watch amongst the lift full of startled workers, Dave realised he was 20 mins late for a meeting with the man who might decide his fate. This wasn’t a good start. It was time for some damage limitation.
***
Chapter Limited Damage
***
“Hello there. Dave Marsdon to see Tim Parkin. He should be expecting me. Thanks.”
“Afternoon Mr Marsdon. Please sign in and then take a seat and we’ll contact Mr Parkin for you.”
The receptionist was one of those attractive assertive types, who made even the sternest of businessmen melt. Dave had signed in and politely sat down before she’d even found Tim’s extension number.
“Mr Marsdon?” Dave leapt from his seat like an eager school boy wanting to please the teacher. “I’m afraid Mr Parkin is out to lunch, but I believe he is with some colleagues of yours. They are just along the road. Here are the details if you’d like to join them immediately.”
As Dave was led over to the table, his mind was still trying to work out any possible positive connotations to Kipto and Jason having lunch with someone so important. There weren’t any, even in his wildest of imagination. This was more likely to be the last supper or maybe an attempt to get them on neutral territory, which always meant bad news. Kipto was too caught up in missing home, culture and a desired feeling of worth through wanting to contribute to society. He didn’t see his taxes and work as contribution enough. Jason was a menace. Mildly OK at his job, and a smooth talker, he was at his most dangerous when his brain left his head and returned to its normal resting place near his penis. In fact, on personality and past times alone, these guys were the essential ingredients to a short career rather than the touch paper with which to light the working relationship to make a career. These guys weren’t exactly the A team.
Adversity and uphill battles were all a part of Dave’s repertoire in the boardroom, but with the maitre d’ pointing towards the table, Dave felt like he’d just walked the plank on his illustrious career.
“Dave, come join us. We saved you a seat.” It was a vibrant and smiling Tim Parkin. To all intents and purposes, he looked just like the Tim that Dave had met several times, but he’d never seen him smile, laugh or cajole in such a way. Maybe he was the smiling assassin.
“We were just talking about you. I hope your ears weren’t burning? Don’t worry, it was all good. These boys were just telling me about your coaching and mentoring. It is simply wondrous that you’d go to so much trouble to hand pick and book these people for this job. I couldn’t have matched them better myself.”
There was no obvious irony in Tim’s tone, so Dave silently searched for other interpretations of what Tim had just revealed. There were none.
“Sorry, how rude of me. Dave, please let me introduce Abebe. Abebe, this is Dave who I’ve been telling you about.”
A very confused Dave gently shook the hand of the beautiful black woman who was sat to his right. Her teeth shone with such brightness that they were nearly blinding, and her skin was blemish free in every way.
“Abebe is our Head of Human Resources.”
Dave’s heart sank to below his feet. Looking squarely at Kipto and Jason, it was the latter that was the outright favourite as things stood. If anyone had done something that required a meeting on neutral ground with the Head of Human Resources, it was Jason and his wandering libido.
“Kipto and Jason have been working very closely with Abebe on this project, and we’re already having some amazing results. Much better than we expected, and I think there is real potential here. Whilst I am normally quite conservative, I think the traction we’ve got in these short few days deserved a reward, so lunch is on me. Cheers.”
Dave still hadn’t spoken. He felt like he was in a parallel universe where nothing made sense. Everyone was smiling for no apparent reason. There was a strange, but beautiful woman with blinding white teeth. There was a senior Food United Group executive who appeared to be happy without obvious cause.
Jason was first to notice Dave’s disorientation. “I might just go and check out the specials board. Dave, did you want to come with me?”
A slightly dazed Dave managed a nod, and was on his way with Jason.
“Are you OK boss? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”
“Funny that. I was expecting to be dead and buried, but unless I am mistaken I am not. What the hell is going on Jason? Why, what, how and who? NOW.”
“Easy tiger. Look, on our first day we got bored so did a little tour of the office. They had all these FUG Community posters up about combining cultures and making the workplace a better place by understanding diversity of something. Anyway, Kipto got a culture hard on, and couldn’t help but call the number and got straight through to Abebe. Turns out she is from a similar tribe or whatever to him. Anyway, she came down straight away and they sat in the conference room talking mumbo jumbo. At the same time, I got bored of their mumbo jumbo so went for my own office tour. Turns out that Tim has an off-sider called Martin who has a stunning, 8.5/10 steaming hot PA. I struggle to remember, but she claims I picked her up the other week in the Queen, so we went out for another drink. Her body is divine. She does yoga too.”
Jason stopped in the moment, closed his eyes and appeared to transport himself back into his memory judging by the smile on his face.
“OK, OK, I get the picture.”
“No you don’t. I ended up getting a little bit too drunk with her on Friday night and told her about what we were supposed to be doing here and how I didn’t have a clue because I am basically smoke and mirrors. Pretty face but little behind the front eh? Anyway, she then tells me that someone did a very similar piece of work about a year ago but never finished it for some reason, and then mailed me the whole lot. It’s given us about a 2 week head start.”
“Wow. Jason, that is remarkable, both in its results and your method of acquiring such results. But why is the Head of Human Resources here having lunch with us? Please don’t tell me you’ve ruined this already?”
“No boss. The head of HR is also otherwise known as Tim’s wife. She’s majorly smitten with Kipto and keeps on dragging him off to help with all these diversity plans she has got. Tim even came in the office this morning to say that he’d happily pay a separate hourly rate for all the extra stuff that Kitty has been doing, so we’re sweet.”
“And your PA friend?”
“Yeah mate, she is steamingly, smoulderingly hot.”
“I’m not looking for a review Jason. What I mean is, she isn’t going to give anything away?”
“No way boss. She couldn’t afford for her husband to find out.”
Dave’s eyes rolled 360 degrees back around his head. Why oh why did he have to do this. He was keen to employ non-standard approaches to work and had taken a few innovative steps in his own career development, but Jason was a new breed.
“Let’s get back to the table, and please keep it in your trousers for the entire meal if you can?”
***
Chapter Up In The Air
***
Dave’s success hadn’t all been based on the rule of 3. It helped that he was a manic obsessive consumer of all business material. What made Dave’s passion for all this research, literary and studies was his immediate dismissal of their findings.
Essentially, it was a constant contradiction. Back in the office he was reading one of his latest periodicals from Harvard, hoping for some inspiration as to the events of the day. His mind was highly educated but equally closed. With each sentence of everything he head, he became more and more convinced that he was right.
He reached for his phone, lazily buzzing Laura and requesting her presence.
“Right, have you read this? Obviously not, it would be like giving the keys to a Formula 1 car to a blind man. Anyway, my point is that these bloody professors and doctors and academics don’t know a thing. There ideas are fine in theory, but fail in practice. I mea
n, there is a section here that suggests that the more responsibility and trust you give an employee, the more they flourish, and that if you micro manage them, you actually slow their development. Well that is simply bollocks. Can you imagine what life would be like here if we tried that eh? All hell would break lose.”
Sadly, Laura had a well prepared and very eloquent argument on the tip of her tongue that would put Dave firmly in his place, but she knew she was saving it for a rainy day. A day when he would actually hear a single word she said and take some of it in.
“Shocking sir. Is there anything else you need me for?”
“Of course there is. I didn’t just bring you in here for a mindless chit chat about the merits of empowerment.”
Dave softened. His features lost their angst, his hands untangled and he sat back slowly in his chair. Laura instinctively knew what this meant and closed the door. It was favour time.
“Is there anything I can do to help Mr Marsdon?”
“Oh, for starters you can call me Dave.” This was a usual line when he wanted help. “Well Laura, there is something you can do to help. “
Dave went on to give Laura a slightly emphatic and embellished version of his morning conversation with Bill Hennessey, and the various ramifications.
“So in essence, I can ignore Big Nicks challenge and go over his head, if instead of fabricating some farcical relationship with a woman; I can instead secure the ultimate relationship and land Food United Group as a client. This means that we need to up the ante and find this Ronnie Patel chap, and quick smartish. What have you got so far?”
“There he goes again,” thought Laura, once again frustrated by the selective use of we and you.
“Well Sir. I mean Dave. I’ve been in contact with a few people and keep on searching the databases we’ve got access to, and so far WE haven’t got a huge amount to go on. It looks like he is due imminently into the country and I do know there are some quite senior meetings of the big wigs at Food United Group locked in for late this week and early next, that maybe he is arriving for. I can put the feelers out again if you want to see what I can get?”
“Yes please Laura, that would be great. I’ve been surprised more than once today, and I don’t want any surprises when it comes to Ronnie Patel. For my plan to work, I need to have something with which to plan around. Ambiguity is all well and good, but we’ll be up against all the other big companies here who’ll want a piece of the FUG pie, and we need to be one step ahead. Just focus on finding whatever you can, however small and insignificant it might seem. And go for lunch with Tim’s PA. Get her drunk. See if she has anything to spill. And don’t mention Jason. Long story, but he’s best left off topic.”
“On it sir. Is there anything else?”
Dave hardened again in the instant. His posture firmer, his shoulders higher and the look in his eye more menacing.
“Yeah, be a love and run and get me a coffee. Here’s 3 quid. Get your own too if there is any change.”
The wink from Dave raised a veil of red mist in front of Laura’s eyes as she nearly swung for her boss.
“And quick as you can. I’m parched here.”
Dave was still disagreeing with another article on innovation in the magazine when he was interrupted by the inconvenience of his desk phone ringing. Even worse, it was ‘private number’ and he didn’t have his trusty PA to screen his calls for him.
Risk Management 101 suggested to Dave that it was far safer to let it ring off and wait for the voicemail. Dave was staring at the light on the phone, waiting for the flash to indicate a message, but nothing.
Suddenly startled by the loud ringing, it was ‘private number’ again. Dave had far too much to do this afternoon to get caught up on an unimportant call, and it wasn’t right for him to be answering his own phone. It clearly didn’t convey the right message about his status. Best left alone.
Again the game continued as Dave stared impatiently at the lack of light on the phone. “Why would you call and not leave a message eh? Idiot.”
As his door swung open and Laura entered with his coffee, it was time for the bark. “Where have you been? The bloody phone has practically been ringing non-stop here.”
“Well...”
“Laura, now isn’t the time for excuses. We’ve got a lot on and...”. Dave was stopped by the phone ringing again. He looked at Laura, and without a word, she ran to her phone on the main floor, tapped some numbers, arranged her smile to go along with her phone voice and answered the call.
Dave sat in his office, intrigued, and quite glad to have this level of service. It is what someone of his seniority and worth should have, and he considered it a just reward for his efforts. Dave took a manly swig of his extremely hot coffee, and was about to chastise Laura for not warning him, when she entered his office.
“It’s Peter from Barker Constructions. He says it’s urgent.”
***
Chapter Good Victory, Wrong Battle
***
“Peter, it’s been a long time between drinks, how are you?”
This was Dave’s way of apologising. His usual attention to clients like Barker Construction was meticulous, but all this mumbo jumbo about finding a girlfriend and moving goal posts around his promotion had distracted him somewhat.
“I’m exceptionally well actually David. Exceptionally well. And you?”
“Ah, you know what it’s like. Busy as ever, but I’m keeping my head above water. It’s funny you called actually. I’d only just said to Laura this afternoon to set something up for us soon, as I was keen to catch up.” Not entirely true, but never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
“Well isn’t that funny. Great minds eh. Well I wanted to chat to you too, but I’d rather discuss things face to face. When can you catch up?”
“Give me a minute Peter and I’ll check.” Placing his hand over the phone, Dave beckoned Laura back into his office. It was an old tactic but it appeared to still work. His diary was pretty much clear for the rest of the week, but that wouldn’t portray the appropriate level of importance.
Despite that fact that Laura was a matter of inches away from him, and conveniently refusing to use the ‘mute’ button on the phone, Dave started his performance.
“Laura, I know the diary is chocker, but we have to move things around. Peter needs to see me.”
Laura looked momentarily confused until she saw the smirk on Dave’s face, and played along, waiting for her cue to do something.
Removing his hand from the receiver, Dave updated Peter. “Won’t be long Peter. Laura is just helping me with a few logistics regarding the old diary.”
“Oh, well if you are too busy...”
“Peter, I am never too busy for Barker Constructions. We just have to re-prioritise, and you know you are top of the pile.”
The nod to Laura was her signal. “Well sir, there are a few things I can move and re-arrange for Thursday that would free you up around lunch.”
“Did you hear that Peter. How about lunch on Thursday?”
“Ah, that is perfect. And seeing as you’ve gone to all that effort to move things around, I think it should be my shout. 1pm here and I’ll sort out the restaurant. See you then David.”
Dave didn’t feel a twinge of guilt as they pulled up next to a rather exclusive and expensive Italian restaurant in the heart of the city. The aromas from outside were as sensational as some of the cars parked around. Like a showroom for the rich and outrageous, luxury was apparent at every glance.
“Your table is ready sir. I have a selected a chilled bottle of Pinot Grigio ready for you at the table, as well as some of the finest Italian sparkling water. Please let your waiter know should you require anything else.”
The posh undertone with a strong hint of Tuscany just didn’t sound right, but everything else about this place was perfection. Despite the seriousness of the surroundings, Dave was feeling quite relaxed. His main focus right now was Food United Group. There wa
s nothing that Peter could say, ask, or reveal that would change Dave’s plight. Bill had made his mission pretty clear. For that reason, Dave sat back in his sublime chair and sipped on the ideally chilled Italian wine which graced his taste buds with lashings of joy. It tasted even nicer knowing someone else was paying for it.
Given his state of mind and the fact that there was nothing riding on this, Dave was more than happy to engage in general chit chat with Peter. He heard, but didn’t listen too, several stories about Peter’s holidays, pets, wife, children and home renovations. There was a strange sanctity in his realisation that he couldn’t empathise with a single topic that Peter had covered, and they’d already eaten their starters.
“Well Peter, on a personal note, it is great to see you in such high spirits.” It was all Dave could say in response to Peter’s drivel. Still, he just had to remind himself that other than his time, this was costing him nothing, and the food was bloody awesome.
“Anyway, I’ve not brought you here to entertain you with stories. There is some news I’d like to share with you that might just make your year.”
Dave perked up. He didn’t think that this would get any better than a free lunch, but it seemed that by the beaming smile on Peter’s face that things were about to take a turn for the even better.
“Another bottle of the Pinot Gris please waiter. We might just be having an early celebration.”
The anticipation was killing Dave. He wanted to rush the waiter back to the bar, as it was evident that Peter was waiting for the glasses to be filled before continuing with his story. Dave’s eyes and facial expression were trying to will the waiter on to faster service. He needed this news, and patience wasn’t something he was famed for.
“Good things come to those who wait David.”