by Lynn, Davida
She smiled at my attempt at humor. “Well, I think we might have found something you’ll enjoy a little more than a desk. How do you feel about children?” She looked at me with curious eyes, as if my answer was the beginning and end of life itself.
“Love kids.” I tolerated kids. We did our fair share of fire prevention events where kids climbed all over our engine with their dirty little fingers. They would flip switches, yank at anything that wasn’t tied down, and they’d walk away without so much as a thank you. Yeah, I lied. I lied because despite being smart enough to work a desk, it terrified me.
Walking through HQ had done something to me. Seeing all of those people at work in front of a computer slapped me with claustrophobia. I was used to working anywhere but inside of a cubicle. If they wanted me out and about handing out stickers, I’d tolerate the little terrors.
“Well, if you are interested, we need someone to travel to schools around the city and outlying counties to give fire prevention talks. It’s about fifty-fifty between the desk and traveling. You’d take one of the DFD Suburbans, so you don’t put miles on your own vehicle. How does that sound?”
Other than the children, it didn’t sound too bad. I’d be in the community, on my feet, and still doing some good for the city. “Yeah, I’ll take it.”
As Sheryl showed me around HQ, I wanted nothing more than to pull Abbey into the nearest broom closet and strip her down to nothing. The run and the cold shower afterwards hadn’t done much to extinguish the heat.
My office was on a different floor from Abbey, which was probably a good thing. I couldn’t get enough of her. We had plans to grab some coffee over lunch, and I was ticking off the minutes. We had only been on one date, but the sex had changed everything. I knew that we weren’t just picking things up where we left off, but it was hard to think about taking it slow after the mind-blowing sex.
Someone from IT hadn’t come by to set up my computer yet, so I sat at the empty desk and looked at the drab walls. Thank god I’d get to leave, because it wasn’t far off from a prison cell.
I startled myself when I cleared my throat. The sound reverberated, coming back to me far louder than I expected.
“Gotta get some shit up on the walls.” Again, the words ricocheted around the bare room. I had a drawer at home that was a time machine of my achievements. It was filled with certificates, passing test scores, and letters from the state of Michigan and the city of Detroit. They never interested me all that much, but I figured there’d be someday I’d look back on them and feel pride.
Abbey’s helmet and shield were on display in her office. Her short stint at E37 meant she never plowed through any equipment other than her recruit gear. I lost track of how many helmets had been damaged beyond OSHA standards. One of my old ones sat on a shelf below my coffee table. A large scrape that turned into a split down the left side had put it out of service.
My mind jumped back to the warehouse fire. Kade and I made entry, and it was like walking into a nightmare. The place had printed banners and billboards, and apparently there was some big push for childhood obesity going, because all we saw were flaming pictures of children running and playing on swings. We both froze in place at the sight, and it saved our lives. A beam above us had failed, and the steel dropped like it was on a mission to kill us. One step ahead, and it would have succeeded. Instead, I lost a helmet, and damn near had to change my briefs.
There was an extra set of shelves sitting in my garage, and I could already picture it against the wall to my left. My helmet would sit on top of it, in full view. Above it, I’d frame some of the certs from my more impressive qualifications.
The knock at my door shook me from my daydreams. My heart was racing, pumping adrenaline like I was still inside the burning warehouse. I wasn’t, though. I was in the furthest thing from that warehouse.
“Yeah, come on in.” I looked around for something to make myself look busy, but my desk was still bare.
Abbey walked in, and I breathed a sigh of relief. She knew I’d be completely lost in the new environment.
“Hey there, you.”
She smiled, closing the door once she was inside, “Hey yourself. Ready to grab a bite?”
I looked out the window, “Is it noon already? Christ, I haven’t gotten a thing done.” I wondered how long it would be until they realized I was useless. I’d be thrown out on the street to find a real job.
Abbey dropped into the ‘50s-style chair that sat across from my ‘50s metal desk. “I’ll let you in on a little secret: some days, I don’t do a damn thing around here. Welcome to government bureaucracy. Now, how about that lunch?”
The lunch did make me feel better. Abbey gave me a rundown on the office politics, and how to keep off the radar. “Luckily for you, there’s no real way to measure fire prevention. You can’t exactly hand in paperwork showing you did your job well.”
“Then how do I do my job well?” I wadded up the wrapper of a sandwich and rolled it beside hers.
“Show up, give your speech—” Before I could interrupt, Abbey went on, “I know you don’t have one, but you’ll develop it. Just hit the usual points, and then mold it to fit your style.”
I didn’t know what my style even was. I usually stood back while the kids climbed all over the truck. If they started flipping switches, I’d jump in, but I wasn’t exactly outgoing with them. Kids had always made me nervous, and what Abbey said next didn’t help a damn thing.
“I envy you, Jonah. I’d love to get to work with kids all day.” There was a twinkle in her eyes that I had never seen before. Kids had never been something that had even entered my mind, but in that instant, she told me so much.
Back in my office, I forced myself to get some work done. I looked through the folders of all the different schools in the greater Detroit area, as well as some community outreach programs where I’d give my presentation to kids.
The work was slow and boring, but I figured that once I got some of my own stuff in the office, the place wouldn’t be so draining. I hoped, anyway. I was going to spend the next thirty-some years at headquarters; I told myself I’d better get used to it. I looked through boxes of stickers and pencils and other giveaways. The kids ate that shit up, but I wondered if they ever looked at the info printed on there. I jotted a quick idea down on a Post-it.
Leaning back in my chair, I had to laugh. Almost the end of my first day of work, and I had one Post-it stuck to my desk to show for it. I knew that many would join it in the future, but I couldn’t help but doubt myself. Would I be able to handle the kids? Would I be able to get through to them? Would I come in one day to be told that I was worthless at anything but taming the fiery beast?
Abbey was right. One day at a time. It was hard to wrap my head around such a large career change. Despite the run that morning, I was antsy, ready to walk out the door for the day. Hell, I wasn’t even used to going to work five days in a row. The most I had ever done was 48-hours on shift, which is more than five days of desk work jammed into two consecutive days.
I didn’t know how Abbey was able to do it. She loved her job. I was glad that I was still able to serve the Detroit Fire Department in one way or another, but this was the opposite end of the scale from what I had grown up dreaming of doing. I dreamed of the heat of the flames against my skin, and I dreamed of drowning the flames that threatened my city. I didn’t dream of little booger monsters begging to put my helmet on.
Trying to get kids off my mind, I pulled out my phone and sent Abbey a quick text. We were still trying to take things slow, despite the mind-blowing sex from the weekend. I was going to see if she wanted to come over after work. Sex wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but I’d certainly let the evening play out.
A few seconds later, my phone vibrated, and I got Abbey’s response.
I gotta take care of something first thing in the AM, but I’m all yours tomorrow.
It was a bit of a disappointment, but Abbey had a life of her own, and I w
as going to respect that. I could wait one more day to see her outside of grabbing a bite for lunch.
After the weekend, I was flying about a foot off the ground, and then something flashed in my mind. Had I agreed to work with kids because I was drunk on good feelings from Abbey? Shit.
I hated to blow Jonah off, but I had something on my mind Tuesday morning. It was gold shift at Engine 37, and I was in my car sipping coffee across the street. My adrenaline was pumping, and it was hard to keep the cup steady at my lips. I watched the trucks pull up as the fire fighters came on station for their 24-hour shift. I didn’t recognize many of the trucks, but I knew most of the men that stepped out. Some that calmed me, but most of them had banded together to make sure I didn’t stick around.
I had let most of that go, but I wouldn’t let my anger go for Havens. What did to Jonah was unforgivable. It was the action of an insecure pansy, and I was going to make sure he knew that. At quarter to seven, he pulled up. I knew it was him even before he shut down the truck. Black with tinted out windows, the truck was a foot higher than all the others in the small parking lot. It screamed, “Tiny penis-mobile!”
I was out of my car before the loud diesel of his truck shut down. I walked with power, with purpose. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew a flash of brilliance would hit me when the time was right.
My heart jumped when I saw the door open. Havens got out as I made my way across the street. Despite the sun barely scraping the horizon, Havens had on a pair of sunglasses and a trucker cap. He looked like his audition for Cops had gone well.
He didn’t see me as I closed on him, and I thanked the sunglasses for giving me a bit of cover. My mind shut down, and instinct kicked in. As Havens turned around and swung the door shut, I pulled back and threw a hard punch his way.
It connected at the bridge of his nose, breaking the glasses in half. I heard a crunch, and I didn’t know if it was the glasses, his nose, or my fingers. Havens dropped to the dirt, one lens still intact on his face.
“What in the fuck?” Blood poured from his nose.
My hand ached like a motherfucker, and I shook it, clenching and unclenching my fist. I crouched down in front of him as he reached up to touch his broken nose. When Havens finally realized what had happened, he looked to me. I actually scooted back when he started laughing. “I shoulda known. I shoulda known the second we found out that you were behind this.”
“I wasn’t behind any of this. Jonah just got tired of your shit. He was quitting long before he and I ever even saw each other, again.” My voice quivered, my body running on pure adrenaline.
He leaned his head back against the door of his pickup. Havens white shirt looked like it was melting with red from his nose. “Fuck you. Fuck him for sending a woman to do a man’s job. The fucker never even took a swing at me. Good fuckin’ riddance. I hope the two of you are real happy.”
I stood up, knowing that I wasn’t going to get sympathy or an apology from Havens. He’d always find a way to justify his argument; I was talking to a wall. I was halfway across the street when I turned, “He didn’t tell me who hit him, Havens. You’re just such a big asshole, even after two years, I knew it was you. He needed a stitch. You look a little worse for wear. Better get your story straight before you head in to start your shift. Can’t have Engine 37 talking about how you got your nose broke by a girl.”
Havens had dragged himself to his feet, but he had a hand on the driver’s side mirror. He extended the middle finger of his free hand, and I turned back to my car. I felt much better.
I stopped off for a bag of frozen fruit on the way to work. It thawed on my right hand as I sorted through paperwork with my left. A feeling of satisfaction kept the pain away, and I smiled thinking about whatever terrible lie Havens would come up with to disguise what had really happened to him.
Someone knocked on my door, and I swiped the softening berries into a drawer. My hand was red and a two knuckles were scraped up. “Come on in,” I said, sliding my right hand onto my lap beneath my desk.
The door swung open, and there was Jonah. He looked great in his DFD polo. I had to admit that the bunker gear was way sexier, but I liked the professional looking Jonah. It made him seem a little more grown up, somehow.
“Good morning, sir. How’s it feel going to work two whole days in a row?” I smiled at him as Jonah stepped inside and gave the door a shove. He dropped his body into the chair across from me.
“It’s gonna take some serious getting used to, but I think I’ll manage. You had your meeting this morning?”
I hadn’t said meeting, just that I had something. I guess there had been a meeting between my fist and Havens’ face. I’d leave that out of the conversation for the time being. “Yup, done and done. Would you like to do something after work?”
Jonah nodded, “I would, indeed. Why don’t we take a walk?”
“That sounds great.” I barely recognized the man sitting across from me. He was dressed for his desk job, asking me on fun, cutesy date ideas. And then there was me; out punching assholes in the face. Had we switched brains or something? I steered the conversation back to work, hoping to convince myself to make it through the entire day.
“When’s your first event?”
Jonah gave a look that screamed fear, “Tomorrow, actually.”
“Did you schedule it that early?”
“No,” he shook his head, “I guess this one was already on the books, and so here I am. I’ve got some videos to watch, and I’m going to do a quick online class for a fire prevention officer cert, but I am crapping myself. It’s a general assembly, like four hundred kids.”
I smiled at that thought. The few community outreach programs I did were so much fun. I loved interacting and talking with all of the children, especially the girls. If they showed any interest in going into the fire service, I would get overjoyed. I hoped that by the time they grew up, the mentality would be different, and they’d be able to make it.
Some of the girls called me their hero, and those sweet words from the little ones stuck with me.
“What’s with that smile?” Jonah raised an eyebrow.
“What smile?”
He leaned forward, “I start talking about little poop machines, and you get this glazed look in your eyes and a goofy smile on your face.”
“Don’t call them that. Come on, Jonah, they can’t help it.” Pain and hurt appeared on my face as I tried to defend the defenseless children that Jonah thought of as poop machines.
He laughed and raised his hands, “Okay, okay. They can’t help it. Regardless, I’m not sure how tomorrow is going to go. I thought I’d have a bit more prep time before they threw me into the raptor cage.”
I gave him a dirty look. Maybe fire prevention wasn’t the best thing for Jonah. “Is that how you really feel?”
“No, I’m just messing. I’m sure it will go just fine. I do all right with the kids, but it’s just way different than what I’m used to, you know?”
I looked away. It was far too early into things to bring up children, but over the last two years, the thought had come to me more and more often. If I brought it up after one date, I’d look like a baby-crazy woman. Based on what Jonah was saying, it would scare him away in a hurry. I had to bite my tongue. “Yeah, I know. Just nerves.”
I gave my mouse a shake, “Ok, mister. I gotta get back to it, and I’m sure you have some more prep work to do. I’ll see you at five, yeah?”
Jonah looked at me for a second. He probably saw right through my anything-but-subtle end to the conversation, “Yeah. I’ll see you at five.”
After he left and closed the door behind him, I brought my hand back up and got the makeshift icepack back on it, even though the bag of mixed berries was just about thawed. My hand was throbbing because my heart was pounding. Did Jonah not like kids? It really sounded like he didn’t. Was he going to survive in his position spending twenty hours a week getting mobbed by the little ones?
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