‘What can you see?’ Zingri whispered in my ear.
Everything beneath the great staircase was dark except for a few slices of moonlight that glinted in from the windows on the upper landings.
‘Ummm…’ I looked about, searching the gloom with my troll-vision, but spotted nothing. Maloney’s lepre-caravan was still wrapped tightly in a ball of Nancy’s unbreakable thread with the chickens peacefully snoozing on top of it. I could see the faint glow of candles coming from inside the web-covered caravan windows and the sound of Maudlin muttering to herself. She was still in there…
‘She hasn’t escaped,’ I mouthed to Zingri. ‘Maloney’s still trapped inside her home.’
‘Then who did we just see?’ Zingri asked. She leaned in above me and pressed her eye to the gap as well.
‘I’m not sure,’ I whispered, staring deeper into the darkness between the snowdrifts and snaking briars. ‘Maybe the wallpaper got it wrong?’
Suddenly something fast and black sped silently through the air, glinting across the shafts of moonlight, and landing on the stone counter with a low squawk and a scattering of snow from its wings. It was the gnomad’s magpie.
For a second my first thought was to call out to it, asking if it had seen anything suspicious … until it turned its head to the thickest of shadows and croaked, ‘It’sss sssafe! There’sss no one here.’
Instantly the small lantern I’d spotted through the frosted glass glinted into life again and the gnomad stepped out from its hiding place beneath the stairs.
‘Let’sss get thisss over with,’ the magpie grumbled, clacking its talons against the hard and frosty surface of the reception counter.
My heart started racing so fast I thought it was about to play a tune on the inside of my ribs. What was going on?
‘Patience, Jindabim!’ said a voice I’d never heard before. It was coming from under the gnomad’s clay mask. ‘This needs to be done properly.’
I felt Zingri grip my shoulder with surprise. Gnomads can’t talk. Everybody knows that. It’s why the strange little creatures always keep an animal familiar to speak for them. This wasn’t a gnomad at all!
‘Let’sss teach them all a lessson,’ the magpie rasped.
‘Not long now, Jin,’ the not-a-gnomad chuckled. It lifted the lantern and I caught a glint of green from the single eyehole of its mask. ‘Revenge is close.’
With that, it reached up and pulled the clay thing from its head.
‘I can’t wait to sssee them sssquirm!’ the magpie cackled.
For a moment the small figure underneath the mask was obscured by the impenetrable shadows, but then it stepped into the moonlight and I found myself staring at a small pale-faced figure with jet-black hair and a patch over his right eye. He lifted his head and grinned at the bird. It was a boy… A HUMAN BOY!
I gasped a lungful of freezing winter air, and had to clap my arm across my mouth and nose to stop myself from coughing and giving away our hiding place.
‘He’s human!’ I hissed at Zingri.
‘What does he mean about revenge?’ she said, looking as confused as I felt. ‘What’s going on, Frankie?’
I opened the door a tiny bit more and stared with wide eyes and the sound of my heartbeat thundering in my ears.
The pale-faced boy glanced up at the portrait hanging above the counter and laughed wickedly.
‘There you are, you dim-witted old fool,’ he jeered at Abraham’s painted face. ‘I bet you didn’t think you’d see me again.’
‘It’sss a pity he popped hisss clonkersss,’ Jindabim said with a sickening croak. ‘I’d peck out hisss eyesss if he was ssstill humpling about the place.’
The boy snickered at the magpie’s comment. How did they know Great-Great-Great-Grandad Abraham?
‘It’s time, Jindabim,’ the boy said. ‘Get the goblin.’
It was all happening too fast for me to take it in. Goblin? What goblin?
I watched as the magpie took off again in a flurry of feathers and swooped upwards past the spiral staircase. If I remembered correctly, Mum had booked the gnomad into one of the small rooms on the second floor.
‘K-kaaawk!’ it crowed as it vanished over the lip of the landing and flapped out of sight down the second-floor corridor.
I waited, trying to slow down my thoughts, as the mysterious boy scuffed about in the snow.
The bird was gone for just a moment before it reappeared, carrying the birdcage-shaped piece of luggage it had told Dad off for touching.
‘Got it!’ Jindabim cackled as it came in to land, lowering the strange luggage gently onto the stone counter. ‘Got the goblin!’
‘Excellent,’ the boy said. He reached up and untied the cloth that was tightly wrapped round the object, dropping it to the snowy ground. ‘Let’s see how our little friend is doing.’
LOOK WHO’S BACK!
‘YOU LIARLY, FIB-MONGERING SKWONKER!’
Somehow I managed to keep from falling down while screaming and peeing my pyjamas with shock and surprise. What had looked like a birdcage-shaped piece of luggage was actually a large glass bell jar, and in it … in it was … the green, glowing ghost of…
‘I’VE BEEN CRUMPED UP IN HERE ALL DAY LIKE A SARDOON IN A TINKERY-TIN!’
…Prince Grogbah!!!
The snivelling little goblin ghost wedged his tiny hands onto his hips and tapped one of his curly-toed shoes grumpily.
‘Do you know who I am?’ he whinged. ‘MY MOOMSY IS QUEEN LATRINA! She’d have you thrown in prison if she knew I was in here! I’m the heir to the throne of the Dark and Dooky Deep, dontcha know?!’
‘Silence!’ the boy said. ‘We’ve got more important things to be getting on with.’
‘Don’t silence me, you squivelling little CARBONKLE!’ Grogbah jumped up and down with rage inside the glass jar. ‘I’m the reason you found this place! You’d still be out there somewhere, snuffling about for clues, if I hadn’t shown you the way.’
‘I know!’ the boy said, shooting Prince Grogbah a bad-tempered look.
‘I wanted to watch them all get GOBBLED! You told me I could!’
‘I KNOW!’ the boy grunted, louder this time.
‘Your mangy PARROT got to watch—’
‘I’m a magpie, ssstupid!’ Jindabim screeched back at the little ghost.
‘Stop it, both of you!’ the boy commanded in a hushed voice.
‘Well, it’s not FAIR!’ Grogbah barked. ‘All I wanted was to see that bratly little Frankie get CHUNGLED UP into porky pieces!’
The boy ignored Grogbah – he seemed to be searching the stone reception counter for something.
‘Did they scream?’ Grogbah asked in a quieter voice. ‘As they were grunched?’
‘There was lotsss of ssscreaming,’ Jindabim croaked.
‘HAHA!’ Grogbah clapped his little hands together. ‘I hope they all thought of me right before they were gobbled!’
‘They didn’t,’ said the boy.
‘Eh?’ Grogbah’s face twisted in horror. ‘Why not?’
‘They weren’t gobbled!’
‘WHAT?’
‘The plan went wrong!’ the boy snapped, spinning round to glare at Grogbah.
Grogbah’s lower lip started to tremble.
‘That dim-witted spider ruined everything at the last minute,’ the boy huffed. He was so angry, the words almost flew out of his mouth like darts. ‘The hideous leprechaun’s shrunken heads were the only thing left in porky pieces after everyone de-miniaturised.’
Behind me, Zingri gasped.
‘Did you hear that?’ she whispered. ‘Maloney was innocent all along!’
I looked over at the faint glow coming from inside Maudlin Maloney’s web-wrapped caravan and felt a rush of guilt bubbling up from my belly. We’d got it so wrong. The only thing that grizzly old leprechaun was guilty of was a few unimpressive hexes.
‘And Frankie Banister wasn’t squished?’ Grogbah whimpered, catching my attention again. ‘Not even a w
inksy bit?’
‘No,’ said Jindabim. ‘Not even a tiny bit crunkled.’
‘Or chomplicked?’
‘NO!’
‘THEN WHY HAVE YOU GOT ME LOCKED UP IN HERE?’ Grogbah pounded his tiny hands on the glass and it clanged with a sharp, ghostly TING! The jar must have been enchanted or Grogbah would have stuck his arm right through it.
‘WILL YOU SHUT UP?! You’ll wake the whole hotel!’ the boy hissed. ‘You’re in there because you’re loud and stupid and I can’t have you giving us away before we get the job done.’
‘LOUD? STUPID? HOW DARE YO— What job?’ Grogbah said.
‘It’sss not all over yet,’ Jindabim croaked.
‘It’s not?’ cooed the little goblin ghost as a hopeful grin crept across his face.
‘Not even close,’ said the boy. ‘There’s more than one way to get rid of the Banisters.’
Grogbah giggled with glee.
‘And, anyway, I’ve decided we need to aim higher,’ the boy continued. ‘Getting Frankie and his stupid family gobbled isn’t enough. I want revenge on every single magical creature in this stinking hotel.’
‘Really?’ Grogbah asked.
‘Really! We’re going to break the invisibility spell that protects this place and expose them all,’ the boy sneered. ‘Then the humans will come with their helicopters and their tanks and blast the Nothing To See Here Hotel into a pile of rubble! The muddle-brained magicals will be locked away in zoos before they can even think about escaping.’
‘But how?’ Grogbah asked. ‘The invisibility spell is as old as the hotel itself. It’ll be a trickly-pickle to break.’
The strange child smiled at Grogbah.
‘That’s what you think,’ he said, then placed his hands on the reception counter. For the tiniest of seconds all the twisty runes carved around its stone edges flashed the exact green of the boy’s single eye. ‘I’ve done my homework. The runes on this ugly block of rock are enchanted with troll magic. It’s what keeps the hotel invisible to humans. All we have to do is crack it.’
‘Well, that shouldn’t be too diffidonk,’ Grogbah laughed, looking impressed. ‘I suppose if we could get our grabbers on a few tools, or maybe one of those hammerish thingies.’
‘That would be too noisy,’ the boy said. ‘We’d be caught in seconds.’
‘What are we going to do then?’ Grogbah grumbled, pulling a moody face.
‘We’re going smash it in one quick crunch.’ The boy pointed up to the closed sky door, ten floors above. ‘We’ll drop it from there!’
‘Have you been brain-bonked?’ the little goblin ghost scoffed. ‘Who’s going to do that?’
Jindabim fluttered to the boy’s shoulder and the pair of them leaned menacingly towards the glass jar.
‘You are,’ they said to a very startled Grogbah.
‘NOT SO FAST!’
Now … I didn’t want to ruin the drama and excitement of discovering the gnomad was actually a seriously sinister mystery-boy plotting to destroy the hotel, and Prince Grogbah was back in all his griping glory, so I left you to it for a few pages.
And weren’t they good ones?
I KNEW YOU’D AGREE!!!
So, not wanting to spoil all the tension, I waited until now to tell you that while Grogbah and his strange captor were nattering away about their dastardly plans, the wallpaper had been quietly whispering all over the hotel.
Back around the time that Grogbah yelled, ‘MY MOOMSY IS QUEEN LATRINA!’ I noticed a pair of faces peeking over the railing of the third-floor balcony. It was Mum and Dad.
Then, only a few seconds later, I saw Nancy sneaking a quick look round the corner of the archway that leads down to the kitchen.
Words can’t even begin to explain the massive rush of relief I felt when I knew that Zingri and I weren’t going to have to face this peculiar pair alone. I nearly burst out crying!!
Anyway … where were we? Ah, yes…
‘Have you been brain-bonked?’ the little goblin ghost scoffed. ‘Who’s going to do that?’
Jindabim fluttered to the boy’s shoulder and the pair of them leaned menacingly towards the glass jar.
‘You are,’ they said to a very startled Grogbah.
‘ME?’ the little goblin ghost blurted. ‘Not on your nelly! You must be twizzled! Are your panty-bloomers on too tight?’
‘Ghosts can move things without touching them, correct?’ the boy asked.
‘Well … yes…’ Grogbah mumbled. ‘But that’s just small things like books or shoes … maybe twitching a few curtains or jangling the odd chain while going “WOOOOOO!”. I can’t lift that blunking great thing!’
‘Maybe not you alone,’ the boy said, ‘but more of you could.’
‘More? How are you going to get more ghosts?’
The boy’s face split into a grin that would have made a snake queasy.
‘I may be human, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have certain … powers.’
The boy lifted the patch that covered his right eye for a moment and a flash of green light filled the room.
‘Watch!’ he said. The air above reception suddenly crackled as Lady Leonora Grey and Wailing Norris materialised, but something was very wrong. They were floating limply, as still as soldiers, like they were in a trance … and their eyes were … their eyes were glowing green just like the boy’s.
‘What’s wrong with them?’ Grogbah sniffed, turning up his snub nose at the new ghostly company. ‘Snoozling, are they? Amateurs!’
‘They’re under my control,’ the boy said. ‘They’ve been necromanicled.’
‘Oooh, handy!’ Grogbah chuckled. ‘Can I do that?’
‘Not unlesss you’ve been cursssed by a graveghassst,’ Jindabim answered.
‘Right,’ said the boy. He waved his arms about like he was directing traffic, and the thorny vines that tangled through the snowdrifts and up the walls started to creak and move. ‘Shall we get this started?’
I watched in amazed dread as a particularly spiky briar, under the boy’s command, snaked up the stone counter and lifted the bell jar off the little prince.
‘I’m going to enjoy this,’Grogbah said, performing a few stretches after being cooped up for so long.
Lady Leonora and Wailing Norris floated down and joined the goblin ghost at the side of the stone block.
‘Up we go!’ Grogbah cooed. The three ghosts held out their hands and twitched their fingers at the counter. It shuddered, then crunched noisily across the black and white tiles.
For a moment it looked like it was going to be too heavy to float, but then the enormous thing wobbled into the air, just above the snow, and…
‘HOLD IT!’ Mum came bounding down the staircase, three steps at a time. ‘HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOUNG MAN!’
The boy spun round, losing concentration and his grip on Lady Lenora and Wailing Norris for a moment. The counter bumped back onto the floor.
‘JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?’
Mum looked absolutely furious. I wasn’t sure how much she would have heard of the boy’s conversation from all the way up on the third-floor landing, but no one was going to meddle with the reception desk and get away with it while she was around.
‘Can I help you?’ Dad snapped as he raced after Mum.
My parents strode up to the child and stood over him in that parenty type way they all do.
‘I’M LOST!’ the boy suddenly blubbed, throwing his arms wide like he needed to be hugged. ‘Please help me. I got caught in the storm, and I can’t find my parents, and I think I just saw some scary ghosts moving this block of stone!’
Ha! The creepy kid had no idea Mum and Dad had been spying on him. Even if they hadn’t, lying to Mum is more difficult than scrubbing out the basement bedroom after Mr Vernon, the Stink Demon, has been to stay. She can sniff out a fib from one hundred paces.
‘Oh, you poor thing!’ Mum said, suddenly stopping and looking shocked. ‘How on earth did you get here?’
WHAT?! I watched in astonishment as both my parents crowded round the strange boy, fussing and comforting. If I didn’t think fast, Mum would be hugging the little brat in no time and he’d do something terrible to her.
There was nothing left to lose…
‘WAIT!!’ I screamed and dashed out through the library doors with Zingri lumbering behind me. ‘HE’S LYING!’
The boy jolted his head in my direction and a determined scowl creased his forehead.
‘I’m not lying!’ He began to sob. ‘Please. I’m so frightened. Won’t you help me find my way home? I’M ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD!’
‘Oh, you sweet child,’ Mum said, bending down and placing an arm round his shoulder.
‘STOP!’ Zingri shouted.
‘Get away from him!’ I yelled at Mum.
Mum took the boy’s hand and stood angrily up again.
‘Francis Banister!’ she snapped. ‘What is wrong with you? And you, Zingri? Can’t you see a human has wandered in from the street? We need to get him home.’
I could barely speak, I was so surprised and angry. This boy came into the hotel with a plan to destroy us all and my mother takes his word over mine? I opened my mouth to protest and then she winked.
I closed my mouth. Haha! My brilliant mum was playing this little blighter at his own game!
She looked me square in the face, then darted her eyes to something above us. Trying not to attract attention, I carefully looked upwards and saw Nancy silently creeping across the wall. She was getting in position to snare our unwelcome guest with her web.
I looked back to the boy, who was smiling sourly. He clearly thought he’d outsmarted us.
‘I can’t imagine how terrified you must have felt,’ Mum said, shuffling the kid into the centre of the floor near the fountain. ‘If you just wait here, I’ll go and find—’
‘WATCH OUT!!’ Grogbah suddenly screamed, waggling a stumpy green finger. He’d spotted Nancy.
Mum and Dad spun round to where the little ghost was hovering by the hatstand and…
‘AAAAAAAAGH!!’ Mum looked like she’d seen a ghost. Well … I suppose she really had. It’s nearly impossible to spot ghosts from a distance, they just look like smoke, so, from their hiding place on the third-floor balcony, my parents had missed the return of Grogbah.
You Ain't Seen Nothing Yeti! Page 7