“Si,” she teased and chuckled.
They spent the afternoon in the park until the kids complained of sore legs and tired eyes. Dusk fell, slowly turning the yellow light to a pale pink. Daniel gathered up all the supplies and took them to his Bronco quickly and efficiently.
Erin kept the last six cookies in her hand and doled them out to the children. Erica slipped her hand into Erin’s, and they walked back to the Bronco together.
Daniel rearranged things while Juan sat on the bumper and offered suggestions.
Before they reached the Bronco, Erica tugged Erin’s hand. Erin leaned down.
“What is it, Erica?”
“Can you come back to Grandma Maria’s?” she pleaded.
Erin sighed. “Not today, Erica. But I’ll be over sometime this week to check on you. I can even help you with your homework if you like.”
“But not tonight?” Erica’s lip quivered, and her small eyes filled with unshed tears.
Erin kissed the top of her head. “I have to grade papers, hon. And then I must finish my lesson plans for tomorrow. But you have my word that I will be by this week. And you and I will talk. All right?”
“Okay,” she whispered.
Erica’s hand tightened on Erin’s, and she walked stoically toward the vehicle.
They all climbed in. It was a quiet drive back to Erin’s home. The children were subdued, and even Daniel seemed to have something on his mind.
When her small house appeared, Erin turned to the three of them and smiled. “Thank you for inviting me. I had the best time.” She squeezed Erica’s hand gently and smiled at Juan. Then her eyes shifted to Daniel, and she blushed.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, querida.” Daniel moved to get out, but she waved him off.
“I’ve got it.” Erin opened her door and dug her keys out. She walked up the driveway and waved at the vehicle behind her. Erica was lost in the shadows, but she could see the two males lift their hands to wave. She made it to her porch and fitted the key into the lock.
Erin turned around one more time and waved as they drove away. She opened her door and shut it quietly behind her. And then she leaned on its solidness while her heart thumped painfully in her chest.
She wanted to go back to Maria’s. She wanted to sit at the table and discuss the day while listening to the excited retelling from the children. And then, God help her, she wanted to end her evening with Daniel. Just being with him. Looking at him. Listening to his gentle voice wash over her.
“I need to get a grip,” she reminded herself. Erin pushed herself off the door and threw her purse on the table by the couch. She walked slowly into her bedroom and stripped off her clothes. Then she made her way to the bathroom and filled the tub with hot, steaming water.
She couldn’t stand cold water. It had come from years of not having enough money to pay for electricity. How many times had she shivered in the frigid water just to get a man’s scent off of her?
Erin’s stomach rolled, and she gripped the towel rack tightly. Those days were gone. That life was gone. She would never go hungry again. And all her baths would be hot water. She simply needed to soak her bones and gather her thoughts.
She stepped into the water and hissed at the change in temperature to her body. The heat settled into her as she sank deeper into the water.
Erin closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the white porcelain of the tub. The day filtered through her in pieces. Details she filed away to enjoy later. The children’s laughter. The feel of Daniel’s hair in her hands. The good food and company.
“It’s fine.” She blew out a breath. “It’s great. I’m just a friend. And Erica needs someone to talk to.”
But she knew it was more than that. It was the feelings that all three stirred in her. Erica was the girl she wanted to protect above anything. She wanted to peel all the pain away and soothe the girl. Juan was an imp who needed a woman in his life to laugh at his silliness and be there when he needed another perspective.
And Daniel? What did he need?
“I’m going to have a nervous breakdown,” she muttered.
Erin washed herself and stepped from the tub. She wrapped a large dark blue towel around her body and sighed. She quickly dried off and slipped on pale peach pajama pants and a tank top with a large magnolia on it. Her hair was being difficult, so she simply pulled it back into a loose knot. She slid her feet into a pair of green fuzzy slippers.
“I need some distance.” Erin moved into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. It wasn’t a pretty sight. There were half a dozen eggs and a liter of milk. She wrinkled her nose. Looked like some type of omelet for dinner.
Erin heard the knock at her front door and lifted her head. She had more people in her home this last weekend than the entire past year. Odd. She walked toward the door, and opened it. Her jaw dropped.
Daniel stood there with another wicker picnic basket and a dozen white roses wrapped in green tissue paper.
“This afternoon was for the children, querida. This evening is for you.”
“Daniel,” she said pleadingly.
“Invite me in.” He smiled gently. “I’ve brought you dinner.”
She counted to three and made her decision. “Come in.” Erin exhaled and held the door open.
He was gorgeous. It seemed to strike her deeper every time she looked at him. Those hazel eyes that saw her. Those strong hands that even now gripped items to help her night go a little easier. He was dressed in simple blue jeans and a green T-shirt. But nothing about Daniel Rodriguez was simple.
And inside him? A good man who took care of his family. A man who made a life for himself and tried to make it better for others.
Erin pressed a hand to her trembling stomach. She had to end this tonight. She couldn’t live with herself if things went further. How could she possibly sacrifice this man’s feelings for her sense of security? It was contemptible at the least.
She shut the door, and Daniel handed her the ivory white roses. Erin lifted them to her nose and inhaled the fragrance on a sigh.
“I’ll put these in water.” Erin smiled tightly and went to find a vase in the kitchen. When they were properly arranged, she turned. Daniel stood in the doorway watching her.
“They pale in comparison to your beauty.”
Her breath hitched at the words. “I’m not who you think I am.”
“You are a teacher of young ones, yes?”
“Yes.”
“Are you married?”
“No.” Erin sighed. “I’m not married. Nor will I ever be.”
Daniel chose to ignore that. “You are lovely inside and out. You are exactly who I think you are.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat and the tears threatened to spill over her dark lashes. Her blue eyes met his. “My past has marked me. I cannot be more than a friend to you.”
“Your past?” Daniel repeated. He frowned. “And this is the past that has made you who you are?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Then I accept your past.”
“Oh, Jesus.” Erin slumped into the nearest chair. She cupped her head in her hands. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
“You are ill?” Daniel moved closer to her and massaged her back gently. “Was it the potato salad?”
“Oh my God!” Erin stood quickly and shoved the chair back into the kitchen table with excessive force. “It wasn’t the potato salad! How can you look at me and accept what you don’t even know about me?” Her hands clenched in fists. “I’m not a good person! Do you get that? I’m not a good person!” She buried her head in her hands and wept at the pain.
Daniel folded her gently against his chest and held her while she wept bitter tears. He patted her back gently and stroked her soft, blonde hair. Deep sobs racked her body and felt as if they were ripped from her very soul.
She held everything in so long that it was a constant painful ache. How could she tell this caring
man what she was? The thoughts raced around in her head painfully until she stepped back and held her hands up.
“You don’t understand.” Erin took a shaky breath. “And that’s my fault. I’ve let you believe I’m someone who you could be with. But I’m not.” Her blue eyes met his hazel ones.
“You wanted me to talk to you, Daniel? I guarantee that after this conversation, you’ll never want to talk to me again.”
Daniel stepped forward, but she shook her head. “Don’t touch me, please. Just let me get through this, and you can leave. Okay?”
“I will let you speak, querida.”
Erin rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “I grew up in foster homes. My mother gave me up when I was just a baby. I was a mistake. Someone who should never have been born.” She looked everywhere but at him. “Growing up in the system is hard. Harder than you would think, actually.” She took a breath. “You have to make friends in there. Friends who have your back. People who will look out for you. And I had that. Or so I thought.” The bitterness washed over her.
“No one seemed to pay much attention to me until I was about six. By then I could steal money from a lady’s purse when she came for a visit and still smile at her. I went into a few homes, but they never worked out. And one of my so-called brothers touched me in a way that was anything but brotherly.”
Shame crept through her, and her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t know who to tell. But I started doing bad things immediately so they would take me back. And they did. But there was always another family. Another person who couldn’t wait to put their hands on me.”
Erin closed her eyes. “And most of the stepfathers made their way into my bedroom. As soon as that happened, I would run away. The foster home soon labeled me ‘troubled.’ Troubled,” she repeated. “Because I took exception to being sexually abused in their lovely homes.
“But the halfway house wasn’t any better.” Erin rubbed her hands faster. “As soon as I turned twelve, I caught the eye of others at the house.” She opened her eyes and pinned Daniel with brilliant blue edged in pain. “I was the favorite party toy. I would perform oral sex on the boys for cigarettes for my friends.” Nausea swam in her throat. “And when I had enough of that, I ran away from there.” Her smile could have etched glass. “But the fun didn’t stop there.
“I had no money. I had nothing but the clothes on my back and a pair of tennis shoes barely held together by duct tape. So I ate out of trash cans and slept in a box in an alley. And one day a restaurant owner took me in. But he wanted more than to help me.” Erin smiled bitterly. “He raped me and then paid me. Told me to stay the hell away from him. So I did. But guess what? All of a sudden I had three hundred dollars. Fourteen years old with three hundred dollars. And I slept in an actual bed that night. Courtesy of a rapist.”
She fought against looking at Daniel. Her hands trembled as she smoothed them on her kitchen countertop. “I was too young to get a real job. No one would hire me. So I hired myself out.” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I slept with men for money, Daniel. I’ve whored myself for a roof over my head. Sometimes I think I would have been better off if I had just killed myself. Most pieces of me are gone anyway.”
Erin met his eyes through blurred vision. “I got a real job when I was sixteen and never looked back. I’ve made myself who I am today, true. But what I’ve come from is shameful and vile. I would never wish myself on anybody.” She blinked and tried to focus. “And now you know.” Erin bit her lip and looked at him fully.
Furious would have been too kind a word. She stepped back a foot as she saw his fists clench and unclench. A muscle worked in his jaw, and there was murder in his hazel eyes. His breath hitched in and out unevenly.
“Daniel,” she whispered.
“Do not talk to me yet, please.” Daniel closed his eyes and tried to breathe evenly. It didn’t work. He turned his back to her and hit the wall as hard as he could. That didn’t help either.
Before Erin knew it, he was beating his fists against the doorjamb with a murderous fury that shocked her. His bloody knuckles left smears on her ivory paint, and she cried out in fear.
“Daniel!” Erin rushed over to him and leaned against his back. She put her arms around him. “God, please! Don’t! Please don’t.” She put her forehead on his back and sobbed.
His body stilled immediately, and he rested his head on the door.
“I’m sorry. So sorry.” He turned slowly and brought her closer to him. “Erin,” he whispered. “I would give anything to take away your pain. Anything.” His tears fell on her hair as he held her.
They stood there for at least ten minutes and just held each other. Erin finally pulled back and refused to meet his eyes. “So, you see, I’m not suitable for you or your family.”
Daniel gently put his hand beneath her chin and lifted it so he could look into her eyes. “You are beautiful, Erin. A strong woman. A child who was broke but still survived. Why do you push me away?”
“I’m not worthy of you,” she whispered. “I’m not worthy of anyone.” Erin stepped back. “You need to leave now, Daniel. I’ll be by to see Erica this week, but I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other again.”
“I don’t.”
Erin tried to find her voice. “What do you mean?” she whispered.
“Do you think this changes what I feel for you?” Daniel clenched his jaw. “Though I would gladly beat the hell out of any and all of these people who hurt you.” He brushed his hands through her loosened hair. “But I love you, Erin. Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to tell you that?”
“Daniel.” Erin shook her head. This wasn’t happening.
“I’ve wanted to tell you since the beginning. Since you slammed into my life. But I knew something was wrong. And now I know you’ve been hurt. And I accept that as I accept you.”
“You can’t,” she muttered. “You can’t accept me.”
“But I do.” Daniel smiled gently. “You are a miracle. And I want you in my life.”
“Oh, Jesus.” Erin sank into a chair and closed her eyes. It was hormones. It had to be. Daniel wanted her still. She opened her eyes and hardened her jaw. “I won’t sleep with you. Does that change your mind?”
“No.” The word was soft in the silence of the room. “There is more to love than the physical side, querida. And when you are ready, then I will be also. But for now, I simply wish to get to know your heart.”
Erin’s hands shook on the table. “What would your family say? Knowing you brought a whore into their house?”
“Enough!” Daniel slammed his hand down on the table. “You are no more a whore than my sainted mother.” He reached over and picked Erin up out of the chair with little effort. “Quit speaking of yourself like that!” Daniel’s grip loosened. “God, Erin.” He tugged her closer to him and whispered in her hair, “I love you. Get used to hearing it. Because I do. And whatever the problems of the past, we can work through them. All of them.”
Erin shuddered in his arms and tried to screw her head on tight. Her emotions swamped her. A wanting to believe. And a quick slice of fear that said she never could. But above all, the strength of the man holding her.
“I was engaged once,” she mumbled.
Daniel moved back and frowned. “What happened?”
“I told him what I was, and he left.”
“Son. Of. A. Bitch.”
Erin’s jaw dropped. “I’ve never heard you curse before.”
Daniel smiled wanly. “It’s a rare thing, querida.” He glanced at the clock. “But I feel as though I’ve lived a lifetime in the space of the last ten minutes.” He stroked her hair softly. “Nothing you’ve said changes my feelings. Nothing,” he said sternly. “But I’ve worn you out so I will leave now.”
He reached behind him and put the picnic basket on the table. “Eat tonight. Think of what I’ve said.” Daniel paused. “Think of me, Erin.” He paused as if to kiss her but turned instead and walked toward th
e front door.
Erin followed him on trembling legs. “You’re not staying?”
Daniel smiled. “Rest yourself, querida. I have a feeling I am bothering you right now. You’re unsteady on your feet. And I wish you to be steady when we finish this conversation.” He opened the door. “Sleep well.”
And then he was gone.
Erin heard the door shut as if through a fog. She turned and walked back into the kitchen then looked at the wicker picnic basket as though it were an alien artifact. She opened the top of it and peered inside.
A tired sob escaped her.
Maria had made this basket, also. There were flautas and burritos wrapped tightly in plastic. Small containers of sour cream, guacamole, and pico de gallo. There was also another bottle of red wine with a red bow tied to it.
Erin sank into a chair, rested her head on her arms, and cried.
Chapter 8
Erin woke early Monday morning after a night of tossing and turning. There were only a couple of nightmares, but she was so restless she continually woke herself up. She ended up getting up at three and warmed up two chimichangas. Then she tried to go back to sleep. Didn’t seem to work.
She dragged herself into the shower and took a quick one while she worked over the previous evening in her head. Daniel said he loved her. But she simply didn’t believe him. Erin didn’t think he was lying. He wasn’t that type of man. But he simply didn’t know any better. He was probably just going on attraction. And there were ways around that.
Erin dressed in a slim ivory dress and pulled her hair back with a clip. She slid on white sandals and put a bit more make-up on than usual. There were bags under her eyes that spoke of her restless night. She dabbed on a light pink lipstick and grabbed her schoolbag.
She opened the door and almost stumbled over the chalk and large roll of butcher paper on her doorstep. Erin didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She took a deep breath and allowed herself a smile. What did Kendra say? That Daniel had style. He had that in spades.
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