“And you went to live with your grandparents.”
“Yes.” I held his look. His expression shifted, as he suddenly understood. Ethan was unsure of what to say to me, so I removed the need by gently explaining, “He was cold. Quick-tempered. I think he used to hit my grandmother when he was younger and stronger. He was a great thinker but not a great person. I’m not ashamed to say I never liked him. Frankly it only added to the tragedy when my parents were gone, because my father was all things opposite my grandfather. I lost a good man and a bad one took his place.”
“What about your grandmother?”
“It’s a strained relationship, Ethan. She's a negative person. Always sees the bad in every situation. It’s exhausting so I tend to spend as little time with her as possible. Don’t worry,” I hastily said with a forced smile, “She doesn’t try to see me either. She has her friends, other misery-lovers, and they’re all very happy, miserable together in their gripey little world.”
Ethan frowned and stood up, crossing around the table and pulling me up to standing. He hugged me and hoarsely whispered, “Sounds like you got a bum deal, Charlotte.”
His saying my full name in that vulnerable moment melted me. I felt grief struggle to claw its way out of the forgotten place I’d stuffed it into long ago. I forced it back down and pushed away.
“This isn’t about me, Ethan.”
He made a noise of disbelief and wouldn’t let me go. “You just shared the worst pain of your life with me. Don’t pull away.” He bent his index finger under my chin and tilted my head up. My heart pounded. He didn’t kiss me. I expected him to, but he stayed like that, gazing at me with no smile and no mask. Tiny goosebumps whispered down my skin. “Look at that. Your eyes get lighter blue the closer they are to the pupil,” he whispered as if it were fascinating.
I quietly confessed what I’d seen when we were in bed that morning, “You have flames of gold in yours. I think that’s why they always look so warm.”
A quick, sexy smile flashed over his handsome face and his fingers traveled my cheek in a tender caress. His voice was throaty as he said, “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“There was this one night right after Hannah met her husband. I saw how he looked at her and I was so fucking jealous that I told her I wanted to find someone I loved to stare at, too.” Ethan leaned in and murmured against my parted lips, “I love staring at you, Charlie. I could stare at you forever.”
I wasn’t breathing.
My heart had stopped.
“Oh God, kiss me,” I whispered.
He didn’t hesitate and his lips felt perfect. We melded and I felt the pounding in his chest as we kissed. The two beats seemed in sync. Ethan’s voice was husky as he pressed his forehead to mine and said, “I want to make love to you, but it’s not right.”
“With everyone at the hospital, I know. Of course not.”
“You’re making this bearable.”
“What else can I do, Ethan?”
“Nothing. We just have to wait.”
Tipping my head a little my mouth reached for his, and he met me with a kiss just as beautiful as the last. We were telling each other how we felt. It was more powerful than using words, and he lowered me onto the couch for us to lie together, sometimes kissing, sometimes just being there together. He would gaze at me, run his fingertips over the slopes of my face and then press his lips to mine. After an hour or more he whispered, “Are you hungry, Ms. Reed?”
“Yeah, a little. But I’m happy right here if this is distracting you.”
He murmured, “Your stomach just growled. That’s what’s distracting.”
I laughed under my breath, and he smiled and rose to sitting, handing one of the sandwiches to me. “Your Highness.”
“Thank you.”
“Fries are going to be cold for sure.”
“They’re still good though, I checked.”
He popped one into his mouth and nodded with surprised approval. “Not bad, not bad at all.”
We ate, sitting with our bodies turned to each other. His foot wiggled its way under mine on the floor, and stayed lodged there. He told me about how his parents had met. They had been roommates before they dated, and his mother wouldn’t date his dad because she felt he was too young for her.
I told him, between bites, “That’s pretty funny, because I said you were a man-child.”
Ethan cocked an eyebrow at me. “So you think our story is parallel?”
Stuffing some fries into my mouth I nodded, “Mmmhmm.”
“So you’re already thinking of marrying me?”
I choked and started coughing, covering my mouth with my hand. “No!” More coughing ensued and my face was hot.
Ethan laughed and handed me a napkin. “Your reaction says you were! Ms. Reed wants to marry me!”
I swallowed as quickly as I could. My eyes had teared up from the fry going down the wrong pipe and my voice was ragged. “No! That’s not what I meant! I was just saying we were…dating…or whatever, despite the fact that I thought no way in hell we should be!”
Ethan pressed a fist into his chest. “I’m hurt!”
I threw a fry at him. “You are not! Stop it!”
“You’ve wounded me.” He picked it up and ate it, saying while he chewed, “I’m devastated.”
Then he picked up another and threw it at me. I tossed one back and nailed him. We grabbed and peeled apart the rest of our sandwiches, and a full-blown food fight ensued. We ran around the main cabin, kitchen and dining room, ducking behind whatever was available and taking aim as soon as the perfect target was spotted. He was a damn good shot, but I was no slouch. When a slab of turkey, slicked with aioli sauce hit him in the forehead I whooped like crazy.
Ethan peeled the sticky meat off his skin, making a disgusted face. Holding it high above his head, he gave me a lopsided grin. “And the winner is!”
I danced in celebration for a bit too long. At seeing his expression I stopped, pushing messy hair away from my face as I demanded, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
“Oh please! That’s not what you were thinking! You think I’m a terrible dancer!”
“That’s what was awesome about it.” He started dancing like I had done, mimicking my moves – or lack thereof – and I almost died laughing.
My legs wouldn’t hold me up.
My stomach was cramping.
Ethan kept mocking me.
It was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen in my life, and at my expense.
“Stop! My stomach hurts! Stop it!”
He cracked up as I went limp with laughter, and came to help me up. “Remember how you called me a man-child?”
My smile weakened. “Yeah?”
“I just brought out the little girl in you.”
I blinked at him. With a self-satisfied look, he guided me to the bathroom. Halfway there, his ass starting bouncing back and forth like I had done during one of my dance moves. I laughed and hit his arm. “That’s awful. Did I look that bad?”
“Way worse.”
His private jet has a shower that’s not quite big enough for two people but he started peeling my clothes off, and his right afterward, and we maneuvered ourselves into the tiny space. He bathed me, his hands sliding soap around my body as we kissed. We were both aroused, how could we not be? But we didn’t stroke each other or deepen things to a sexual place. I wanted to cry, and his eyes reddened, too. I think we were both aware that to have this miracle happen at a time of potential tragedy was just so terrible.
But you can’t plan anything in life.
Especially not love.
Never death.
21
ETHAN
The waiting room on the second floor overflowed with my family, so many were standing in the hallway outside it. It was from there that my brother saw me first. He broke into a run then a sprint to get to me. E
veryone else in the hall turned to see who’d arrived, but they waited where they stood in order for Eric to greet me first.
As he ran, an image flashed in my mind of Eric as a little kid racing across Uncle Jaxson’s farm to tell me he’d seen a rattlesnake. It was replaced by him today, a professional quarterback with a neck almost the size of his head.
We slammed into each other, hugging and slapping backs. His voice was filled with emotion as he said, “You must have been dying up there.”
I nodded and we separated. “You got the coach to let you out of the game?”
“The fucker ended up making me play. Said it would fuel me.” Eric ran a hand through his dark-blonde hair. “He was right, too. We won. Thirty-eight to seven. But I punched him on the way out.”
“You didn’t shower either, did you? You’re ripe, buddy.”
He muttered, “Who the fuck cares?” His green eyes inherited from Grandpa Michael, were dead inside. “Dad’s a mess.”
“Is he showing it?”
“Fuck yes. Which is weird. Come on.”
I hugged one family member after the other, each offering me consolation.
“Don’t feel bad.”
“You couldn’t have done anything, Ethan.”
“Emma told you nothing’s changed, right?”
“You must have been tearing your hair out.”
“Hey buddy, you okay?”
Uncle Jett hugged me and asked, “What, you couldn’t make the plane go any faster, genius?”
I smiled and he slapped my back with affection.
They all had the same helpless and tired look people have in hospitals when someone they love is at death’s door.
Inside the waiting room, Grams was seated on the cushions she brought with her everywhere. Grandma Nance sat beside her, holding her hand. They were waiting for me and when I finally reached them Grandma Nance broke down in my arms.
“Oh, Ethan, I’m so scared!” she sobbed while everyone around us was quiet. They knew how much time I spent with our grandparents, more than any of them now that none of us were children anymore. You turn into a teenager and all you want to do is hang out with kids your own age, and that happened to me, too. But after I graduated from M.I.T. and returned to Georgia, I vowed to stay close to the family, and those two were the trunk our branches hung off of.
I bought my mansion a stone’s throw from their home, the one my dad and all his brothers grew up in, and where all of us cousins had spent so much time as kids, too.
I’d hang out with Grandma Nance every Thursday morning, and she’d share with me all kinds of stories from her women’s club meetings. And since Grandpa Michael was retired he had a lot more time than when his sons were kids. I got to know him better than my own father did. Even though he was a hard nut to crack at first, he opened up and I saw him belly laugh so many times that Thursdays became Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Unless I had somewhere work-related to be, I had brunch with the two of them. We’d play board games, cards, croquet. Others joined us sometimes, especially Zoe and Samantha, but they weren’t consistent. It was always me, Grandma and Grandpa at the core.
I squeezed her close and asked, “Can I see him?”
“The doctors sent me out while they were doing something…” she trailed off as she wiped her eyes. “They told me what it was they were poking and prodding around with, but I can barely remember anything right now, Ethan.”
“Have you eaten at all?”
She shook her head and called out to the room, “Will one of you grandkids please become a doctor? We need someone on the inside!”
Uncle Jaxson walked up and pulled her into a hug. “Mom, come here.”
“Oh Jaxson!” She wilted on him. “What do I do if I don’t have my husband? He’s my best friend! What will I do?”
Over her shoulder he let me know, “She ate something this morning but threw it up. Nerves are shot.”
I nodded and Grandma Nance called out, “Jett, see if I can go back in there! Make the doctors let me!”
Uncle Jett nodded and headed off. I locked eyes with his daughter, Sofia Sol, and Aunt Luna, her mom. Wordlessly we all agreed that if anyone could make the doctors bend, it was Jett, by any means necessary. That’s why he was picked for the job which meant Grandma Nance really had lost all patience.
I bent to hug Grams. Even though she was ancient she always had a smile. It was absent that night and her normally bright eyes looked hollow. “Hey Grams, how you doin’?”
She whispered, “The Lord is in control even when we wish we were.”
“Do you need anything?”
She waved a frail hand. “With all these Cockers, you think I want for anythin’?”
I chuckled, “No, I guess not.”
Patting my hand she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
I looked over at Emma and Eric who stood by Ben, Tobias and Hannah. The twins Gabriel and Elijah were with them, too. I crossed to them and squeezed sweet Zoe’s hand on the way. When I got to my closest friends in the world, I nodded and asked my sister, “Where’s Dad and Mom? Uncle Justin and Jason? And Uncle Jeremy? I don’t see them.”
“Dad exploded at one of the doctors and his brothers literally carried him away,” Emma explained. “It was awful, Ethan. I haven’t seen him lose his temper like that before. They’re in the cafeteria getting some food in him. Aunt Jaimie and Aunt Sarah are with them. You know how Sarah can really tell it to you straight.”
“Yeah.”
Hannah added, “Uncle Jeremy and Aunt Meagan left to get a change of clothes for Grandma.”
Gabriel rubbed his face and muttered, “As soon as Gramps gets out of the I.C.U., into his own room, she’ll have a bed in there to stay the night with him.”
“Do they have enough beds for all of us,” Ben muttered, running a hand through his sandy-brown hair.
“Right?” Eric exhaled. “You want to go see Dad, Ethan?”
“First I want to see Grandpa. I have to see him before…just in case…” I went silent and their shoulders hung low with me. Even hinting at him leaving us made it too real, but we were all thinking it.
Ben clasped my shoulder as I headed away to follow Uncle Jett’s path. “Glad you’re here.”
“Yeah, me too.”
In the hallway Sofia ran after me, pacing her steady stride to mine. “I’ll help.”
I muttered, “I’m not going to kick anyone’s ass, Soph.”
“I know that.” She hit my arm and I looked over to find tears in her eyes. “But I can be very persuasive, Ethan. Let me help.”
Aunt Luna called after her, “Sofia Sol, come back here.”
She slowed, head drooping in submission. There really was only one person who had any power over my cousin and that was her mother, an even bigger badass biker bitch than Soph was. Her mother was who she modeled her behavior after, even more than Uncle Jett.
I found him up in a doctor’s face, jamming his finger in the guy’s chest as he demanded to know what was taking so long. “Why’s my dad still unconscious?!”
With them distracted I slipped by unnoticed. The I.C.U. is off limits, but I didn’t give a shit. There were rows of curtains of people just as bad off as my Grandpa. Discreetly I searched for him and almost skipped him over. I froze, backing up when I realized that grey-skinned old man wasn’t a stranger.
Jett was right, he was unconscious with tubes in his nose and arms. I’d never seen that viral, intimidating, six-foot-three-inch man look frail, and at the sight a lump jumped in my throat.
I croaked over its jagged edges, taking his hand, “Grandpa? It’s me, Ethan. You didn’t think I’d make it, did you? I told you to never underestimate me, didn’t I?” He just lay there, his big hand limp in mine, the age spots strikingly darker than I remembered them. I swallowed hard and wiped my eyes. “Remember when you told me about how you fell in love with Grandma. How you looked into her eyes one day and you just knew?” I paused to catch my breath, grimacing. He ne
eded my strength not my tears, so I took a minute to gather myself and croaked, “I met her, Grandpa. My girl. I found her. I’m telling you first, even though Emma’s going to kick my ass when she finds out. She’s beautiful. Her name is Charlie. You better not try to make a move or I will fight you.” I laughed through my blurry vision, my thumb caressing his clammy skin.
The sounds of Uncle Jett refusing to be told no, and a doctor trying to get him to leave, got louder and suddenly the curtain ripped back. Jett started at the sight of me, and his anger melted. He rasped to the doctor, “Just give me a fuckin’ break here, would ya, Doc?”
Hesitant footsteps retreated until it was just us three Cocker men alone. Jett jerked his chin at me. I nodded to him.
He walked to the other side of Grandpa and took his other hand. “Dad?” Jett’s voice cracked and he closed his eyes, gathering himself. He was a biker, a tough motherfucker who loved with all his heart and fought with it, too.
Anyone in the family would have paid money to see Jett holding Grandpa Michael’s hand. I didn’t take it lightly that I was seeing a miracle, and I knew they had to be alone.
I nodded to Jett and stepped outside the curtain, closing it for their privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave when I heard him croak, “Don’t fuckin’ die on me, Dad. I know you and I haven’t seen eye-to-eye on much of anythin’ but I’ve done great things. They might not have been what you would’ve done, but I idolize you. Did you know that? Nah, you’ve got no fuckin’ clue, huh, how much I’ve got you on a pedestal, old man. But I couldn’t be like you, Dad. I had to be me.”
He paused. I was holding my breath when I heard him rasp, “I love you, Dad.”
My eyes closed and the dam broke, aching tears streamed down my cheeks. I started walking, but then Uncle Jett cried out, “DAD!!!” I yanked open the curtain looking for a flat red line on the screen.
Uncle Jett was on his knees, holding my grandfather’s hand to his head, sobbing silently, shoulders shaking. Grandpa’s eyes were open and he was watching his son, their fingers gripped together. Grandpa’s eyes drifted to me. He gave me the tiniest nod to leave them alone. I headed off and heard Grandpa Michael whisper in a feeble voice, “I love you, too, Jett. I always have.”
Cocky Genius: Ethan Cocker (Cocker Brothers of Atlanta Book 9) Page 11