Bear to Love: Kodiak Den #3 (Alaskan Den Men Book 8)

by Amy Lamont

  I dropped my arms from around Macy and she took a giant step backward. My bear roared his displeasure as the warmth and contentment washed away.

  Anxiety moved into my gut as the reality of the situation hit me square between the eyes.

  Macy might be my mate. She might be the one person with the ability to soothe the scars left on my mind and my soul.

  But where did that leave Nate?

  Chapter 5

  Macy

  I’d never been happier to have an excuse to escape Kodiak than I was after Operation Divide and Conquer took such a major left turn. Of course, the excuse I gave my family—that I was attending a workshop on wildlife rehab in Anchorage—was quite different from my actual reason for being in Anchorage.

  Pretty sure my brothers would be shocked to find I wasn’t holed up in a hotel with a bunch of crazy cat ladies right now. Even more surprised to find me sitting in the back room of a dive bar waiting for my band to go on.

  “Here you go.” Ben, bass player and band manager extraordinaire, handed me a glass.

  “Thanks.” I took the glass from him, tilted my head back and took several large gulps. I barely even tasted the combination of cranberry, lime, and SoCo as it slid down my throat, more interested in finding something, anything, that might stop the relentless replay of events that seemed to be on a never-ending loop in my mind.

  “Whoa. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you pounding drinks before.” Ben stood staring down at me, his hazel eyes wide. He pushed the long sweep of dirty blond hair off his face. “Something you want to talk about?”

  “No.” The word was ripped from me in a panicked rush. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about the weird attraction that had sprung up between Nash and I. And let’s not forget, the same feeling that sprang up between Gage and I. I couldn’t keep the bite from my words if I wanted to. “I do not want to talk. I’d like to drink.”

  I made good on my words by tossing back another long swallow of the cocktail in my hand.

  Ben held his hands up, palms out in front of him. “Okay. You don’t want to talk. Got it.”

  I looked up into his concerned gaze and flopped back onto the cushions of the lumpy, rust-colored sofa that looked like it had seen it’s best days six or seven decades ago. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s not your fault I can’t run away from my own crazy thoughts.”

  Ben eased his long frame onto the opposite corner of the couch, stretching his jean-clad legs out in front of him. “No worries. Just remember, the offer’s always open. If you change your mind, I’m here.”

  A smile curved my mouth as I took in his earnest expression. My gaze traveled over his handsome face and kind eyes. Why couldn’t my bear and I go for a guy like Ben? I mean, sure he was human, but it seemed to be working fine for Kaden and Alyssa.

  But no matter how long I stared into his sweet face, the only feeling I could conjure was one of warmth and deep affection for the guy who had been one of my best friends since high school.

  I considered his words. Ben might be human, but he had lived in Kodiak until he left for college. He’d grown up around shifters. And he’d heard me rant about my brothers enough that he should have a pretty clear idea that werebears took the protective thing to a whole new level. Maybe it was worth sharing things with him to get an objective opinion on it all.

  I took another sip of my drink and then let out a sigh. Happy for the first time ever about our other two bandmates’ penchant for lateness. “I think my bear’s on the fritz.”

  Ben’s eyebrows snapped together. “Umm, what?”

  “My bear. She’s broken,” I said dramatically.

  “Oookay.” Ben shook his head. “I think you’re going to have to give me a little more information than that.”

  I shrugged. “You know how mating works, right?”

  He threw me a lascivious grin and wiggled his eyebrows. “Like the actual act? I’m familiar.”

  I rolled my eyes. Guys. Their minds always seemed to go there first. “No, not the act. Like the way shifters meet the person they’re supposed to spend the rest of their lives with and recognize them on some primal level.”

  The mirth dropped from Ben’s expression and something that looked a lot like wistfulness flickered over his face. But it was gone in an instant. “I am aware of mating.”

  I nodded. “Well, I’ve always thought I was different from other shifters. My bear hasn’t been really…I don’t know how to explain it. Let’s say, she hasn’t been really active for most of my life.”

  “Okay.” Ben’s expression told me he didn’t quite get what I was saying. I could understand that. Until my bear started getting more active over the last few days, I hadn’t fully understood things either.

  Not that I would explain my current state of confusion as enlightening.

  “So, lately, she’s been waking up and making her presence known a lot more often.”

  His gaze wandered my face until understanding dawned. “So is it like puberty? Where you’re going about your business perfectly fine and then suddenly your dick is in the driver’s seat and making most of your decisions for you?”

  I burst out laughing, my whole body shaking with it, but as it subsided something occurred to me.

  “Oh my God, that’s actually a disturbingly good way of putting it. Not that I’m in possession of a dick…” I waved a hand toward that area of his pants. “But yes, it’s like suddenly someone else is in control of things—the way I feel, the way I’m acting.”

  He nodded and schooled his features into a serious expression. “Then I’ll tell you the same thing my dad told me when he gave me the talk after he noticed the amount of time I seemed to be spending locked in the bathroom.”

  “Ewww.” I wrinkled my nose at him. “Way too much information.”

  “Hey, you want my help or not?”

  “Okay, okay. What was this sage piece of wisdom your father gave you?”

  “It’s a perfectly natural thing.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, and he told me not to bother returning the Victoria’s Secret catalogs I stole from my mother.”

  “Ugh. You do know I’m never going to get that image out of my head now, right?” I shuddered. “Are my ears bleeding? I feel like my ears should be bleeding. And maybe like I need another shower.”

  He laughed. “Come on, Macy. You know I’m right. It was perfectly natural when I was thirteen, and I have a feeling whatever’s going on with you is natural, too. And I remember you telling me when your brother found his mate that you were a little jealous. So isn’t all this a good thing?”

  I blew out a harsh breath. “If it was just my bear waking up and recognizing our mate, I’d be ecstatic. But I’m not sure if you could exactly call what’s been going on with me natural.”

  He dipped his head toward his shoulder. “So you and your bear are having…unnatural urges?”

  He was back to lascivious grins and waggling eyebrows.

  I groaned and dropped my face into my hand. He thought he was joking, but he didn’t know the half of it.

  “Macy?” The humor left Ben’s tone, replaced by concern.

  I raised my head and downed the last of my drink before I whispered, “I think something’s wrong with my bear.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  I gave him a brief rundown on Nash and Gage and my plan to help them heal and then paused before I admitted the thing that was really bothering me. “And the first time Nash and I were alone together, I touched him and it was like…” I searched for a way to explain it. “Like I recognized him on a level I didn’t even know existed. And I knew without a doubt he was mine. My mate.”

  “Okay. That’s kind of awesome.”

  I offered him a weak smile. “You’d think so, right?”

  He reached over and grabbed my hand. “I get that he and Gage are all kinds of fucked up.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I can see how that could make things difficult, but maybe this
is the key to helping them. Maybe your connection to Nash will make it easier for you to get through to them.”

  A small surge of hope speared through me. But then reality set in once again. “If that was the whole story, I’d think you were right.”

  “What am I missing?”

  I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and heat suffused my face. I waited a few beats, trying to find the courage to tell him the rest. “The thing is, during stage two of my plan, I decided to get Gage alone.”

  “And?” he asked when I left things there.

  “Aaand…well, I sort of had the same exact feelings for Gage.” As I spoke, my voice got softer and by the end of the sentence, I barely mumbled.

  But Ben didn’t miss a trick. “You have feelings for Gage, too,” he all but yelled.

  I yanked my hand from his and jumped up. “Geez, could you be any louder. I think the bartender might have missed that.” I plunked my glass on the table in the corner and started pacing back and forth. “Yes, I have feelings for Gage, too. The same feelings. When I touched him, my bear roared, the earth moved, all the things you expect to feel when you meet your mate. All the same things I felt when I touched Nash.”

  As I ran out of words, I stopped in front of the couch and flung myself back into the cushions, rested my head on the back and let my eyes drift closed. “Do you get it now? My bear is broken.”

  When the only thing I got in response to my dramatic announcement was silence, I cracked open an eye and turned my head toward Ben without lifting it. “Well, don’t you have anything to say? Or have I completely shocked you?”

  He laughed. “Dude, I stood under you and gave you a boost to climb back in your bedroom window when you were wearing that microscopic skirt. Nothing could shock me after that.”

  I reached over and punched him in the shoulder.

  “Ouch.” He rubbed the spot absently. “Seriously, though, I don’t know. It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, if those guys have some sort of weird connection to each other, maybe the only way mating could work for them is to share a mate.”

  I wrinkled my nose at him. “Share a mate?”

  The idea was so foreign to me. All my life I’d watched shifter men turn into growly, possessive alpha males if another guy so much as looked sideways at their mates. The instinct was as natural as blinking to werebears. Two males sharing a woman was unheard of.

  But even as I had that thought, I could feel my bear stirring to life. I let my mind wander over the possibility of being with both Nash and Gage.

  And okay, let’s be real here, not a woman alive wouldn’t indulge in that fantasy for a few minutes. Nash and Gage were hot.

  But the feelings that flooded me were more than desire. Not that desire wasn’t there. The need flowing through me was real. There was so much more entwined with the desire, though.

  As my mind wandered over images of what it meant to be mated, I placed Nash and Gage into the picture. I imagined waking up with them every day. I imagined cooking dinner and sitting around the table with my men at the end of each day. I entertained the idea of being part of both of them and helping them to heal from whatever hurt still lingered so deep inside them.

  And yes, I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that I lingered over the thoughts of making love to them every night. Running my hands over Nash’s rippled abdomen. Kissing my way across Gage’s hard chest. Being held between both, as they touched and teased my body.

  My bear thundered to life with the power of a freight train. I bolted up from the couch, my breath coming in heavy pants.

  “Macy? Are you okay?”

  I looked around the room, a little frantic, trying to find an outlet for all the emotion and energy that threatened to twist me inside out. Most of the members of the Kodiak den shifted regularly, let their bears have free rein so these surges of uncontrollable power and emotion didn’t come rushing to the surface at inappropriate times.

  Like say, for instance, when hanging out in the back of a crowded, dive bar filled mostly with humans.

  “Macy?” Ben stood and took a few steps toward me.

  I put my hand up. “Stop. I’m feeling a little out of control right this second, Ben.”

  He watched me warily, not closing the distance between us.

  I struggled to get my breathing under control. I needed something to focus my energy on, anything to get my mind off my problems with Nash and Gage.

  At even the thought of them, my bear started pacing restlessly. My body felt like a cage made of twigs trying to hold in a T-Rex as I fought to keep my bear at bay.

  “Well, at least one good thing,” Ben said.

  I whirled to face him, afraid he’d utter one wrong word and my bear would break from my control.

  “Ben,” I all but growled.

  His only response was a small smile that only tipped his lips up a bit before he said softly, “Mace, this is a good thing. You have the answer you needed. Your bear isn’t broken. She’s done exactly what she’s supposed to. Helped you find your mates.”

  My mates. Plural. Man, I never realized how much significance one tiny letter could hold.

  “But how do I…” I shook my head, not even knowing what to ask.

  Ben finally closed the distance between us, putting an arm over my shoulders and pulling me in for a warm hug. “You figured out the tough part. I have faith the three of you can figure out the rest.”

  The three of us. Something inside me eased as I allowed the idea to take root. As impossible as it might be, the only thing that seemed to calm my bear was admitting to myself that I had strong feelings for both Nash and Gage.

  I tried the idea out one more time. My mates.

  I leaned my forehead against his shoulder and let out a soft sigh, my bear subsiding for the moment. I had no idea if Nash and Gage shared my feelings. No idea how all this would work.

  All I knew was that the only thing to bring me any peace over the days since I started Operation Divide and Conquer was the thought of being claimed by the two men I wanted to help more than anything. Nash and Gage.

  Mine.

  I continued seeking comfort in Ben’s hug until another thought had me standing up straight with a gasp.

  Holy hell. I could barely grasp the idea of spending my life with not one but two males. How on earth was I going to break it to my brothers?

  “I think I’m going to need another drink.”

  Chapter 6

  Nash

  I stepped into the bar and slid close to the wall, keeping my back protected while my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. Gage stepped in and moved to my side. I scanned the room, my gaze traveling over the crowd, looking for our guy.

  Gage’s shoulder flexed against mine. A quick glance showed me the hint of discomfort on his face. I returned to searching the room for our bail jumper, but shifted my weight so our shoulders pressed together.

  He dragged in a sharp breath and his shoulder relaxed into mine. Anxiety accompanied both of us pretty much everywhere we went since we hit stateside. Places like this bar—crowded, loud, dimly lit—amped it up. The faster we found the bail jumper, the better.

  Not seeing our target, I straightened my shoulders and moved into the crowd.

  “Fucking, Kaden.” Gage's quiet growl hit my ears and I chuckled. We had big plans for Ursus Security Solutions. But while we implemented those plans, Kaden came up with the brilliant idea to go after high bond criminals who skipped out on their bail. I’d never planned on getting into bond enforcement, but I could see Kaden’s reasoning. High bond skips meant big influxes of quick cash while we got things up and running.

  Didn’t mean I liked doing this shit.

  A band started playing on a stage at the back of the bar. The crowd near us thinned as people drifted toward the sound.

  “Least the music’s good.” But as soon as the words left my mouth, a strange feeling pinged through my nervous system, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

&nb
sp; “Feel that?” Gage asked.

  I gave him a quick nod, all my senses on high alert. Gage and I walked shoulder to shoulder, easily falling into the rhythm we’d perfected together during our stint in the military.

  I registered the relief that poured through me as we slipped back into sync, moving as one through the bar. The last few days had been weird. Or maybe I should say weirder than usual. Gage and I still felt that cloying need to be close. But now there was a new element—Macy Black.

  I pushed thoughts of Macy down immediately. The last thing I needed to do while hunting was allow her to invade my mind.

  “Front clear,” Gage said.

  With a lift of my chin, I directed us to where the crowd was forming around the stage. Every sense on high alert, I could almost smell danger in the air.

  Gage stayed at my side, our movements completely synchronized. His presence beside me made entering the crowd much easier.

  And there was my problem, not to mention the source of some tense moments between Gage and I the last few days. Despite my bear’s demands that we seek out our mate—and there was no doubt in my mind that Macy was my mate—the clawing need to have Gage at my side hadn’t left.

  Sucked bad enough when it seemed like my sanity depended on Gage. Add a soul deep need for the woman I knew was mine to the mix, and I had a whole new meaning for the term fucked up.

  One more time I made a determined effort to focus my attention on the room around us. The last thing I needed to do right now was get myself or my partner injured because I couldn't keep my head in the game.

  “Where is this fucker?” Gage’s question told me he was feeling the same edginess I was. Our guy had to be here. Or something else was about to go down.

  My nerves felt like rubber bands stretched to the snapping point. My bear made his presence known, growling and grumbling and threatening to surface.