“There you go, cranky. Let’s have a normal conversation, if we can figure out what that means.”
Just like that, Sadie has me laughing. It’s one of the reasons I love her—she makes me feel less Alexis. Or, I’ll just say that I’ve learned not to take myself so seriously in her presence, and it’s a good thing.
“Why should I bother thinking about someone who so obviously has been a jerk to me? It’s detrimental to my sanity.”
Rather than agreeing forthright, she lifts a ball of Christmas lights from the nearby box and begins unwinding a strand. “I get where you’re coming from, because it would be driving me crazy, too. I mean, sure, there’s a definite past there that’s not exactly rosy, but the man is quite… Well, I’ll just say it. He’s a yummy specimen. And every time you see him it has to stick in your craw. Is he Prince Charming? Of course not, but it’s like one of those horrible rock stars when you see them on television. You know deep inside that they’re total creeps, but they’re so pretty you can’t look away.”
A giggle slips out in spite of myself, because clearly she’s lost her marbles.
“First of all, I had no idea you thought he was good looking at all, let alone yummy. Second, if I was running into him at the supermarket or something I would understand the constant brain possession, but I haven’t seen the man in ages.”
Sadie stops unwinding and gives me a stern glare. “I thought you said he stops by.”
“What? No, I haven’t seen him in four years.”
Completely giving up on the lights, Sadie turns toward me on the loveseat. “Who are you talking about?”
“Cody.” As if that wasn’t obvious. Who else would I be talking about?
“Ew, Alexis,” she huffs as though I’ve thoroughly offended her. “I thought you were talking about Jake.”
Jake? Sure, because Jake is better than Cody? Because letting my mind dwell on Jake would be a better occupation of my time?
“Sweet sister Susie, Alexis.”
No mistaking the fact that Sadie’s disdain is palpable. Sweet sister Susie is the little phrase we made up back when she first started hanging out here, when she was accustomed to swearing under her breath. In order to help her break herself of the habit, we made up a bunch of little ridiculous phrases. Sweet sister Susie is one of the more serious versions.
“I don’t know what’s worse—the fact that you think that I would be better off thinking about a man who’s trying to destroy my life, or the fact that you are attracted to said man.” My eyes drift to Bailey out of instinct, but she’s currently watching Elmer try to get that wascally wabbit and isn’t paying a lick of attention to us.
Normally in this house I’d get a pat on the shoulder and someone would tell me it will work itself out. Sadie Lou isn’t my genteel mother, though. She’s not about to “bless my heart” and give me soft words of wisdom. No, Sadie firmly grips both of my arms and forces me to face her.
“There’s nothing great about your thoughts dwelling on Jake, but at least that makes sense. He’s there in your life, for better or for worse. Cody represents nothing but washed up memories that shouldn’t be let out of their grave, Alex.”
“You just called me Alex.”
“That’s all you got out of what I just said? That I called you Alex? You’ve got your head so far down that rabbit hole you can’t see the light of day.”
She knows I don’t particularly enjoy being called Alex, or to have anyone mention the fanciful stories by Lewis Carroll when they’re discussing my habits. Not one bit.
I should probably be angry with Cody right now for invading my mind in the first place. Or Jake, for even contributing to this conversation at all. Maybe even Heather for telling my friend about calling me Alex way back in the day. But the only person in front of me is Sadie, her hands on my shoulders as I sit facing her larger frame, while her green eyes sternly focus on me.
“Is this what happens when you hang out with Heather? The two of you sit around gossiping about me and making fun of me?”
“Do you hear yourself? Stop being such a martyr.”
Pulling away from Sadie’s grip, I reach for my own mess of Christmas lights, trying to place myself away from her. Lately I’m always on the verge of losing my temper, and I know in this case it’s not exactly warranted.
“I’m not trying to be a martyr, you know. I’m just attempting to live with the hand life dealt me.”
“Sure, by dwelling on Cody,” she mutters, shaking her head. “Seems like that’s the exact opposite of dealing with the hand you’ve been given. I’m pretty sure your hand has been forced on that particular issue more than once, honey. Learn your lesson and run the other way.” Releasing her final tangle, she leans down to plug the lights into the wall, letting out a sigh when the strand only sparkles to the halfway point before going dark. A string of “sam hills” and “hecks” comes out of her mouth, her propensity for uttering ridiculous things in her path to not swearing almost sounding like it belongs on that Bugs Bunny cartoon Bailey’s watching. That thought strikes me as funny, and I can’t help but allow the corner of my mouth to tilt up as I glance at my friend.
“Are you laughing at my jiggly arms, toothpick?” She places one hand on her hip and gives me that sideways-smirking glare that she loves to whip out. “It’s your fault I’m half undressed, forcing me to remove my lovely sweater. I was halfway to getting hives from that itchy thing, and now my plans are ruined.”
The use of the term “toothpick” hits me where I live, because I really am rather self-conscious about my abdomen’s lack of flatness, as stupid as that sounds. The fact that Sadie views me as a skinny little twit makes me feel almost guilty about worrying over those three pounds.
Almost.
“Move to Louisville,” I blurt, crossing my arms over my stomach. “You’re the only person who can make me take myself less seriously. Come on, Sadie, I need you.”
“Oh, honey.” She lets out a sigh as she moves herself back to the loveseat, where I sit down beside her as she takes my hand. “You know I want to support you, but I can’t pull Jonah out of school here. He has friends, real ones, the kind that stick for good. And things are going pretty well for me at work, now that I’m the office manager. Besides, Brent—”
“I forgot you have a man now.”
“Not really.” She laughs as she lifts her eyebrows. “I don’t technically have him yet, although we’re heading in that direction, I hope. But surely you’ve made friends at work, right? What about the other teachers?”
I would laugh out loud if her question didn’t make me want to cry. So far I’ve been the subject of only awkward conversations at school, without making any real, meaningful connections.
“The only teacher who wants to be my friend is Mr. Jennings. His classroom is right next to mine, and although he’s close to my age, he dresses like Mr. Rogers.”
“Sounds like a neighborly fellow.”
“Right?” A self-deprecating smile plants itself on my face. “Honestly, I’ve never felt more alone in my life. Not even when I was walking around here with people whispering behind my back.”
Sadie squeezes my hand as she stares at the floor, probably contemplating a response. “But you’re not alone, really. I know you probably don’t want to think about it, but he followed you all the way to Kentucky. Maybe you should…you know…befriend him or whatever.”
“Jake?” I whisper, letting my eyes slide over to Bailey, who’s currently stuffing a cheese poof into her mouth as she stares at the flashes on the screen. “Surely you can’t be serious? How exactly would a friendship like that work? Hello, womanizing and untrustworthy gentleman. Would you care to come into my home so we can open up and share our feelings? Be realistic!”
“Well, at least you’d have something to look at.”
That statement cannot go unpunished, and I pinch her wrist where she’s holding my hand.
“Ouch!” she complains, pulling her hand back. “I’m just s
aying. If nothing else, you could take a few pictures to document your experience, so I can inspect them for you.”
“You’re terrible, you know that? Terrible. I can’t believe I’m confiding in you at all.”
“I’m mostly teasing. Mostly, because there is a hint of truth in there somewhere, as inappropriate as it seems.” She presses her shoulder against mine, likely a joking gesture, although I’m aware of the fact that she could shove me halfway across the room if she wanted. “Do you remember the day I had Jonah? Sixteen years old, and I was terrified. My mom was there, just as nervous as me. Even though I hoped Keith would come through, I didn’t expect him to be there. And that was probably a good thing, because he would have been stoned and caused a scene.”
Nodding seems the only option, so I do so, wondering where she’s going with her trip down memory lane.
“That was my catastrophic, ‘everything crashes down on me at once’ day, you know. Oh, those first few days when I realized I was pregnant weren’t exactly a bed of roses either, but they were different than delivery day. Waiting for Jonah to arrive, and sitting there thinking about how I was so much less than what he needed. Wondering how I was going to keep going to school, and how I’d be able to take care of my son. And then, everything was okay.”
“Because you saw his face,” I offer, attempting to complete her thoughts.
“No, before that even. Everything was okay because I saw your face. You were a friend to me when I had none. You showed up, and you brought God with you, and you’ve been hanging around ever since, telling me I’m stronger than I feel and encouraging me to keep going.”
“You are strong, you know.”
“No stronger than you. And if God showed up for me, no way He’s not going to show up for you.”
She’s trying really hard at this pep talk, so I give her a tentative smile so she knows I got her message. But I don’t believe a word of it. It’s been a long three years, and no one’s showing up for me anytime soon.
That’s why I tried to start over in the first place, but I can’t even successfully run away.
Chapter Thirteen
Jake
I’m not normally one for wasting water in the shower, but today I can’t seem to motivate myself. And it’s not laziness or exhaustion, but more a sense that I have nothing pressing to do. The weekdays aren’t so bad, because my new job keeps me plenty busy. I’m sure the weekends would be fine too if I could just find a way to snap myself out of this funk I’ve been in lately.
The phone starts ringing as soon as I move out of the bathroom, so as I towel-dry my hair with my right hand, I snatch the phone with my left.
“Yeah.”
“Jake?”
The tentative, pleasant tone of the voice on the other end of the line nearly causes me to drop the phone. It’s enough to make me instantly uncomfortable to the point that I quickly draw the towel around my waist. As though she can see me through the phone. So dumb.
“Jake, you there?”
I should have checked the caller ID so I would have been prepared. Or maybe forget processing the meaning of her call before she actually gets her words out. That might be wise.
“Yeah, I’m here. What’s up? Is Bailey okay?”
That last bit slips out before I can stop it, and I don’t know where it came from or why my pulse rate suddenly shot up. If something’s wrong with Bailey, she wouldn’t have that nonchalant tone to her voice.
“Oh, she’s great. Listen, do you have plans today? I mean, are you alone?”
Any other woman I’d think she was coming on to me, but not Alexis. She’s probably just asking if I’m currently in the midst of my harem. The fact that I honestly care whether or not she thinks that almost makes me madder than the fact that she thinks it in the first place.
“Always alone,” I tell her, knowing full well she won’t believe me. But it’s the sad, pathetic truth.
“Oh.” She hesitates just long enough to make me wonder if I’m supposed to ask if she’s alone, but I know that’s ridiculous. Bailey’s there. At least I think she is.
“Is there some reason you want me to be alone, or are you just checking up on me?”
“No.” That word came out a little more forcefully, so I wait patiently for her explanation. “No, I just wanted your…opinion on something, I suppose.”
Didn’t see that coming.
“You want my opinion on something?”
“Yeah, um, the roof has a leak.”
A chuckle escapes as I toss the towel on the bed and turn to jerk a T-shirt off its hanger. All of my clothes currently smell weird—the scent of fresh spring flowers, according to Felicia. She and Cliff invited me over on Thanksgiving when they found out I had nowhere to go. It seemed a little strange at the time, spending a holiday with random people I don’t know who happen to own the motel where I’m staying. But she asked if she could help me by doing my laundry, and I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Still, my clothes have never touched fabric softener before, and it’s taking a lot of getting used to.
“I’ll be right over to look at it,” I say, feeling more on even footing now that I know it’s just a home repair issue. That I can handle.
“Are you sure?”
“Just let me put my pants on and I’ll be over.”
She hangs up just like that. Yeah, the conversation was mostly over, and I should have withheld the bit about my pants. But I’m not really sorry.
Alexis is waiting in the driveway when I pull up. Bailey’s whirling around her on her tricycle, furiously pumping the pedals like she’s in a race for her life. The second the noise of the truck door slamming meets her ears, she hops off the tricycle and sends it toppling over as she begins jumping up and down.
The sight of it stops me in my tracks, because I’ve grown accustomed to a sort of indifference at the sight of me. Elation is definitely new.
“Jay! We’s putting up Christmas lights.”
Well, they’ve placed a strand of lights sort of wobbly-like around the front window. In some stratosphere, I suppose that counts.
“Hey, Bailey. What are you talking about, Christmas lights? It’s not getting close to Christmas, is it?”
“Yep! And I’m gonna get you a present.”
“Me?” She’s made it to my side by this time, so I lower myself to one knee so we can see eye-to-eye. “What are you going to get me?”
“A prize.” Her hand closes over mine against my knee, chilly and soft, and I’m certain my eyes grow wider than I intend. She definitely doesn’t usually touch me.
“I like surprises.” There seems to be a rather large lump in my throat, but I try to swallow around it. “So, how about you? What should I get you for Christmas?”
She screws up her face like she’s giving it some intense thought. Man, she looks like her mom. No doubt she’ll be a stunner when she’s older.
“Promise not to ask Mommy?” she finally whispers. Naturally that causes my eyes to dart to Alexis, who is busying herself with the task of righting the tricycle so she isn’t eavesdropping. Or more precisely, so it looks like she isn’t eavesdropping. I know she always hears everything we say.
“That’s not a very nice thing to ask someone to promise. Why do you want me to promise that?”
“‘Cause she’ll say no.”
Those big brown eyes blink up at me through those thick lashes, and I swear the kid must be a magician. She’s touching a nerve and almost making me emotional.
“Just tell me and maybe we can give it some thought.”
Rather than answer, she turns around to give her mom a good, long look. Satisfied that she isn’t peeking, she turns back to me and whispers, “I want a puppy.”
Sure, kiddo. Because if I follow through and buy you a puppy, your mom will hate me even more.
“Well, did you ask the big man, see what he said?”
“God?” God, as if He cares whether you have a dog or not. She bats her ey
elashes a couple times, like she’s trying to look like an innocent little waif.
“No, I meant Santa Claus. The big man, you know?”
“I hope the leak doesn’t turn out to be too much trouble,” Alexis interrupts, appearing by my side almost instantaneously. “I could call the landlord, but I want to make sure it warrants a call first. I mean, I don’t want to interrupt his Saturday if I don’t have to.”
But she’s perfectly content to interrupt my Saturday. Not that I had plans, and it’s best just to push that thought out of my mind.
“You have problems with your landlord not wanting to fix things?”
“Benny? Not at all.” She squints as she looks up at me, bringing her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun. “It’s just…when he comes out to check things he always brings his friend Bob. They start telling me jokes and stories, and before I know it they’re showing Bailey how to use their tools and hours have passed. Bailey absolutely loves it, but I always feel like I’m wasting their time, if it’s something small I could fix myself.”
“They has skunks in a box!”
I can’t help but laugh as I turn my attention back to Bailey. “Skunks in a box?”
“Not exactly, but they did tell a story about skunks,” Alexis explains.
“And they wanna nail boards to my head.”
“No,” Alexis says, shaking her head. “Put a board on top of her head so she’ll stop growing like a weed.”
“I think I get the picture, so hopefully I can help you out. Where’s the leak?”
Bailey takes my hand in hers and begins pulling me toward the house, and I’m not sure exactly how to respond. She never, ever holds my hand. It’s not making me uncomfortable, really…merely nervous. I’m pretty certain Alexis isn’t going to like her being familiar with me, but I don’t have the nerve to turn around and see if I’m right.
It only takes a minute for me to determine that the problem needs to be located via the roof, and thankfully the landlord has a ladder hanging along the wall in the garage. Without saying much, I haul it out to the side of the house and begin climbing.
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