“Why aren’t you part of it? You’ve been married to John twice as long as Reid and I.”
She looked into her cup.
“I get that he’s a wolf and all, and it is a part of him that I’m not going to deny exists. But I don’t want any part in it. I don’t want to see who he can become, I don’t want to know about the other half of his life.”
“How can you love someone only for one half of them?” I asked. She looked at me and there was guilt in her eyes.
“I can’t do monsters, Allegra,” she whispered. “As long as he doesn’t remind me what he can be, we work. But I don’t want to see it.”
Maybe that was half my problem. I wanted Reid in my life – all of him. Granted, being a part of the pack was a lot more than I could deal with. But I didn’t want to push away the animal side of him. I never had. If I was willing to push that away, maybe I could be carefree like Charlene. I could be left out of it all, and go on with life as usual.
But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to lose half of Reid, even if it meant that my life was perfect. Because it never would be. I was too attached to him, and since I’d shown acceptance for him, our relationship was perfect. I didn’t try to convince myself that there was any other reason. I knew how serious acceptance was to werewolves.
“I just feel like I can’t keep up, you know? The one moment I’m a military wife, trying to make a marriage work around a nine-month-leave periods and missed Christmases, and the next moment I have seven wolves looking up to me and new lines I’m not allowed to cross because of pack hierarchy. Where did my life go?”
Charlene sipped her coffee, not saying much. Maybe I’d been wrong coming to her. We’d always been able to relate to each other. We were both military wives whose husbands were gone most of the time, and when they came back we had to fight for them to stay back.
Or at least, that’s how it used to be. Now suddenly we were two different people with two different lives, and she couldn’t relate to me anymore.
And I couldn’t relate to her either. Great, another thing that had gotten away from me.
I leaned back in my chair, wrapping my fingers around the warm cup but not drinking the coffee.
“Do you know Sarelle?” I asked.
“The new one?”
I nodded. She’s joined the group a while ago, but I hadn’t met her until the pack had been introduced to me.
“I’ve had the pleasure,” Charlene said and her voice was sarcastic.
“Yeah, I got that too.”
“Is she a part of the pack?” Charlene asked. I nodded, finally taking a sip of my own coffee. It had started cooling down and it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as it should have been.
“She’s unhappy with me being there. She challenges me all the time, and I have a funny feeling things are going to get much worse before they get better.”
“It makes sense that she’s a werewolf. We don’t have a lot of those around here. She’s the queen of her little castle, and she’s aggressive.” Charlene rolled her eyes. “I had to show her around the club, introduce her to some of the girls. She acts very superior.”
I nodded. “She’s worse in the pack.”
Charlene nodded and got up to rinse her empty cup. The water splashed in the sink, filling the silence that hung between us for a while. Finally Charlene turned around. Her eyes were serious when she looked at me.
“To be really honest with you, I think you’re making a mistake.”
“What?” I asked. I’d come here to vent, not to ask for advice.
“You should get out of it while you can. It’s not really your place to be doing this. You’re not a werewolf and they shouldn’t force you to be one.”
I nodded, but I didn’t agree. But she might have been right. I wasn’t a werewolf. It wasn’t place.
But Reid wasn’t forcing me into it, was he? Wasn’t this my choice? Was it at all?
I was suddenly more confused than when I’d arrived. I gulped down the rest of my coffee. It was lukewarm and tasted horrible, but I wanted to leave. I put the cup down and got up.
“I’ve wasted enough of your time. You should go back to bed,” I said. “Thank you for listening to me.”
Charlene came to me and gave me a hug, and I held on only as long as I needed to and then I left.
I waited up. I watched the minutes tick by, slowly dragging on toward dawn. Full moon was two nights, but only the first night affected them, and Reid would come home as soon as it was daylight. I needed him home. I wanted to talk to him.
Charlene’s words rolled round my mind and my mind would keep quiet. The noise in my head just kept getting louder and louder until I didn’t know what to do, what to believe.
The black of night slowly gave way to dawn. The sky turned a light gray, and finally the horizon lit up with a line of gold. Birds called into the night and answered each other, and they accompanied the sunrise with a chorus that would have been beautiful if I wasn’t feeling so miserable.
I heard the front door lock slowly turn and then it swung open with a low creak. It clicked shut again a few seconds later. And then Reid tiptoed into the room. He looked great, glowing and strong. I knew why. The pack was a unit and they drew strength from each other. The hunt had helped, too.
I knew that everything he was at that moment, standing in front of me, was because of other people, things that weren’t related to me. Jealousy washed over me, and my mood turned black.
“Are you okay?” Reid asked. “I didn’t think you’re still up.”
“Of course I’m okay. I’ve just witnessed a pack of werewolves changing, and I’m supposed to be in control of them somehow. No problem.” My voice was dripping with sarcasm. Reid lifted his eyebrows. His eyes stayed a pleasant green, the wolf was fed and exhausted after the long night, and it wouldn’t be coming out to play.
“I’m judging by your sneering speech that you’re upset,” he said. His voice was low, almost tired.
I rolled my eyes. He sighed and sat down on the bed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. His eyes were on my face but I looked down at my hands. I didn’t want to look at him, not because of a dominance issue but because he looked amazing, his muscles bulging, his eyes a soft glowing green, and it made me angrier and angrier.
“Do I have to do this?” I asked. I’d managed to keep my voice calm.
“Do what?” he asked.
“Please don’t play games with me, Reid. You know what I’m talking about. Do I have to be your second in the pack?”
He looked at me for a moment without answering me, and on his face I could see his mind working. I looked down at my hands again.
“I just feel like I’m being forced to do this. What happens if I don’t want it? You keep telling me how you’ll find someone else to fill the role. It feels like you’re telling me if I don’t do this you’re going to leave me.”
I looked into his eyes. His face looked neutral, but I’d learned a long time ago that it usually meant he was at war inside himself.
“I thought this was what you wanted,” he said.
“Us is what I wanted. This whole thing was great to bring us together, but I don’t know if all the rest of it is what I want. I can’t fill a werewolf’s shoes. I can’t do this, Reid.”
He took a deep breath and it looked like he wanted to say something, but he shook his head instead.
“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced into it. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.”
“But what about us?” I asked.
Reid got up and walked to the window, standing with his back to me.
“I’ll find someone else to take over the role. John can do it if he’s strong enough to fight for it. It won’t have to affect us.”
“But it will affect the pack?” I asked. I was starting to understand that the role of the wolves in the pack made it either stronger or weaker, and I didn’t want to be the reason for the
ir downfall.
“I will make it work,” he said, and walked into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him, and a moment later I heard the shower. The conversation was over. But he hadn’t been happy. He’d been disappointed in me, and I knew that it was going to cost him somehow.
I hated that it was because of me. But I really just didn’t want to do this anymore. Was I going to lose him again? I just didn’t know.
Chapter 7
Reid
The alpha’s second in the werewolf pack, especially when it’s the alpha’s mate, is a very powerful person. There’s a lot of power reeling between the wolves and it threatens to run rampant at least once a month, but it can go haywire more than that.
When Allegra stood up to me in the office block that first time, and I’d noticed how the wolves submitted to her, I’d really thought she had what it took.
I still thought that.
The problem was that she didn’t believe it. I wasn’t sure what it was that scared her, the fact that she was so up close and personal with the preternatural world that she couldn’t help but get a mouthful of magi, or the fact that she just didn’t believe leadership was in the cards for her.
Either way, I had to find someone to take the role of second if she didn’t want it, and I had to do it soon.
The alpha’s second is like the other leg. Without it the pack is crippled. John was a good second, but he respected someone else’s dominant. He could do it again. He wasn’t fit to be a second anymore. No matter how tight we were as a Ranger team.
Sarelle didn’t make it a secret that she didn’t think Allegra was in the wrong place. And given the chance I was sure she would take the position as pack’s second. She was Harry’s girlfriend which put her at number five, but she was aggressive and dominant. She wasn’t physically able to rise to that position, but I knew she would try. And she would keep trying.
I squeezed the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.
I waited for that first knock on the door. I heard them coming when they were still some distance away. I didn’t just hear it, I could feel it. The hair on my skin prickled, and something inside me drew to them. They were my pack, a part of me and every time we met again it was like lovers who’d been separated, and were finally allowed back together again.
I opened the door before Carlos knocked. Abdul and Maria stood there too. I let them in, and a few moments later Harry and Sarelle, and John arrived too. I let them into the house. Charlie arrived a few minutes later.
“Take a seat,” I offered. The pack made themselves comfortable in my home, stretched out over the couches or on the floor wherever they could find space. They were all just regular people when they were in human form, but they were larger than life. Their energy filled the room and pushed anything out. The power hung thick in the air.
“I want to talk about Allegra,” I said, coming straight out with it. I wasn’t going to make small talk, and I knew the pack had an opinion, too. “She’s not sure if she can be our second. And to be honest you haven’t really made it very easy for her to step into that role.”
I looked at Sarelle when I said it, and she rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat.
“She’s a human,” she said like it was supposed to explain everything
“Humans have been in our packs before. It’s not about being an animal, it’s about being dominant.”
“I don’t have a problem with it,” John said.
“Of course you don’t,” Sarelle snapped at him. “You’re married to one.”
The energy around us built, got even thicker.
“She doesn’t really fill the role all the way,” Carlos said. Maria nodded next to him, but of all the wolves I knew she was the one most likely to submit. She wasn’t just a naturally submissive wolf, she was also a gentle person.
“What do you think?” I asked Charlie. He’d been quiet every time the topic had come up.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t doubt that she can do it, but she doesn’t act like she really wants to. She’s nervous around us, even though she’s not scared of our wolves. She just doesn’t look like this is what she’s chosen.”
I nodded. He was right. He was very right. She didn’t choose this, and it showed. It affected her power in the position. It affected anything.
I took a deep breath and blew it out again.
“If she’s not going to be part of the pack anymore, we’re going to have to replace her,” I said. There was a ripple in the power around us even though no one said anything. I knew what they were thinking. I could feel it in the air. This was when the meeting was open for challenges. Any wolf could challenge any other wolf for the position, and they could fight it out. John was the natural choice because he had been second before, and he was third now. Higher up than the rest of them.
“The challenge is open,” I said, even though I didn’t need to. I knew they all understand.
They looked at each other. The tension grew, I could feel it crawling over my skin. I felt the tightness in my chest.
“Reid?” Allegra called from the passage, and then she appeared in the doorway. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the other wolves.
“Oh, I didn’t know we had company. Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said, holding my arm out to her. She hesitated. If she turned me down now she rejected me in front of the entire pack. Did she know that? She looked for a moment like she was thinking, and then she came to me. I was silently relieved.
“She shouldn’t be part of pack meetings,” Sarelle said and her voice was cold and hard.
“She’s still my second until she tells me in so many words that she doesn’t want it,” I said. I looked up at Allegra. She had horror all over her face. She’d told me she didn’t think she could do it, but she never said she gave up her position. I’d said it more for the pack’s sake, but maybe I should have told her that.
“Well, good. Then I’ll challenge her,” Sarelle said. She stood up and power blasted from her like a wind that shuffled everything in the room.
“You can’t do that,” I said, standing up to counter her.
“You said the challenge was open for the position, and you said she’s still in it. So I challenge her.”
“You can’t fight a human,” I said.
“Well, if she can’t fight our battles she shouldn’t be here,” Sarelle said. And she was right. I sighed. I turned to Allegra, put my hands on her shoulders.
“She’s right. You’re in position and I declared the challenge open.”
“What?” she said and her eyes were big and liquid. Fear pour into them.
“I can’t get around this. I said it and I’m alpha. My word is law.”
“Unsay it,” she said. “If it’s law?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t work that way.”
She sighed. “What happens if I don’t do it?”
“I take you place,” I said.
“Which will be a real shame, because I’d love to kick your ass,” Sarelle said. Her face and her voice was calm but I could feel her gloating undercurrents.
Allegra rolled her eyes and turned her back on Sarelle to leave the room. Sarelle swore under her breath and there was a split second where the power got so strong even I struggled to breathe. Then she launched for Allegra with a scream. She hit her on the shoulder with a closed fist. Allegra gasped and stumbled but she didn’t go down.
“Sarelle!” I barked but she didn’t listen. She was crouched in a battle stance. Allegra glanced at her feet, and the mimicked her stance, moving her own feet wider apart.
“Come on, bitch. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” Sarelle sneered.
“Rules,” John said, looking at me over Sarelle’s head. “If she’s pushing this fight you have to set the rules, Reid.”
“No shapeshifting. Keep it fair. First one to draw blood wins,” I said. The fight was in motion. There was nothing I could do to stop it now. With
Allegra’s reciprocation she was accepting the fight. I didn’t know if she knew that, but she looked like she was ready.
Her face had changed. She looked serious.
“Pity it’s not to the death,” Sarelle said. She didn’t take her eyes of Allegra. She mock-charged and when Allegra flinched she laughed.
“Come on, you think you can deal with the pack when you can’t even take a hit?” she said.
Allegra didn’t answer. When Sarelle started circling her she mirrored her. Sarelle struck out, knocking Allegra on the jaw. The movement had been fast, too fast for her to react. I was suddenly scared. Sarelle was stronger than any human would ever be, even if she was in human form. And Allegra didn’t even know how to fight.
But Sarelle didn’t care. She barely stuck to rules as it was. She charged for Allegra, real this time. Allegra tried to dodge her, but she got a kick to the shin and a punch in the stomach. She doubled over and coughed. Sarelle was still taking it easy on her. If she really tried Allegra would go down.
And I couldn’t interfere because it was against the rules.
“Reid?” Allegra said, a plea for help in her voice. She back away from Sarelle, toward the wall. Her back was to the window. Sarelle smiled a devious smile, one that even scared me, and then she charged again. Allegra was far enough for her to pick up speed. Allegra’s face had fear written all over it.
When Sarelle reached her Allegra grabbed her shirt and yanked it toward her, guiding the already forward momentum up and over. She fell back with the effort, but Sarelle flew through the window.
The sound of broken glass accompanied Sarelle’s outraged scream as she tumbled through the broken glass. Allegra turned and looked out the window, breathing hard. Her hands were trembling slightly.
Sarelle let out a growl that wasn’t human, and climbed back in through the window. Her eyes had gone an ugly black, and her face was changing like a hand was pushing it out from the inside. Her fingers extended into long, thin claws and a muzzle grew from her face, with sharp teeth. Blood trickled from cuts on her face and neck.
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