by Marie Lamba
“You know,” Michelle says, “I remember when I was sixteen. Good times.” She chuckles and flicks on the radio.
When Michelle pulls up in front of our house, she pulls Hari to her, planting a juicy kiss on his lips. “Bye.”
I slide out the back door and look up at our house. No lights are on inside. Hari waves to Michelle as she pulls away.
“So,” I say.
“So,” he says.
“Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”
“You are one royal pain in the ass, you know that? Why shouldn’t I tell them?”
“Hari, I—”
“I’ll tell you why. Because this is never going to happen again. From here on out you are going to stay far from that Cameron Cerulli and all his wrestler friends. Understand?”
I don’t answer.
“Well, you’d better understand,” Hari says. “Because if you don’t—if I find you as much as talking to that jackass—I’ll tell Mom and Dad everything. I mean it.”
Chapter 28
The next morning I wake up with a throbbing headache.
“Taoji has a fever again,” Mom says, after pulling me into her room.
“A fever. He’s got zero immunity. Any virus can kill him, can’t it?”
Mom gives a sad nod.
I rub my temples. Maybe I have a fever. “My God. This is all my fault.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing,” I say. “I’m just being silly.” But am I? First I sneak out, then I feel sick. Taoji gets a fever. What if in some bizarre way there’s actually a connection? What if karma really does make a difference? What if I’m creating bad karma?
Hari drives us all to lessons again, and now I’ve got to worry about him staring through the chain link fence and shouting, “Hey, Cerulli, keep your distance.” It seems like the whole universe is conspiring to keep Cameron and me apart.
I go right to our Beginner One lesson spot by the pool and sit, holding my forehead. Somehow I don’t have the strength to face Cameron this morning. I’m sure he’s completely over me. He’s probably had enough Sang Jumnal drama to last him a lifetime.
Trish is currently laughing at something Cameron has said. I bet she doesn’t have a father or brother like mine. I bet he could spend all the time with Trish that he wants and never get hassled by anybody.
Cameron glances my way and blows a kiss. I smile and wave. Trish gives him a shove and walks away.
“Here,” Raina says, handing me a kickboard. “We’re doing back kick.”
“Like this,” Doodles says and jumps into the water. She raises the kickboard over her head, leans backward, and kicks her way across the pool.
I watch Cameron pulling two little students around the pool with his strong arms. If only Dad and Hari knew what he was really like. They’d like him. I know they would. But they’ll never give him a chance.
Raina nudges me. “It’s your turn.”
“Yeah, okay.” I jump into the pool, raise the kickboard over my head, lean back and start kicking. And thinking. Cameron blew me a kiss. Maybe he isn’t over me after all.
I bump into something and look behind me. It’s the wall on the opposite end of the pool. I can’t believe it. I actually kicked all the way across.
Trish is sitting by the wall looking down on me. “Well, it’s about time.”
I grab onto the side of the pool. “What do you want, Trish?”
“I don’t get what he sees in you,” she says. “But I give up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He’s all yours, okay? You can have him.”
I blink my eyes, confused.
“Something’s obviously wrong with him,” she’s saying. “He’s like in love or something.” She makes a gagging face.
In love.
“So I’ve decided you two deserve each other,” she’s saying. “I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.”
I give her a sideways look. “Thank you?”
She gives me a smile, stands and struts away.
Raina quickly comes to my side. “What happened?”
“Either something very good. Or something very very bad.”
*****
Good karma. That’s what I’m sending out into the world in the crazy illogical hope that it will somehow help Taoji. When Doodles wants me to make posters for her yard sale, I do it. When she wants me to write on these posters “Save the Jumnal Family from getting poor,” I do it. I even help her hang these up. When Mom comes home with one of these posters that she’d ripped off a telephone pole, I take all the signs down again. No problem.
Taoji’s fever goes away. But it could come back at any moment.
At swim lessons, I say hi to Cameron, but don’t even think about sneaking out to meet him. For me, everything is focused on Friday night’s dance with him. I’m convinced that this will be our special moment. I’m planning on it. That is, until Thursday.
On Thursday during lessons, Trish is nowhere in sight. Cameron calls me over to a picnic table, sits beside me. “I’m almost all packed. Leaving Saturday morning, bright and early.”
“Oh.” It feels like my throat is closing up. I try to swallow.
“There is some good news, though.” He holds up a key. “Guess what this is?”
The key to my heart? I shrug.
“It’s Trish’s,” he says. “She’s away till tomorrow, and she offered her house to you and me if we want to meet there tonight.” He rubs the back of his neck and looks extremely awkward.
“Seriously?” But this doesn’t make any sense. I look around the pool complex trying to sort out what it might mean, and I can only come up with one conclusion: Trish was actually telling the truth. She’s given up the fight. And Cameron loves me?
He takes my hand. “So? What do you think, babe?”
“Oh.” My mind spins. I imagine myself in Cameron’s arms. But I’m grounded. Dad always has a close eye on me. Now Hari does too. I feel almost dizzy. “Cameron, I just can’t.”
“Oh,” he says, lets go of my hand and looks at the ground.
“I’m really sorry. It’s not that I don’t feel… I just can’t tonight.”
He sticks the key in his pocket. “Sure. I understand.” He stands. “I get it, Sang.”
He doesn’t.
I stand and grab his arm. “Let me see what I can do.”
At home I make sure I’m the perfect daughter. After dinner, I clear the dishes from the kitchen table and wipe up all the crumbs. I try to avoid Dad as much as possible, which isn’t hard because he’s spending a lot of time studying at the picnic table in the backyard. He also sits in his room reading from a small Sikh prayer book, which is something I’ve never seen him do before. I guess he’s doing his own good karma thing.
Thursday night comes. Raina goes to sleep, unaware of my plans. This feels like too huge a secret to share with anyone. I lie in bed in the dark. The light goes off in my parents’ room. After a long while, I get up and peer into the hall. The light is out in Hari’s room too. It’s perfect.
My heart starts to pound as I get out of my pajamas and into my blue sundress. I think about Cameron a block away, waiting for me in his car. Of finally telling him I love him. Of being all alone with him in Trish’s house. My heart pounds faster. I smooth my hair with my sweaty palms. Then, with my hand against the wall, I feel my way like a blind person through the hall and down the steps.
I’m at the front door. I touch the knob but hesitate. Cameron is waiting. I said I’d go. It will be okay. Beautiful. Perfect.
I stand here, frozen for the longest time. My heart surging in my chest.
This doesn’t feel perfect. It feels like bad karma.
I turn the knob…
I turn around.
*****
The next morning during lessons, Cameron comes over to me. “Babe, what happened? I was waiting forever.”
“I know. I—it was my brother. He caught me.” I glance aw
ay. “I’m really sorry.”
“Right,” he says.
I look at him. “Cameron, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to—”
“No. It’s okay.” He looks hurt. “Guess I’ll see you tonight at the party.”
I watch him walk away and cross my arms tight. He needs to know how I really feel. I have to take action—and I have to do it tonight.
Finally it’s Friday evening and the arrangements for the dance are all set. I don’t bother to run this by my dad—why cause trouble? It was understood that if I was good, the party would be on. In a half-hour, Megan is driving to Gary’s first, then picking up me and Raina, and taking us all to the party at the Michener Art Museum.
I stand in front of my mirror wearing the beautiful black and white dress. I look closely at my face, noticing that my zits on the edge of my forehead have practically disappeared. The scratches from the fight are gone. Maybe good karma is starting to pay off.
I guess I really deserve to have things work out for me. Especially since I’ve been working so hard to make things work out for others. I’ve been supportive of Gary and Raina going together tonight, and she’s so excited. She’s been in the bathroom for a half-hour dabbing on make-up. I’ve also got Megan set up with Stan, who, though he isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box, is nice enough looking to make David miserable. So that’s good.
If you believe in this sort of karma stuff, you might even think that I have something to do with Taoji still hanging in there. His fever is gone. It’s been around a week since they started the chemo. Soon it will be done and they can do the BMT. Then everything will be okay and I can go back to being my not so good old self again.
I pick up my birthday necklace from my dresser and remove the pendant from its broken chain. In my jewelry box I find last year’s necklace, remove its “Lead Wisely” pendant, and thread on the “Expect Great Things!” one. As I clip the chain around my neck, Raina says, “How do I look? Not too terrible?” She stands in the doorway in that shimmery golden wraparound dress. Her hair is swept up into a stylish twist, she’s wearing golden dangling earrings, and eyeliner makes her eyes look exotic.
“Oh my God. You’re like a Bollywood star.”
“You are teasing me,” she says, waving the comment away.
“I wish I were. Next to you I look positively ordinary.” I touch my necklace and look at my plain Jane face. “Help me!”
“Here, let me pin up your hair on the sides a little. That’s all you need.” Raina pulls up some hair over each of my ears. “What do you think?”
“Better.”
“Okay. I have some lovely clips you can use.” She unzips her cosmetics case. “Cameron is going to faint when he sees you, Sang.”
Downstairs, I hear Mom and Dad returning from their walk.
“I hope so. But remember, no Cameron talk in front of my parents, okay?”
“Right.” She sticks some hairpins in her mouth and starts fussing with my hair.
“This is going to be a big night for him and me, Raina. The biggest.”
“Mmm?” she says.
“Raina, I haven’t told this to anybody—not even Megan. So you have to swear on your life to keep it secret.”
She pulls the hairpins out of her mouth. “I swear. What?”
“Tonight I am going to tell Cameron I love him.” I take a deep breath, suddenly so aware that saying this out loud is making it even more real.
“Oh, Sang, really? How sweet. When did he tell you he loved you? You never said.” She puts a glittery black clip in my hair.
“He didn’t. Not exactly. But I think he does love me, Raina. I can feel it. He just needs to know how I really feel.”
She hugs me. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Don’t worry. It will happen for you again, too. Who knows, maybe you and Gary…”
“Please.” She stares at her reflection in the mirror. “Don’t talk about it. I’m nervous enough as it is.”
“What are you guys doing?” Doodles asks. She’s wearing blue grass-stained shorts, a white T-shirt with chocolate milk drips on it, and has grass clippings stuck in her hair.
“What’s it look like?”
“Well you sure are dressed up for helping me set up the yard sale. Come on. I’ve got a ton of stuff to price in the garage.”
“That’s nice,” I say and spin. My dress swirls. “Ready, Raina?”
“I think so.”
“Let’s wait downstairs, then. Megan should be coming soon.”
I grab Anna’s present from my dresser and we go downstairs to the living room.
“Oh, don’t you two look absolutely gorgeous!” Mom says.
“What’s the occasion?” Dad says.
“You know,” I say and shake Anna’s present.
“We’re getting ready for my yard sale,” Doodles says, hanging on the banister.
“Not tonight,” I say.
“But you said you would. Remember? You promised.”
“Sangeet?” Dad says. “Did you promise your sister?”
“Well, I did, but that doesn’t mean—”
“Then you should help her,” Dad says.
“Akash, they are going to Anna’s birthday party at the museum tonight. Remember?” Mom says.
“Since when? I didn’t say you could go. You’re still grounded, remember?”
“You said if I was good, I could go to this party,” I say in what I hope is a patient voice.
“I said I would think about it. And how good is it to break promises to your little sister?”
I put my hand on my hip. “But I didn’t promise to help her tonight. And I have been good. Very good.” Raina shakes her head at me and I take my hand off my hip. The doorbell rings. “That’s Megan. Bye,” I say.
“No,” Dad says.
“Akash,” Mom says. “This is a special night.”
“This is trouble. Lena, this girl is growing up too defiant. How will she ever learn to follow rules and respect her elders if she never listens? She didn’t ask me about this party tonight. Why? Because she knew I’d say no.”
“And she broke her promise to me,” Doodles says. She turns to me. Her eyes fill with tears. “It’s like you don’t even care that we’re poor. You don’t even care about me.”
The doorbell rings again.
“Doodles, that’s not true. Can we talk about this later?”
“There’s no need to talk,” Dad says, jutting out his jaw. “You’re staying home. Raina, you’re a good girl. You can still go.”
I’m stunned. “Dad, why?”
“Time for discussion is over.”
“Sang,” Raina says, “it’s okay. I’ll stay home with you. Doodles, we’ll both help you.”
“No, Doodles. We won’t,” I say. “Because it’s all a big fat waste of time. You know how much money they need? One hundred and fifty thousand dollars. You think your jar can hold that much?”
There’s a long tense silence.
“Mommy?” Doodles says. “Is she right?”
“Don’t ask them,” I say. “They won’t tell you anything. The truth is you can’t ever raise enough money to help. Your yard sale, your ice pop sale: it’s all pathetic. You can’t save the day, Doodles. Face it. And you can’t save Taoji.”
“Don’t you speak like that,” Dad snaps.
“Sang,” Mom says. “Please.”
“Please what, Mom? I’m sick of all the pretending, okay? Pretending that I’m some good little girl, when the truth is I’m not. Pretending that everything is going to be okay, when it isn’t. Doodles, Taoji Ravinder is dying. Did you know that?”
“I’m not listening to this,” Dad says, heading for the stairs.
“Akash, be reasonable,” Mom says. “The kids only want to understand.”
“Understand this, Doodles,” I say. “The money’s for an operation that probably won’t work, and there’s nothing you or anybody else can do about it. Isn’t that right, Dad?”
Dad turns on his heel. “How dare you!” he shouts at me. “You know nothing of these matters.”
“And whose fault is that?” I shout back. Tears spring to my eyes. I grab Raina’s wrist and pull her to the door.
“You go out that door, Sangeet, don’t bother coming back because you are no longer my daughter. You hear me?”
“Fine with me!”
I drag Raina out onto the front porch.
“All set?” Megan says.
“Sang, we should go back in,” Raina says.
Megan looks at us both. “Something wrong?”
I take a deep deep breath. “Let’s just go.”
Chapter 29
“I don’t know. Do you think it’s too much?” Anna asks. She wrinkles her nose at the twinkly lights swathing the doors and windows and at the round tables covered with white linen cloths and vases full of white roses. The doors of this room open to a garden filled with fountains and sculptures, more twinkly lights, and tables with candles on them. Out there is a wooden dance floor and a stage where a DJ is setting up.
“Are you kidding? Anna, this is like a dream come true. It’s perfect. You look perfect.” With just a touch of jealousy, I admire her dress, the one I had originally picked out for myself. “Happy birthday.” I give her a hug. “Where do I put your present?”
She points to a table draped in white netting stacked four and five boxes high with presents. I go and set my teeny box on top of the stack.
“I wonder what her wedding is going to be like,” Jackie says in my ear.
“Seriously,” I say.
“Hey, Sang.” Dalton waves and looks awkward as he pushes his glasses up his nose. He’s wearing black pants, a white long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a blue and black striped tie.
“Hi, Dalton.” I give him a friendly smile.
Jackie thrusts her arm between us. “Look what Dalton got me. Isn’t it beautiful?”
I glance at her ivory rose and baby’s breath wrist corsage. “Pretty. Good taste, Dalton.”
He shrugs. “My mom picked it out. I’m not too good with that sort of stuff.”