by Leger, Lori
Carrie drove in silence, gripping the steering wheel so hard her hands turned numb. Every mile that took her further from Sam made the gnawing pain in her chest grow worse. Every minute away from him weakened her resolve not to cry. By the time she pulled into Dave’s driveway, her heart ached, knowing how badly she’d left him hurting.
She pulled the trunk latch and got out to help her girls with luggage, only to find it empty. Remembering how she’d rushed them, she turned to the twins. They stood with their magenta and pink duffle bags, looking hesitant.
“I guess that’s all you had time to pack. Sorry, but I had to get out of there.”
“Mom—”
“Love you,” she said, embracing Gretchen even as she cut her off. She released her and pulled Lauren close for the same kind of hug. “Love you, too.”
Carrie walked over to meet Grant, who’d pulled up seconds after her. “Love you, son,” she said, her voice tight with the need to cry as she hugged him also.
“Mom—”
She raised her hand to shush him and turned to give Lucas a grateful scratch behind the ears. “Good boy.” She turned toward her still running car. “Be sure and tell your dad I said thanks, and that Lucas will be fine in a few days.”
She peeled out onto the roadway, knowing without seeing, that her kids watched her leave. They wouldn’t understand how badly she didn’t want to cry in front of them. She didn’t want them to see how much their rejection of Sam hurt her.
CHAPTER 24
Sam awoke to the ringing telephone. A double dose of nighttime pain reliever had cured his headache, but hadn’t done a thing for the hollow ache in his chest. He’d slept fitfully, dreaming and waking several times during the night. He rubbed his hands over his eyes, willing the damn ringing to stop. The only person he cared to talk to wouldn’t be calling him.
By the time he noticed the ringing had quit, Nick had opened his bedroom door. “If it’s not Carrie, I’m not here,” Sam told his son.
Nick’s eyes widened as he shoved the phone to his father. “I’m not telling her that. It’s Carrie’s Mom.”
Sam sat up slowly and reached for the phone. “Ms. Elaine?”
“Well, thank God somebody is answering their phone. Carrie sure as hell won’t. Is it out of service again?” Elaine asked, sounding more annoyed than frantic.
“No, ma’am, it’s working. She’s not there.”
A moment of quiet preceded her next comment. “Look Sam, I know my daughter is all grown up, but if your intentions toward her aren’t honorable, I may have to go slap you around a little.”
Sam frowned, confused until her meaning dawned on him. “She’s not here, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“She’s not?”
“No, ma’am. I expect she’s back at her sister’s place.”
Another pause before she spoke again. “What the hell is going on with you two?”
“Not a thing, ma’am, and you’ll have to talk to her to find out why. This wasn’t my choice. If I read her right, she wasn’t thrilled about it, either.”
“Well, I’m confused as all get out.”
“Yes, ma’am, I imagine you are. All I can tell you is that thirty minutes after her kids got here yesterday morning she walked over and broke it off. She hauled butt before I could collect my thoughts to get her to reconsider. Something about a promise she made them.”
“What promise?”
Sam passed a hand over sleep-crusted eyes. “I can’t tell you anything about that, ma’am. You’ll have to ask her.”
“I’ll do that. Are you all right?”
“I’ll live, but I’m far from all right.”
“Well…you keep the faith, Sam.”
“I’ll try, Ms. Elaine, but…” he faltered. “I’ll try,” he repeated, before setting the phone in its cradle.
***
Elaine hit the button and dialed Christie’s number.
“Ha-wo.”
“Hey Max, my good boy. It’s Maw Maw.”
She heard him turn and yell. “Mommy, it’th Maw Maw Lain.”
“Maxie, is Aunt Carrie there?” Elaine asked her grandson.
“Aunt Cawee thwept in my bed.”
“She did? Is she still sleeping?”
“Yeah, Aunt Cawee cwied.”
“Uh huh,” Elaine said, waiting for Christie to get to the phone.
“Mom?”
“What’s going on with her? Sam said she broke it off because of some promise she made the kids.”
“Christ, is that what happened?” Christie exclaimed. “I haven’t been able to get a word out of her about why. She goes to work, but when she comes in she goes straight to the bedroom and cries. All she said was that it was all her fault and she should have known better.”
“Oh my Lord, Sam’s as upset about this as she is.”
“I figured as much, but this is out of our hands, Mom.”
***
Carrie’s New Year’s Eve held all the excitement and promise of a yearly physical, with a pap smear thrown in for kicks. She and Christie spent the evening with Dick Clark to watch the ball drop, along with millions of other Americans. They’d splurged on a bottle of cheap wine and a quart of Blue Bell Heavenly Hash ice cream, and although Carrie drank her share of the wine, she was too depressed to eat anything. She seriously missed talking to Sam, but couldn’t decide what she dreaded worse…not seeing him or seeing him. By the time she met her ride to work in early January, she’d dropped ten pounds and couldn’t seem to get more than four hours of sleep a night.
She stared out the window, hungry for the first sight of Sam as he waited at the designated pick up area. He looked just as good as she remembered, leaning casually against his truck with his arms crossed against his chest. Carrie lowered her head into her book as he settled into the passenger seat, directly in front of her.
“Good morning everybody!” he said, his voice an exuberant boom in the truck’s previously quiet interior.
She mumbled a like reply, hoping he wouldn’t speak directly to her.
“Did everyone have a good Christmas? Mine was great.”
“Oh, ours was fair, just not long enough,” Craig answered.
“No kiddin’,” Corey said. “I could have used another couple of days off. What’d you do for New Years, Langley? Did you go out?”
“Yeah, I did, as a matter of fact,” he said. “My daughter and son-in-law dragged me to the New Years Eve party at the K.C. hall. I have to admit I had a nice time.”
“Oh, yeah? Did you cut a rug with the ladies, Big Boy?” Craig asked him.
Carrie waited for his answer, absolutely certain the thud of her heart could be heard by everyone in the double cab truck. She rolled her eyes upward to stare at the back of Sam’s head as he nodded and cleared his throat.
“I danced with a couple.”
“Oh yeah? Big Boy’s still got it, huh?” Craig exclaimed.
Sam nodded and gave a quiet grunt, then looked out the side window.
“What about you, Carrie?” Craig asked loudly. “Did you happen to be at the same party?”
“Nope,” she answered, hoping he’d drop it. He didn’t.
“No? What’d you do, then?”
“My sister and I watched Dick Clark at her place.” She turned to stare out the rear window. “That’s it,” she said, as a movement in the passenger side mirror of the pickup caught her attention. She adjusted her gaze to the mirror and her breath caught as she saw Sam’s reflection staring back at her. Her gaze lingered there as she tried, unsuccessfully, to turn away. His casual act of turning away first stunned her, making her heart ache with equally humiliating feelings of hurt and betrayal. She couldn’t blame him for moving on, but did he have to do it so quickly? She turned back to her novel, determined not to let it bother her.
Remarkably, she survived the day without exchanging one word with Sam. Then another, as his survey crew hit the road early in the morning and didn’t return until fif
teen minutes before it was time to leave. The third day she wasn’t so lucky.
She turned from stirring sugar and cream into her coffee to find him leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. She stopped suddenly, jerking her mug so that coffee sloshed over the edge onto the floor. She stared into blue eyes that, at the moment, weren’t sparkling with humor.
“You look tired, Carrie.”
“I’m fine,” she said, setting her mug on the table. She turned to pull two sheets from the paper towel dispenser, hoping he’d use that opportunity to leave. No such luck. When she turned back, he was still there. She dropped the towels on the floor and bent over to wipe up the liquid. Maybe if she ignored him long enough, he’d leave. She straightened and threw the towels in the trash and rinsed her hands. When she turned around, he was still there.
“Uh huh,” he said. “I’m still here.”
She picked up her mug from the counter, used a dampened towel to wipe the coffee ring and threw that towel away as she walked to the door and stopped. She stood there, for a moment, feeling his eyes on her.
“I need to get by,” she said.
“Looks like that’s all you’re doing, is getting by,” he said.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head away from him. A slight shift in the air told her he’d moved, and she looked up to find he’d walked away from her. She knew he was angry and disappointed in her decision to end their budding relationship.
Carrie walked to her desk, and set her coffee carefully down. She picked up the photo frame from her desk, studying the trio of hinged school photos of her kids. Each one was posed before a different fall background. She wiped a fine layer of dust from the glass with the cuff of her sleeve and placed the frame back on her desk. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. It was easy for him, but who could she be angry with? She loved her kids and they had a right to be happy, too. Her phone rang and she reached over to pick it up.
“B & L Engineering. Carrie speaking.”
“Is this the only way I can get you to speak directly to me?”
She looked toward Sam’s office, but couldn’t see him seated at his desk. Jeff had called in sick, so she knew he was alone.
“I’m worried about you,” he said.
“Don’t be,” she said, biting down on her lower lip to keep from crying. She wouldn’t be able to take it if he turned all sweet and understanding on her. She needn’t have worried.
“All right, then,” he said, then hung up. She set the phone softly in its cradle and stared at it. Was he trying to make her miserable? She was barely hanging on as it was. Who needed it?
Her head fell forward, cradled in one hand as she covered a yawn with her other. What she needed was a good night’s sleep, minus the nightmares she’d been plagued with. Every night she closed her eyes, praying she wouldn’t see Tim Hardin looming over her, reaching out to touch her as she slept. Every night she woke up terrified, and twisting away from his grasp. Christie told her she may need to see someone, a doctor who could prescribe something just to get her through her rough patch. Carrie knew there was no pill invented that could take the place of having Sam in her life.
One torturous day at the office melded into two then three, as she was forced to watch Sam carry on like nothing had happened between them. When she’d catch herself wanting to scream at him for being so damn well adjusted, she’d remember that he had every right to move on. They spoke only of matters pertaining to work, and she made it a point never to be alone with him in the same room. They were back to acting as they had her first weeks at the job.
Every day, Carrie dissolved into tears as soon as she was alone in her car. Every day, she walked into Christie’s, eyes puffy and red-rimmed from crying. Every day, she told Christie she didn’t want to talk about it.
By the end of the week she decided to look for another job. Jennings was only a thirty minute drive from Gardiner, and it was a good sized city. She scoured the paper every afternoon, searched the internet, made calls, and asked around. Problem was no company in Jennings had a need for anyone with a degree in drafting technology. She’d have to concentrate on something in Lake Coburn or Lafayette if she was going to stay in her field. There again, hanging over her like a twenty pound weight swinging by a thread, was the same problem of high mileage and low starting salary. She was frustrated, sad, and running out of time.
Thankfully, Len had agreed to let her keep everything in the rent house in Kenton until January fifteenth, when she could move into the place in Gardiner. But the fifteenth was just a few days away, and Carrie had to make a decision.
***
Sam stepped out of Craig’s truck on Friday afternoon, dreading the weekend. He waved his co-workers off, noticing that Carrie didn’t look up from the book she was pretending to read. He knew that, because he sneaked a peek at it every chance he got and her marker stayed in the same spot. She looked exhausted so he doubted she was getting much sleep, she barely ate anything at the office, and drank coffee all day to keep from falling asleep at her desk. Roxie and J.C. said she’d been too quiet, and wasn’t talking about anything. Damn it all, he was worried sick about her.
He’d tried to connect with her the first day, but seeing her pitiful attempt at holding it together affected him in a bad way. So, he tried to act like he was okay with her decision, when he was far from it. But he’d take seeing her every day at work, even if they weren’t together, over not seeing her at all. Freaking weekends sucked…Big time.
***
By seven p.m. he’d been sitting in his recliner for two hours already. Sam powered off the television and dropped the remote on the couch. He went to the sink for a glass of water that he didn’t drink, picked up the weekly newspaper but didn’t read it. He paced the living room floor, pausing occasionally to check for lights at Carrie’s place. He’d spoken to Len already, and knew she’d asked to hang on to it until the fifteenth. But that was three days away, and he figured if she was going to move out, she’d have to do it by this weekend. He’d hoped to get her alone before then and try to talk some sense into her, but the more he thought about it, the less likely that seemed. When she did show up she’d probably be surrounded by family and friends, and he’d play hell to get her alone for a second, much less the time it would take him to throw himself on her mercy.
“Son of a bitch,” he said, reaching for the phone. He punched a number into the keypad, a number he’d looked at so many times over the past week, he had the damn thing memorized. He heard it ring and took a deep breath, waiting to hear a familiar voice.
“Ha-wo.”
Sam grinned, despite his foul mood. “Hello Max.”
“Mommy wanth to know who thith ith,” the toddler lisped.
“It’s Sam, Max. Remember me?”
“Yeth. Aunt Cawee-th Tham.”
“That’s right. Can I talk to her please?”
“She’th not he-ah. Mommy can’t find her.”
It took a moment for Sam to process the child’s statement, but when he did, the breath left his lungs in a rush. “What? Max, let me talk to your mama.”
“Okay,” he said, before dropping the phone and running off toward his mother, or at least Sam hoped that’s where he was going. A second before he was about to hang up and drive over there, a breathless voice came on over the line.
“Hello, Sam?”
“Yeah, what’s going on, Christie?”
“Please tell me she’s with you.”
“No…No damn it, she’s not.”
“Crap! You were my last hope. I don’t know where the hell she could be. I called all her friends in Lake Erin, and even Dave’s family…I thought maybe she’d be visiting with Ruby.”
“Who?”
“Dave’s mom, she and Carrie are very close.”
“Okay, yeah, I remember now. Well, if you hear from her tell her to call me, and if she doesn’t want to talk to me you make the call.”
“I will, Sam, as soon as I finish chewing her as
s out for making me worry.”
Sam hung up and paced his empty house for five minutes before pulling on his boots, and grabbing his coat and keys on the way out. His engine barely had time to turn over before he threw it into reverse and pulled out onto the rain dampened street. He threw it in drive, skidding on the wet street until the tires bit, trying to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.
***
An hour and a half later, he knocked on Christie’s door, mumbling and cursing, because he could see she wasn’t home. Her car was gone and the house was dark. “Dumbass!” he said, thinking back to how he’d told Craig that very day that he had no use for a cell phone. Damn if he wouldn’t give his left nut for one right now.
Sam jumped inside his truck and peeled out, heading for Elaine’s place. He made it in less than five minutes and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her car in the drive. He knocked on the door, and waited, praying all this worrying was for nothing. He knocked again, and peeked through the window. No sign of life, no television, just the one light on over her kitchen sink.
“Aw come on!” He took a step back and let his head drop back against his shoulders, wondering what else he could do, when he heard someone call his name. He left the porch and searched the darkness. “Hello?”
“Is that you, Sam?” Mack called from the house next door.
“Yeah! What’s going on, Mack? I’m looking for Carrie.”
“She ran off the road and they brought her to the Jennings hospital to get checked out. Sharon drove Mom over to meet her and I think Christie went too.”
“How bad?” Sam asked, as his stomach lurched at the thought of losing her.
“I don’t know, man. I’m waiting to get a call. But she fell asleep at the wheel.”
“What the hell?”
“Apparently, she hasn’t been sleeping. Christie said Carrie’s been having nightmares since she’s been back at her place. She said she wakes up damn near screaming.”
Sam nodded while backing away. “Thanks Mack. Jennings hospital…That’s where I’m headed.”
***