“I don’t. But my boss clearly does.”
Crunch kept his arm wrapped around Caroline, turning to Gig. “Come on, man. Let’s get her inside before you start throwing punches too.”
It was a little unnerving taking Caroline back to her apartment. She didn’t say a word. Gig hadn’t been present for any of her other blackouts and he’d seen some shitty stuff in his day but her behavior was creeping him out. Even her husband hadn’t gotten through to her. They took her inside her bedroom and laid her down on the bed.
Crunch went into the bathroom and returned with some gauze and tape, cleaning her wounds and wrapping her wrists. “You’re safe, Princess. Just rest a little.” He rubbed her arms. “You think she’ll be okay in those wet clothes?”
The A/C was for shit. Gig was sweating just standing there. “It’s warm in here. It’ll be fine.” He bent down by the bed, waving Crunch toward the living room. “We’ll check on you later,” he whispered.
Caroline started crying into her pillow. “Get away from me.”
Well, she’d said something real, even if it wasn’t particularly encouraging. Gig placed a reassuring hand on her back. “You’re not alone, Gerard. We’re going to hang out in your living room for a while.”
He stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him.
* * * * *
A long night. Lunch and dinner skipped. Instead of taking the afternoon off as ordered Schroeder had returned, leaving his boss to stew in his office alone. Jack stuck around until his assistant left, long after the sun set. He wasn’t ready to go back to his cold, lonely bedroom. No, there were other tasks that were far more important. He knocked on the door to Caroline’s apartment, hoping she would answer. But Gig opened the door instead.
“Mr. Gigowski,” he said. “Where’s Major Gerard?”
“She’s asleep, sir. Has been for some time. Neither one of us wanted to wake her.”
That seemed fair enough. She always looked so tired. And he was glad the men had obeyed his orders not to leave her alone. “May I come in?”
Gig stepped back. “Of course.”
Crunch was sitting on the couch watching TV but stood up when Jack walked in. “Sir.”
Jack had to give Caroline’s friends credit. They were more than capable of observing protocol, even though he didn’t deserve that deference from them. Not when they’d done more for the movement than he ever could. “Sit down, Mr. Rodriguez. You too, Mr. Gigowski. You’ll need to make official statements about what happened today but I wanted to talk to you first.” He took the chair across from them. Best to start at the beginning. “How is she?”
“It’s hard to tell,” Gig said. “I’m not sure she knew where she was when we got her back here.”
“You gave me the impression this is not the first time something like this has occurred. When did it happen before?” Jack asked.
Crunch frowned. “When we were training together. That’s how we figured out what happens when she has her hands placed behind her back.” He paused. “I don’t know the details but – you get the picture.”
It seemed like a pretty disturbing picture to him, but Jack just nodded.
Gig leaned forward on the couch. “Commander McIntyre, may I be blunt?”
“Yes.”
“She needs help.”
He’d known that for months, but the afternoon’s events had forced his hand. Jack had spent the last few hours in his office pondering that very issue. “I’ve figured that out.”
“I know, sir. I just don’t know if this place is equipped to provide it to her.”
It wasn’t, which was why his day had been so terrible. “I’m not sure where else she can go. She has no idea how vulnerable she is. What happened in the cafeteria?”
“Have you talked to Jonesie?” Crunch asked.
“I came to see Caroline first.”
Gig pinched the bridge of his nose. “We were getting up to leave after lunch,” he said. “Buchanan was giving her the evil eye. Jonesie told her to ignore it but she didn’t listen. She confronted him. I don’t know what was said, but it couldn’t have been cordial. Buchanan whispered something to her and she went nuts. I’ve never seen her react like that to a verbal cue. Ever. We tried to pull her back but she was too strong. Crunch and I were behind her, Jonesie was in front of her. Buchanan slapped her and Jones punched him in the face. The MPs showed up and dragged the three of them out of the room. That’s when they cuffed Gerard, even though I warned them not to. She flipped after they started hitting her with a baton to get her to stop resisting. And she freaked out even more after that and – well, you saw it yourself. She withdraws. It’s frightening.”
Jack rubbed his forehead. “Is that what you saw, Mr. Rodriguez?”
“Yes,” Crunch said. “Although I did hear some of what Buchanan said. He might have thrown down some derogatory words for female anatomy a couple of times.”
“She hates when people do that,” Jack said.
“Yeah,” Gig said. “No kidding. But I don’t think that’s what elicited that response from her. It was something else.”
Jack let his eyes drift toward the bedroom door. “I know I said this when you arrived here, but thank you for helping her. Both before, and today. I don’t want to think about what condition she’d be in if you hadn’t been there for her.”
Neither one of the men said anything. They didn’t want to talk about it either. Jesus, how bad had things been if no one could fucking mention it?
“I don’t know what to do for her,” Jack said quietly. “She won’t let anyone in. Especially me. Does she talk to you about anything?”
“Nope,” Gig said.
“Not really,” said Crunch. “I don’t think she says much to Jonesie either. And there were limits to what she told Gabe.”
Crunch couldn’t look at him when he spoke. Jack wasn’t sure if that was a positive or not. If Caroline hadn’t opened up to loverboy, how much had she bottled up inside of her? “Has either one of you checked on her lately?”
They shook their heads. Damn it, he didn’t care what they thought. He was going in. “I’m going to make sure she’s okay,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound as lame as he felt.
“Go ahead,” Gig said.
It was cold in her room. Strange since the air conditioning never worked. Her blanket was on the floor. She was curled up in a ball, her pillow in her hands. He saw her shiver. Jack sat on the bed next to her, placing a hand on her back. Had the men left her there in damp clothes?
No. He couldn’t take them to task for that. It wasn’t their fault. He’d be more upset if she were in there half naked. But she was cold and uncomfortable. He couldn’t do much but rectify the chill.
He unlaced her boots, pulling them off slowly, trying not to wake her. The blanket she had wasn’t the greatest but he threw it over her anyway. He ran his hand across her forehead to soothe her. Not to get closer. No, it was a purely sterile gesture. He thought he heard her mumble something and leaned in.
“Don’t leave me,” she whispered.
Jack had to have misheard her but if that window opened a crack, he was going to squeeze his way through. He shut the bedroom door and laid down behind her, putting his arm around her waist.
“I’m right here,” he said softly. “You’re going to be okay, sweetheart. I promise.”
She was trembling. Was she dreaming? He wondered how long he could stay there. Before she’d wake up, yell at him, kick him out. This might be the only opportunity for him to be close to her, to be in her presence while she was serene and silent instead of brash and argumentative. He would take what he could fucking get.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Jack closed his eyes, pressing his nose into her hair. Had he heard her correctly? It didn’t matter. Those words weren’t meant for him. They were for another man. The man she hadn’t wanted to leave her. The man who failed to return from the fool’s errand his commander had sent him on. But for a
moment, just a moment, he imagined she was speaking to him.
Say it again, baby. Please. Say my name.
He waited but she didn’t speak again. That didn’t stop him from hoping for a tiny bit of light to come trickling through that window. Hoping she’d roll over, open her eyes, see it was him. Maybe she’d give him that precious smile he missed so much. She’d bring her fingers to his lips, tell him all his transgressions were forgiven…tell him that her declaration of love was meant for his ears alone.
She only talked in her sleep when she was restless, so he stayed there until she started to snore. He tried not to laugh. That was his cue to leave.
To their everlasting credit, Gig and Crunch made no comment when he emerged from the bedroom. He had to have been in there for at least thirty minutes. Jack cleared his throat.
“Will you two stay with her tonight? Tell her she’s expected in the commander’s office tomorrow morning at nine.”
“Yes, sir,” Gig said.
Gigowski was a tough one to figure out. Jack was still trying to get a read on him. “Sergeant, why did you quit Chicago Police?”
Gig shrugged his shoulders. “Got tired of the gang war. Telling mommas their babies were dead.”
There had to be more to it than that but Jack was in no mood to pursue the subject. “I see. Would you be interested in becoming an MP? I promise it’s not quite the same stress level.”
Gig gave him a half smile. “While I appreciate you thinking of me, I would much prefer to stay on Major Gerard’s team. However, if you insist, I would be happy to help. And I wouldn’t mistreat arrestees.”
Just the kind of satisfying answer Jack had sought. “No, that won’t be necessary. I think it’s best you stay where your skills are most likely to be utilized. Caroline may be out of action for a while. In the meantime, you’ll be in charge of the team. It’s a bit unorthodox but I’m promoting you to lieutenant.”
His half smile grew bigger. “Thank you, sir.”
Jack shook his hand. “You deserve it. You should have been on an officer track from the beginning. My apologies for not noticing it sooner.” He headed toward the door.
Crunch followed him. “Commander McIntyre?”
He turned around. “Yes, Corporal. Before you ask, you don’t get a promotion. Mr. Gigowski caught me in a rare good mood.”
Crunch chuckled. “That isn’t an issue. Quite happy in my role.”
“Good.”
He gave Jack a sheepish look. “It may not be my place to say this but…she said your name a lot as she was recovering. Mostly in her sleep.” His face reddened. “I – that’s all, sir.”
Jack rubbed his forehead again. He doubted his wife uttered his name now as anything other than an obscenity. But he appreciated the point the young man was trying to make. “Thank you, Mr. Rodriguez. Have a good night.”
* * * * *
Caroline had not slept well. At one point she could have sworn she felt her husband’s arms around her, his voice whispering in her ear, telling her it was going to be all right. But that couldn’t have been real. Just one of many dreams, many memories that were trapped inside her mind. The rough night led to a rougher morning but she showed up at Jack’s office twenty minutes early.
Schroeder glared at her as soon as she walked in the door. “Yes?”
“I’m here to see the commander.”
“Is he expecting you?”
He had a giant stick up his ass, no doubt. Caroline could see Jack’s calendar on his computer screen. She vowed not to respond in kind. “Yes.”
“Have a seat, Major,” he said. “Can I trust you not to assault me?”
“It’s pretty early in the day. I can’t promise anything.”
“I’m wearing my sidearm.”
Caroline smirked. Schroeder was definitely better suited for desk duty than anything heavier. “Are you mad that I outrank you, Captain?”
“Seems to me that someone of your stature should be able to get through the day without beating the shit out of enlisted personnel. Maybe that’s a sign you can’t handle a leadership position.”
Ooh, he was saucy. She liked that. “That wasn’t your call. Jack made that decision.”
“It’s not my fault that you’re the commander’s Achilles heel.”
“I don’t think Commander McIntyre’s personality quirks are your concern. Are you going to announce me or not?”
Schroeder waited a good thirty minutes before picking up the phone. “Major Gerard is here,” he said curtly, before hanging up. He turned to her. “The commander will see you now.”
Caroline entered Jack’s office, closing the door behind her. Jack was sitting at his desk. He already looked angry. “You’re late.”
“I was here at 8:40. Schroeder is a douche.”
“Sit down.”
She did as she was told, watching as he flipped through the report on his desk.
“Do you want to tell me why you attacked Corporal Buchanan in the cafeteria yesterday?” he asked. “Don’t give me any bullshit, either.”
This wasn’t going to be pretty. “Jack-”
“You will address me as Commander,” he said.
Shit. He wasn’t playing around. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t repeatedly demanded to be treated like just another soldier. Apparently he’d picked that morning to start listening to her.
“Commander,” she began. “He spoke ill of one of my colleagues.”
“And you, as an officer in this organization, felt it was appropriate to respond with violence?”
Maybe that had been too simplistic a description. “I-”
Jack read the report aloud. “‘Major Gerard exchanged words with Corporal Buchanan, punching him with a closed fist before kicking him in the legs. Buchanan placed his arms up to defend himself and Gerard threw him to the ground, continuing to assault him. This was done without his consent. Almost all of the witnesses indicated they had not seen Buchanan provoke Gerard in any way.’”
She didn’t remember much but that didn’t seem right at all. “That’s not quite how it happened,” Caroline said. “But you probably aren’t interested in the correct version of events.”
“The only people who contradicted this account were your three little buddies.”
“Don’t talk about them like that.”
“Fine. The men who went with you on your cross country journey to this installation. Objective witnesses, I’m sure.”
“They are objective. Unlike those soldiers who were sitting with Buchanan. I wouldn’t trust anything they said.”
Jack waved the paper around. “I don’t care. Do you think this is suitable behavior from a high ranking official?”
Well, shit. Wasn’t he doing a good job of making her feel chastened. “No,” Caroline mumbled.
“I gave you a position of some sensitivity because I believed you could handle it. Your trainers insisted you had natural leadership ability, which I already knew and which until yesterday you had demonstrated. You are making me seriously question my decision to grant you the rank of major. Clearly you are not in the proper mindset to handle dealing with conflict.”
She was the fallen angel, the reform school candidate sent to the principal’s office, the former respected public servant who’d gotten caught with her hand in the kitty. And she was unaccustomed to being on the receiving end of that level of disappointment. Jack was entirely correct. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Why did you hit Buchanan?”
Caroline hesitated, considering her words. “The man of whom he spoke is now deceased.”
Jack didn’t seem to care for that answer at all. “I see.”
Maybe she could talk her way out of this if she came across as genuinely remorseful. “I know my behavior was not appropriate,” she said. “I regret it. It won’t happen again.”
“There are penalties for violating our rules. You will not be receiving special treatment in this regard. Not anymore.”
Sh
e’d seriously fucked up. And she hadn’t even meant to do it, not entirely. Caroline started mentally packing her bags. “Am I kicked out?”
His voice softened. “No, you are not. But as of this moment you are relieved of your duties. You will not be allowed to continue in a leadership role until you are cleared by medical personnel.”
“I don’t understand,” she said.
“Major-” Jack pointed at the couch. “Caroline,” he corrected. “Come sit over here.”
She reluctantly moved over, twisting her hands in her lap. Jack sat down at the other end of the couch, keeping a safe, professional distance.
“Sweetheart,” he began.
His use of the endearment grated on her. Remorse gave way to anger and her temper flared. “Do you call all the officers that, or just me?”
Jack sighed loudly. “This is not an easy conversation for me.”
She didn’t give a shit. She had no desire to be there, either. “Try harder.”
He glared at her. “You know, you really have turned into a glacial bitch. Jesus.”
She deserved that one. But it smarted. Caroline looked down at her feet, not speaking. Jack scooted even further away from her on the couch.
“I’m sorry, Major,” he said. “I will not refer to you by anything other than your rank. Nor will I make judgments about your character or disposition.”
The detachment in his voice wounded her in places she didn’t think still existed. “I don’t – you can call me Caroline.”
“Look at me,” Jack said.
She caught his eye. He looked very sad. But he always looked that way when she was in the room.
“You need help,” he said. “You need to talk to someone about this. You cannot keep lashing out at people the way you have. You go from hot to cold and back again so quickly that no one can keep track of where you are. You have to find some way to keep yourself under control. If you cannot do that, you run the risk of being asked to leave this facility. I can’t keep making excuses for you. Is that what you want?”
It killed her to know that although she’d begged to be treated like any other recruit, people had been making exceptions for her anyway. And not in the ways that she expected. All because she couldn’t keep her head screwed on straight. “No, sir,” she said softly.
Phoenix (The Bellator Saga Book 4) Page 14