by Maddie James
Nate swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Even with all the effort of helping the elderly man, Hailey looked as striking as he remembered. Her straight, blonde hair brushed her shoulders. A pulled snug sash at the waist of her brown suede jacket accented her tone figure. “It looks like she’s taking your dad out to breakfast.”
“If he loses his footing on the sidewalk, she’s not strong enough to keep him from falling. He’s going to get hurt.” As they approached the door, Jake pushed it open and reached out for his father’s other arm. “Be careful, Dad. The sidewalk is slick right here.” He then looked to his sister. “This is a surprise.”
“I decided to treat Dad to pancakes.”
“The roads are pretty slippery, what with all the snow we got last night.”
“We get snow in New York, too. I haven’t forgotten how to drive in it.” She was much shorter than her brother, but Hailey held her chin up and defended her position.
“Your sister managed the roads just fine.” Bill interrupted them in the same way he probably did when they were toddlers. He then called out to Nate. “Can you bring me and my daughter some coffee, please?”
Something about having her step out of his fantasies and into his diner, made Nate’s palms start to sweat. Words failed to form, and he nodded.
Bill turned to his son. “Join us for breakfast?”
“I just finished up, but I’ll sit down and have some coffee with you. I was actually on my way out to your place.”
After her father sat, Hailey looked around the restaurant, briefly making eye contact with Nate before turning back to her brother. “I’ll be right back. I left my phone in the car.” She made a hasty exit, slipping on the sidewalk as she turned to go up the street.
“Let me tell you something,” Bill said after the door closed. “Your sister never stops working. She’s had her head buried in her computer or been on the phone all morning. I was hoping we’d get some peace and quiet while we ate.”
“We all work hard, Dad. The mill is shut down this week, but normally I work ten hours a day.”
Nate filled three mugs and set them on a tray along with a pitcher of fresh cream. After placing the cups on the table, he ambled over to the large window looking in the direction Hailey had gone in such a rush.
He could see her on her phone in the small sports car. She ran her fingers through her hair and flipped through pages of notes, looking more rattled than he’d ever remembered seeing her.
Life had changed for the both of them since graduation, but hers had stayed on track. Or at least that’s what he’d picked up from bits and pieces of overheard conversations.
When Nate looked back, he was reminded that precious gifts often came wrapped in tragedy. At least that’s how it worked out for him. Now, the one person who was blocking his new road to happiness was the same one who had turned his life upside down eight years ago.
So why would he give just about anything to kiss her again? Or at least talk to her and find out why he hadn’t been worth a goodbye.
“Nate,” Bill called out. “Can we get another round of coffee?”
“Of course.”
“And why don’t you go ahead and order?” Jake said. “Who knows how long Hailey is going to be out on the phone.”
It was fifteen minutes later when Nate was delivering a daily breakfast special to Bill—which ironically did not include pancakes—that Hailey came back into the diner.
“Find your phone?” Jake asked.
Hailey held it up before dropping it to the table. “I had to deal with an important call.”
She looked up at Nate briefly. When their eyes met, she just as quickly looked away. “Can I get a bowl of oatmeal, please?”
Nate knew laughing was inappropriate but couldn’t keep himself from doing it. “I thought you two wanted my world famous pancakes?”
Hailey flipped her attention to her father’s plate and then back again. “You know what, you’re right. How often do I get the chance to eat pancakes from the Front Porch? Bring that.”
“Sure thing,” Nate said. “And I’ll warm up your coffee too, just as soon as I get the Perkins’ order.”
Nate moved back to the counter and tried to focus on the couple’s breakfast requests. Not an easy task given the way his head was swimming.
Just floating with the motion of the waves, as they had done that day at the beach. In reality it might have been a group of friends enjoying their last summer before college. In his mind, it had become a first real date, and the prelude to the following night. That last night he’d spent any real time with her, or had anything that even resembled a conversation.
While his emotions were twisted into knots, calm, cool, and collected Hailey didn’t show even a hint of regret or remorse. Did she ever think of him and the one night that still burned in his heart? It didn’t appear so.
****
Hailey hadn’t exactly lied when she said the phone call had been important. It was her landlord inquiring about the late payment on her lease. She’d been hoping to hold him off another week but relented and gave him her credit card number over the phone.
The job prospects would be better after the first of the year. They sure couldn’t get any worse. Once she had a new job, she could tell her family the whole story about the last couple of months. Until then, she’d keep the pasted smile on her face; let them believe she was still the all-in-control girl they thought she was.
Several people, all with familiar faces, had entered the diner while she’d been in the car, and she felt a little more at ease.
Being in the same room with Nate stung more than she thought it would. The ache in her heart was as strong as the day she’d hastily thrown her things into that old Escort and driven toward the city as fast as the beat-up car would take her.
She tried to keep her focus on her family—struggled to follow her brother’s conversation with her father—but couldn’t keep her eyes from wandering back to Nate. He laughed with his customers and staff and then turned the orders into the kitchen.
A tapping noise snapped her attention back to her brother. He glared at her while he drummed his fingers on the table. “Am I boring you?”
She shook away the cobwebs. “I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
“Kelly is going to come sit with Dad this afternoon so we can go over to Pioneer. I want you to take a tour. Maybe that will ease your mind.”
How could Jake be talking like this in front of their father, as if his feelings didn’t matter and he didn’t have a say? She refused to disrespect their dad and spoke to him instead of her brother. “Do you understand what Jake and Kelly want to do?”
Her dad nodded slightly, avoiding her gaze. “It’s okay. They think this is for the best.”
“What do you want?”
“To not be a burden on any of you.”
“You’re no such thing. I would love to have you come live with me.” That was, if she could get a job and hold on to her apartment.
Her brother shifted his weight in the chair and leaned forward to speak. Her father beat him to it. “It means a lot to me that you would ask, but it’s a bad idea.”
She swallowed hard. “Why do you think that?”
“Because you work very long hours. I would be away from everyone and everything I know. Jake, Kelly and I have talked about Pioneer. I understand.”
“I’m not so sure they’re right on this one.”
He set his fork next to his plate, and stared at the utensils like they were foreign objects. The emptiness that resided in his eyes the night before returned. “But, I’ve been lonely. I miss your momma.”
“We all miss her.”
“I don’t remember things like I used to. I get confused from time to time.”
“That’s part of getting older. There has to be things we can do to help you. Maybe we could make lists and post them up on the refrigerator.”
Jake jumped in. “Really? You think a big to-do list is the an
swer to his medical illness? If you’re not going to be here to help manage this situation, I need you to step back.”
Hailey tried to ignore her brother’s words, even though his complaints hurt. She worked to make eye contact with her dad, difficult because he wouldn’t lift his stare from the table. “Why are you afraid to tell him how you feel about the house? Tell Jake what you told me last night, about wanting the farm to stay the same.”
Her father touched his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes, shaking his head.
“Stop this!” Jake said. “Can’t you see you’re upsetting him?”
“Me?”
Standing, Jake took his father’s elbow. Despite being visibly unnerved, Jake spoke with a softness reserved for a small child. “Come on, Dad. Let me take you home.”
Hailey leapt to her feet too. Her father turned to her, holding his hand up. “Stop. Please. Your brother knows how to handle these situations.”
“What situations? We’re just talking.”
She could see his hands were trembling and his eyes flickered back and forth. “I’m going with Jake. I want you to do what he asks.”
Before Hailey could respond Jake did with a firm but level voice. “Let me take him home. Eat your breakfast, get a hold of your emotions, and then come to the house so we can have a rational conversation about this.”
She stepped back, and dropped down to the chair. Rational conversation? She’d thought that’s what they were doing, until everything spun three hundred and sixty degrees without warning.
Only when she heard the bell above the door ring out, was she able to unclench her fists and let out the breath that had tightened her chest. She’d seen Nate lingering around the edge of the counter with her plate of pancakes in hand but didn’t want him to approach her now.
She really didn’t have it in her to deal with him.
He came forward anyway, and set the plate in front of her. After a hesitation, he asked, “Can I sit for a minute?”
Her eyes fluttered closed, but she gestured to the chair. She heard it scrape against the old worn tile and could feel him just inches away from her.
“I’m sorry your dad’s health is on the decline. I’ve always really liked him. It stinks, you know.”
She took a deep breath; maybe they could talk as old friends and ignore the complications of the night they’d spent together. “I don’t think he’s that bad. Jake and Kelly are overreacting.”
He twisted his hands on his lap. “I can see how you would think that. Some days when I see him, he’s sharp as nails. Others….”
Her phone vibrated against the table. The habit to check the ID won out against the desire to meet Nate’s stare. An eight-hundred number flashed, twisting Hailey’s stomach into knots. Another bill collector wanting to take the money she was trying to stretch just a little further, hoping to get through a few more weeks. She hit the button to ignore the call.
“I overheard what you said about your dad wanting the property to stay the same,” Nate said. “I’ll take real good care of the place and won’t change a thing. I love that farm the way it is.”
That brought her attention back. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been talking to Jake about renting the house.”
She took in his deep brown eyes and almost black hair. It was cropped short like he was trying to beat-the-heat, even if the average temperature this week was somewhere around ten degrees. Much shorter than he wore it in high school. The neatly trimmed beard and mustache were new too.
He looked older. More settled.
How ironic.
They’d both thought this small town would smother them back then.
For a fleeting moment it comforted her to picture Nate cooking in her family’s kitchen, and then she realized it wouldn’t be her house anymore. She’d be on the outside looking in. “It feels like everything is being taken away from me.”
His body stiffened as he pulled back. “It’s not like I’m stealing it. I’m going to pay you for it.”
“This isn’t about money!”
“Then what is it about?”
She reached for her purse and fumbled for her wallet with trembling hands. “Everyone seems to think that just because I don’t live here, I don’t have a voice, but you’re all wrong.” She threw a twenty-dollar bill on the table. “I didn’t leave the planet, I moved to New York. I didn’t abandon my family, but it feels like they think so. I’m sick of being treated like an outside in my hometown, in my family home, in my own life.”
She stood and tried to turn, but he grabbed her wrist. Looking back would weaken her resolve—Nate had always had that effect on her—but she did it anyway.
“Please, it would mean a lot to Lori…and me.”
His daughter. The child he’d had with someone else. She couldn’t stand the thought of the two of them in her living room without her.
Why did it hurt so much?
It wasn’t as if he left her. She’d pursued and claimed the future she’d always wanted.
Hadn’t she?
If everything she’d attained had been all she ever wanted, why was it tearing her in two to know Nate had gone on with his life without her? It wasn’t as if she’d expected he wouldn’t. She should be happy he was settled. Instead, it made her long for that place next to him even more.
A lump formed in her throat, making speech impossible. Instead, she headed for the door.
“That’s right, Hailey. Run away. It’s what you do best!”
His words stopped her, and she twisted back. “I what?”
“Run. Away. When the pieces of your life don’t come together like a neat little puzzle, you scatter them all around you and stomp out of the room.”
She bristled at the venom in his voice. “That’s not what happened.”
“Oh, no. You handled it so well, just breezed out of town with no concern for those you left behind.”
They weren’t talking about her father or her house anymore. This was about how she’d reacted eight years ago, when the feelings got too real.
Just as they were now.
“I care, dammit!” She let out a long exhale. “I always have.”
Chapter Six
Lori snored lightly against Nate’s chest, signaling that she’d fallen asleep. He closed the book and let it rest on his lap. Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, he leaned back against the headboard.
Like a hundred other times since seeing Hailey in the diner, his mind rolled back to his senior year and how enamored he’d been with her. How horribly smitten and how completely invisible to her. Until that one wonderful day and incredible night.
It had started with dinner at the pizzeria. Now, he could give his teenaged self a swift kick for not reaching for something more special, but at the time it seemed perfect. And if Hailey thought he’d gone for cheap, she never let on that night.
Dinner was followed by a movie before they raided the dessert case in the already closed diner. Even later, they parked in his truck down on the deserted beach.
As he lived through that night, he was sure it was the beginning of something special…at least for the few weeks of summer they had left before embarking to separate colleges. There hadn’t been clue one those few hours were to be the beginning, middle and end of them as a couple.
He’d spent numerous times over the years, looking back, thinking about choices made and roads taken. When times got tough, he wondered if his life would have turned out differently if Hailey hadn’t left town early.
If only she’d let the rest of the summer play out.
Would he have ended up following her to New York? Would she have given up her full ride to go to college with him? Maybe they’d have had a good time and gone their separate ways in the fall.
He knew the questions were impossible to answer. Before, he’d been able to entertain them for a time and then sweep them under a rug.
But not today.
This morning, str
ong-willed Hailey had met him head on, and when things didn’t fall into their perfect little place for her, she ran. Again.
The last words he’d said to her slipped past his lips before he could stop them. Part of him felt lighter having confronted her. Even if he’d been a little childish and somewhat passive-aggressive.
Another piece of his heart felt guilty when she froze in her tracks. She’d turned and argued against his accusations. And then, her final words had hit him in the chest like a knife.
She’d always cared. Surely, she meant about her parents, her family, and their farm.
Shaking it all away, he leaned over and kissed his daughter’s forehead, refusing to curse the missteps of his past. Each one led him to this moment and he was happy with his life. He wouldn’t change a thing if the result meant he didn’t have Lori.
Maybe that confrontation in the diner would give him the strength to close the door to all those questions.
Placing a foot on the floor, Nate slipped off the edge of the twin bed and smoothed the quilt out over his daughter. Making sure he dimmed the light to a low, golden amber, he left her door open just a crack.
After turning on the Christmas tree lights, he settled down in his favorite chair in front of the fireplace. Hoisting his leg up on the footstool, he tried to decide if he’d be awake long enough to warrant building a fire. His body was exhausted, but his mind was running in circles. He decided against it, even though sleep would probably elude him.
He opened the drawer on the end table next to his chair, pulling out his sketchbook and a piece of charcoal vine. Flipping through the pages of his recent drawings, he longed to see the passion that used to exist in his work. Even the most recent sketches of his daughter had a flat quality about them that he couldn’t figure out how to remedy.
Turning to a blank page, he leaned back in his chair and studied the tree. He looked at the lines of the branches and the orbs of bulbs and lights, studied the contrast of light and dark. Then, he turned to his book and began putting those lines and shadows on the page.