by Maddie James
Ryan threw up his hands with palms facing her. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. She pushed away the notion of it meaning anything more than a response to her threat.
“When I first arrived in Chicago, I was totally scared. New job, new city, new life all in a matter of days but as the months wore on, I adjusted. Just farther away from home. I enjoy what I do. I like the challenge facing me each day. Finding something new and exciting for our team to do in order to get our customer’s name out there to the public gets me worked up. Except the long days are taking their toll. My mother is right. I have no life up there.”
“I’m sure George is enough to fill your…nights.”
His tone suggested his comment as more of a question than statement.
Allison paused to enjoy a sip from her latte. Warm spicy cinnamon and smooth vanilla coated her throat before filling her belly. She closed her eyes for a second, loving the homey feeling the coffee offered. She needed a good book in her hands to complete the scene.
Truth was, George did fill her nights but not in the way Ryan insinuated. And not in the way Allison longed.
“Yes, George is great. He’s my best friend.”
“Is Adam willing to give up that role?”
“I don’t think I gave him a choice when I moved to Chicago after school.” Allison paused to take another sip of her coffee.
“Do you ever think about moving back?”
“I have to admit, I miss home. I didn’t think I did. Coming home and spending time with everyone, crazy as they are, makes me want to move back. But I don’t want to rush things. And do I really want to quite a job I’m really good at just because I miss my family? If I do come back, do I…I mean, we move home for a bit until we each find jobs. And what if George doesn’t want to move?” Remembering her faux fiancé was getting hard.
“I’m sure there are marketing jobs in St. Louis. In fact, my company is hiring.”
A bald gentleman with a race T-shirt arrived beside their table with two plates in his hands. “Here ya go. Need anything else?” When they shook their heads, he removed the vase from their table and headed back down the stairs.
“You keep saying your company? Are you meaning in a team player kind of way.” Allison asked before taking a bite from her croissant sandwich.
“That and as in my company kind of way.” Ryan’s brown eyes sparkled at his admission.
A small piece of creamy sauce covered chicken stuck in her throat. Allison managed to cough it away without choking to death. She sucked down what remained of her glass of water trying to hold off a blur of tears that lined the rims of her eyes.
In a raspy voice she finally found her words, “You own it?”
Ryan scooted closer during Allison’s choking fest. “Yes. Why? Is that so shocking?”
“No. I’m just surprised my brother never mentioned the fact we do the same thing for a living and you own a marketing firm. He wants me to move back, I’d thought he’d had mentioned that minor detail.”
Ryan shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it never came up. And besides, we haven’t seen each other in years. He probably thought you’d forgotten about…me.”
His words hung in the air along with the smell of coffee. She glanced around. The upper level of the coffee house sat vacant. Their late lunch provided them with an intimate setting. Private. Space to rehash or relive.
“Adam and I talk about different things. But you’re right. You’ve never come up but it’s not because I’ve forgotten.” Her words pointed directly at him even though her eyes remained on her chicken salad and croissant. “Besides. I don’t think Adam knows about what happened…between us.”
“It was a long time ago and our lives are in different places now.” Ryan’s tone bordered along the lines of cold and distant.
She wanted to ask him about last night. What he meant about hoping she was unattached. Did he mean it? But she’d told George none of it mattered. Until they were resting in Chicago, she needed to keep on pretending.
“I need to apologize. I shouldn’t have said anything last night. I blame the beer and loud music.” His smile didn’t reveal any ulterior motive for his retraction.
Defeated and not really knowing what she expected to happen, Allison ran her napkin across her lips. “You know. I just remembered. I’ve got plans with George.” She scooted back in her chair when his hand grasped hers.
“Wait Ally. Have I said something to upset you?”
“No one calls me that.” She bit back.
His hand gripped hers harder, holding her in place. “I’m sorry Allison. This wasn’t how I’d hoped seeing you again would be like. What happened between us was a long time ago. In the past but it doesn’t mean it was any less important. You were Allison Daughtry. My best friend’s sister.”
She yanked her hand from his and rushed down the steps. Allison waved a tentative hand at the blonde behind the counter before she left into the chilly afternoon air. What had she expected to happen? After one lunch, he’d sweep her off her feet? Lavish her with kisses and promises for the future. What fairy tale world did she live in?
She pulled her purse in front of her body, rooted around until she felt the familiar metal cut of the key chain. Her keys jingled in her hands as she wrapped her arms tight around her body. The air bit through her clothes and the smell of old leaves filled the air. Beneath her feet, the remnants of brown and yellow foliage crunched loud enough to hide the sound of approaching shoes.
“Allison, wait.” Ryan called out behind her.
“Listen it was great seeing you again and thank you for lunch.” Allison said over her shoulder. When she reached her car, Ryan grabbed her arm forcing her to turn around.
Allison and Ryan stood face to face beside her car. Keys clutched in her fingers and for a brief second, she was eighteen again in her bedroom. Courage boiled in her belly, brewing lava beneath her skin.
“There’s no need to thank me. I enjoy catching…” Ryan’s words cut off when Allison rushed forward with a teenage amount of courage and kissed him. Unlike their first kiss, this one ended even quicker.
Ryan grabbed her arms and pushed her back. “Allison. What are you doing?”
Wrenching her arms from his hold, she moved to the driver’s side door. Inside her car, the cold air kept her cheeks free to burn hot. She didn’t look back.
What had she done?
Chapter Thirteen
What would happen when she arrived at home? The heat of her weak moment flushed her face and rolled in her belly. Would everyone know? Would her walk of shame be visible to everyone in her house?
Worse yet. Would George hate her? Their relationship was a ruse but she’d promised not to embarrass him.
Allison sat in her car, staring up at her childhood home. Memories flooded back of holidays past. Birthday celebrations. Easter egg hunts. Family dinners. A life full of memories. Many included Ryan.
Her sudden burst of aggression scared her. She’d never been so brazen. Their first kiss rested on both their shoulder’s even though she made the first move.
Knock. Knock.
Her grandmother stared through her car window. Her mouth moved but her words weren’t clear above the radio and car engine. Allison rolled down the window, filling her car with a blast of chilly air.
“Are you stuck dear,” her grandmother asked. Her little body huddled close to the window. “Do I need to call 9-1-1?” Black hair and wide brown eyes peered at Allison.
“No Grandma. I’m fine.”
“What are you doing out here?” If it were possible, she leaned closer. “Are you doing drugs?” Her words barely above a whisper.
A smile stretched across Allison’s face. “No. I don’t do drugs.”
“Darn.”
“Grandma! Go back inside. I’ll be in, in a second.”
The barely five foot tall woman teetered into the house. Allison stared at the driveway before she turned her car off and pulled her body from the warm con
fines.
Scents of spicy beef and lime filled her senses when she entered the house from the garage. A catchy salsa beat carried from the kitchen. Laughter and boisterous voices competed with the upbeat tunes.
In the kitchen, counter tops showcased bowls of taco meat, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese and the shells to place the yummy goodness inside. A crock-pot sputtered with golden cheese alongside a heaping bowl of tortilla chips.
A blender roared and crunched in the family room. Her family and George gathered around a small wet bar, anxiously watching the tequila goodness. Salted margarita glasses waited for the spinning concoction.
Allison leaned against the hard door molding stifling a laugh at the sight of her mother shaking her hips to the Mexican beat while Adam and Sarah pretended to tango across the room. Her mother needed a red rose for her hair to match the eclectic design of her floor length skirt. Allison’s father dipped a finger into the blender, tasted what he made and added a splash of the golden tequila. When he was done, he filled glasses halfway with the frozen treat.
“Did I miss something? Is it Cinco De Mayo?” Allison remained in the doorway enjoying watching her family, George and Sarah.
“Allison!” They cheered her name in unison. George acted like he was in a conga line and danced to her. “Here. You can have mine. I’ve had two already.”
The salt bit at her tongue before the sweetness filled her mouth. “Mmmm. Two? I wasn’t gone that long.” Another sip passed her lips. “Man, I needed that.”
“Why? Wrong dress again?”
Her mother snuck beside the couple. A margarita clutched in her hand. “What? Allison. You didn’t, did you?” Her mother’s voice carried over the rhythmic music.
“George was kidding.” Allison slapped his forearm. His smile revealed everything. He knew what buttons to push and the mom button flashed red with a countdown to destruction attached. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. Those tacos and nachos won’t make themselves.”
The taste of chicken salad and coffee with Ryan lingered on her tongue. She needed to erase the last hour of her life. The margarita helped.
Her plate filled with tortilla chips, melted cheese, seasoned beef and salsa. Holding her plate with two hands, she nestled her drink against her body and arm. Once at the kitchen table, she eased into a chair as she placed her items down. Before she settled against the back of a chair, she stuffed a chip piled high into her mouth, releasing a flourish of flavors against her tongue. Her father danced by with a pitcher of drinks, filled her glass and shimmied onto the next.
Allison shook her body to the beat of the Latin music filling the house. Before she realized, half the food on her plate disappeared along with most of her drink. Her belly filled from the spicy food and her head lightened from the alcohol. In fact, her night improved and the images from her lunch with Ryan began to fade along with her good judgment.
“Ryan!” The group said his name together except for Allison. A drop of cheese crowded the corner of her mouth. The crunch from her chips drowned out by the music and cheering. Unfortunately the wide-eyed look remained on her face; unable to hide her shock and disappointment.
Allison glanced around wondering where her father went with his pitcher of goodness.
Ryan moved from the front door, making his rounds from Adam and Sarah to her grandmother. He wrapped her in a hug, lifting her small body from the floor before setting her back on her feet. There he spun her in and out before dipping her to finish their impromptu dance. The muscles along his arms flexed when he held Allison’s grandmother firmly within them, taking great care with her body. Watching him hold her reminded Allison of the countless nights she relived him holding her body close for a few secret moments in her room. The feel of lean muscles cording his chest beneath her fingers. The heat of his breath brushing against her flushed skin.
“Dad. I need a refill.” She held her glass high above her head. Since Ryan’s arrival, the small amount of alcohol she’d consumed had the opposite effect. Instead of forgetting, her body wanted to snatch his and hideaway in her bedroom. This time, she’d make sure the door was locked and ignore who ever knocked.
After her father refilled her glass and she drained half the drink, she focused her attention on her plate. She couldn’t eat the chips fast enough. When she was done, she licked her fingers contemplating adding another pile to her plate.
“Hungry?” Adam slid into the seat across from her.
“Yeah.” She rolled her eyes, draining her beverage.
“Slow down lady. Didn’t you have enough last night?” Adam reached for her glass.
Her hand held the stem and pulled it from her brother’s reach. “I’m fine. Thanks mom.” Her voice dropped to a whisper when she said mom. The last thing she wanted was to bring the woman over.
Her mother, far from earshot, leaned against the marble top, running a loan finger along the edge of her glass, before licking the salt free. Her father, dressed in a Hawaiian styled shirt, watched with hooded eyes when her finger dipped between her lips. Gross.
“Why didn’t you tell me Ryan owned a marketing firm?”
“You never asked.”
“Yes, only because I had no clue to ask.”
“Why does it matter? And where did you find out?” Adam stared at his sister, waiting for her answer.
“I never said it did…matter. He mentioned it today…”
“Wait. Today. When? Just now?” His head shot around toward his friend.
With the cat jumping from the bag, she figured she’d give a little. “No. Earlier today. Over lunch.”
“So you already ate and still were able to pack away a plate full of nachos? Dang sis. I’m impressed.” A glass covered his smile when he took a drink. “Don’t let Sarah know you can eat whatever and still stay small. She’ll get pissed and the last thing I need is a crabby wife.”
Her brother’s comment brought a smile to Allison’s face. “Wife. Can you believe you’re getting married?”
He looked past her. His face lit up. Pride filled her heart, sticking a lump in her throat. Her baby brother and marriage were notions she couldn’t help tear up about.
“I can’t wait.” He whispered across the table.
“This is really happening.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I’m so happy for the both of you.”
“I’m sorry, am I interrupting.” Sarah snuggled up beside her fiancé. Adam leaned back in his chair, offering his lap. She slid into place, wrapping her arms around his neck. Ignoring Allison, Sarah nuzzled Adam before placing her lips on his.
Taking the hint, Allison removed herself from the table.
Fighting against the tears and lump in her throat thinking about her brother’s upcoming nuptials, a spark of heat ran up her neck. A small part of her was jealous they’d found each other early in their lives. Allison watched firsthand as the two fell in love. High school sweethearts wasn’t a good enough label. They were epic. They completed each other. She was sure if there was a movie line to describe them, it would be “You had me at hello” from Jerry Maguire.
Thinking about her brother, Allison walked to the mini bar, and stopped short. Ryan leaned against the bar with a margarita glass in his hands.
“Should I be jealous?”
She spun around, stopping before she spilled the remaining contents of her drink on George. “What?”
“Should I act all jealous because he’s here or that your eyes haven’t left him since he arrived?”
“No on both accounts. There’s nothing to be jealous about…really.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound so convincing. Spill chic.” George pulled her toward an end of the couch, farthest from the bar. They sat close; their legs touching.
Allison leaned in, hoping their closeness appeared intimate to whoever noticed. She whispered to George about her lunch date and the embarrassment that followed. Her stomach knotted as she relived her one moment of courage, which resulted in failure.
When she was
done, George sat back, staring at her with wide blue eyes. “What do I do? Act like nothing happened? I need some guidance here. Do I storm off leaving you to tell why?”
She held his hands in hers, holding them in her lap. “I’m sorry but I think it’s best if you don’t do anything. Forget about it. I know I will.”
Pulling a hand free, he tucked a stray length of hair behind her ear. “No, I should be the one that’s sorry.”
“But you didn’t do anything,” Allison said.
“True but I can see how hard this is for you. Family is tough. I get it. Mine is worse.”
“You want to tell me about it?”
“Not much to tell. We don’t speak often. At least not with my father. My mother and I were very close until she passed away about five years ago.”
Allison wrapped her arms around George, squeezing his body with all her strength. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You don’t talk much about them except reliving childhood memories.”
“It was breast cancer and I’m okay now. I was a mess for a while there. I flunked a semester at school, lived on my own and didn’t talk to anyone. I went out clubbing all night. Went home with random guys. It was bad. But then one day, it clicked. I got my crap together and fast forward, here we are today.”
The couple sunk deeper into the couch. Allison clutched George’s hand in hers. “What about your father?”
“It’s like any Hallmark movie. Guy figures out he’s gay. Tells his family. Father can’t handle it and ignores son. Except, mine didn’t have a happy ending. No epiphany. No big hug before the credits roll. I’m the youngest by eight years and I’m not as close to my brothers and sisters. I went to college and remained very close to my mom. Her cancer was sudden, not leaving much time for treatment. I sat with her every day when my father or my siblings weren’t there and I think that time together allowed me to heal from his rejection. We still aren’t close but I visit him on holidays. I send the occasional card; remembering his birthday and their anniversary. He’s retired now and spends most of his time sitting at home or driving up to the lake to fish. I think he prefers it that way. He likes being alone. Sometimes I like being alone.”