by Susan Lewis
“And remanded into custody?” Kian put in.
“I should hope so, considering the seriousness of the offense and how badly things were handled before. Listen, I’m afraid I have to ring off now, I’m due in court, but I’ll be back at my desk after four if you have any more questions. Oh, and do let me know once the CPS has been in touch.”
Assuring her they would, Jules disconnected the call and stared at the glittering expanse of sea as they continued down the hill toward it. Though they’d discussed the possibility of a new trial endlessly since learning there might be one, now that they knew it was going to happen they’d fallen completely silent. Dealing with the hypothetical was nothing like facing reality. She knew that only too well, for there had been a time when she and Kian would have vowed to kill anyone who harmed Daisy, and they’d have meant it, but what had they done when it had actually happened? Kian had tried to kill himself, and she had lost all sense of who she was or what her life meant. They’d hardly even protested when the murder charge had been reduced to voluntary manslaughter—with provocation, as if to add insult to injury—nor had they fought for a retrial when they’d known proper justice hadn’t been done.
And yet here was fate, circumstance, God Almighty for all she knew, about to right the wrongs they’d suffered and see their daughter’s killer face the judgment she deserved.
“It seems odd,” she said as they turned into Hope Cove, “that we should be coming here now after finding this out.”
Kian didn’t disagree. “I feel a bit shell-shocked by it,” he confessed.
“Do you mean being here, or hearing the news?”
“Both, I guess.”
As they pulled up in their old space at the side of the pub’s garden, Jules’s mind was starting to spin. Too many memories were coming at her at once, as though every day of their time here, every happy occasion and special moment, was trying to be remembered and cherished in one go. She was finding it hard to take a full breath as she registered the bed of vibrant daisies that Misty had created at the front of the pub, where friends and family still left candles or mermaid figures as they came and went. Her daughter’s face seemed a ghostly reflection at the windows; her laughter was music on the breeze. There were no strange or familiar faces at the picnic tables or down on the beach, just Daisy and her friends playing, planning or putting on a show. She could see her blond curls as she and Joe strolled hand in hand toward the moor, throwing each other into the surf, or picnicking in the moonlight. Kian was no longer beside her; he was building scenery, cooking up a new deal, striding over the weir to the sailing school.
“This is even harder than I expected it to be,” he murmured.
Turning to him, she took his hand. “We have to make this about Misty and Marco,” she reminded him, and felt surprisingly bolstered by her own words.
“Of course,” he agreed. Pushing open the driver’s door, he waited for her to join him, and held her hand as they walked across the garden to the open front door. It took a while, with so many wanting to greet them, but eventually they were stepping from the dazzling brilliance of the outside sunshine into the comparative gloom of the bar.
The familiarity of the place, the sounds, the smell, the sheer feel of it, almost took Jules’s breath away. She hadn’t really expected anything to be different, but the fact that nothing had changed was making her heart tighten with longing and painful joy.
Forced to let go of each other’s hands as old friends and regulars surrounded them, they rose gamely to the warmth of their welcome, sharing laughter, cries of surprise, and plenty of hugs. Everyone wanted to buy them a drink, know how they were and hear all about what they were up to now. As the spirit of the moment carried them to the bar, where Misty, grinning from ear to ear, was already sorting the drinks, Jules could only feel thankful that no one knew about the new trial yet. It would be the talk of Kesterly once the news was out, and they definitely weren’t ready to discuss it with anyone else at this stage.
The next half-hour passed in a chaos of fun, more drinks, and lots of promises to get together soon, until finally they were in the library with Misty and Marco, the door closed to offer some privacy, and a tray of coffee with homemade biscotti between them.
As Kian outlined the offer they were there to make, Jules watched Misty’s expression moving from wary interest to surprise to outright amazement as tears filled her beautiful eyes.
“It feels as much your place as ours,” Kian told her as she threw her arms around them, “so we thought you should have some ownership of it.”
“Are you sure?” Marco gasped, eagerly shaking their hands. “I mean, everyone thinks of it as yours, and what you’re asking for it, it’s worth so much more.”
“It doesn’t matter what people think.” Jules smiled. “It’s what’s right that matters to us, and because the Mermaid wouldn’t be the success it is without you two, and means as much to you as it does to us, we couldn’t feel happier about including you in the ownership.”
As Misty clasped her hands to her face and danced up and down, Marco and Kian grinned and Jules said, “Obviously we’ll have to talk to lawyers and the businesspeople. We just wanted to make sure you were up for it before we did that.”
“I feel so proud and emotional and overwhelmed,” Misty wept, laughing at the same time. “I can hardly believe it’s happening. I thought you were coming to tell us you wanted to sell up, or move back in…”
“We’d have been all right with that, I promise,” Marco assured them. “We’ve even started packing.”
“Then stop,” Jules said gently. “We won’t be selling or living here again. It’s your home now.” As she spoke she was looking at Ruby’s shoe on the mantelpiece, and feeling her heart swelling with unbearable loss.
Following her eyes, Misty said, “It’s always there, where you left it.”
“Do you ever get a sense of her now?” Jules wondered.
Misty shook her head. “Not the way we used to, but sometimes I feel like she might have been around: doors or windows are open that shouldn’t be, a light goes on and off for no reason. I always think she’s come back to look for you, and when you’re not here she just goes again.”
Realizing how sad that was making her, Jules took a tissue from her bag as Kian said, “We should go now, but we’ll be in touch tomorrow or the next day to sort out when to see the lawyers.”
As they shook hands on their deal and hugged again, Misty said, “So what’s next for you two? Will you stay in Kesterly?” Her eyes were merry as she looked at Kian. “Knowing you as I do, I expect you’ve got some amazing scheme waiting to burst out of that sleeve.”
Kian smiled and winked. Taking Jules’s hand, he led her out through a side door to avoid any protracted goodbyes, and left Misty and Marco to go and celebrate their good news in any way they chose.
“Well, that seemed to go well,” he commented as he and Jules wandered across the weir to settle, side by side, on the rocks at the far side. The cliffs were like old friends rising up steeply, protectively, behind them, while the cerulean sky seemed to be putting on its best display of dazzling brightness.
“I knew they’d be happy.” Jules gazed absently at the waves as they swelled gently toward her. She struggled to overcome a deepening sense of nostalgia. Leaving this place had been a terrible wrench the first time they’d done it; it clearly wasn’t going to be any easier now.
“Do you remember how we used to sit on the beach when we were kids, planning what we’d do with the pub if we could ever own it?” Kian said dreamily.
Letting her head fall against his shoulder, she said, “How could I forget? We used to come practically every weekend, although we never really believed it would happen, until one day it did.”
“It took us a while to believe it even then.”
Jules sighed. “Do you think we should have been more careful of what we wished for? I mean, considering where we are now.”
After a moment he said, �
��I was just asking myself the same question, but even the way it’s turned out can’t take away from how happy we were. And we’d never have wanted to be without her.”
“No, we could never wish for that.”
They sat quietly, their hands entwined, their memories rising and falling with the tide as over on the beach children shouted and laughed and threw themselves wildly into the surf.
In the end Jules was the first to break the silence. “I think we should go to Ireland,” she said softly.
Kian became very still, as though not sure he’d heard her correctly.
“I think we should go soon,” she continued, “before the new trial gets under way. We don’t want it to hold us back, or become what our lives are about for the next however many months. Of course we’ll be here if we have to be when it happens, but we ought to make plans so we have something to move on to when it’s over. Something good.”
When he didn’t answer she turned to look at him. Seeing tears on his cheeks she slid her arms around him. “What matters is that we’re together,” she whispered, weeping herself, “and there are just too many memories here for us to be able to cope with.”
Pulling back so he could look into her eyes, he sobbed as he said, “Do you have any idea how much it means to me to hear you say that? I was afraid for so long…I thought you’d fallen out of love with me, or wanted something more than I could give you…”
With a horrible rush of guilt, she lifted a hand to his face as she said, “I’ve always loved you, more than anything or anyone, apart from Daisy, but that kind of love is different.”
“Yes, it is,” he agreed, gazing searchingly into her eyes. “But I felt a rift opening up between us. Or not really a rift; we just didn’t seem as close.”
Knowing exactly what he was talking about, she let her eyes drift away, hating herself for the pain and confusion she’d caused him, for the betrayal that had seeped like a poison into the closeness they’d always shared.
He was speaking again. “So I guess I should have told you that I knew about Nicholas, but I was too afraid that if I did you’d tell me you wanted to be with him.”
“Oh, God, Kian,” she sobbed, turning to him. “I had no idea you knew….I swear it didn’t mean anything.”
He seemed not to be listening. “I used to think you only stayed with me because you couldn’t bring yourself to break my heart by taking Daisy away. Then I dreaded her going to uni in the States. I thought you’d go with her.”
“It never even crossed my mind.”
His eyes fell away. “Then after, when we didn’t have her anymore and there was nothing to keep you here…”
Sobbing wretchedly, she gasped, “You are what kept me here. It’s always been you, Kian. I’ve never loved anyone else, and I never will. Oh, my darling, to think of what you’ve been through over something that meant nothing. It was a moment of madness, a compulsion…I can hardly put into words what it was, but I’ve never wanted to do it again, and I’ve never regretted anything so much, especially now that I know what it did to you.”
His smile was wry, his eyes still wet with tears as he gazed deeply into hers.
“How did you find out?” she asked brokenly. “You weren’t even there.”
Putting a finger over her lips, he said, “Remember how well I know you. I could tell something was up as soon as I arrived in Chicago, and after that, when we were at the lake, you just weren’t yourself. Then one day, while we were setting up a picnic on the shore, I saw you flinch when someone shouted to Joe that his dad was on the line.”
Frowning, she said, “You knew from that?”
He shrugged. “I guessed from that, and then, when we were back here, I heard you on the phone to Em one night. You didn’t say his name, but it was obvious who you were talking about, and so…That was how I knew you were afraid the baby was his.”
Jules’s heart fractured right through, overwhelmed by the sheer awfulness of it all. How lonely and fearful he must have felt then, how desperate to find the right way while having no idea how he’d gone wrong. She simply couldn’t bear to think of him suffering like that; it was almost as bad as losing Daisy.
“If it had been his,” he said, “I’d decided that I’d accept it as mine, if it was what you wanted. If it wasn’t…Well, I guess it’s not an issue anymore, so there’s no point going there.”
Clasping her hands to her face, she wondered how she was ever going to cope with the guilt. “You should have told me,” she choked. “You shouldn’t have gone through all that on your own. We’d have worked it out together.”
“I can see that now,” he said gently, “but at the time I was waiting for you to tell me. I thought, when you didn’t, that you needed to keep the secret until the time was right for you to go.”
“I’d never leave you,” she vowed passionately. “Nothing, no one, means as much to me as you do. We belong together. We always have and always will.”
Tightening his arms around her, he said, “It’s how I’ve always felt, and hearing you say it…knowing you want to start again with me, in Ireland…” He sobbed on a laugh. “This is the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time. It’s like life might start making sense again now. It’ll have meaning and purpose, and I’ll always be there for you. I’ll never leave you again the way I did, after Daisy—”
“Ssh,” she whispered, putting a finger to his lips. “You did what you had to then, but we must make sure that we always talk about things in the future, no matter how hard they might be. No more secrets, no more pretense, just us and honesty and whatever we make of our lives from now on.”
“It’s a deal,” he said, smiling through his tears.
She smiled too. Pulling him to his feet, she said, “Don’t let’s hang around. Let’s go to Dublin as soon as we can get a flight so I can see the care homes you’ve shortlisted for Mum, and when we’ve made a decision we’ll start putting everything in motion.”
—
It was three days later that they finally heard from the CPS, and soon after Amelia Quentin was returned to Kesterly to be charged with murder. There was no bail granted this time, nor were there any statements from her father, although Helen Hall had heard that when it came time for the plea hearing she would plead not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.
“So that means another trial?” Jules had asked nervously.
“Not necessarily,” Helen replied. “If the experts on both sides agree that she was suffering from temporary insanity, then she’ll be detained under the Mental Health Act and sent to a secure psychiatric facility.”
“For how long?” Kian wanted to know.
“The term will be indefinite, until she can convince the authorities that she is no longer a threat to society.”
Now, as they prepared to leave the house on the Risings, with Andee and Helen there to help handle the press who’d set up camp in the street, Jules remarked, “Maybe if Amelia does plead temporary insanity it would be the best way to go, because she isn’t right in the head, or not in the sense that most of the rest of us are.”
Not arguing with that, Andee glanced at her phone as it rang. “Nothing that can’t wait,” she told them, putting it away again. “So, are you about ready to go?”
Jules and Kian nodded. “Thanks for doing this,” Kian said, shaking her hand.
“It’s no bother,” she assured him. “Would you like to go over the statement again before you leave?”
“No, it’s fine,” he replied. “Short and sweet, just like you said. Justice for Daisy, that’s all we want. And for Dean. No news on his release date yet?”
“No, but it shouldn’t be long in coming now.”
Jules nodded. “His parents will be so relieved. Stephie too, of course.”
As they started for the door Helen said, “Do you have any idea yet when you’ll be back?”
“In about a week,” Jules answered. “Hopefully everything’ll be in place by then for my mother to make the next tr
ip with us.”
Andee was looking around, taking in the charming little house that Jules, in spite of everything, had managed to turn into a home. “So what are you doing about this place?” she wondered. “I only ask because I could be looking for somewhere to rent.”
Jules and Helen regarded her curiously.
“It’s a long story.” Andee smiled ruefully.
“We’ll be happy to let it to you,” Kian told her kindly, “if you’re serious—”
“I’m not,” she broke in quickly, “or not very. Anyway, you’ll need it when you’re here for visits.”
Deciding to broach the subject again when they came back, Jules watched Helen open the front door to check outside.
“Andee and I will go out first,” she said, turning back, “and make them aware that we’ll be giving a statement just as soon as you’ve been allowed to pass. That way, hopefully, they won’t bombard you as you leave, or attempt to follow you. Is Danny in place to keep a check on that?”
Kian nodded and held up his phone. “He texted about ten minutes ago. He’s at the end of the street.”
Turning to Helen, Jules took both of her hands and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you,” she said softly, “not just for this, but for everything.”
“Don’t mention it,” Helen replied, and stood aside for Andee to hug Jules next.
“You know where I am if you need anything,” Andee said warmly. “You only have to pick up the phone.”
“I don’t know how I’d have got through any of this without you,” Jules confessed. “You’ve been the best friend anyone could ever wish for.”
“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you,” Andee told her with a smile. “I just wish the circumstances could have been different.”
After they’d embraced again, Andee turned to Kian and gazed fondly into his eyes. “You’re a special man,” she told him, “and I’m truly sorry for everything you’ve been through.”
Pulling her to him, Kian said, “Thank you for being there for Jules. If there’s ever anything we can do for you, nothing will ever be too much trouble.”