by Niles, Naomi
“Why did you stay in Texas for college?” I asked. “I thought you always wanted to travel.”
“I did,” Lizzie nodded. “I still do. But it just never happened for me.”
“It could have,” I pointed out.
“I know, but that’s not the decision I made,” she answered. “I was really low after graduation; I felt as though the only person I had left was my mother and I wasn’t sure I could leave her alone. So I decided to stay and build a life in Bastrop. But it didn’t turn out the way I had imagined.”
“What had you imagined?”
Lizzie smiled. “I thought by now I’d have been married a couple of years,” she said. “Maybe even have a child or two. That might have been the case, if it hadn’t been for—”
“Paul?” I asked before she could finish.
“I chose wrong,” Lizzie said taking responsibility even where she had none. “I was young and mixed up and lonely and I made the decision to marry for all the wrong reasons.”
“Would you take back that choice if you could?” I asked.
“Of course,” Lizzie nodded. “But there’s no point in living your life in if’s. I did that once and it almost drove me crazy. Sometimes I feel as though it did anyhow.”
“You’re not crazy,” I said immediately. “You’re just … stuck.”
Lizzie looked down at her hands. “I know.”
“You realize that you don’t have to be in a small town to be stuck in life right?” I asked. “I’ve travelled all over the world and I’m as stuck as you are.”
“How did that happen?” Lizzie asked.
I sighed. “War changes you,” I said. “The fight changes you. It puts things into perspective and makes you realize what is really important. But sometimes, by the time you realize it, it’s too late.”
“What do you mean?”
“I made friends with this guy called Daniel Leigh during my training before I was an official SEAL. We went through the whole damn thing together and out of a group of fifty-three, were we two of eight that made it through and took our oaths. He became my best friend but after the things we had been through … he felt more like my brother.
“We ended up in the same unit and our first two deployments were stationed in Afghanistan. He was a couple of years older than me and he was married. His wife’s name was Helen and his daughter’s name was Lori. She was only fourteen months and he hadn’t seen her for eleven of those months. He kept a picture of Helen and Lori in a locket around his neck and he looked at it every night and every morning like a prayer.
“He told me that he was thinking of finishing out his term and then retiring early. He didn’t want to miss out on his daughter’s life, he didn’t want to miss out on any more time with his wife. He just wanted some peace. He wanted some boredom.”
“What happened to him?” Lizzie asked softly when I fell silent.
“He died,” I replied. “Two days before we were scheduled to go back home. He walked into a grenade and we had to pick up the pieces of his body to give him a decent burial.”
Lizzie reached out and wrapped her hand around my arm.
“His death hit me hard and I realized that I’d made the right decision.”
Lizzie’s eyes grew confused. “What decision was that?” she asked.
I shook myself out of my reverie. “Nothing,” I said quickly trying to back track. “It’s not important now.” She didn’t press me and I was grateful.
“I met his wife once after his death,” I admitted. “And I saw his little girl.”
“What was that like for you?”
“It was … terrible, more terrible than I could have imagined,” I replied. “I could see the grief written on her face, just like I can see it on my mother now. But hers was different; she was resentful because she knew he didn’t have to die. She knew that his death could have been avoided and I knew she would live the rest of her life thinking about the 'ifs'. What if he had never enlisted? What if he had chosen a different profession? What if he had simply given it all up after his first tour and gone back home?”
“Why did you feel like you had to meet her?” Lizzie asked.
“I was closest to him in our unit,” I explained. “I felt that she should know how much he had loved her … and how much he had loved their daughter. She probably already knew that but I wanted to make sure she heard the words anyway.”
“You’re a good man, Dylan,” Lizzie said. “You always have been.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said tiredly.
“That’s ok,” Lizzie said squeezing my arm. “I do.”
I smiled and she leaned in and laid a kiss on my cheek. It was amazing how quickly she could make me feel human again, as though I was still a part of this world and all the little miracles it had to offer.
“If you could have kids tomorrow, would you?” I asked suddenly, greedy to know her dreams.
“I would,” Lizzie said without hesitation. “It was ironic, really, the moment I knew I was getting divorced was the moment I realized how much I wanted to be a mother.”
“You will be one day,” I said.
“One day is a fairy tale that’s miles away,” Lizzie said with a sad smile. “There’s no point thinking about it.”
“Whenever it happens for you, I have no doubt you’ll be a fabulous mother,” I said sincerely. She had that instinctive pull towards maternal care. She had always been a loving person; she had always been kind and patient and soft spoken. She was made to be a mother.
“What about you, Dylan?” Lizzie asked. “Would you have kids tomorrow if you could?”
I didn’t even have to pause to consider that, I already had my answer. It was a decision that formed in my head the day that Daniel had died. “No,” I said shaking my head. “I would like to have children one day, I’d like to have a family, but now is not the right time for me.”
Lizzie nodded. “I suppose I can understand that.”
“I never had to explain things to you,” I said.
Lizzie smiled. “We grew up together; in a way, we raised each other.”
I nodded. “If it weren’t for you I don’t know where I would have ended up.”
“Probably in the same place you are now,” Lizzie said.
“You’ve gotten more cynical since high school,” I pointed out.
“I like to think I’ve gotten a little more realistic.”
I smiled. “I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”
Lizzie’s expression straightened out and she looked at me seriously for a moment. “You’ve come close to death haven’t you?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Were you scared?”
“Very,” I nodded. “But I wasn’t scared to die.”
“You weren’t?” Lizzie asked in confusion.
“No,” I shook my head. “I was scared to die without having lived first. I was scared to die before I’d had a chance to own a piece of land, build a business that was completely my own, get married and have children. I was scared of missing out on the important things.”
“There’s time,” Lizzie reminded me.
“Thank God for that.”
She leaned in and kissed me again. “Come home with me,” she whispered into my ear. “Spend the night with me.”
I felt heat course through my body. “It would be my pleasure,” I replied.
Chapter Twenty
Elizabeth
The moment I opened the door, Elvis was there, meowing loudly and pawing at my feet. I turned on the lights and gestured for Dylan to come inside.
“You have a cat?” he asked as Elvis glared at him suspiciously.
I smiled and picked Elvis up off the floor. “I do,” I replied. “His name is Elvis.”
“Elvis?” Dylan smiled. “That was the name of our imaginary dog.”
“I remember,” I nodded. “But I wanted a pet and I didn’t have time for a dog, so …”
“You got a ca
t,” Dylan nodded as he reached out to stroke Elvis. Elvis eyed him carefully but he allowed Dylan to continue touching him.
“He doesn’t seem very friendly,” Dylan pointed out.
“He’s probably just a little jealous,” I said as I dropped Elvis onto the couch and turned on a few more lights. “So, this is it.”
“It’s nice,” Dylan said as he looked around. “Cozy and compact.”
“And very small.”
“No, I like that it’s small,” Dylan said. “It feels more intimate.”
I moved towards the fridge and got some wine out. Then I joined Dylan on the sofa with two glasses. “Is it strange?” I asked as I passed him the wine. “Being back in Bastrop?”
“It was at first,” Dylan replied. “But it’s starting to feel more like home now.”
“Why do you think that is?” I asked.
“Mostly because of you,” he replied without taking his eyes off mine.
He looked so unbelievably hot sitting against my sofa with a glass of wine in hand. The more I looked at him the more I was glad he had cut his hair. It highlighted the beauty of his face and the chiseled ruggedness of his features. It was so easy, so terrifying easily to fall back into the rhythm of their old relationship and I had to remind myself that it would only be harder for me once he was gone again.
Still, it was pointless trying to fight it. I knew that I wasn’t nearly strong enough to resist him. After all I was the one who had invited him to my place, I was the one who wanted to lean in and kiss him, and I was the one who wanted to feel him inside me again.
“You’re staring,” Dylan, said mimicking the words I had said to him just a few hours ago.
“I’m aware,” I nodded.
He smiled and set down his wine glass. Then he moved closer to where I sat and put his hand on my neck. Slowly, he bent his head down and started kissing my neck as he brushed my hair away with his fingers. It was amazing how intensely sensual the simple act of kissing could be. I felt myself moisten against his touch almost instantly.
Slowly, his hands dipped down to my shorts and massaged them off of me. Then he pulled off my shirt and threw it to the floor. His lips were soft and gentle as they kissed the skin of my neck, moving down slowly until he reached my bra. He opened the clasp in the front and I edged the straps off my shoulders. He bent down and kissed my breasts, one by one. Then he took my left nipple in his mouth and sucked on it gently as his other hand massaged my right breast.
Slowly, he moved further down and his hands grabbed a hold of my panties and pulled them down my legs. Once I was naked he settled between my thighs, his hands cupping my buttocks before he bent his head down and pushed my legs apart.
I was not prepared for the onslaught of sensations that flooded through my body the moment I felt his tongue inside me. He was slow at first, and then he got more and more insistent and I began to lose control. I gripped at the sides of the sofa, trying to keep my moaning in check so that I didn’t disturb the neighbors. I could feel the screams building up inside me.
I had no choice but to close my eyes and throw my head back as he worked over me with confident certainty. I felt the excitement build until I could not contain my moans of pleasure any longer. I gasped and screamed until I had no choice but to relinquish control and let my orgasm carry me through the wave. The moment I let go, I felt a burning sense of freedom that left me both tired and exhilarated.
Dylan raised his head and leaned in to kiss me. I could taste myself on his lips and that just made me more excited. I pushed him against the headrest of the sofa and got to my feet. Then I knelt down in front of him, settling myself between his legs. I pulled his shirt off and then I unzipped his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers. His erection stood up to greet me and I realized how hard he was.
We made eye contact for only a second before I bent my head down and took the head of his cock into my mouth. I felt him shudder the moment my tongue touched him and I felt a surge of satisfaction race through me. It was the first time in years that I was so aware of my body. It felt like electricity that was barely controllable; it felt like I was on the best high of my life.
I sucked his dick slowly at first and then I took the length of him into my mouth all at once without any warning. I heard him moan and grip the sofa just as I had done moment before. I sucked him until I felt his breathing race upwards and his body shiver with desire and want. With Paul, I had hated giving head. I had felt cheap and demeaned, but with Dylan, it was a completely different experience. I wasn’t sucking him off because he wanted me to; I was doing it because I wanted to.
His penis was huge and it felt amazing in my mouth. Then suddenly Dylan pulled me back gently, his eyes were on fire with fiery passion and that excited me even further. He got to his knees behind me, his hands were on my breasts, squeezing them gently, and his lips were at my neck.
“I can’t wait any longer,” he breathed into my ear.
“Then don’t,” I gasped.
I could feel his erection against the back of my thigh and then he stopped abruptly. “What’s wrong?” I asked, craning my head around to glance at him.
“I don’t have a condom on me,” he said. “Do you have any protection in the house?”
“No,” I said.
“Maybe I should go get a condom,” he said reluctantly.
“No,” I said quickly. “It doesn’t matter; I just finished my period, and we should be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I gasped. “Now stop talking and make love to me.”
Immediately, he pushed me against the seat of the couch and he entered me quickly from behind. I was so wet that he slid inside me easily. I could feel his hands on my ass, at my back, cupping my breasts. It was as though he was everywhere at the same time and I simply could not keep up.
“Oh God,” I said into the cushions of my sofa. “Oh God.”
He had so much stamina that it floored me. He pumped at me with single-minded purpose and I felt my breath catch in my throat the deeper he went. It felt amazing. It felt as though I had sleep walked through the last decade of my life and I was finally opening my eyes.
Dylan reached down and pulled me up against him. My back was pressed against his chest and I could feel the hard wall of muscle that ran down his stomach. He tongue sucked at my ear, he kissed the nape of my neck as he started moving more and more vigorously inside me and I knew I was going to cum again.
I gasped in pleasure as I came. I felt Dylan pump at me for a few more seconds before he collapsed on top of me with his energy spent and his chest moving up and down in heavy breaths. Slowly we moved into a sitting position, using the sofa as a backrest. Dylan wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close against him. He kissed the top of my head and we sat there for a while, waiting for our breathing to slow.
“That was … amazing,” Dylan whispered.
I smiled. “It was,” I nodded.
“We should do that more often.”
I laughed. “Are you sure you have the stamina for that?” I teased.
“Ha!” Dylan said confidently. “I have the stamina; don’t you worry about that.” He looked around curiously after a moment. “Where’s your cat?”
I searched around and found Elvis hiding under the TV console. I couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s over there,” I pointed out. “All our moaning and groaning might have scared him a little.”
“Is it appropriate to call him a scaredy cat?” Dylan asked in a mock serious tone.
I shook my head at his bad joke. “That was terrible,” I said.
“You laughed.”
“That was a pity laugh,” I said.
“Please, you laughed because you’re completely infatuated with me,” Dylan said teasingly. “That’s the only reason a woman laughs at lame jokes like that one.”
I covered my face with my hands and refused to admit it but I knew he was right; we both did. I prepared myself mentally
for the departure I knew was going to come. I didn’t have any expectations and he had made me no promises. We were just going to enjoy the time we had together.
“I wish we could stay here forever,” Dylan sighed into my hair.
“That does sound nice,” I nodded.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Dylan asked. “I was thinking of just walking around town. I haven’t really seen too much of it since I got back, to be honest.”
I smiled. “Tomorrow’s Monday,” I told him. “I have work.”
“Oh right,” he nodded. “I forgot. Sorry. I just got a little too excited about spending time with you.”
It was those too-blue eyes; they made me weak in the knees, and they made want to do things I would never have otherwise considered. Usually I hated staying at home. I filled my time with work and friends to avoid coming home to an empty apartment. So this was the first time I had ever felt the desire to skip work.
“You know what?” I said. “I think I’ll take tomorrow off; then I can join you on your reunion tour.”
Dylan smiled at me in surprise. “Really?” he asked. “You’ll take a day off?”
“Sure,” I nodded. “I’d like to take you around town, not that you need a guide.”
“Actually I’d love a guide,” Dylan said immediately. “Especially given how hot this particular guide is.”
“Again with the flattery,” I said shielding my face from view, although I was really starting to love it.
“Should I stop?” he teased.
“Not if it’s sincere,” I countered.
His smile grew wider. “Then you’re in luck.”
We sat like that on the floor, completely naked, drinking wine and exchanging stories about the old days. It was amazing how quickly the atmosphere in my apartment started to change. I used to think of it as lonely, drab, and claustrophobic. Now, all I could feel was laughter and life. I could feel my hopes racing to catch up with the broken dreams of the past few years. I could feel a new sense of resolve starting to form. I had allowed myself to be weighed down with my failures and I knew that had to come to an end. I had to do more than just survive. I had to start living.