by Amy Gamet
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
This was Buckeye’s sister he was messing with, the one person most intimately connected to the greatest mistake of his life. There was a reason he hadn’t kept up their correspondence after her brother died, and it was that same reason that should have kept him on his own damn bed last night.
But she’d been so beautiful, laughing with her cheeks flushed, and his body’s response had been instantaneous. Or hell, maybe it had been building for years, from the very first email she’d sent him. Their connection had always been easy, coming at a time in his life when everything else was hard. But she’d become much more than a distraction from the realities of war.
She was a friend.
If she hadn’t been the sister of his SEAL buddy, he might have tried for more. He shook his head. He should tell her last night had been a mistake, but the words were stuck somewhere between his brain and his tongue, despite him knowing they were true.
“Why do you live so far away if you work in New York City?” she asked.
“I’m not a city person.” He pointed out the windshield. “Every day when I hit the top of that big hill up there, and all I can see are two farms and a handful of houses, I can finally breathe.”
“I always lived in New Jersey. Far enough away from the city that you get that suburban vibe, but close enough for all New York has to offer.”
“I thought you wanted to live in the city.”
“That’s right. I forget I told you that.” She was quiet for a beat. “Sometimes I forget I ever wanted it at all. By the time I started working for my dad, he was sick and we didn’t know why. I was worried about him so I got an apartment nearby.”
“Is he okay now?”
“Yes and no. He has a rare blood-clotting disorder. As long as he takes his medicine, it’s well controlled.”
“So, why don’t you move to the city now? It’s only, what, fifteen miles from Daniels Aerospace? You could commute and still keep your job.”
She winced. “I feel like I need to be closer.”
“Do you still get to Broadway shows?”
“Not really.”
He frowned. She used to love those. “Concerts?”
“Sometimes I go to the symphony.”
“Lincoln Center?”
“Newark.”
That didn’t seem quite the same. “You catch any Knicks games at the Garden?”
“Not in a long time.”
She was a diehard Knicks fan. If she wasn’t making time for that, was she making time for herself at all? “Well, that’s all right.”
She looked out her window. “Yeah.”
The sky was heavy and gray, tiny snowflakes sticking to his windshield. They drove in silence, Luke wishing he’d kept his damn mouth shut. Whatever she did with her life was her business, not his, and he sure as hell didn’t mean to make her feel bad about it.
Tell her now. Tell her last night was a mistake and it won’t happen again, before you wrap her up in your arms and try to make this better, too.
“Summer—”
The phone rang loudly on the stereo speakers.
Damn it.
It was Mac. “We’re going to stop at the diner and get some coffee while you grab the dog. You want anything?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’ll take a coffee,” he said, turning to her. “You want anything?”
“Coffee sounds good. Black.”
“Got it. See you in a few,” said Mac.
Luke hung up, driving over the hill before turning onto a dirt road that ran along a creek. This was his sanctuary, and while it felt strange to bring her here, it was stranger still that he wanted her to see where he lived. No one but Mac had been to the cabin in years, and even he hadn’t been invited.
“What were you going to say?” she asked.
“I forget.” His cabin came into view, the fist of tension that held his nervous system in its grasp finally releasing as he pulled into the unplowed drive. He turned to her. “You want to come in for a minute?”
“Sure.”
He opened the car door, getting hit in the face with a biting wind. The dog barked loudly as they made their way through the snow. “You like dogs?”
She bared her bottom teeth warily. “Cute little puppies? Yes. Ferocious beasts? Not so much.”
“Zeke is only ferocious to bad guys. He’s a sweet puppy dog to everybody else.” He unlocked the door.
“Zeke?”
“Yeah, I’ve had him since my SEAL days. He was in Afghanistan with our team.”
She was looking at him strangely and he cocked his head to the side. “What?”
“Is this my brother’s dog?”
Crap. How could you forget that?
Buckeye had been the dog’s handler. He’d even wanted Zeke to come back to the States with him after their tour was through, or whenever the navy was done with the animal. But Buckeye died and Zeke wouldn’t listen to anybody else. He was bordering on being a danger to their own men.
The large German shepherd had good instincts, bred and raised to be a fighter, but those days were done. Mac had pulled some strings and had Zeke transferred to Walter Reed to be with Luke under the pretense that he was some new kind of therapy dog.
The animal couldn’t have come at a more crucial time. It was his relationship with that dog that damn near saved his life. After what happened, Luke had struggled, barely alive. It was the angry dog without his handler that had given him a purpose, the slow battle for Zeke’s respect that had brought him back to life.
“That’s the one,” he said, his voice tight.
He opened the door, commanding the dog to heel. Zeke sat, his eyes locked onto Summer.
“Is it okay if I pet him? Edward said only the handler is allowed to touch him.”
“He’s retired. You can pet him all you like.”
She got down on the ground, taking his face in her hands and stroking his thick fur. “Hello, baby.”
The dog whimpered and licked her face, something Luke had never seen him do, then the dog rested his head on her shoulder as if he were giving her a hug.
“Yes, sweetie. It’s okay.” She wrapped her arms around the dog, saying soothing words as Zeke continued to whimper.
“It’s like he knows you.”
“I feel like I know him, too. My brother used to talk about him all the time. That’s all we ever heard about. Zeke, the weather”—she lifted her eyes—“and you.”
Goddamn, she’s beautiful.
He swallowed against the tightness in his throat.
What was this woman doing to him? She’d already cracked through the shell most women didn’t get through, ever. And while he knew her relationship to Buckeye would be his downfall, he also understood it was that relationship that had allowed her to break through that barrier.
Her voice was wistful. “Edward wanted to keep him when he got back to the States. I wondered what happened to him.”
“Been right here the whole time.”
She met his eyes, the look she gave him stirring something deep in his gut. “You have, haven’t you?” She smiled.
His throat was working, conflict churning in his gut.
This was his house, that was his dog, and right now Summer felt a hell of a lot like his woman. It was a good thing Mac was less than a mile away waiting for them to return, or else he’d be sorely tempted to make his second bad decision in as many days and take her into his bed.
Really? After what you did to Buckeye?
Luke turned away, moving to the kitchen and busying himself with Zeke’s food and supplies, throwing a small bulletproof vest emblazoned with K-9 ZEKE into his pack. He felt Summer walk up behind him. He’d always been able to feel people, their presence seeming to change the atmosphere in the room even before he could see them.
Summer made everything feel golden, sun-kissed, just like her name. She touched his arm, tingling pleasure shooting up his arm and down his spine. He wanted i
t to continue, wanted to turn around and touch her like she was touching him, and then some.
“This is so much more than I expected,” she said.
He was fighting for control, fighting to do the right thing when he desperately wanted to throw right and wrong over a goddamn cliff. He closed his eyes. “The dog?”
“Everything. HERO Force. You. I didn’t want to come to you guys for help, and already I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
Her words stirred his blood. He wanted to kiss her sweet face again, touch his lips to the warm spot where her neck met her collarbone, and taste her skin with his tongue.
There was an answering awareness in her, too. He could feel it. She was grateful for his protection, sure. That she didn’t have to be alone in her vulnerable state. But those emotions were spilling over into lust, raining down on them both with an eager desire and a heady, raging need that was growing steadily between them.
Their time together stretched out before him, blank pages he longed to fill up with the explosive chemistry that threatened at the edge of his consciousness. It would be combustible, their coming together overwhelming, and he had to stop it.
“Especially you,” she said.
He turned to look at her. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
He counted to three, weighing his words carefully, aware of the tension in his arms, the hardening of his cock. “Don’t think of me that way.” The words were bitter acid on his tongue. He had to draw a line in the sand, needed to protect her, protect himself. If there was any chance he could keep the truth about her brother a secret, he needed more distance between them, not less.
He needed to push her away.
Hurt her.
“Don’t touch my arm.” He saw his words register in the slight opening of her mouth, the reddening of her cheeks, as if she’d been slapped. “Don’t tell me how I make you feel. It’s a mistake. Last night was a mistake.” He hated that he was doing this to her, hated the words as they came out of his mouth, hated himself for saying them.
For the briefest moment he considered hauling her against his body, telling her he was a liar and he was sorry, but he knew better. This was for her own good.
“I don’t…” she protested.
His arm twitched, wanting to reach for her, but he steadied it. He would not give in, knowing how much worse she’d be hurt in the long run if he did.
She lifted her chin. “I won’t.”
God, he was proud of her, the way she didn’t look away, confronting him, full of spunk and determination, almost asking for a fight.
The man who loved her would be one lucky bastard.
“We need to get going,” he said, watching as she turned on her heel and walked outside.
This is going to be hard as fuck.
Being around her. Being able to look but not touch. Having her hate him.
His eyes drifted closed for a beat, then he picked up the dog’s pack and left his sanctuary behind.
10
Summer sat in the backseat of Luke’s SUV, the sleeping dog’s head in her lap. Determined not to look like a coward, she’d started their journey in the passenger seat, and only moved to make the dog stop whining. Zeke definitely made the association between her and her brother, but at least the dog wanted her beside him, unlike the asshole driving the car.
She was wretchedly embarrassed.
It was nearly midnight as they made their way through the Berkshires along the Mass Pike, the ever-present snow falling on the windshield and the wipers squeaking rhythmically.
She hoped her father was taking his medication and wondered again if she should get him some permanent help. She couldn’t be solely responsible for the minutia of his disease. It was just too much to expect from an adult child who didn’t live under the same roof, though she knew he was bound to resent it if she hired someone.
Luke changed lanes to pass a bus, her eyes settling on his profile. He hadn’t spoken more than two words to her since they’d left the cabin, and she’d considered asking Mac for a different bodyguard. Of course, then she’d have to give up the dog, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to do that.
She rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness.
By the time they pulled into the hotel parking lot, all she wanted to do was get away from Luke for a while and get a locked door between them. “Can I have Zeke tonight?”
“Sure.”
She’d only been in her room a few minutes when Luke knocked on the adjoining door. She sighed heavily before opening it halfway. “Yes?”
His eyes were hooded, and it occurred to her it was the first time he’d looked at her since they’d stood in his kitchen. “Are you hungry?” he asked.
The idea of repeating any part of last night’s dinner was too difficult to imagine. She shook her head. “I’m just going to go to bed.”
“Okay. Sleep well.”
She closed the door and locked it. He immediately knocked again. She opened it. “Yes?”
“Don’t lock the door. I need to be able to get to you.”
She swallowed her annoyance. “Fine.” She closed it harder than she had to, flustered.
Zeke stared at her, his tail wagging.
“Your owner’s a jerk.” She sank to the floor and opened her arms for the dog to come to her, wrapping her arms around him. Her stomach growled. “Going to bed hungry is better than eating with him.”
She was being childish, but she didn’t care. He’d really hurt her today, telling her in no uncertain terms he didn’t want her after making her feel so special last night. It was reminiscent of the way he’d disappeared after Edward’s death, not answering her emails even when she could see they’d been read.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
She was so foolish. And hungry, to boot.
She took a nice long bath and climbed into bed, Zeke curling up by her legs. But an hour later she was still awake. What had started as wanting a small snack had gradually turned into a preoccupation with food that demanded action. She threw back the covers and got dressed.
There had to be a vending machine around here somewhere.
Tucking her room key into her pocket and grabbing a few dollar bills, she went in search of her dinner. “You be good, Zeke. I’ll be right back.”
11
Ninety-eight.
Ninety-nine.
One hundred.
Luke flopped onto the bed, his heart racing and his breath coming fast. At this rate, he was never going to get to sleep tonight, but exercising was preferable to smashing his head against a wall or jerking off like a desperate teenager. He stared at the door that joined his room to Summer’s, picturing her snug in her bed.
Did she wear pajamas or nothing at all? He imagined her with full breasts beneath a thin cotton T-shirt, and his body jerked to life once again.
Son of a bitch.
He got down on the floor and counted off stomach crunches.
He longed to go in there and apologize to her for all of the shady things he’d said at his house, but he couldn’t do it. He said those things for a reason and that reason hadn’t changed, no matter that he didn’t like hurting her feelings. If she only knew what he really wanted, how much he liked it when her hand touched his skin…
“Cut it out, asshole.”
Zeke whined. The sound was faint through the door, but he was sure that was what he heard. He stopped moving and listened. There it was again.
Maybe she was in the shower, the dog already missing his new friend.
Traitor.
He moved to the adjoining door and placed his ear against it. The dog was whining even more than he realized, most of it too quiet to be heard from his room. He rapped on the door. “Summer?”
No answer.
He knocked again. Nothing. He opened the door, surprised to find the light off in the open bathroom and Zeke sitting by the door to the hall. “Oh, geez…” He looked around the ro
om and sure enough it was empty. She’d gone somewhere without letting him know.
He went back to his room and threw on a shirt, holstering his Glock 18 at his waist before going in search of her. He had five bucks that said she went to get some dinner after refusing to eat with him.
Can you blame her?
He’d been glad when she refused his offer, not wanting a repeat of last night any more than he suspected she did, especially now with things so tense between them. But that didn’t make it any easier. And now, thanks to him, she’d taken off alone. No doubt, he’d find her in the corner of the lobby with a candy bar, another run-in that would do nothing to help him sleep.
He searched the floor, including the vending area, then made his way downstairs to the lobby, growing more concerned with every step. Would she leave the hotel? “Excuse me,” he said to the clerk, a gangly kid who barely looked old enough to have a job. “Did you see a woman down here in the last hour or so?”
“The woman you arrived with?”
Of course he’d noticed her. This kid was a walking hormone, and Summer was gorgeous. “Yeah.”
He shifted his weight awkwardly. “She left about twenty minutes ago.”
“Do you know where she was going? Is there someplace nearby to eat?”
“Uh, no. They seemed like they knew where they were going.”
Alarm bells jangled in his brain. “They?”
“The man.” The boy’s face reddened. “The man she was with when she left.”
It must have been Mac or one of the guys. “Did he have on camouflage pants? Like mine? Black guy or a white guy?”
“No. I mean yes, he was a white guy, but he was wearing jeans.”
The moment etched itself into his senses, fear highlighting every detail like a camera flash. “You’re sure this is the woman I was with earlier?”
“Yes, sir. I’m positive.”
“And she wasn’t alone.”
“No.”
Luke cursed colorfully. He dug his cell phone out of his pants pocket and dialed Mac. “Summer is missing. I’m in the lobby. Get down here now.”