‘You don’t want the man and you can’t handle real.’
Katie caught his arm before he could turn away again. ‘Don’t tell me what I want. Don’t tell me what I can handle.’
‘Real isn’t always pretty, Katie. Most people prefer their reality tempered with a little gloss. That’s why they go to the movies. They don’t want real.’
‘I do. I’m not afraid of that. I’m more afraid when you’re acting because then I can’t trust anything you say or do. Don’t hide from me, Nathaniel.’ Her fingers threaded through his and she felt his hesitation. And that hesitation punctured her confidence. Insecurity spread in widening ripples through her body. There was assertive and then there was pushy. He wasn’t just ‘a man,’ was he? He was Nathaniel
Wolfe, A-list movie star and sex god. What if he didn’t really want her? What if the flirtation had just been his way of relieving boredom?
When he still didn’t touch her, Katie took a step backwards, wishing she could vanish.
The embarrassment was hideous.
‘Right.’ She conjured up brightness to cover the oceans of humiliation. ‘Well, obviously you can’t always have what you want, so I’ll just—’ The words were crushed under his mouth as he hauled her against him, his hands rough and his body hard.
‘Is this real enough for you?’ He spoke the words against her lips and his eyes blazed hot into hers. When she didn’t answer, he took her mouth, his kiss rough and demanding. His movements were jerky and unsynchronised and yet the desperation in his touch was more erotic than any of the smooth, choreo graphed movements of their previous encounters. The hands that dug into her hair shook slightly, and when he yanked at her dress he fumbled in his desperation to strip her naked.
‘How does this—?’ Impatient, he tore it from neck to hem and she gasped, excited and nervous at the same time.
‘Nathaniel—’
‘I want you.’ His mouth was at her throat. Her head tipped back and her nerves exploded with heat. ‘I want you so badly ….’ His hands were rough as he scooped her up and deposited her on the bed but she revelled in the desperation she sensed in him.
For once, he wasn’t in control.
It wasn’t about camera angles or movements—it was about a primitive, elemental driving force that transcended everything. It was just about the two of them. And an explosive physical attraction like nothing she’d ever felt before. It felt real. It felt right.
His hands were in her hair, his hungry mouth awaking feelings so intense that she shook with the force of it. She ripped at his shirt and he helped her, his mouth still on hers as he tore it off so that she could touch him. And then he was crushing her against the bed. His fingers skimmed her body, exploring her intimately until fire licked through her veins and heated her skin. And she touched him too, fascinated by the dip and swell of muscle, by the contrast of sleek and rough.
Sounds mingled in the night air. The swish of the sea on the beach, a soft sigh from low in her throat as his touch grew more intimate. The pleasure rose to burning excitement, every part of her trembling and quivering as she writhed in a fever of anticipation.
And then he was above her and she sobbed in desperation as she felt the hard heat of him against her. With a single thrust he filled her and she gave a sharp cry of shock because it was so much more than she’d anticipated. Holding herself tense, she was aware of his harsh breathing, of the tension in his powerful frame as he forced himself to hold still.
‘Katie—’
‘I—I’m OK … it’s OK.’ But she was afraid to breathe, afraid she couldn’t accommodate the size of him.
With a soft curse, he started to withdraw but she closed her hands over his hips. ‘Don’t stop. I don’t want you to stop ….’
His head dropped to her shoulder and he paused for a moment, buried deep, his breathing unsteady. Then he lifted his head and his eyes burned into hers.
‘Look at me.’
And she did.
Holding her gaze, he lowered his head and kissed her gently, seducing her mouth with slow, practised kisses until her whole body was shivering.
‘Relax, sweetheart …’ He murmured the words against her lips, holding himself still as her body melted around him, until she was moaning and quivering. Then he started to move, slowly at first, infinitely gentle as he taught her what her body could do.
It was overwhelming. Like nothing she’d ever experienced or imagined.
‘Nathaniel—’ Her voice broke and he slid his hand under her hips and drew her against him, controlling her pleasure.
The excitement was fierce and hot, clawing at her as he increased the rhythm, and she met each driving thrust with wild abandon. It was wild and crazy and the climax hit like a violent storm. As it crashed down on them, Katie clung to his slick shoulders, shattered by the violence of the emotion that swamped both of them.
‘It was your first time.’ Nathaniel lay on his back, his forearm over his forehead, not sure whether he was supposed to feel guilty or smug. The truth was he didn’t recognise any of the feelings inside him. He didn’t know whether what they’d just shared was a mistake or a miracle.
Damn.
She snuggled against him. ‘So?’
‘If I’d known, I would have stopped.’ Or would he? Nathaniel shifted uncomfortably, disturbed by how out of control he’d been. When had he ever felt like that before? Flirtation, dinner, jewellery, sex—it was a well-rehearsed sequence that required no thought, effort or emotional engagement.
What he’d shared with Katie was different.
He’d shared something with her he’d never shared with another person.
Himself.
The knowledge sat in a tight, uncomfortable knot in his stomach. Something close to panic gripped him. It wasn’t just the fear of what she might do with the information that bothered him, it was the fact that he’d told her at all.
Why had he told her? He never talked about his family. He went to extraordinary lengths to conceal his past. He’d reinvented himself as someone different.
But rescuing the toddler had brought it all rushing back. He’d been a child again, plunged into the dark, oily waters of the lake. Unfortunately Katie’s internal radar for anyone in distress was alarmingly sophisticated.
And long range, he thought grimly, remembering how she’d tracked him down.
Unlike other women who were only interested in the glitz and glamour of life, Katie wanted reality.
And he’d given her a hefty dose.
Realising that she was unusually silent, he turned his head to look at her and discovered she’d fallen asleep, her hair a wild tumble around her shoulders, a smile on that gorgeous mouth. A strand of hair had curled itself around his arm and he lifted his hand and touched it, feeling the silken softness coil around his fingers.
She was the most optimistic person he’d ever met.
Apparently even the ugly truth of his childhood hadn’t been enough to send her running.
She’d had sex with him because she believed she’d finally seen the ‘real’ Nathaniel.
And that, he reflected bitterly, had been his biggest mistake in this whole crazy mess, because he had no wish to be the real Nathaniel. He’d left the real Nathaniel behind decades ago and that was the way he wanted it to stay.
CHAPTER SEVEN
KATIE woke with the sun on her face. A breeze whispered through the open doors and she could hear the soft lap of water against the edge of the pool.
Aching, happy, she opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was the empty space next to her.
Nathaniel had gone.
A shadow veiled her happiness but she pushed it aside. It was late, wasn’t it? Of course he was already up.
He’d let her sleep late.
Refusing to allow herself to overanalyse what could simply be a thoughtful gesture, she took a quick shower and slid into her favourite canary-yellow sundress. Spotting the tropical flower he’d given her the night before, s
he slid it into her hair. The scent of it brought everything rushing back and her whole body was suffused with a warm glow. She felt special. Not because of the sex, although that had been incredible—no, the reason she felt special was because he’d confided in her. He’d trusted her with his darkest, deepest secrets—something she suspected he hadn’t shared with anyone before.
As she walked out onto the terrace, she told herself it was ridiculous to feel nervous after the intimacies they’d shared the night before.
Nathaniel was talking on the phone. His hair gleamed in the sunlight and his striking blue eyes were fixed on a point in the distance. Distracted by his flawless features and sensual mouth, Katie’s confidence faltered.
He looked like a superstar.
For a brief, crazy moment she wondered whether she’d imagined the whole thing.
Trying to forget that he was a movie star, she reminded herself that they’d just spent the most incredible night together. They’d connected, not just physically but emotionally. He’d trusted her.
Waiting for him to finish on the phone, she walked forward, wishing she possessed his acting skills. ‘You should have woken me. I didn’t mean to sleep this late.’
‘I had some calls to make. It appears my agent has earned his keep. The situation in London has been smoothed over.’ Reserved and distant, he gestured to the empty chair. ‘Coffee?’
Disappointment thudded into her gut like a fist. That was it? That was what the night had meant to him? Only a few minutes ago she’d woken up feeling as though life couldn’t get any better. The gulf between expectation and reality was shocking.
‘Coffee would be great, thanks.’ Formal. Polite. Two people forced to live together on the island—not two people who had rolled naked and wild, tangling sheets between their heated bodies.
Had it really meant nothing?
‘Help yourself to pancakes and fresh fruit. We have an hour until the helicopter arrives.’
‘Helicopter?’ Katie put the cup down without taking a sip. ‘We’re leaving?’ She was disturbed by just how much that bothered her. A week ago she hadn’t even wanted to come here, and now—
‘Just the island. We’re going to spend some time in Rio.’ Still not looking at her, he scrolled through his emails as if it were the beginning of a normal working day while Katie stared sickly at the food on the table. Embarrassment washed over her. How long had he watched her while she slept? Had he seen her in daylight and regretted what they’d shared? Frustration and anger mingled with the pain. But the anger was mostly directed at herself. Had she really been naïve enough to think she’d interest a man like him?
‘Why are we going to Rio?’
‘I’ve had enough of being trapped on an island. There’s only so much solitude I can take.’ His casual dismissal fed her insecurities and Katie stood quickly, the chair scraping the floor. Her eyes stung.
The rejection sat like a solid lump in the pit of her stomach.
‘Thanks a lot. So the part you’re playing this morning is obviously “utter bastard.’’’
His eyes narrowed warily. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘If you’d been playing “nice guy” you might have thought that what we shared last night was at least deserving of a morning-after smile. You’re making me feel horrid about myself.’
His eyes shone with incredulity. ‘How?’
‘Do you really have to ask? Are you really that insensitive?’ Katie wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she’d taken the time to put on make-up and do her hair before facing him. No woman with any sense would choose the ‘natural’ look around Nathaniel Wolfe. ‘We spent the night together and now you’re doing everything you can to get away from me.’ She felt really foolish for believing even for a moment that they’d shared something special. ‘I understand that what happened yesterday was awful for you. I understand it brought everything back and maybe what we did was heat-of-the-moment stuff. If you regret last night, just say so. But don’t act like nothing happened.’
‘Sit down, Katie.’
‘Why? So that you can make me feel even more insignificant than you have already? I don’t think so. You’re an incredible actor, Nathaniel, but I’m not interested in the actor and you don’t want to be the man.’ Totally squashed, utterly humiliated, she stalked off the terrace, throwing words over her shoulder. ‘Go to Rio. Go to hell. I really don’t care. Just don’t follow me.’
What the hell did she want from him?
His hand shaking, Nathaniel finished his coffee and ordered another one. It had taken all his willpower to leave the bed before she woke. In the end, what had driven him had been the fact that he’d wanted to stay there, wrapped around Katie for ever. And the terror had acted as a jet-propelled engine.
For ever?
He wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm. Those were words he just didn’t use.
Utterly spooked by his feelings, he hadn’t even trusted himself to look at her when she’d walked onto the terrace. He’d hoped for baggy brown clothes but she’d chosen bright yellow, the colour of sunshine and happiness.
Not that it had taken him long to kill that happiness, he thought bitterly.
Right now she was probably changing back into brown.
Ben brought the coffee to the table, his usually friendly smile absent. ‘I just saw Miss Katie running towards the beach.’ He thumped the pot down on the table and some of it sloshed over the side. ‘Looked like she was crying.’
Nathaniel looked at the puddle of spilled coffee. ‘She just needs space.’
‘Not all folks need space when they’re upset. Miss Katie is the sort who would prefer someone to talk to.’
Meeting Ben’s accusatory look, Nathaniel felt fingers of ice trail down his spine. She wanted to talk about feelings and there was no way he wanted to even think about his feelings, let alone talk about them.
‘You’ve known her five minutes—’
‘Some people you get to know in five minutes because they’re open and friendly. Others …’ Ben’s gaze didn’t shift. ‘Others keep themselves locked away.’
Locked away sounded good to him. ‘Everyone is different.’
‘She’s trying to help you. In all my years I never met a kinder, warmer person than Miss Katie.’
‘I don’t need anyone’s help.’
‘Depends where you’re standing.’ Ben picked up Katie’s abandoned cup. ‘I’ll clear up this mess.’ The message was clear. Nathaniel was supposed to clear up the other mess. The one he’d made.
Cursing himself for allowing his guard to drop, Nathaniel abandoned the coffee and strode along the little path that wound through the tropical gardens down to the beach.
One conversation, he promised himself. One.
He found her on the perfect curve of soft sand that was Turtle Cove, her yellow sundress blending with the sand, her dark hair tumbling down her back.
Remembering the way she’d looked when she’d first arrived on the island, Nathaniel felt something twist inside him. She’d lost her dull, brown feathers and now she reminded him of an exotic bird. And last night—
‘Katie …’
She didn’t turn but her shoulders grew a little stiffer. ‘I want to be by myself.’
Nathaniel would have loved to have taken that claim at face value but Ben’s voice was still ringing in his ears, and on top of that his conscience, which rarely even got out of bed in the morning, was now working overtime.
‘Look—’ his tone was impatient ‘—you have to understand that this isn’t easy for me. I don’t do relationships, not the sort you dream about anyway. I have short term, mutually convenient affairs with women who don’t want any more connection than I do. You’re different. For God’s sake, Katie—’ he dragged his hand through his hair ‘—you’d never even been with a man before.’
‘I don’t want to talk about this.’
He felt a flash of exasperation. ‘Why not? You want to talk about everything els
e. I know you’re upset because I didn’t stay in bed this morning—’
‘I’m upset because last night I saw the real Nathaniel, and now you’ve turned back into the movie star. I don’t know you like this.’
And that was the idea, wasn’t it?
Staring at the back of her head, Nathaniel felt as though there was a battle going on in his brain. ‘I’m not good at being the “real Nathaniel,”’ he ground out. ‘I’m not good at letting people know me.’
‘You prefer to hide behind the actor.’
‘Yes.’ The admission was easier than he’d thought it would be. ‘It’s what I’ve always done.’
She turned then and he saw the wetness on her cheeks. Guilt lanced through him, sharp as a blade. Usually when women used tears they left him unaffected. Seeing Katie’s reddened eyes made his insides clench with panic.
‘Don’t cry,’ he breathed. ‘Don’t do that ….’
‘Answer me something honestly.’ Her voice was croaky. ‘Is it Carrie? I know you said you weren’t having an affair with her, but—’
‘It isn’t Carrie.’ Just saying the name made him want to turn and run, but he fought it. He knew he ought to tell her the truth about Carrie, but he’d carried the secret for too long to part with it easily. ‘It’s nothing to do with Carrie. It’s me. This is who I am.’
She was silent and that silence was another tug on his conscience. Nathaniel scanned her face. ‘Say something. Yell at me. Tell me what I should be feeling, doing …’ He looked at her desperately. ‘It’s not like you to be silent.’
‘You don’t like it when I talk.’
‘I do.’ It came as a surprise to realise it was true. ‘Yesterday when we were on that boat, and you were saying everything that came into your head—’
‘I drove you nuts.’
‘No, I enjoyed it. A lot. I really like the way you say what you’re thinking.’
‘You never say what you’re thinking.’ Her gaze was steady. ‘And I find it impossible to tell what’s real. With you, it’s all too easy to get it wrong because you’re so good at what you do.’
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