by Abbi Cook
For the first time in so long, I don't feel afraid. With Dr. Trevino's help, I've come to accept that my hallucinations aren't to be feared but studied and analyzed. As I think of that, I smile and then realize I haven't had one since that night I walked out on Adam. Is that significant? I'll have to ask Dr. Trevino at our next session.
And with Alexei’s help, I know I’m safe now. He wants me to leave my mother’s, but I think more time needs to pass. No, I don’t care what people think. Or maybe I do. It just feels wrong attending your dead husband’s funeral and going back to the home of the man you’re in love with.
And who killed him. But I don’t mention that to Alexei because I promised no more fighting against accepting who he is. If we’re going to be together, then I have to accept him for all he is.
Suddenly, I remember what Dr. Trevino and I discussed last time when I told him about Lauren's pregnancy. I slide off the bed and crouch down next to it. Lifting the mattress, I see the toilet paper wad and pull it out. Just as I remembered, it's a pregnancy test showing those two lines indicating she was pregnant.
Now that the funeral is over, I want to start looking for her. She’s out there. I know it. I just need to find her so she can know we all miss her and want her back in our lives.
The doorbell ringing rouses me from my thoughts about how I plan to go about locating Lauren. My mother is outside in the garden, so I ignore it in the hopes whoever it is will go away. I may not be the typical widow in mourning, but I don't want to deal with anyone right now.
Unfortunately, it only continues. After a few minutes, I reluctantly walk through the house and prepare myself for whatever emotional onslaught that awaits me.
A man looks in through the front door window and gives me a little wave when he sees me. I have no choice but to answer it now, so I slowly open the door and see a middle-aged man with greying hair and pale green eyes standing there holding up a badge similar to the one the two men who came to tell me about Adam's death wore.
"Natalie Anchoff?"
I stare at the badge for a moment before looking up at him. "Yes. What can I do for you, officer?"
"My name is Detective Adam Jacobs. Is your mother Elizabeth Tarrigan at home?"
"Yes. She's out back in the garden. Is something wrong?"
"May I come in so we can talk?"
A flash of panic races through me. Do the police know Alexei is the one who did it? They already told me Adam died of natural causes. We buried him this morning, for God's sake. Why is this man here?
"Is there a problem?" I ask, probably looking guilty but not caring. I've seen enough police dramas on TV to know if there's a problem, I shouldn't just invite the police in.
The man smiles warmly and shakes his head. "No, ma'am. I'd like to speak to your mother about one of your sisters."
One of my sisters? Has Lauren been found?
I'm so surprised by his answer that I open the door wide and step back to let him in. Questions begin to race through my mind. Where is she? Is she okay? When can we see her again? Did she have the baby?
Then the truest fear I've ever experienced settles into my heart, making my chest hurt.
"Did something happen to one of them? Are they hurt?" I ask as I close the door behind him, bracing myself for whatever news he brings.
He nods somberly. "I'm here about your sister Lauren, ma'am. Not either of your other sisters."
His words hit me like a slap to the face. He knows something about Lauren! Quickly, I begin asking all the questions that are racing through my brain.
“Is she okay? Where is she? What about the baby? She’s been missing for months. Where did you find her?”
Instead of answering any of them, he simply repeats that nodding he did a moment ago. "I apologize for my timing, ma'am. I want to extend my sympathies for the recent loss of your husband. If this wasn't important, I would have left it for another time."
"Thank you, but what’s going on? Where is Lauren? Is she okay?"
And in a moment, my entire world feels like it collapses. All the hope I’d secretly held onto for all these months disappears in a flash when he finally answers my questions.
“I’m sorry, but she was found dead last Thursday in a field not far from here. A farmer stumbled upon a shallow grave and we’ve identified her as your sister. Please accept my sympathies once again.”
“How? When? What happened to her? What about the baby? She was pregnant,” I say, the words tumbling out of my mouth one after another as sadness fills me.
“I can tell you all I know, but I think your mother should be there to hear it too.”
Struggling to hold back the tears, I nod and hurry outside to find my mother near some bush that looks like it grows poison berries they're so red. "There's a Detective Jacobs here to speak to you, Mom. He's waiting in the kitchen."
She stiffens at my mention of a detective and clears her throat. "Fine. Do you know what he wants?"
"He’s here about Lauren. The police found her body."
My mother presses her lips together and shakes her head before whispering, "I guess bad news does come in threes."
I watch in confusion at how unaffected she is by the news that her youngest daughter has been found dead as she turns and walks off toward the house.
By the time I reach the kitchen, she's already seated across from Detective Jacobs. "As I'm sure you know, my daughter ran away earlier this year. Do you know how she died?"
“Asphyxiation,” Detective Jacobs says softly. “Someone smothered her. We believe it happened right after you reported her missing.”
“I see.”
That’s it. My mother says nothing else while I stand there in shock, horrified that my sister died such a horrible death.
Oddly, though, Detective Jacobs doesn’t seem surprised at all by my mother’s behavior. “I’d like to show you a picture to see if you know this person, Mrs. Tarrigan?"
Confused what this could have to do with my deceased sister, I watch as he pulls a small picture from his shirt pocket. I feel my eyes open wide at the sight of the woman in the image. She looks nearly identical to Lauren, except she appears considerably older.
"So you recognize this person, ma'am?" he asks as both my mother and I stare at the picture.
"No, I'm sorry, I don't."
"That woman looks so much like my sister Lauren it's spooky. Who is she?" I ask.
"Her name is Cherise Singleton," the detective tells me and then turns back to face my mother. "Does that name ring a bell, Mrs. Tarrigan?"
I tear my gaze away from the picture of this Cherise woman to look at my mother as she answers, "No. I don't know anyone by that name. What does this have to do with my daughter? Is she the person who killed her?"
Detective Jacobs lowers his hand and sets the picture on the table in front of him. His expression turns serious, scaring me. Why is he asking about this now?
"Not to be too indelicate, but when someone is found murdered, an autopsy is performed. Your daughter's alerted us to an irregularity. Was your daughter adopted, ma'am?"
Suddenly, my mother stiffens again like she did in the garden. Shaking her head, she folds her arms across her chest. "I want you to leave now. My daughter has just lost her husband, and this discussion of death isn't what she or I need today. Please leave."
I turn my attention to Detective Jacobs and watch to see what he'll do. I don't know what to expect. Will he force her to go to the police station to answer his questions? What is all of this about?
To my surprise, he simply nods and stands up to leave before turning to face me. "Again, please let me express my condolences. Good day."
Then he walks out of the kitchen toward the front door and my mother storms out to the garden. I know asking her anything about what just happened is a waste of time, so even though I don't know if I should, I hurry through the house to catch up to the detective before he leaves. That I have no idea what I want to ask him doesn't stop me.
&nb
sp; Just as he's about to get into his car, I yell from the front steps, "Detective Jacobs! Wait a minute!"
I hurry over to his car and say, "I'm sorry about my mother. She's dealing with the death of my husband too. She cared a great deal for him. Why are you asking about Lauren and that woman?"
He looks around like he's trying to decide what he should say to me and finally stops and stares directly into my eyes. "Ma'am, I would suggest you convince your mother to get a good lawyer. She's going to need one."
"Why? What for?" I ask as my head begins to swim with a thousand more questions I can't get out quickly enough.
"The woman in that picture is Lauren's birth mother. Her child was named Amanda. She never gave her daughter up for adoption. Amanda was stolen from her at about a year old, exactly as old as I suspect your sister was when she came to your family, right?"
I stand dumbstruck. It's not possible. My mother would never steal anything, least of all someone's child.
"You must be mistaken. She adopted Lauren just like she adopted my other two sisters. She's been a wonderful mother. All of us had wonderful childhoods. This is wrong."
"DNA doesn't lie, ma'am. Lauren Tarrigan was Amanda Singleton, and no one ever gave her up for adoption." He takes a card out of his suit coat pocket and hands it to me. "If you want to talk, here's my number."
He gets into his car to drive away as I stand there in utter shock. What more would I have to say to him? He has to be mistaken. This woman Cherise whoever she is must be mistaken. No wonder my mother ordered him to leave.
I hurry to the garden to comfort my mother. Don't the police have better things to do than harass people for made-up crimes when a young woman is found dead? I find her standing next to her favorite yellow rose bush clipping flowers for a bouquet.
"I'm sorry he upset you, Mom."
"What did he say when you went after him?"
"They've got things all confused. Don't worry. It will work out, I'm sure. Right now, our focus should be on Lauren. Oh, Mom, I can’t believe she’s really gone," I answer, barely able to hold back the tears.
A faraway look fills her eyes, and she says, "She really did grow up to look just like her. Lauren was more beautiful, but she was the spitting image of her."
Unsure what I'm hearing, I stammer out, "What…what are you saying? You knew that woman? Did you meet her and agree to adopt her daughter because she couldn't take care of her?"
I struggle to come up with another scenario that makes sense, but none comes to me. My mother simply smiles as she quietly says, "I want you to call your sisters and tell them they need to come here right now. Do that, Natalie. Get them here right now."
Exactly as she said, I call Claire and Tess and tell them she wants them at the house immediately. I want to tell them about Lauren being found, but I don't know how to say it. I want to tell them about everything else that’s happened today, but I don't know if Detective Jacobs is telling the truth, even though my mother hasn't said anything to contradict him. It's better I say nothing and merely give them her message, even when they beg me for some information about what this is all about.
I wouldn’t know how to explain it even if I tried. Between the sadness and the shock, I can’t find the words.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Alexei
Natalie looks around my living room like she can’t figure out what to do, like this place is utterly foreign to her. She called to tell me she needed to talk to me, but she wouldn’t tell me about what. She doesn’t look sad so much as just lost.
She rushes to me and falls into my arms as soon as she sees me walk into the room, not crying so much as needing me. What’s happened to her since I saw her at the apartment? I know she had to deal with the funeral, but she never called to tell me she needed to talk then, so what happened?
I hold her tightly as she clings to me. “What’s wrong, little bird?”
For nearly a minute, she doesn’t answer, simply shaking her head against my chest. I wait for her to be able to say the words, hoping they aren’t the end of us. I won’t let that happen. I can’t. Not after all we’ve been through.
Lifting her head to look at me, she places her hand over my chest. “Your heart is pounding like a jackhammer. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m just worried about you. What’s going on?”
“Please don’t die on me, Alexei. I can’t take it after everything else. You and Claire are all I have now,” she says, choking back tears.
I smile, hoping to calm her fears of my impending death. “I’m not dying any time soon. What’s going on? Why are you so sad?”
Her eyes fill with tears, and she covers her face as she sobs, “They found Lauren. She’s dead. Someone murdered her.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Natalie.”
Her hands drop, and she stares up at me in confusion. “How do you know? Do hit men have contacts in the police department?”
“No. I knew because I had one of my men look into it. I found out right before Adam’s death. I wanted to tell you, but with everything happening, it just never felt like the right moment. I thought I’d have more time.”
“Do you know who killed her?”
I nod, hating the answer I have to give her. As much as I despised Adam Anchoff, even I don’t feel the need to expose just how terrible a man he was. I would have been satisfied in telling her Lauren had been killed and never letting on who did it.
Natalie takes my hands in hers and holds them tightly, like they’re the only thing keeping her from losing her sanity. “If you know, you have to tell me, Alexei. I deserve to know.”
As I take a deep breath and let it out slowly to buy time, I try to find a way to tell her what happened that won’t sound like a horror show. There simply isn’t any way to do that, though, so I bring her hands to my lips and kiss them before pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“He admitted it to me before he died. Adam killed your sister. He and your mother had been talking about something regarding her and she got upset. He said it wasn’t intentional. He just wanted to shut her up to make her stop screaming.”
“Adam? Why would he do that?”
“I’m sorry, Natalie. This is a lot to take in, but I can tell you your mother was drugging her to be with him so he could prove it wasn’t his fault you weren’t pregnant.”
Before I can get any more of the story out, she rips her hands away from mine and frantically waves them in front of her. “No! My mother wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t! My mother’s done some horrible things in this world, but she wouldn’t do that to me. He was my husband, for God’s sake, Alexei!”
Even as she says those words, she knows the truth. I see it in her eyes as she stumbles back to collapse onto the sofa. Her body tells the story of how defeated she is, her shoulders sagging like she can’t take the weight of all of it anymore.
I crouch down in front of her and watch as she cries for her entire life and family that’s fallen apart. As much as I want to fix this for her, I can’t.
“I’m sorry, little bird. Your mother isn’t who you think she is. Whatever love she felt for you and your sisters was rooted in greed.”
Wiping under her eyes, Natalie looks down at me and says, “So you know about Lauren’s birth mother too? Did your man find out about that?”
I shake my head, ignorant to what she means. “No. He found out she was dead, and then Adam confessed to what happened that night. I don’t know anything about your sister’s mother.”
“Oh. Well, in the continuing saga of how fucked up my family is, we found out yesterday that my mother stole Lauren from her mother when she was just a baby. She wasn’t adopted at all. That poor woman has been looking for her daughter for sixteen years, and when she does find her, she’s dead. All thanks to my mother and my son of a bitch husband.”
She stops for a moment and shakes her head. “I don’t think I can handle this anymore, Alexei. I never thought my family was like everyone else’s family, bu
t I never dreamed it was this bad.”
I work to keep the truth from showing on my face because this isn’t all of the terrible shit Samson found out and Adam told me, but now’s not the time. Natalie can find out about all of that later when she isn’t feeling like her world is crumbling to pieces around her.
“If it makes you feel any better, my family isn’t much better. My father tried to kill my mother multiple times, and then he married one of my girlfriends after I broke up with her just four months before. The Volkovs are one messed up group.”
Her eyes open wide and fill with horror at my story. “Oh my God! Is your mother still alive? Do you even talk to your father after that?”
I sit next to Natalie and pull her into my arms. “Yes, my mother’s still alive and she’s going to love you like you always wished your mother did. As for my father, he’s dead and good riddance. You can’t pick your family, little bird.”
“What is wrong with our families, Alexei? This isn’t normal.”
Touching my forehead to hers, I smile. I’ve known my family was fucked up for years. Natalie’s is pretty messed up too, but she’ll be okay like I am. I’ll make sure of it.
“We won’t be like that. We have a choice, and neither of us will choose to be crazy like our families.”
“What if it’s in our blood, though? What if it’s in our DNA to be crazy like them?”
I hear in her voice how scared she is of that reality, but she doesn’t have to worry. “Then we’ll have to work hard not to be crazy.”
Her eyebrows draw in toward her nose like she does whenever she’s worried, and she presses her lips together like she wants to keep whatever she has to say inside. I think I know what’s on her mind, though.
“You don’t ever have to stop yourself with me, little bird. Say what you want to say.”
Shyly, she looks down at my hands holding hers and says in a tiny voice, “Promise me you won’t ever try to kill me like your father did with your mother.”
I slide my forefinger under her chin and lift her head so she has to face me when I make the most solemn pledge I’ve ever uttered in my life. “I swear on my life I will never do that to you. I chose not to do my job when I fell in love with you. I can’t imagine ever thinking I want to go back on that.”