Found My Love [Learning to Love 3] (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Alison Mello

  “One night he came home and I tried to please him sexually, which was always more about him than me anyway. I knew he had been drinking but didn’t realize just how drunk he was until it was too late. I found out when we were done that he had forgotten to use a condom and blamed me. He said I was a cocktease, and I got him so worked up he forgot,” I say, shaking my head and thinking back. “That was the night I got pregnant with Katie. He said I did it on purpose, that I wanted to trap him.”

  Chase looks like he’s brewing with anger. “Listen, babe, I don’t care if you did seduce him, he has no right to blame you. He’s an ass for getting drunk, and if he has a problem he needs to get help.”

  I try to climb off his lap, but he stops me.

  “The messed-up thing was after that it just got worse. He never physically abused me, but he used to put me down all the time. He would tell me I was fat, that I was a fucked-up piece of shit, and that our baby was going to be ugly like me.”

  I try to fight back the tears, but one escapes. “I had a rough pregnancy from the stress, so there were nights I wouldn’t feel like eating, and he would tell me that I was trying to kill our baby.”

  Chase is rubbing my back, trying to soothe me while he listens to my story.

  “I don’t know why I stayed for as long as I did. I finally told my parents, and they took me in until I was able to get on my feet. I found this place, and I have been on my own since.”

  Chase pulls me to his chest so he can hold me close. “Listen, I can’t promise I’ll be perfect or that I don’t have my own issues because you know I do. But, I can promise you that I’ll never physically or verbally hurt you the way he did. It pisses me off that he treated you that way, and to be honest, it pisses me off that he’s not a better father to Katie. All I can tell you, is that I feel like you have been distant. I’m willing to go slow and earn your trust because I really want us to give this a try. I just want you to continue to talk to me.”

  He smells so good, and I’m so comfortable in his arms that a yawn escapes me. I’m exhausted, but I manage to get out an “Okay.”

  “No more hiding. I would like to see you this weekend. Do you have any plans?” he says and kisses the top of my head.

  “No. Kyle is supposed to take Katie, but he has already texted me trying to back out because he has no money, so at this point I’m assuming he isn’t going to show.”

  “This guy is un-fucking-real. Well if he shows we will do something for the two of us, and if he doesn’t, I guess we will have to make it PG and do something for the three of us.”

  I start laughing, and he smiles at me. “That’s better. I love the sound of your laughter, T. I hope I can make you smile more.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t promise you it’ll be just the two of us, but I can’t count on him.”

  “I hate that he pulls this shit but it is what it is.”

  I lean in to kiss him, and he sticks his tongue out and rubs it along my lips, asking for entry. I open my mouth to him, and we deepen our kiss yet again. I really like the way he kisses me. He has the most amazing lips. I can’t wait to feel them on other parts of my body.

  He pulls away. “I’m going to get going, now that I feel like you and I are on the same page.”

  I straddle his lap, press my forehead to his. “I would like for you to stay. I’m not ready to, you know, have sex or anything.” I pause for a minute. “It has been a long time since someone has just held me, and I really like how I feel in your arms.” I close my eyes, hoping he says he will stay.

  “Oh hell, T. How can I say no to that? Come on, let’s head to bed. We both have to be up early tomorrow.”

  Chapter 3

  “Damn it, Kyle! I can’t believe you’re not going to pick her up. Do you know how disappointed she’s going to be?” I yell into the phone from my bedroom. It’s Saturday morning, and Katie is in the tub getting ready for him when he calls to tell me that he’s not coming to get her.

  “Fine. You know what, I’m not letting her be disappointed anymore. From now on she stays with me every weekend unless you call me to tell me you want to pick her up. I’m done making excuses for you. Chase and I are just as happy to spend the time with her anyway,” I add just to piss him off, which was not the best idea because now I’m going to have to tell Chase I said that.

  Speaking of Chase, there is a knock on my door. I open it to let him in as Kyle is yelling at me about being her father and that I shouldn’t allow another man into her life. “You know what, Kyle. If you were a man and took care of your responsibilities, you wouldn’t have to fucking worry about it. I’m done with this conversation because now I have to go break my daughter’s heart. Have a great fucking day!” I hang up the phone, and I want to scream.

  Chase walks up to me. “T, breathe baby. Your face is beet-red, and this will do Katie no good. You need to relax a minute.”

  I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. “He makes me so mad, Chase. He doesn’t want to be in her life but doesn’t want me to have a man or bring a man around her.” I take a few more breaths.

  “What a fucking asshole. I swear I want to punch this guy in the fucking face, but we’ll talk about it later. For now, go tell Katie that you have good news and bad news. The bad news is that her dad isn’t coming to pick her up, but the good news is we are going to take her to the park. Then we will go out for lunch and ice cream,” he says as he places a hand on each side of my face. I know he’s trying to be understanding but I can’t help but feel like he sounds disappointed.

  I nod, and I start to head off to the bathroom. “Oh, Chase?”

  “Yeah, T.”

  “You should know I threw you in Kyle’s face out of anger. I’m sorry. It just came out.”

  “Don’t stress it, T. Go get Katie ready so we can go.”

  Once Katie is dressed, she runs into the living room, screaming, “Chase!”

  “Hey, sweetie! Did your mommy tell you what we are going to do today?” He pulls her up onto his lap, and she nods at him.

  “She said you’re going to take us to the park.”

  He nods at her. “Have you been to Roger Williams Zoo?”

  Her eyes grow wide. “No. Is that where we are going?”

  Chase laughs. “Sure, kiddo! Let’s just make sure we have everything we need to be out for the day, okay?”

  She nods at him before she heads to her room to get her sneakers.

  “You’re so great with her. I can’t believe it. Do you have experience with kids?” I say with a huge smile.

  “I have nieces I happen to enjoy,” he says with pride. “As a matter of fact my niece Raegan is her age. They would get along great!”

  “I’m really sorry our afternoon together got ruined.”

  He shrugs. “I wouldn’t say ruined, just changed. I was looking forward to time alone with you but you have a child so I have to deal with it.”

  I let Chase know that I’m going to pack a backpack with a change of clothes for Katie and some of her favorite snacks, and then we will be all set to go.

  “While you do that, I’ll make sure Katie has her shoes on so we can head out when you’re ready.”

  We pull into the zoo around eleven, and Katie is so excited. I haven’t been here in a long time. It’s a large, pricier park, and I can’t really afford to take her here. We park the car and head to the ticket window so we can pay our admission. Chase refuses to let me pay for our tickets, so I have to make sure Katie thanks him later.

  We enter, and Chase pulls Katie to the side for a second. “Katie, this zoo is very big, and there are a lot of people here, so there is no running ahead,” he says firmly but gently. “You need to stay right by our side at all times.” he says as he’s kneeling in front of her.

  “Okay, Chase. Can I hold your hand?”

  He smiles at her as he stands. “Sure, kiddo,” he says, and we head off in the direction of the animals.

  After about an hour of walking, Katie starts to
complain her legs are getting tired. I say to Chase, “If you stay with her, I’ll go grab a stroller.”

  He shakes his head. “No need.” He looks at Katie. “Want to sit on my shoulders?”

  She jumps up and down. “Yeah!”

  He lifts her up with ease, places her on his shoulders, and we continue on walking from one animal exhibit to the next. I point out their names and read the signs to Katie as we go.

  We’re halfway through the zoo when we decide to stop for lunch. It’s almost one o’clock, and we’re getting hungry so we head over to a food stand to grab her some chicken fingers and fries for Katie, and Chase and I decide on burgers. Once we have our food we grab a table to sit and eat at.

  “Have you heard—” I stop myself, realizing he probably doesn’t know.

  “Have I heard what, T?”

  “Shit, I don’t think I was supposed to say anything.” I pause for a moment. “I was going to ask you if you had heard anything more about a situation that I’m not supposed to talk about,” I say with a smile, shaking my head angry with myself because I slipped.

  He starts laughing at me. “Babe, just tell me, and I’ll keep it between us.”

  “Please don’t say anything. I’m new to the group and I don’t want the girls to think they can’t talk around me,” I say, full of concern.

  “I said I won’t say anything,” he says with a look that screams, “Spill.”

  “Tracey told us the night before Abbey and Seth’s wedding that she thinks she’s pregnant, and I was going to ask if you had heard any more about it.”

  “No, I didn’t even know, but shit that is cool. I know Sean wants kids and stuff. Hopefully Tracey is good with it.”

  “She’s good with it. They just both had wished they were married first. She made it sound like Sean was planning to ask her at some point anyway.”

  “Mommy, I’m getting full.” Katie makes a dramatic face like she’s going to explode.

  I laugh. “Okay, Katie. You don’t have to eat anymore, but sit and behave while Chase and I finish. When we’re done we will walk the rest of the zoo.”

  We clean our mess and exit the table so another family that is waiting can sit and eat. Chase picks Katie back up onto his shoulders and we continue our walk through the remainder of the zoo.

  We’re approaching our final exhibit at the zoo and it’s a good thing because I think Katie is getting heavy on Chase’s shoulders although he’ll never admit it. We have seen every exhibit and even did this little scavenger hunt. Katie has had a great day. As we approach the exit, he pulls Katie down so she can walk and I can’t help but smile as I realize that Chase is holding both our hands as we walk toward the exit.

  As she swings Chase’s arm, Katie asks, “Mommy, are we still going to get ice cream?”

  Chase and I look at each other, and he whispers, “Want to do dinner, and she can have ice cream for dessert?”

  I nod. “But where will we go?” I whisper back to him.

  “Mommy, are we going to have ice cream?” she asks again.

  I look at my daughter with one eyebrow raised. She knows I’m serious when I give her this look. “Katie, if you’re rude while Chase and I are talking one more time, there will be no ice cream.”

  She looks down at the ground. “Sorry, Mommy.”

  I turn my attention back to Chase. “If we head back toward home to eat, then it will be closer to dinnertime. Then she can have her ice cream. I’ll want to take her home after to clean her up and get her ready for bed.”

  “That sounds good to me,” he says as we exit the park.

  * * * *

  We park outside my apartment, and I find Katie is fast asleep. This really isn’t a good thing because it’s only seven. I usually put her to bed about seven thirty, but I wanted to clean her up before bed. It looks like she will have to get cleaned up in the morning instead. If I wake her now she will have a meltdown and not go back to sleep for a while.

  Chase gets out of the car and opens her door to unbuckle her from her booster seat. He tells me to grab the backpack and that he’ll carry her in so we can put her to bed. He scoops her out of her chair, and my heart melts as she snuggles right into his arms.

  I quickly run up the steps to open the door so he doesn’t have to carry her long. When I look back, he looks like he’s carrying a feather. My Katie is not a very big girl, but she’s tall for her age, and to me, she isn’t light. He follows me straight through the house to her room. I pull her sheets back and he lays her down. I take her sneakers and socks off as she rolls onto her side to get comfortable. We tuck her in and then close her door as we walk out of her room.

  “I had a great time today,” he says as he grabs both my hands.

  “We did, too. Thank you so much for everything. You really didn’t have to do all of that,” I say, feeling bad that he paid for everything.

  “Listen, I wanted to do it. She shouldn’t be punished for her father’s bullshit. I just wish the fucker would leave her alone if he doesn’t want to be in her life,” he says as his hand goes up to my neck and I nod as he pulls me in for a kiss, but I stop him.

  “Chase, I know this is probably hard for you to understand but I don’t want him to stay out of her life. He’s her father. I just wish he was a bigger part of it.”

  He shakes his head and I can tell he doesn’t know what to say. “I guess I can understand that but if he’s going to keep fucking with her you need to tell him to fuck off.” He’s so serious as he places his hand on the nape of my neck.

  There is a charge between us, and I have been fighting it, but I don’t know if I can much longer. I deepen the kiss as his hand slides up my back so he can pull me closer. I love how I feel in his strong arms. Standing at about five ten, he’s only about four inches taller than me, but we fit perfectly together.

  He moves from my lips down my jawline to my neck, so I move my head to the side to give him better access. My insides are doing flips as I feel moisture building between my legs. I have not been touched this intimately in years.

  He kisses up my neck to my ear and whispers, “Please tell me I can stay.”

  I nod and whisper back, “You can stay.”

  He chuckles against my neck. “Thank God.”

  He pulls me toward my room and I giggle, unsure of how far I’ll actually be able to go.

  I kick my sneakers off as he does the same. He walks up to me and starts kissing me again. This time, it’s a messier, more passionate kiss, and I love it. He pulls away to peel my shirt off, and I get an instant chill. I yank him toward me and we start kissing again as his strong hands run over my skin and it sets me on fire. He’s kissing my neck as he cups my breast through my bra, and my nipples instantly harden into tiny pebbles. He takes my nipple between two fingers and rolls it as he kisses down my cleavage. I moan because his lips feel better on my body than I could have ever imagined.

  “Chase…” I am not even sure what I want to say. Part of me wants to slow him down, but the other part of me hasn’t felt this good in so long.

  “Shh, baby. I won’t take you too far. Just feel me,” he says as he removes my breast from my bra and sucks my nipple into his mouth.

  I’m soaked for him as he kisses his way across my cleavage. He pulls my other breast from its cup and pays that one equal attention as he gently nudges me toward the bed. I back up until I feel it against the back of my knees. That’s when he picks me up and gently places me on the bed and then joins me. He looks me dead in the eyes, and it makes me feel vulnerable. I feel like he can see right through me, can read my every thought.

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  I bite my lip because I’m feeling a bit emotional at this point, and I don’t want to ruin the moment.

  “We don’t have to have sex, but I want to make you come. Is that okay?”

  I’m shocked by his statement, but I nod because at this point I’m so wound up that I may just cave and give it to him. He leans in to start kissing me
again as he lays between my legs. My hips instantly start to move on their own.

  “Baby, you keep rubbing me that way, and I’m going to have a mess. Lay still. This is about you.”

  I smile and stop moving as he shifts so he’s alongside me. His hand goes straight for the button of my shorts while he’s kissing my cleavage. Once they’re undone, he continues kissing his way down my body, and I whimper because it feels so good.

  He pauses just above my shorts to lick and bite across my belly as he undoes the zipper. I lift my ass off the bed so he can pull my shorts off. I notice he takes off just my shorts, and I can’t help but feel slightly disappointed.

  I didn’t realize that I’d sighed until he tells me with his lips pressed to my panties, “I’m not going to fuck you tonight, T, not until I know you’re ready, but I’ll take care of you.”

  He kisses and bites at my hips and then moves back to my belly and up to my breasts, while he roams his hands into my panties. He slides his fingers between my folds, and he groans. “My God, woman, you’re so wet for me.”

  He takes my juices and rubs them over my hardened nub. I swear that I’m going to combust. His lips on my body, his fingers now buried deep inside me, and his rock-hard cock pressed into my hip—it is sensory overload. My hips are grinding into his hand, and it feels so good, but I don’t know how to tell him I can’t come that way. I’ve never had a vaginal orgasm.

  “Chase,” I moan, “stop a minute.”

  “What’s wrong, baby?” He looks at me full of concern.

  “I don’t know how to say this.” I pause as my cheeks heat from my embarrassment.

  “What, baby? No more hiding, remember?” he says gently.

  “It’s just that I have never been able to, you know, come this way.”

  He smiles at me. “You have no need to be embarrassed, baby. I’ll work on it with you.” He winks at me. “I don’t want you to stress it, okay?”

  I nod as I bite my lip and he moves his hand back to my nub, I instantly start to feel the build of my arousal as he rolls my clit around with his finger. I grind my hips and moan out in pleasure. He’s nibbling my earlobe and whispers, “Let it go, baby!”