by Bri Stone
See, when you’re friends with someone for a year and fall in love with them before even kissing or really dating, you develop something that isn’t easily forgotten. That’s what we were. I look in my eyes in the mirror and I see Thom, I see us. Still. Still!
I wipe my eyes and try to stop picturing him with whoever it was. In fact, I don’t let myself stop. I let myself guess where they met, how they met. How long he may have fucked her and if she called him back. I try and guess when, and where. I picture them everywhere until I do the one thing that will keep me sane for the rest of my life.
I don’t just forgive Thom when I leave the bathroom. I forget him.
Chapter Twenty-Two: Perrie
One year later...
I wasn’t officially double board certified until I walked out of the hotel suite, where three sixty-somethings sat and grilled me for at least an hour. Or so I thought, it only lasted about twenty minutes. Finally, it was that moment. The one I had dreamt about since I was in high school, college, and especially med school and the last five years.
I didn’t take the easy route. I did both anatomical and clinical residencies, took an international excursion, and then two board exams to top it. But finally, I had my mouthful title. The boards were in Florida, so it was a quick flight back to Houston, where I went to my family home. It was empty, but the same as ever even without dad and Clem. I plan to stay here until I decide where to continue my career.
After finishing my fellowship at Mass Gen, I took a page out of Melinda’s book and drove up a sort of bidding war on contracts. Since I had an extra year, she had already started her first year as an attending orthopedic surgeon at Memorial Hermann. She has been there a few months, and already met three famous football players; I suppose that’s how it was in the south. Regardless, I was most excited because she was coming over in a few hours.
The sun has about an hour before setting, so I decided to go for a walk on the beach. Even though it was October, I needed shorts and a tank top, so I wouldn’t melt. After ten minutes, I was on the edge of Surfside Beach. I took my shoes off and let my toes dig into the sand. I looked out onto the less than clear water, and all I saw was Thom. It hurt less, but my feelings for him were still evident. They always would be, and that scared me more than anything. We had so many memories...even here in my family home where I grew up.
It was disappointing. But at thirty years old, I finally accepted it. That the memories of my twenties were gone, an entire person and relationship were gone. And tattoo removal is a bitch, that’s why I never bothered. I can’t see the damn thing anyway—I got it for him, for him to see, touch, kiss...I wasn’t allowed any of that anymore. He never called, and never answered when I did. Talk about a clean break.
“I told you not to lose your ass!”
The voice calls through my ears just before I am hurled to the ground, but my scream is of happiness because I know who it is just before I hit the sand.
“Melinda!” I squeeze her back as she hugs me into the sand, literally. “How did you find me?” I laugh, a real laugh.
Melinda hugs me once more and then we roll onto our backs on the sand. With the sun coming down, a cool breeze passes over us.
“I went to the house, but no one was there, I guessed you might be walking out here. If I didn’t find you, I was going to pick up a hot surfer dude.” She wiggles her brows.
I haven’t seen her in person in so long, but she looks the same. Her eyebrows are still flawless and full, I don’t see any more age in her face than before, and her hair is different again. Long brown waves are the most normal I have ever seen her.
“Oh my, I’m not surprised.” I sit up and hug my knees to my chest. “Did I really lose my ass?” I joke.
“Eh.” She sits up like me and shakes sand out of her hair. “Wow. We’re old. Last time we were here...shit, sorry.” She catches herself, remembering it’s a Thom memory.
She coined the phrase way back in the beginning of the break up. A lot of our memories involved Thom, and it was hard to differentiate it at first.
“That’s okay.” I sigh. “But yeah, it has been a long time.” I nod. I notice she is still wearing her scrubs, so I know she has come right from the hospital. The turquoise color dances off her brown skin.
“You look different.” She says.
“You see me on Skype and facetime.” I scowl.
“Cameras are flattering.” She jokes, and I playfully smack her leg.
“So, you’re finally done...where are you going to go?” Melinda keeps her voice soft.
“I don’t know honestly. Maybe back to Paris.” I joke partially, but Jonathan did offer me a job. There would be some differences between countries, but nothing too difficult. I had only given it minimal thought.
“Seriously?”
“Not really. I didn’t really like it there. But a lot of places want me; that sounds shitty. But I considered taking up at a government lab too, but that means smaller pay and more cover ups.” I scoff. Depending on the city, there would definitely be bribes and threats to falsify autopsies. Washington D.C. was the top of that list.
“It doesn’t. Um, do you know where Thom is working?” She asks softly.
The mention of his name doesn’t make my throat close or stomach sink. “No. I don’t really care much.” I bite the inside of my cheek; the pain reminds me I’m lying.
“Hmm. Well, Memorial is nice.”
I smile a bit. “I know. How is your research?”
“Great. We’re onto human trials now, a lot of people need it. more than I thought. So, the pressure is higher, but it makes me want to do it more, too.” Melinda looks at me.
“I know you’ll do great.” I say honestly.
Melinda headed a huge research project a few years ago, for surgeries that could repair broken bones and tendons without steel rods or long healing times. It took her a long time to be approved by the board and what not. It was highly sought after by the government for use in the Army. When they offered her fifteen million dollars for the research and her work, she turned it down. Said it was hers and that she didn’t need them. Which she didn’t, because the hospital had her back, as did the charities that donated to help. I was very proud of her then, and even more now.
“Thanks. But you’re the one with the mouthful title.” She grins in a sing song voice and nudged me until I smile.
“It’s no big deal. I need a job first.”
“How much time will you take off?” She asks.
“I figured I’d go back in the New Year. Gives me time to think and make a good choice. Wherever I go, I want to stay.” I answer.
“Yeah. I don’t see myself ever leaving Memorial. Remember how hard it was to pick? Ugh.” She shakes her head, and then starts pulling sand from her hair.
I laugh remembering it. After her boards, and even before, she had the big guns after her. Flying her out for interviews, bribing her with higher pay, and it was well deserved. She ended up choosing Memorial not for the money though, but because she felt like they actually cared about her as a person and not just a surgeon.
“Yeah. How long can you stay?” I ask her.
“I don’t know,” she shrugs, “I usually go in around five and I don’t usually leave this early. I figured maybe you want to see my house?”
I widen my eyes with excitement. I knew she had bought a house, but I hadn’t seen it, not even on video. Because she didn’t spend much time there, she just moved in and that was it. Kind of defeats the purpose, but it was mostly an investment.
“Yeah, for sure. Where is it?” Everything was so far away in Houston.
“Riverstone, out in Sugar Land.”
“Let’s go.”
WE STOPPED FOR FOOD on the way, I hadn’t had Chick Fil A in so long I practically demanded it. She lived on Lake Riverstone, and her house was...wow. The outside had pillars in front of the entrance, a courtyard, and a four-car garage. But the house itself didn’t match the others, and it was fa
rther away. It sat on at least its own two acres, and looked more like an old country house, but supped up.
“Shit, Melinda.” I stuffed my bag of food in my hand and walked around her car; an over the top G-Wagon. It was her dream car, and it made me happy to know she got it.
“Wait until you see my wig room.”
We go in through the garage, where three different cars sit. It is too dark for me to make them out. Her kitchen is a very nice country style I never pegged her for; with lighter cabinets and wooden countertops. She even has shiplap in the breakfast area. Her tour is more of me wondering why she chose some designs and laughing when I see she really does have a wig room.
“Someone would think you’re a con woman.” I laugh.
There are four shelves lined with colors, styles and lengths. I always knew she was into hair but...well I never saw just how into it.
“Yeah. My ex used to call them hats.” She laughs sadly. I know it’s the ex from college because she hasn’t dated anyone since.
“Tell me about him.” I stand in front of her.
She sighs in defeat. “Wine first.”
Listening to Melinda’s story was almost like looking into a mirror, except the ending was so much different. And not what I expected from her at all. The way he pursued her, and how she eventually fell for him was so sweet it made me smile. Melinda did what she felt like she had to do, but even I knew it was wrong. But it made sense why she was so reserved, and why she hadn’t been with anyone since. Like Thom, her ex was just the one. We both had plenty of opportunities to take new guys home or even be in relationships, but we both knew it would just never work. Our hearts were simply at capacity.
“Do you know where he is now?” I ask her gingerly. I expected her to cry, but she didn’t. I know she is tough and doesn’t express emotions very much, but I can’t talk about Thom at length yet.
“No. Probably playing football for some high-powered team. I don’t keep up on the sport at all. Or him.” She pours her second glass of wine. I know she doesn’t drink much, because she could be paged for a surgery at a moment’s notice.
“Hmm.” I clear my throat. “Thank you for telling me...are you sure you’re okay?” I stare at her from my perch on the couch.
“I’m fine. You sure you don’t think I’m a monster?” She scoffs.
Melinda frowns and looks down at her folded legs. She changed into a matching set of white velour pants and sweater, so she truly looks like a sad cloud ready to burst at any moment.
“Positive. You’re my best friend.”
“I’m your only friend.” She deadpans.
I laugh, “true. But I could still choose to drop you. Cut you out of my life, and I don’t judge you anyway. I’m just glad you trusted me enough to finally tell me. How did you get through that all on your own?” I ask her.
I truly cannot imagine how I would have gotten past the whole breakup with Thom.
“I don’t know. School kept me busy. But I was also in the wrong.” She twists her lip.
We sit on the couch, both staring into our still-full wine glasses and absorbed in our own thoughts. I don’t know how much time passes.
“If you ever saw Thom again, what would you do?”
“I...” my brow arches as I think. “Don’t know. He wouldn’t have much to say to me, because he fell out of love with me and didn’t bother to tell me.”
I find it hard to believe even to this day, but it must be true. It was just so hard to admit because I didn’t see it coming. That weekend of my birthday...all the things he planned for me, the way he made love to me...it didn’t make any sense. But I stopped with the theories a long time ago. There was nothing left but what is and what I know I must do to get by.
“Oh Perrie...” she gives me a sad look. I shrug and set my wine glass down on her mahogany coffee table.
“It’s fine. Tonight, isn’t supposed to be a sad night.” I get up and look at her book shelf. Her den is more like a second living room, besides the huge wrap around desk in the corner.
On the other side is a floor to wall book shelf lined with what I assume are all her huge books from college. The neutral dark colors of the room are very her.
“You might just have to design my place when I pick one.” I lean on her desk. She smiles from her spot on the couch.
“Maybe. You know, I was thinking. We could hit the club this weekend. Maybe we both need to have a little fun.” She giggles.
“Seriously?” I scoff.
“Yeah. I used to party in college.”
“Everyone did.”
“You didn’t.” She deadpans.
“Right. I don’t know. Won’t you be busy with work?” I hope aloud. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go, just that...well, I don’t want to go.
“No. Friday is my designated day, it’s literally in my contract. I leave at six and my work phone gets shut off.” Melinda stands, “come on, it will be fun. We literally never did anything like this and we’re thirty. At least I don’t look like it.” She teases me.
I laugh and cross my arms. She pulls at my forearms and even jumps up and down as she tries to pull me with her. Despite my protests, just to get her to stop, I reluctantly agree.
“Okay. Okay. Fine. But my dad will be home on Saturday night, so nothing crazy.” I warn her.
She crosses her fingers. “Promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Three: Perrie
I spend the week cleaning a house that doesn’t need to be cleaned. Dad has a maid that comes twice a month to keep the fridge checked, and the air conditioner safe. The fridge was empty, so I went grocery shopping yesterday after eating too much takeout over the week. Hell, for the past eleven years I have eaten too much takeout. I had gotten my body back on track in the past two, so I was more conscious of it. I didn’t look the same, but I was healthy and that was all I cared about.
I went for a run on the beach Friday morning, and spent the day on the couch with trash television dreading my night with Melinda. I mean, I know I’ll have a lot of fun with her, but I haven’t been out in years, especially not for the sole purpose of meeting a guy. She waited until I agreed to tell me her true purpose. Melinda insisted the rule didn’t apply to her because she was the one that ‘did the hurting,’ but apparently, I wouldn’t be completely over Thom until I was under someone else. It sounded so twenty-two to me, but I chose to believe that maybe it could be true.
Maybe I just needed to touch someone else to forget how he used to touch me. After Trevor, it wasn’t like this at all, and like Melinda said, I had done the hurting that time. But Thom was...I was going to spend my life with him. I had to start thinking about the rest of my life.
Melinda: wear something hot.
In fact, I’m just going to come and get ready with you.
There was no arguing with her. But I did look in my closet to see if there was anything left like that. A dress I wore senior year when Clem took me to a club without dad knowing was my best bet. I spoke to her earlier today, and to my surprise, she seemed to agree with Melinda. Clem was having a great time with Declan. After all the years, they weren’t married, but they lived together near her base, and he only took on flights six months out of the year.
Around six, I take my shower because I know Melinda won’t get here until at least seven with the city traffic. Houston takes a twenty-minute drive and makes it a night trip.
I put on a strapless bra and panty set that was at least ten years old and waited in one of my old robes, blue of course. I keep thinking at least his eyes weren’t blue. Then I’d really be fucked and have to choose a new favorite color.
It wasn’t until seven thirty when Melinda arrived. In scrubs, with her garment bag and makeup bag—the kind that looks like a luggage, she shoved her way in.
“I didn’t even tell you yesterday, I love the new hair.” She patted my head. My hair was wet and up in a bun at the moment.
“Thanks. You hungry?”
“Ugh, my dress is
like a second skin on me. Maybe a smoothie?” She headed towards the kitchen.
“Pretty sure it does the same thing as food.” I say, reaching into the fridge for one of the core powers I bought.
“Humor me with the placebo effect.” Melinda headed to my room and I followed her. After she guzzled her smoothie down, she was all business.
I was instructed to dry my hair as she showered so I could straighten it, since she thought it would look better with my dress. We were both done; I wore my body con, black dress with old silver heels and makeup to match. Melinda really was in a second skin; a nude dress with a corset type body that curled under her boobs. I always knew she was the hotter friend, but still.
“No wig change?” I say as we get in her car. Apparently, this was a high roller type club, so her car would do us better.
“No, this one is taped down. I figured out after the first year of residency that the false glue wouldn’t work for me.”
The club must be downtown because we get off the feeder road. Melinda plays some Ellie Goulding and I even sing along with her. Sing along—that’s huge for me. I feel lighter, I feel almost normal again. I don’t look at my ring finger and freeze. I have gotten over what happened with Thom, just not him entirely. Maybe this will help; I hope it will help.
Barbarella is definitely upscale. The music blares on the way in, the blue lights are almost blinding until I adjust to them, and everyone looks like they belong here. We pass the crowded dance floor and head to the bar. It’s only ten, so I didn’t expect so many people to be here. Then again, it is for the ‘older’ crowd. We order two Palomas and then head to one of the standing tables in a dimly lit corner.
“Have you been here before?” I get used to shouting.
“No. Read about it on Yelp.” She sips her drink slowly.
When we finish, we try our hand at dancing and I feel ten years younger. The thought only reminds me how old I am. Melinda curves at least two guys no matter how much I try to escape or convince her. It isn’t until I feel hands on my hips that I lose my smile. Melinda smirks and slips away, calling after her is no use. I brace myself and turn to see who it is. The lighting is shit, but I can at least tell he is tall and handsome. Dark hair, dark eyes, muscles under his dress shirt... I should be reacting to him, but I don’t. He smirks, and I keep dancing. Swaying my hips under his hands, they’re hot and heavy. His muscles are huge the more I look at them, even his neck. And he smells like cologne and charm, his smirk when he catches me looking confirms that.