by Charles Dean
The Bathrobe Knight
Vol IV
The Merchant of Tiqpa
Written by: Charles Dean
Edited by: Joshua Swayne
Copyright © 2016 by Charles Dean
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Bonus Chapter: Memories of Eliza
Reliquary
(Monsters, Races, Characters, Random Drops, Cheat Codes, Bosses, & Gamer Lingo)
Chapter 1
There he is, Locke thought, the bringer of end times, the Demon King of Tiqpa. He couldn’t take his eyes off the image of a giant man with a golden crown. The mountain of a man, horned and maybe even hoofed, was standing in the back of a well-organized army, surrounded by fire and soldiers on all sides as he issued out orders. Locke loved each and every fresh report that came in on Darwin because, as the fear grew, so did his paycheck. For most people, it was just fun to follow the story of a villain rising to unprecedented power in their favorite game. For Locke, however, it wasn’t just fun: It was profitable. He often felt like a reporter from the early 1990s that woke up to find out that tragedy struck right next door. He knew he shouldn’t be so happy--the devil was constantly wiping towns full of his fellow gamers off the face of the map, after all--but it was just too lucrative of an opportunity.
“So, tell me what we’re seeing here,” Ryan asked his co-host.
A drastic boost in my weapon and armor sales! Locke answered silently before the G.O.R.N. co-host could even finish his sentence.
“What makes this particular offensive unique in the Demon Army’s campaign?” the news anchor went on.
It’s the first one that will net me a six-figure sale and finally make sure that Jess doesn’t have to spend her time at college eating ramen and working crappy, part-time jobs like I did. Locke couldn’t contain his elation at the news, and it worked its way out in the form of an ear-to-ear grin. He had done everything he could to take care of his sister and keep her life as normal as possible since they had lost their parents in the accident, but he had been hit with the sobering reality of what that was actually going to cost as soon as her college tuition reared its ugly head.
Jessica was eighteen, and about as smart as they came, but she was still incredibly naive about the harsh realities of being broke and trying to come up with the money to pay bills. Locke was proud of the fact that his hard work had kept her from ever having to worry about those things, but his bright little sister had decided to attend a university that was so expensive it managed to crush his heart and his bank account along with it in one fell swoop. He was fortunate that she had qualified for need-based aid and earned several academic scholarships to cover a large portion of the tuition, but peripheral costs were still staggering. Locke knew firsthand just how quickly unforeseen expenses could crop up, and he wanted to make sure that she was able to live as comfortably as possible without having to worry about balancing a job against having a social life and academics. Until Tiqpa came around, he had almost given up all hope of finding a way to finance her first year at college. No bank was ever going to let a credit-less part-timer be the cosigner on any type of loan, and he had been struggling with how to come up with the extra money she would need.
“Well, I’m glad you asked because this is a pretty important metamorphosis in the Demon King’s campaign to take over Tiqpa. Previously, he or one of the infamous Four Riders had always taken a personal role in leading their army and were heavily reliant on NPCs. They’ve been seen on multiple battlefronts wreaking havoc against their victims, but this offensive seems to be a bit different. This time, it’s a campaign being led by an entirely new face, and our intel suggests that it’s an actual player.”
Locke blinked. Led by a player? His mouth began to salivate as the little phrase left the newscaster’s mouth. Led by a player? The little wheels and cogs that operated his money-savvy brain started to whirl and quickly kicked into overdrive. Led . . . by . . . a . . . customer?
The rephrasing had a nice, golden ring to it. Locke briefly considered how much money he could make selling to the opposition instead of his usual clientele and whether or not it would be worth it. No, don’t even go there, Locke. They’re winning right now. Remember the lessons of good ole’ salesman Dad before he died: ‘Always supply the most desperate people. They’ll pay more upfront, and they’ll be more reliable when it comes time to sell to them again. It wasn’t his favorite bit of advice his father had left him with, but it was a hard lesson he had to take into account.
“Now, this is the second time today that you’ve used that term, ‘Four Riders.’ Can you elaborate on that name?” Daria, the other news caster, asked. She was playing dumb in order to set up Ryan’s exposition. “Is this an official rank discovered by our unnamed source from within the Demon Host?”
Locke realized what she was doing and sighed at how transparent it was. That’s her job, after all. Everyone with half a brain knew that there was a teleprompter behind the camera feeding them lines like a sports star’s press agent after a sex scandal, yet she pretended that she didn’t know anything so she could be even more endearing to the male audience. So insulting. It’s like because I’m a guy, I’ll only be attracted to her if she’s dumb. But he didn’t knock the formula. It worked. The show had one handsome and arrogant guy for the girls who were watching and one seductive ditz for the guys. If only I had been born with a strong jaw, perfectly parted hair, and a sing-song baritone voice with the penchant for over-dramatizing the rate at which paint dries on a newly painted road, I could have landed that cushy job, he grumbled.
“No, not at all. This name, much like the moniker ‘Demon Host,’ is just a popular term that players use to describe four of the Demon Host’s eight known mini bosses. We speculate here at G.O.R.N. that the title manifested in part as a joke based on the four riders of the apocalypse because, wherever they go, death generally follows. In addition, they often start and even finish battles from atop their Drakes. So far, the Four Riders consist of two Lynx hybrids from the were-people and two red-eyed Demons from, well, your guess is as good as mine.”
“But, if my in-game lore serves me correctly, those aren’t the only mini bosses in the Demon Host, are they?”
“You can bet your bottom dollar the Holy Alliance wishes they were!” Ryan chuckled.
Locke’s mood couldn’t have been any better as he listened to the two put on their little piece of theater. Every fight, every battle, brought him just a little bit closer to being able to help support his sister the way he wanted.
“But yes, there are more,” Ryan continued, stiffening back up. “Sadly, given that no one has broken through the army itself since the day the quest was first laid out, we’re a little shy on information regarding exactly how many more there are. Currently, most people estimate that there are between eight and ten mini bosses, but no one is certain on the exact number. Our anonymous source from within the Demon Host has confirmed that this number seems about right. Unfortunately, our source, like every other player that has spoken to G.O.R.N. on the matter, is not a high enough rank to get the necessary permission needed to pass the red-eyed, multi-colored dragon that guards the stairs into th
e lower levels of Mt. Lawlheima’s dungeon.”
If Locke had been salivating at the idea of a potential new customer, he was downright drooling at the prospect of what might be underneath that floor. The only time the upper echelons of a group put that much effort into guarding a basement was if it had something valuable. In a game, things were only protected by a mini boss if there was a bigger boss with even better loot below. Either way, if the Holy Alliance ever made it to the bottom of that dungeon, they’d be richer than a quickly-regenerating mutant who figured out how to sell organs on the black market. That just meant that they’d be able to afford even better gear and be able to pay even higher prices--just as long as he could keep the quality of his gear above the competition.
“So there hasn’t been a single player that’s entered the lower levels of Mt. Lawlheima?”
“That’s right. Apparently, since players have only been recently introduced into the folds of the Demon Host, there still aren’t any who have proven themselves enough to be promoted further than the lowest two ranks of the faction. That’s why it’s all the more surprising to see a player leading the army in this recent campaign.”
“But--and pardon me for citing the conspiracy theories on Blueit since they did all the hard work without me--but how do we know that one of the head bosses of the Demon Army isn’t secretly a player? Ever since they removed the player versus NPC distinction tags in the 1.1 patch and the name tags in general in the big 1.4 mega patch, it’s been impossible to tell the difference. I’ve even heard speculation that Darwin himself might be a player, and his arrival on starter island was the main reason the game creators took down the differentiating tags?”
“Yeah, and JFK was actually assassinated by a giant Nixon look-a like robot from the future.”
Locke groaned. Where do these awful allusions come from? It’s almost like they are birthed from a sordid love affair between an elderberry-loving drunk and a hamster. They’re so ridiculous.
“Fine, I just thought I’d throw out the possibility. Blueit gets a lot of things right, after all. But, that said, do you think the switch from using NPCs to players is strategic? Will it give him an advantage in conquest over the other player factions?”
“Absolutely. And for good reason. NPCs in Tiqpa don’t regenerate as fast as they do in other MMOs or VRMMOs. In fact, it’s been a few weeks since a Human town on the starter islands was butchered, and the NPCs have yet to return to it. Being able to rely more heavily on players instead of the NPCs has so far will put the Demon Host in a far better position militarily and given them an obvious advantage in sieges against NPC-heavy castles and towns.”
“So you think this will speed up the rate at which they’re redrawing the political maps of the land in their favor? Let them march with less preparation?”
“Well, that would definitely be the case if they were the only group building heavier player-based armies. The Holy Alliance is just the largest military force that’s started to unite against the onslaught of Demons. Several smaller mercenary guilds have also taken up that same strategy.”
“Now, if memory serves me correctly, the Holy Alliance is very new to the political landscape of Tiqpa. Do you think they will have what it takes to stop this growing threat to peace?”
No, but with the size of their orders, they definitely have what it takes to make sure that I can meet Jess’s upcoming tuition deadline. Thank you, Anthony, for your brilliant choice to buy my wares.
Locke was simultaneously working through an excel sheet to come up with the best way to maximize the next three days of character growth and browsing through the forums for good deals or new scoops on information he wasn’t aware of. He spent most of his free time like this whenever he hit a plateau in the game or had to find a way to divert himself for a little while. Unfortunately, he had become so engrossed with the newscast that he had almost completely reached a whole new level of procrastination. He knew that if he wanted to stay ahead of his competition and remain relevant as the go-to source of weapons, he would have to log back in and start the grind again. It was far from the most exciting job he could think of, and it was generally boring and repetitious, but that was just the life of a smith in Tiqpa.
To date, there were less than a dozen dedicated smiths across the entire server--and with good reason. Everyone else got to charge into battle, waving a weapon or throwing around really cool spells, but a good smith didn’t. The job was just a day in and day out life of whacking metal like an idiot after prostituting yourself into awful groups for forty levels without a ‘real’ class or any battle skills just to get to the main town where your customers would be. Trying to level that high using just the smithing function was absolutely impossible for anyone who wasn’t so loaded with cash that he could afford to put the keys to a brand-new Edison car under the seats of everyone in the audience.
The other option, of course, was to be a smith sponsored by a guild, and as far as he knew, that’s what every other smith besides him chose. The problem, however, was that those guys didn’t get paid. All the work and none of the reward. Locke just couldn’t understand how someone could subject themselves to the type of mental torture that was blacksmithing in Tiqpa without having a serious source of motivation.
“You have to remember that the Demon Host itself is relatively new to the political landscape as well,” Ryan continued. “It hasn’t been around for even a month. Many speculate that if it wasn’t for the continuous and voluntary surrendering of most Human towns they come across, their growth wouldn’t have been nearly fast enough to survive in the harsh region they started.”
“Voluntary surrendering? That doesn’t sound right. What do you mean by that?”
“Well . . . Most, if not all, of the Human towns in regions surrounding the Demon Host have failed to do so much as even put up a fight. They immediately laid down their arms and surrendered before the Host even had time to raise an army against them.”
“If they’re volunteering, making their own choice without any pressure from the Demon Host, then why are you using the word surrender? It seems like the Humans are just flocking to the cause of the Demon King.”
“I’m using the word surrender because they’re being put in this position--their hands are being forced--by the ever-growing threat of annihilation.”
“You’re just being silly, Ryan. This isn’t a political news site. We don’t have to put a spin on anything. It’s just a game. Clearly, they aren’t surrendering. They’re just signing up to support a cause that they either believe in or think that they will somehow benefit from joining. Either way, all of this falls well within game lore. Humans are an oppressed race and often portrayed as the natural, farmable NPCs for players. There are dozens of quests that have been discovered in various different regions that the Demon Host has conquered which are specifically designed so that players have to kill Humans. It only makes sense that they would join up and band together with someone stronger for protection.”
For the region? Of course they’re the oppressed race! If what I’ve heard is correct, the Demon Host started smack-dab in the middle of the Were-Beast zone. Killing Humans is the objective of multiple quests for all the were-people in the region. Every single farmable zone is occupied by Humans in some form or another, so why wouldn’t they be oppressed? Every game needs its slimes! Locke shook his head in dismay. Anyone who had ever played an RPG before Tiqpa was probably used to the concept already, but there were always people trying out their first game who didn’t get it. If you didn’t have random cannon fodder around your town to farm up, then you wouldn’t have anything off of which to level. In this case, the game just happened to use racial NPCs and players as part of a bid to establish territorial control. Without learning how to fight, players would either just arrive at a boss fight still green as an ogre’s behind or be chunked out into the world without any real concept of how PVP worked.
That’s exactly why this ‘Darwin’ guy was so brilliant to absorb them
all--players and NPCs alike. His competition was left without a choice: They could either they join his army and serve on the frontlines against non-Humans, or they would be forced to give up the best leveling zones in the game. It’s absolutely brilliant. He took away all the quests, so now everyone has to join him. Even if the NPCs are just following his lead to protect themselves, the players don’t really have a choice unless they want to waste all that time traveling all the way across the world map to another region. Even then, they would have to be able to grind solely off of mobs if they were still hoping to gain experience. There’s a good chance that all of the low-level quests would be racial-specific and not accessible to them.
“That can’t be the case at all. I still can’t unsee the massacre that occurred in the Animal Kingdom, and I doubt any of the neighboring regions can either. That’s why they’re signing up: so that the same fate doesn’t befall them. It’s the only logical reason. After all, there is no decent human on earth that would willingly resign himself to being the servant of a bloodthirsty dictator like the Demon King.”
“Luckily for the Demon Host, they aren’t on Earth. It’s Tiqpa, remember? Given their tendency to witness murder on a daily basis, they probably don’t have the same notions that you or I do. I imagine they have really upped the daily body count for our NPC citizens, especially with the new players arriving.”
“That’s a good point.” Ryan’s acting ability proved to be beyond Locke’s expectations when the anchor pretended to mull over the idea, though he had probably rehearsed the bit a few times before the show ever started. “That’s actually a very good point. I can only imagine what type of psyche I would have, and what I would consider morally acceptable, if my loved ones were being murdered on a day-to-day basis. But that still doesn’t excuse them from joining the enemy and further contributing to the problem! Violence doesn’t end violence!”