by Jessica Ashe
I had to stop thinking about Kristi. I considered calling a hookup, but that wouldn’t help. I’d just end up feeling guilty as well as angry. For once, I had the upper hand. I was the one in the right.
It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kristi
Red wine served as a great accompaniment to red meat, cheese, and pasta. I’d learned it also went well with misery, ice cream, and The Big Bang Theory. You could also drink it during the day. Who knew? They should put that on the bottle. It was actually quite a versatile product.
“Move your legs,” Tasha commanded.
“I’m comfortable here.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
Tasha looked down at me lazing about in my pajamas with my legs up on the sofa, glass of wine in one hand and spoon in the other. I’d been here for most of the weekend, and the cushion now had an outline of my ass that might never come out.
“You’ve been comfortable for days,” Tasha continued. “Move it.”
“We have another seat,” I said, moving my legs anyway.
Tasha sat down next to me, much closer than she had to. It was going to be one of those chats.
“Whatever he did, he’s not worth sulking over,” Tasha said. “I’ve been there, and I know how it feels, but you will get past this. Better you find out what he’s like now than in a year’s time.”
“He didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who fucked up.”
“It’s natural to blame yourself,” Tasha replied. “But if he cheated on you then that is entirely his fault. Don’t listen to that shit about men needing to sow their wild oats and play the field.”
“He didn’t cheat on me,” I said softly. “I’m the one in the wrong?”
Tasha frowned. “Wait, do you mean you cheated on him?”
“God no, of course not. But it’s my fault he’s gone.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Well you’d better believe it.” I let out a loud sigh of frustration. “I’m not your perfect little sister who never makes a wrong step.” My voice got louder as my heart rate sped up. “I fucked this up and it’s completely my fault. I betrayed him.”
Tasha backed away slightly as I yelled, but she stayed right there next to me. “What happened, Kristi?”
I told Tasha everything, from the moment I first went to meet Barton to him finding the email on my phone.
“Shit,” Tasha muttered afterwards. “That’s messed up.”
“Thank you,” I snapped. “I’m well aware of that.”
“I meant, it’s messed up what your boss put you through. You didn’t do anything wrong. Okay, maybe you weren’t completely honest with him, but you never did wrong by him. Ever since you started helping him, he’s had an impeccable media image. Anyone would think he’s a monk, not a professional football player.”
“I could have done more,” I replied. “And I lied. He’s never going to forgive me for that. Think how it looks from his point of view. He finds out that the woman he’d trusted with his career off the pitch was trying to sabotage him the entire time.”
“But you weren’t doing that,” Tasha insisted. “You helped him.”
“It doesn’t matter. I went along with it, and now he hates me.”
“He’s angry, but he doesn’t hate you.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve been in his shoes. You don’t get that angry if you don’t care. Barton still cares about you; that’s why he’s angry.”
What would Barton do when he was angry? Hit someone? Fuck someone? I immediately felt sick to my stomach thinking about Barton having angry sex with another woman. It was bad enough thinking about all the women in Barton’s past, but the ones in his future really freaked me the fuck out.
“I don’t think he’s going to forgive me for this,” I said, staring at the soft ice cream left in the bottom of the container.
“He’s hotheaded. Give him time to calm down, and then go and talk to him. Clyde reckons he’ll come to his senses eventually.”
“Maybe,” I admitted reluctantly. I didn’t believe it, but it seemed easier to just give in to Tasha for now. “At least something good has come of all this.”
“Yeah, I’m glad you got a few orgasms from him. You needed that.”
“I was talking about you and Clyde,” I said.
“Oh. About that….”
“Don’t tell me you’ve split up?”
“I think so,” Tasha said. “We left things a little weird.”
“Come on, I told you my story. Now you tell me yours.”
Tasha grabbed the ice cream and spoon from me. “He told me he loved me.”
“Shit,” I exclaimed excitedly. “That’s wonderful. Isn’t it?”
“I made a mess of it. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, he didn’t look too happy. We tried to brush over it, but the entire night was a write off. I think that’s it between us.”
“Uh-uh,” I said with a firm shake of my head. “No way are you giving up that easily after giving me a lecture. You love him too, you’re just too afraid to say it.”
“It’s not as simple as that.”
“Why not?”
“He’s a few years younger than me for one thing.”
“That doesn’t matter. Give me a good reason.”
“He’s going to be a lawyer.”
“Most people would think that’s a good thing.”
“I don’t exactly date the lawyer type usually,” Tasha pointed out.
“And you don’t usually fall in love with your dates.”
“You’ve done a damn good job turning this whole thing back on me.”
“I want my sister to be happy,” I said. “Besides, at least this way, something good comes out of the entire mess. One of us might as well get her man.”
“I… I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” Tasha said with a heavy breath. “I think I love him.”
I quickly hugged Tasha, but it was mainly to hide my own tears. I was happy for her and miserable for myself at the same time. At least she could fix her problem.
“Go and tell him what you just told me,” I commanded Tasha.
“I’ll go see him tomorrow. I want to be with you tonight.”
“Hell no. You’re going now, and I don’t want to see you come home tonight.”
Tasha smiled, but then it quickly disappeared. “Oh God, do you think this means we’ll have to start making love instead of fucking?”
“You won’t have to, but maybe you’ll want to.”
“What’s become of me, Kristi? I don’t recognize the person I see in the mirror.”
“Me neither, but I like her.”
Tasha jumped up and got changed. So did I. I wasn’t going anywhere, but it didn’t seem healthy to laze around in my pajamas for the entire day.
Getting dressed helped me feel a little more human, but I was still miserable. No matter what I put on television, I could not stop my mind thinking about Barton and what he would be doing right now. I came up with worse and worse scenarios in my head in the vague hope that when I found out I wouldn’t be upset.
I tried to get angry, but that didn’t work either. I was only angry at one person, and she was right here in this room.
When my phone rang, I leapt across the room to grab it so quickly that I tripped and almost smashed into the table. It wasn’t worth the effort.
Leona. About time she called, I suppose.
“Hi,” I said, calmly answering the call.
“We need to talk,” Leona responded.
“About the email?”
“No, not about the email.” She’d obviously read it, or she would have asked ‘what email?’ Did that mean I was in the clear? Leona still sounded terse and grumpy, but then she always did.
“Do you need me to come into the office?” I asked. I wouldn’t us
ually be so quick to make that offer on a Sunday night, but I was relieved to still have a job right now.
“No. You don’t need to come in.” There was a short pause before she continued. Leona did love to be dramatic. “We know about your relationship with Barton.”
Any optimism I’d allowed myself to feel over the past thirty seconds quickly dissipated.
“What relationship?” I asked innocently. She couldn’t possibly know. She could be suspicious, but she couldn’t actually know.
“Don’t lie to me, Kristi. I’ve heard it from a reliable source. You’ve been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now.”
“Who told you that?”
“A teammate of Barton’s,” Leona replied. “Someone I trust. I’m sure you understand what has to happen now.”
A cold shiver ran down my spine. Barton had been talking to his teammates about me. He’d probably told stories about our sex life in the locker room. The fucking hypocrite. He got mad at me for betraying him, when the entire time he’d been talking about me like I was another one of his bimbos. I’d told him he had to keep our relationship secret, but he couldn’t do that one simple thing.
“You’re firing me?” I asked.
“Yes. Having an affair with a client is a breach of the high standards the firm sets itself.”
High standards? The same high standards that had us sabotage a client behind his back?
“I’ll collect my things tomorrow morning,” I said dejectedly. ‘My things’ consisted of a novelty mug of Olaf from Frozen, and a few photos on my desk.
“Don’t bother. I’ll have it shipped over.”
She hung up. That was it. I was completely fucked. No job, and no reference. She might even get in touch with her extensive network and tell them not to hire me.
In the space of a few days, I’d lost a man and a career, and I didn’t see a way to get either of them back. I didn’t want them back anyway. I couldn’t work for Leona again, and I couldn’t be with Barton.
I thought he’d changed, but he was the same arrogant ass that I’d met in his kitchen a month ago. I’d taught him to hide all that from the public, but underneath he was the same person.
The ‘love ’em and leave ’em’ type. I doubted he’d ever really loved me, but he had definitely left me. This is why I should never have let myself fall for a man like Barton. I’d known he was bad news from the start. Sometimes I really hated being right.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Barton
“What did you do, Barton?”
“Hi Clyde, nice to see you. I’m having a great day, thank you for asking.”
Clyde looked pissed. Why was he mad now? I was the only one who could be mad. For once, it wasn’t me who’d fucked up.
“Tasha and I were spending the evening together when she got a message from Kristi. Next thing you know, she’s shouting about you being some loud-mouth jerk who spreads secrets around the locker room.”
“Okay, I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. I told you how Kristi had been working against me this entire time. She’s the one in the wrong, not me.”
“She’s an intern, Barton. If you’d ever been an intern, you’d know that they do as they’re told. She shouldn’t have lied to you, but it’s not worth breaking up with her for.”
“I’ll be the judge of that. She could have ruined my entire career. It’s on the ropes as it is.”
Coach had made it clear that he wasn’t happy with my performances in training, and now I really did have a distraction weighing on my mind. Being angry on the football field wasn’t a great mindset to be in. I overthrew passes and blamed it on teammates.
This was why I didn’t bother with relationships; they were a distraction. I’m sure some people had stable relationships and never argued, like May and my parents, but they were the outliers.
“You need to get your head back in the game,” Clyde said, not at all helpfully.
“I need to get some pussy,” I replied. “That’ll get me back on track.”
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Excuse me? Since when have I let you have any say in my sex life?”
“Since you started needing advice on actual relationships. If you have sex with someone else then you’ll never be able to make it up with Kristi.”
“I’m not going to have sex with anyone else,” I admitted. “I’m not a complete animal. Anyway, what’s all this about me fucking up? I haven’t done anything wrong, for once.”
“You’ve been bragging about screwing Kristi to your teammates. I know that might not seem like a huge deal to you, but to women like Kristi—”
“Wait, what? I haven’t bragged to teammates about Kristi. I never even mentioned it.”
“You must have done. Word got back to Kristi’s boss via a teammate, and now she’s been fired.”
“That’s impossible,” I exclaimed. “We kept our relationship completely secret, and I didn’t tell anyone.”
“You sure? Because Kristi’s boss found out somehow and she says it came from a teammate.”
“I’m sure,” I replied. “I never… oh shit.”
“Oh shit?”
“There may have been a slip of the tongue. I might have told Doug Matthews.”
“That slimy piece of shit? Why did you tell him?”
“Like I said, slip of the tongue.”
“Well he must have leaked the information to Kristi’s boss, and now she’s been fired. Tasha is pissed at you for hurting her sister, and that means she’s pissed at me too. I’m not sure why, but that’s women for you.”
“That’s it, then,” I said solemnly.
“You’re just going to give up?”
“What’s the point? She betrayed me, and now I’ve betrayed her without even meaning to. We’re just not meant to be.”
“Bullshit. You’re just trying to take the easy way out. Besides, I need your help making it up with Tasha. She’s been acting a little weird lately ever since I told her I loved her.”
“You told her you loved her? Shit, Clyde, you don’t waste any time.”
Clyde shrugged. “When you know, you know.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I guess you’re right.
I’d made a fair few mistakes in my life. I was about to add another one to the list. This one would be a classic: punching a teammate.
Doug had it coming to him. I could handle him acting like an immature dick, and I even put up with him talking crudely about Kristi, but fuck me, he was going to pay for this one. I don’t know what he thought he could accomplish by talking to Kristi’s boss about us, but the guy had such a mouth on him, he’d talk to anyone who would listen to his bullshit.
I stormed over to his apartment in a foul mood the entire way there. I was about to break the cardinal rule, and have a fight with a teammate. It’d be worth it.
My fist pounded on the door for two minutes until he finally answered.
“Barton? Sorry dude, I was taking a shit. What’s up?”
I pushed my way into his apartment before anyone saw us arguing in the hall.
“Why did you talk to Kristi’s boss?” I asked sternly.
“Who’s Kristi?”
“You know damn well who she is.”
“Oh, she’s that chick you’re banging.”
I reached out and grabbed Doug’s shirt, pulling him close enough to me that I could smell his breath.
“She’s not some chick I’m banging. Now tell me, why did you tell her boss about our relationship?”
“Are you crazy? Get the fuck off me.”
I let go of his shirt, but only so I didn’t have to smell his breath any longer. He stumbled back and straightened out his shirt, trying to look casual and relaxed.
“You spoke to a woman called Leona and told them that Kristi and I are an item.”
“I don’t know any Leona. And why the fuck would I tell her anyway?”
“That’s what I want to know.”
&nb
sp; “When have I ever told anyone about the women you hook up with?”
“I guess I’ve never known you to do it, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t. You always make sure to be at the same parties as me.”
“That’s because I’m trying to get your scraps, man. I’ve got so many women since you came to the team. You reject most of the ones that come your way, so I take them when they’re feeling down.”
I’d always thought of Doug as an idiot, but now I realized he was just pathetic. The look in his eyes was the same I often saw in the eyes of fans; hero worship. Doug didn’t worship what I did on the field. He worshiped my antics with women.
“You didn’t tell anyone?” I asked.
“No,” he replied definitively. “We’re teammates. We’re supposed to trust each other.”
“Fuck,” I screamed loudly, before slamming the palm of my hand against the wall.
I left without apologizing. I still didn’t like the guy; there was a reason I’d suspected him in the first place, and it was still probably his fault. Doug shouted his mouth off all the time. Someone else must have overheard, although I had no idea why anyone would want to fuck things up for Kristi and me.
I didn’t go home; I went straight to see Kristi like I should have done after seeing Clyde.
We had to sort this shit out.
Chapter Thirty
Kristi
How did I politely tell my sister to get out of the apartment she paid for and leave me alone?
Tasha and Clyde were trying to help, but all they wanted to do was talk about Barton. There was nothing to talk about. He thought I’d betrayed him, and he actually had betrayed me. I suppose in a weird kind of way, we both deserved each other.
At some point, I had to accept it was over between us, but that was damn near impossible when Tasha and Clyde were constantly trying to convince me otherwise.
“He’s a complete mess at the moment,” Clyde said. “Honestly, I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s angry and frustrated with the whole situation. He wouldn’t be angry if he didn’t care.”