Some guys take it on like a challenge but it only makes me feel worse when it doesn’t work. I’ve learned to live with it, sort of. I’ve thrown myself into my career and most days it feels like that’s enough.
I lay in bed wondering if maybe there’s something wrong with me, and it makes me not able to orgasm. When the thought crosses my mind, I turn and reach for my phone. I pull up Google and within a millisecond I’m presented with ten thousand reasons that I’m not able to get off. I start clicking through the top few results.
Maybe there really is something wrong with me. Doctor Google certainly seems to think so. Apparently I need to relax more, but the next article tells me to tense my leg muscles. I just need to try masturbating, duh, as if I haven’t tried that a million times!
I sigh as I click from one result to another. Hormonal dysfunction, chronic illness, nerve damage, there seem to be countless things that might be wrong. I feel the familiar frustration bubbling up inside me as I keep reading. All I want is to feel what everyone else can feel! I want that for myself and I want that connection with someone else.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask. It’s a basic human biological function.
I can feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. I don’t want to cry, not again. I’ve been crying for three months. I take a deep breath and gather my resolve. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow for a medical, maybe I’ll ask the doctor if there’s something wrong with me. My cheeks burn at the thought of asking that, of admitting once again that I’ve never felt the rush of an orgasm through my body. To make matters worse, I’ve just changed doctors and I haven’t met this one yet.
I look at my email confirmation from the doctor’s office and see the name: Doctor O’Neill. I hope it’s a woman, and I don’t have to embarrass myself in front of yet another man. I let my phone fall beside me and look up once again at the ceiling. It’ll drive me nuts to keep thinking like this.
I can endure a few minutes of embarrassment if it means I get an answer. I’ll ask the doctor tomorrow. Male or female, it doesn’t matter. Doctors have heard worse, I tell myself. All I want is a simple little orgasm, is that too much to ask? It doesn’t need to be earth shattering. I’ll settle for a regular old, middle of the week Wednesday-style routine orgasm. That’s a thing, right?
I feel the familiar stubbornness growing inside me. When I set my mind to something, nothing can stop me. I’ll get my answer tomorrow.
I turn to my side and close my eyes, just wanting to go to sleep.
Chapter 2 – Clay
“Good morning, Doctor O’Neill!”
I look over and smile at our receptionist. She’s standing tall in her chair, pushing her tits out towards me. She bats her eyes at me as I walk by.
“Morning, Liz.”
“Can I get you a cup of coffee?”
“I’m ok for now,” I reply, holding up the cup in my hand. She giggles and I try not to roll my eyes.
She shouldn’t try so hard. I like a woman who can hold her own.
I like the feisty ones, like the one I had bent over my kitchen counter last night. She’d been wild, all nails and biting and writhing, loving the way I slammed my cock into her. I smile at the thought of her ass backing into me. Her curly brown hair had felt good when my fingers were wrapped around it. She’d been good. Very good.
It’s too bad I won’t see her again, she’d been a lot of fun. We’d hardly slept at all last night, and I’m definitely feeling it this morning.
It was worth it though. I’d watched her put her tiny skirt back on this morning and walk bow-legged out of my apartment.
They don’t call me Doctor O for nothing.
I hadn’t gotten up out of bed when she did, just watched her put her clothes back on from my bed with my arms behind my head. I liked watching a woman get dressed almost as much as I liked watching her getting undressed. It was hot the way she bent over to slip her panties and skirt back on, and then threw her shirt over her head without bothering to put her bra back on.
I yawn and open the door to my office, closing the door behind me and flopping onto my chair. My thoughts flick back to this morning. I smile, thinking of the familiar charade I play with all the women I hook up with.
Once she’d gathered her things from around my room she’d looked back at me as I laid in bed. She smiled a bit sheepishly at me and awkwardly said goodbye. I’d nodded at her, knowing she wanted me to ask to see her again, to give her my phone number and promise to take her out. No way. Goodbye, curly haired vixen, it’s been a wild night but that’s all it’ll be.
It’s my golden rule: one woman, one night, and no mixing sex with work. I can’t get attached. One night of fun is all they get, and in a city like New York there’s no shortage of women to choose from. My career is too important to me, and women just seem to get in the way. Anytime I see a woman more than once it always ends up being a disaster.
I set this rule for myself years ago when my ex destroyed my world and burned everything I cared about. She ripped through my life, leaving a wake of destruction behind her and me standing in the middle holding nothing but the destroyed remains of my own shattered heart.
I like to think it was a good thing though, it’s served me well to focus on my career, and I’ve had no shortage of women to keep me occupied. I wouldn’t want to hang out with them for more than a couple hours anyways. Long enough to get off and then get them out.
I squint at my computer screen, knowing it’ll be a long day already. I look at my appointments for the day. Saturdays are half days, which is good since I’m going to need the afternoon to sleep. My schedule is full but nothing too strenuous, just routine checkups and a few elderly patients in for their new prescriptions.
One new client I haven’t met yet pops up in my mid morning slot: Valerie Brooks. Sexy name, I think to myself. Can’t mix business and pleasure unfortunately, otherwise I’d be all over the multitude of young beautiful female patients that throw themselves at me.
I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I put myself through medical school, working nights and weekends. I did it myself and graduated at the top of my class. I worked hard in my residency and now just had a few more years until I could call myself a full fledged cardiologist.
This position at my current practice is a crucial stepping stone in my career, and I can’t mess it up under any circumstances. And then once I’m finished here, I’m in line to work under the best cardiologist in the country. Just a few short weeks and I can make the move cross-country to Seattle.
Still, I smile at the thought of my medical school years. I’ve successfully kept my second job a secret from my medical professional network. I wouldn’t want anyone to know I was a male stripper and made a fortune getting naked in front of screaming women. That’s not exactly the bedside manner they teach in medical school.
Being a male stripper is where I really learned what makes women tick, what drives them wild. I saw the power of having a rock hard body, how crazy it makes them. I loved having women throw themselves at me, rubbing their hands all over my chest and abs as I danced for them.
I lean back in my chair and think back on those days. Bachelorette parties were the most fun, those women really let themselves loose. I hardly had to strip myself of my clothes, they’d rip it off me themselves.
Once I graduated medical school I stopped dancing, but I didn’t stop having plenty of women in my life. I can’t go around half naked on a stage anymore, but I can still drive women wild. Like the chick last night. Her bright red lipstick looked so, so good when it was wrapped around my hard cock. I’d wrapped my fingers into her curly hair and helped her along as she worked her magic. I can feel my cock twitch against my pants at the thought, wanting to feel a woman’s lips around it once again.
I shake my head. I’m at work. I shut my appointment book and prepare myself for my first patient.
There’s a knock on the door and Liz pops h
er head through the opening. She leans over as she pokes through the door so I can see her cleavage on full display. I wouldn’t mind giving her a full physical, but we work together and I can’t risk my position at the practice. She’s just the type of girl that would get too attached.
I’ve just started working here, I can’t jeopardize that over something as trivial as casual sex.
“Your first patient is here, doctor. Let me know if you need anything from me.” She smiles and cocks her head to the side. Her breasts are pressed up against the door and she bats her eyelashes at me. Good morning to you too, Liz.
“Thanks Liz, I’ll let you know. Send them in.”
Chapter 3 – Valerie
I wake up when my phone rings. It’s Emma.
“Oh. My. God. Val. You will not believe the night I had!”
She’s practically yelling down the phone in excitement. Groggy, I rub my eyes and try to understand what she’s saying. My voice is husky and hoarse when I respond.
“Why, what happened? Are you ok?”
“Am I ok?! Are you kidding me?? I just had the most mind blowing night of the century. Holy shit, Val, you would not believe it. I just had the craziest, most animalistic sex of my life. I haven’t even slept. He was so good, and his cock was huge!”
I groan in response, still trying to wake up. It isn’t unusual for Emma to wake me up with her crazy antics. I just wish she hadn’t done so on my first day off in two weeks. I sit up in bed, holding the phone to my ear as she talks nonstop while I try to keep up.
“I met him at this bar and we connected right away, you know? Like we were just drawn to each other. He had me bent over his kitchen counter, pulling my hair back, ahh even just thinking about it now is driving me nuts. Val, you need to sort out this orgasm thing of yours because life’s too short to not have a night like that!!”
“Sounds exciting, Em.”
“You wouldn’t believe. Seriously. You need to have an orgasm. Or twelve.”
“I’m going to the doctor this morning actually, I’m going to ask them about it,” I respond.
“About the orgasm thing? That’s good! Because I can tell you, you are missing out. Big time.”
As if I didn’t already know. Her words sting. I love Emma with all my heart but sometimes she can be so oblivious. I know she doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings but when she goes on and on about how great her sex life is, it just makes me feel so… Inadequate. I tell her I need to get ready for the doctor and I hang up the phone.
I lay back down and stare up at my ceiling. I wonder if there are any other ceilings that have been stared at as much as mine. I seem to know every inch of it, every crack in the paint and the way the light hits every corner of it. I should put up a photo like they do in dentists’ offices so at least I’d have something to look at.
I get up and turn on the shower. I look at myself in the bathroom mirror as the water warms up. I look a bit tired but nothing a good shower and some makeup won’t fix. War paint, as Emma calls it. I need to feel as confident as possible when I go to this doctor’s appointment because if I feel the slightest bit insecure about myself I might chicken out and not ask about my problem.
My mind is racing as I shower. How will the doctor react? I’m sure they’ll be professional. I hope it’s a woman.
As I get ready I try not to think too much about my appointment. I pick out my favourite jeans and a tight white tank top. I blow dry my hair and put on some makeup, making sure my blue eyes pop. I even put on some lipstick, thinking of Emma and her signature power red. I choose a dusty pink colour, understated but flattering.
I throw on a cardigan and look at myself in my full-length mirror. I feel good. Simple, casual, but pretty and confident. Like someone who is capable of having mind blowing orgasms.
At least I hope so.
It’s nice to be wearing jeans, and to have a bit of a sleep in. Even though I’m nervous about my appointment it’s nice to have a day off. I’ve been working so much this past while, and I’ve finally hit my stride at the office.
I’ve started making some big sales in New York real estate. Month after month I was the top sales agent in my area, so my boss has finally given me some bigger listings. I’m breaking into the multi-million dollar mansions now, which means a bigger commission but more difficult clients. It’s cutthroat, thankless, and non-stop, but I know how to sell a house. I smile. I can’t come but at least I close a deal.
Whenever life gets hard I’ve always just thrown myself into my work. When I broke up with Bryce it was the perfect time to pick up more hours at the office. Still, it’s nice to have a day off, even though I need to confess to the doctor my most embarrassing secret.
Deep breaths. After this morning I’ll be buying a direct ticket to Orgasmtown, population: me. Hopefully.
I grab my keys, wallet, and phone and head down to my car. Shoulders back, head high. Fake it till you make it, I tell myself. I’m going to ask the doctor why I can’t have an orgasm. I’m doing it. Try and stop me.
Chapter 4 – Clay
I tip back my third cup of coffee, letting the final drips touch my tongue. Isn’t this stuff supposed to have caffeine? Maybe last night wasn’t such a good idea after all.
Nah, who am I kidding. A good fuck is worth a long day at work the next day.
I check my calendar. Ah, Miss Valerie Brooks is up next. I wonder what a girl with a name like that looks like. I’m imagining a long leggy brunette, doe-eyed and innocent. Or maybe she’s a red haired vixen. Blonde bombshell with big tits. My mind wanders and I make up a Mrs Potato Head of hot women that could have a name like Valerie Brooks.
Who am I kidding, she’s probably 80 years old and doesn’t match her name at all. Nothing would surprise me at this point.
That would probably be better, actually. The last thing I need is a distraction. I’ve been making headway with the lead cardiologist at the hospital down the road. He’s letting me shadow him next week, and I absolutely cannot have a bad performance review here at the practice. I take a deep breath and hope that Valerie Brooks is as unattractive as they come, for my sake.
Liz knocks on the door and drops off her paperwork.
“Thank you,” I say, flashing her my best smile. She blushes and I chuckle at how easy it is. I wonder how many times she’s rubbed one out thinking of me between her legs.
I glance at the papers in front of me. All new patients need to fill in general information: age, gender, address, allergies. The usual. Female, 29 years old. Looks like she’s not a senior citizen after all. I close the file and stand up, ready to call her in.
The waiting area is down a short hallway and around to the left. My heart is beating a bit faster as I open my door and walk down the hallway. I don’t know why I should be nervous or excited about this. It’s just a name, another patient. Another person that’s off-limits to me. I round the corner and get ready to call out her name.
Whoa.
It has to be her, there’s no one else there. She’s sitting in a chair, facing the reception desk. I can see her profile, the way her long blonde hair falls in loose curls around her face. She’s wearing a white top and tight jeans. She’s slouched a bit, and her tits are perfectly round and resting above her flat stomach. Not too big but shaped to perfection. I clear my throat. Better than my Mrs. Potato Head, which I didn’t even know was possible.
“Valerie Brooks?” I hate how hesitant I sound. This isn’t like me.
She turns towards me and I get a full view of her. Her blue eyes stand out like jewels on her face and she looks at me like she’s searching my face for answers. I want to hold her gaze but I have to glance down at her lips. They looks so soft and pillowy, I bet they taste like candy. I clear my throat again and look down at the floor. I need to get it together. I don’t mix work and play, ever.
I can’t resist watching as she gets up out of her chair and bends over to pick up her bag. I wait by the hallway as s
he walks towards me. Does she know how incredible she looks? Each movement is graceful and sensual. Her legs are a mile long and her slender hips sway with every step. I let her go in front of me towards my office. I can’t resist, I have to see her walk from behind. With every step her perfectly pert ass moves from side to side. I would kill to bend her over my desk, to spread those cheeks and –
Stop. No. I need to stop. She’s just like any other patient that walks through my door. Never mind that her long blonde hair would be perfect to grip onto, or that her body is slim and tight, just how I like it. It doesn’t matter. This is work, and I’m not going to mess this up for anything. I open the door to my office and let her walk in in front of me, motioning to a chair beside my desk for her to sit in.
She sits down and turns towards me expectantly. Her eyes are the deepest blue I’ve ever seen. They’re clear and sparkling and the burrow into me like laser beams. She’s taking my breath away. I can’t help but look down as she crosses her long legs, hips hugged by her tight jeans.
I clear my throat, glancing down at her file in front of me.
“Valerie,” I say in my most official Doctor Voice. “What can I do for you?”
Chapter 5 – Valerie
This is my worst nightmare. Not only is this doctor male, he’s absolutely gorgeous. It looks like he just walked out of some calendar dedicated to sexy doctors. This could not be worse. How am I supposed to talk to him about orgasms?! He called my name in the huskiest, sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. When I turned and saw him it took all my self control to stop my jaw from falling to the floor.
I can’t do this. This was a bad idea.
He’s got this short brown hair that’s styled in a messy, tousled way. His dark brown eyes are hard to look away from. I’m sitting beside his desk now, wondering how I’m going to find the words to tell him what’s wrong with me.
Second Chance: A Rockstar Romance in North Korea Page 12