He was supposed to be alive. I should have been the one they buried today. Bitterness rose up in my chest at how horrible everything turned out. Life wasn't fair and it was continuing to show me just how unfair it could be.
The day was slow. Mom forced me to eat soup she made. It was tasteless. I knew it had nothing to do with her cooking and everything to do with my emotions. I spent the day locked away in my bedroom unless I had to go to the bathroom. When I had nothing else, I slid out the small trunk underneath the bed. It held all my photos.
If I was going to depress myself even more, I might as well do it the right way. And that was to stare at every goofy grin I had of him in my albums. There was a lot. Many of the three of us together—I stuck to Tess and Ryan like glue. Some of just me and him. Tess and him. I had a lot of just him caught off guard or smiling at me through the lens. I had some of him at the football field and one from Deb's diner.
I sighed. He was the sweetest, most fun-loving person I had ever met.
He was one of those guys that couldn't be ignored. His playful attitude may have been the only thing that has kept me going all these years. I sniffed and watched as a single tear fell on the photo I was holding. I wiped my face and stood up, leaving the photos a mess on the floor.
A whistle rang out in the room. I moved my head around to search the room but there was nothing. I grabbed my ears and shook my head.
I took a shower and when I came out, I was even more tired than I was before I went in. It was never easy for me to fall asleep, but I was already begging sleep to take me as I shut my bedroom door behind me. My body literally felt like it was shutting down, I was so exhausted.
I opened my towel and let it fall to the floor. I slipped into my black t-shirt and pink pajama pants. It took a lot of effort to pull down the cover and crawl into the warmth of my bed.
Ah. It felt good, though. I just knew I was going to get some sleep tonight. I couldn't even hold my eyes open.
Or so I thought...Sleep, Melanie!
My body had a way of doing the opposite it was supposed to. I was stupid for thinking my exhaustion was enough to keep my brain from thinking. It had that insane ability to keep itself awake no matter what. It wasn't until my feet hit the floor that my body would remind itself of all the sleep it never got.
I opened my eyes and sighed. I hated laying down at night. When the lights went off, the house grew quiet, nothing but the lamp on my nightstand on because I was too afraid to ever sleep in the dark. Or sleep, for that matter, but that hadn't been the case when Killian was around...
Since Grim tossed me on the bed the other night and left without a word, my thoughts always wandered back to Killian. No matter how much I tried not to. His face lit up like a picture in my mind. His smile—the one that wasn't his usual cocky or know-it-all smirk—played out the moment my eyes shut every night. Dark dreamy eyes and messy hair that made you want to run your hands through it... all the things that once made me afraid of him became my nightly visual.
My heart twisted in my chest as if it were breaking every time I thought of him dying while Grim left him there to take me to safety. The only thing that made it bearable was some part of me believed that he was okay.
I had to believe he was okay. And that scared me the most.
Which meant I was so screwed. Because a part of me, a huge part, couldn't get him out of my head. Even when I should be thinking of Ryan—grieving his loss—my mind would wander back to Killian. Which was absurd and crazy. Killian was something else entirely.
I shouldn't be thinking about the way his mouth moved and curved sinfully every time he spoke. I shouldn't be thinking about the way his eyes went all scary and a shade darker every time he got angry or excited. Or the way his body was a weapon itself and could break me in two. And the way he tensed when he was around me.
I thought back to the two weeks he came into my life. Somehow his presence changed me completely. All the things I once thought were so terrifying about him when we first met were what kept me up all night. That and extreme guilt. Because no matter how much Ryan meant to me and what happened to him—it still couldn't keep me from thinking of him.
And that made me so angry. Killian was clouded with mystery. Vengeance tore at my feelings when he told me that Killian was after the Vessel. It didn't make sense, though. Why wouldn't he take it sooner if that was his plan?
And it had been four nights and three days—not that I was keeping count for that reason, and he had yet to magically appear like he always did before. I was still in danger. The Vessel was still a part of me. Which meant demons would still come for me.
What did it mean for me now that Grim and Killian were no longer one person? Heck, I was still confused by it. Would Killian no longer protect me? Would Grim? It scared me when I thought back to the way Fear provoked Grim using me. I didn't really understand it, but Grim seemed upset with me when he left me the other night.
Fear would come for me again. It was only a matter of time.
A shiver ran through me at the thought of him. Not just fear of him, but disgust.
“Wow, Melanie. You have a lot of pictures of me with my shirt off. I didn't know you secretly liked to see my chest. Well, I kind of did. That's why I took it off so much.”
I raised up on the bed, twisting my head around to the direction of the voice. Shock. Joy. Relief. All these emotions hit me so hard I felt dizzy.
“Ryan?” I whispered his name in amazement.
Chapter Two
I blinked several times to make sure I was seeing right. It was dark, but I knew my eyes couldn’t be wrong. Ryan was next to my bed. There was a playful tug at his smile that warmed my chest for the first time in days. “Didn’t think you would be seeing me again?”
Did he not realize he was making a casual comment about his on death?
The worst part was seeing him like this… I glanced down at the blue hospital gown he wore. Metal rods hung out of both of his legs, attached to his bones from his surgery before he died. They were twisted at an odd angle, almost dangly-like. My throat tightened.
I couldn’t believe he was here.
I felt my eyes prick with tears—tears of happiness as I jumped out of the bed to hug him. I practically leaped, which was the bad part because instead of happily embracing him with a hug, I went straight through him. I managed to catch myself before I smacked into my window, or worse, went through it.
Then came the crushing realization that I already knew but never thought of its actual meaning until now. Ryan was a ghost.
“That felt…weird.” He turned around to face me, rubbing his chest. I moved away from the window.
The feel-goods of seeing him were gone as guilt struck me. “Ryan.” I shook my head, not brave enough to meet his eyes. “This is all my fault.” I clenched and unclenched my fists.
“What is?” he asked, taking a step forward. His foot floated along with him awkwardly, but he had no limp.
“You’re a ghost,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, I kind of figured that out on my own, Melanie.” I just stared at him confused. Why wasn’t he angry or upset?
“Don’t you think you’re taking this rather well for someone that died and became a ghost?” I moved closer, staring down every inch of him. His face was paler. He had visible dark circles under his eyes now—that all ghosts had. I reached my hand to touch his that rested on his chest, like before, I went straight through.
“Will you stop touching me?” he grunted and even moved away from me. I dropped my hand and he added, “You are awfully touchy for someone that’s supposed to be afraid of ghosts.”
“Well,” I sighed. “I never had someone I care about die and come back as one either.” His lips tilted upward slightly into a smile—a sad one. “This should have never happened to you,” I whispered. My voice was slightly warped with the tears I wouldn’t let spill. It didn’t matter how much I tried to hold in my tears, the crybaby in me always managed to get out. I cleare
d my throat before asking, “When you wrecked…how did it happen? Do you remember?”
He squinted his eyes as he sighed and dropped his hand from his chest. “I was rushing to your house when I saw a young girl in the road. I swerved my truck to miss her, but the thing was… it was like she wasn’t there to begin with. At that point, everything went to hell, my truck wouldn’t let me do anything. My brakes stopped working, the gas sped up, my wheel wouldn’t turn any direction. I knew I was fucked, but it was like watching a horror movie unfold. Only it was my ending and I could only stare the few seconds it took for me to hit the cliff.”
I didn’t know why I asked now. I already knew it had been Fear’s work but after hearing what he went through… I felt sick. “It was Fear.” I hurried the words out quickly to let the truth be known.
“I didn’t think nothing of it when it happened. Kind of didn’t get the chance, but I figured that much out…” His words faded for a second before he added, “There was never anyone in the road and the way my truck,” he shook his head, “yeah, I think it had something to do with the demons after you.”
I went past him, heading toward the bed. Only as I did, he followed my movement by circling around as I did. I gave him a funny look. “What are you doing?”
He placed his hands behind him, a weird gesture that had me arching my eyebrow at him before he grinned. “I’m in a hospital gown, Melanie. I think it’s safe to say my white ass is hanging out. I was only saving you the trouble of getting embarrassed or having the displeasure of seeing.”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed. His sense of humor was still intact even as a ghost. It eased some of the tension I was feeling. I was still smiling when I realized this wouldn’t last forever. That smile slowly vanished. “Ryan.” The heavy way I spoke his name caused him to stiffen. “I never thought I would see you again. I’m glad, but you being here as a ghost isn’t good for you. I don’t want you to be like all the other ghosts I see. Did you run from Grim?” I asked, softly.
He gave me a confused look. “What are you talking about?” he asked. He puffed his chest as he spoke the rest, “I never saw him, and I wouldn’t have run if I had.” His eyes slanted in anger.
His anger didn’t faze me, though the fact that Grim never came for him did. “When you died, Grim or another Reaper should have been there to ascend you to Heaven.” I didn’t say—or descend you to hell because I knew Ryan didn’t belong there.
He gave me a wide-eyed look. “No. I was standing in the hospital earlier, and it didn’t take me long to realize I was a ghost. So, the first person I thought to go to was you.”
That wasn’t possible. I knew I probably looked surprised to him. “What do you mean? Ryan… you died three mornings ago.”
He tilted his head at me, almost like he found it hard to believe me. He placed his hand on his head before saying, “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “You were buried today! It was the worst day of my life. It’s not something I can forget.” I couldn’t help that I was slightly yelling.
How did he not know he died until now? Something didn’t make sense… or more like, where had he been the past three days for him to only pop up now?
“Easy there.” He placed his hand in front of him, in surrender. “I’m sorry. I can only imagine what it must have been like for you and Tess.” He dropped his hands and looked down. “If… I would have lost one of you guys this way,” he sighed and closed his eyes. “I couldn’t imagine.”
I rubbed my forehead and nodded. “Try to think, Ryan, where have you been the last three days?” I asked.
He closed his eyes, reopened them, and looked around as if he were thinking before he finally let out a frustrated groan. “Nothing. I remember the wreck and when I came to as a ghost, I was just standing in the hallway at the hospital.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I told him, rubbing my forehead to ease the headache that was approaching. “Maybe, some ghosts forget or just come to be a ghost differently.” I sounded hopeful.
He shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t really care. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. Same ole’ Ryan even after death. I couldn’t ignore the fact that I felt happy he was here. I never thought I’d get the chance to speak to him again.
“What are you going to do?” I asked him.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean.” I made an open gesture with my arms then pointed at him. “You’re a ghost, Ryan. You’re not supposed to be here.”
His gaze traveled over me slowly, surely before he replied. “I’m not going anywhere until I know that you’re safe.”
I gave him a ridiculous look to let him know how crazy he sounded. “You lost your life and you still worry about me?” I crossed my arms and arched my eyebrows at him. “You’re a ghost now. What do you plan to do that’s going to help me?” My words held a teasing note in them, but I was still serious all the same.
He moved beside my nightstand and brought his hand to the alarm clock. When he tried to pick it up, his hand went through it. He squinted his eyes at the clock and tried again. Again. And again. He looked to me with determination in his eyes. “I’m new at this. Give me some time and I’ll be a pro at the whole ghost thing.” To make his point, he kept trying over and over until finally, the clock moved barely an inch. No, not even that but his eyes lit up anyway. “Yes!” He pumped his fist in the air excitedly.
I groaned before slapping my hand over my face. “You’re killing me.”
“So.” Ryan dropped his hand. “Where is Grim Reaper anyway?” His playful tone disappeared and became serious.
“I don’t know. I willingly went to Fear and Grim rescued me, but I haven’t seen him since.” I replied and his eyes grew wide.
“Excuse me, willingly?” His voice dropped even lower, and I realized I shouldn’t have told him that part. His face that was once shocked when I told him, looked at me in horror. “Melanie, why the—“
I cut him off. “My mom was going to be in the same situation you were in if I didn’t make that choice. So, whatever crap you are about to give me, don’t. I made my choice and I would do it again.” I felt sure of myself as I said it. I really would make the same decision if I had to.
After a few seconds, he finally dropped his shoulders and sighed. “I’m sorry. So, what happened?”
How in the world was I supposed to explain to him what happened there and what I saw? I rubbed my palm over my face. “It’s hard to explain. Fear is an entity like Grim and he’s the one that’s been sending all these other demons after me. If it weren’t for Killian—” I paused— “or, Grim, who knows what would have happened to me. They saved me.”
Ryan’s eyebrows went together. “They?” he said.
That was the confusing part. “Yeah, Killian and Grim split. They are now two people. As in, no longer the same person.” He must of knew I was about to continue when he brought his hands up to stop me.
“Stop, I get it.” He shook his head and sighed. There was a lot sighing going on in this bedroom tonight. “Wait, not really sure I do. He split?” I would have found it hard to believe myself if I hadn’t seen it happen.
I moved on my bed and opened the drawer of my nightstand pulling out a notebook. I flipped it open quickly and ripped out a page. I held up the paper in the air in front of me and looked to Ryan. “Yes. As in, Killian and Grim who were one person, aren’t anymore.” I ripped the paper in half. “Killian is one person.” I wiggled one of the ripped papers. “Grim is another.” I, then, wiggled the other one.
He rolled his eyes. “I understood the first time. I didn’t need the demonstration.” There was another sigh before he added, “Demons are so messed up.” I simply nodded, not entirely sure what I thought of it either.
“I should try to get some sleep.” I wasn’t sure how long I could sleep but I needed to at least try.
At the mention of sleep, he wondered, “Hmm, do ghosts still sleep?” I didn’t know if he was asking me or hi
mself, so I didn’t reply.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I’ll stay here.”
“I don’t think so,” I added quickly.
That made him grin. “Why? Are you afraid I might do something to you in your sleep?”
This time, I was the one that wore the bigger grin. “Go ahead and try.”
Needless to say, I thought I won that round of verbal battle.
Chapter Three
It took a moment to remember everything that happened the night before when I first woke. My mind was still foggy with what little sleep I did get. My alarm clock was blaring, which meant it was a weekday… that meant school. I hadn’t been there since Vengeance paraded around the cafeteria with his puppets and fought with Grim. Now that it was time to go back, I was nervous. Grim had taken us out of the cafeteria that day, meaning, we just disappeared in front of everyone. Even though they couldn’t have seen him, they still saw me. Had anyone witnessed me vanishing out of nowhere?
That was the worry.
I hoped that whatever Vengeance had done to them hadn’t left them time to notice. Tess never noticed and I had been with her the past three days… so, I felt calmer the more I thought about it. I grumbled and tossed the covers on the floor as I dropped my feet down, starting my morning routine.
First things first, I needed to pee so I waddled to the bathroom. I turned on the light switch and shut the door behind me. I pulled down my pants and my butt was starting its hover over the toilet when I heard him say, “the lid’s still down.” My eyes flew open at Ryan’s voice, and I gave a girly squeal before I lifted my butt up in a hurry and pulled my pants back up. I glared at him.
I no longer felt sleepy now.
“Ryan!” I hissed.
His head was the only thing visible through the closed door, and he blinked his eyes a few times innocently like he could do no wrong. I swear I could strangle him if he wasn’t dead already. “Yes?” he said, oh so pleasantly.
'Til Grim's Light (A Grim Awakening Book 2) Page 2