“Dakota Shepherd.” Sky gestured to the girl at his side. “This is my twin sister, River.” He glanced at the vampire less enthusiastically and gestured to him. “And this is Vincent Cassiano,” he said dryly.
I smiled at River and offered her my hand. “Nice to meet you, River.”
River smiled, and what happened next was hard to describe. At first, it felt like I’d just started daydreaming; a wash of images flooded my head. I had no idea why it had happened. I only knew that River was happy to see me. I blinked once then glanced from her to Sky and back in confusion.
Sky seemed ready to field this. “River does not speak.” He took his twin’s hand and she smiled at him warmly. “Rather, she does not speak as we speak. River is a natural psychic. Words are as foreign, and limiting to her as the idea of living without speech would be to most of us.”
I blinked, stunned. “Wow. That’s… incredible.” River grinned at me sunnily.
Sky smiled. “I’m glad you’re all right with it. Some people don’t react to River so well, being that her method of communication is a bit more… intrusive than most.”
I shrugged. “I figure you guys are here to dig around in my head anyway… So not a problem really.”
River glanced at Vincent and he glanced at her pointedly then nodded to her in a gentlemanly fashion. “Miss Shepherd, I apologize for imposing, but I simply wanted to see River here safely.” He slid an arm around Sky’s twin and that less-than-pleased expression I’d seen Sky giving him before suddenly made sense. “Given your association with Amorie, I did what I could to ensure her arrival would be timely and convenient.”
“Ah. Well thanks. I guess you know my girlfriend then?”
Vincent nodded, smiling unreadably. “Of course. If it is no trouble, please tell her that Vincent Cassiano sends his best wishes for her and her house.”
I nodded. “No problem. Thanks for getting River here quickly. I appreciate it.”
Vincent bowed elegantly. “Of course. Now if you would excuse me, I will retire before you begin. I would not wish to be in the way.” He turned to River who turned to him, smiling brightly, and drew her into an embrace that ended in a less than chaste, but politely brief kiss. Sky glanced away as if slightly annoyed, and I was sure I saw Vincent smirking at him as he turned to go.
Sky lifted a hand as Vincent stepped out, and gestured vaguely causing the door to close itself. “So, if you’re ready, we’ll get started.” River swayed her head from side to side as if listening to a song I couldn’t hear.
I nodded and closed my eyes, cleared my head then looked back up at the two of them. “Okay. So what do I do?”
Sky gestured at a chair and it slid toward me. “Have a seat. I’ll explain everything first, and then we’ll see what we can do.”
Raelya stepped over near me as I settled down in the chair. She moved to where I could see her past Sky and smiled at me reassuringly. Her quiet presence settled my nerves against the fluttery anxiety that had risen in my stomach. I smiled at her and she ducked her head at me, seeming to say “Go on. It’s okay.” Or at least, that’s how I took it. I grinned at her as I sucked in a deep breath and released it, trying to banish my nervousness.
Sky waited until I turned my attention back to him to begin. “All right. First, I’ll explain the proceedings. I’m going to place my hand on your head and focus on entering your mind. I will return to the place where the blocks are and then River will lay her hands on me and she will join me in your mind. We will attempt to break the blocks holding some of your memories from you. During this process, we may witness anything stored near your blocked memories, and you may experience some strong emotions, or remember some events very sharply as our presence in your mind pushes certain memories to the surface. You may feel a bit of pressure, or even a dull ache similar to a headache, but you should not feel any serious pain. Do you understand?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
Sky nodded. “Now, I need you to tell me whether or not you give your consent for my sister and me to enter your mind, view its contents in order to find the area we will work on, and then to alter your mind in order to dissemble the blocks on your memories.”
I nodded. “Yes. You have my consent.”
Sky nodded again crisply then looked at River who tilted her head slightly one way then nodded to him. “Just try to relax.” He said as he approached me. “If you can focus on a time close to when the blackouts started happening, that will make it easier for me to find the blocks soonest.” He placed his palm on my forehead and slipped into my mind as quietly and smoothly as he had before. I tried to think of the first time I remembered having a blackout; I thought it was around my sixteenth birthday so I focused on that as hard as I could, playing the day out in my mind as best as I could recall.
“There.” Sky breathed out quietly. “Good. I found the first memory.” I heard River take a step toward Sky and my world suddenly swam to the side.
My eyes slammed shut, closing out the world that seemed to waver under the pressure of River’s incredible presence in my mind. I shuddered out a quiet sound, overwhelmed by the dizzying vastness that suddenly filled my mind. Are you all right? asked Sky’s voice in my mind.
I’m fine. I thought carefully, hoping that was the correct way to reply.
Don’t worry. This won’t take long. Sky’s voice was crisp and clear as if he were speaking normally, only I knew it was just a thought. It sounded as if I’d imagined it, only it was very, very, real.
I took a deep breath and it quivered out uneasily as the intense sensation continued. Raelya’s arms slipped around me, and I felt steadied, braced by the strength of my pack. The wolf stirred restlessly. I gripped one of Raelya’s arms and she held me tightly. I felt her head resting behind mine, holding me up. The force of River’s mind felt like a floodgate had been opened into my brain. Where Sky had been undetectable, River was unmistakably present, filling all the empty space around my thoughts with her own unique language of images and sounds and intense, visceral feelings. I was overwhelmed and reeling and if Raelya hadn’t been steadying me, I’m not sure I could have kept myself upright in the chair.
A memory suddenly broke through the jumble of thoughts, a moment I’d spent alone many years ago when a beloved pet had died. It filled my mind with sorrow and loss more than a decade old that felt just as fresh and immediate as if it were happening right then instead of many years earlier. I choked out a sob that vanished as suddenly as it’d begun when the memory shifted rapidly away from that years-old moment of remorse to a memory of shame and humiliation I’d felt when a girl from my school had called me out for having a crush on a female classmate. I winced and cringed away from the nervous embarrassment that roiled through me as if my tormentor still stood right before me. Raelya’s arms tightened around me as I let out a distressed cry.
Other memories swam to the surface: some happy, some sad, some frightening or embarrassing. Each moment was as real and immediate as if it were really happening right then. Each emotional response was as pure and valid as it had been a decade and change earlier. And then the flow of memories suddenly stopped as if I’d been a passenger on a train of thought that had suddenly crashed into a wall. More than a wall. Something unmovable, something unbreakable. More like a mountain.
Technically, more like a vault. Sky’s thoughts interrupted my own once again. This isn’t really what I expected to find. It’s bigger, more solid than a normal block. Give us a moment.
Not like I was going anywhere. My mind seemed to hover around a cloud of those stirred-up memories which flickered in and out of my thoughts like a bad smell wafting through the room. I tried not to focus on any one scene for too long, though it gave me a bit of perspective to think back on my teenage years so clearly. Growing up was tough. No wonder kids were so angsty at that age.
I waited for what felt like a few minutes. Then, suddenly, my focus dove inward, my thoughts falling in on themselves as if I’d been standing on
the edge of a Pensieve ala Harry Potter, and someone had just pulled me into it. A scene spread out around me. I glanced around at the vision for a moment, confused. I was standing in a grassy field. The outer edges of the field were green and speckled with flowers, but as I looked closer to the center, the grass seemed to dry out and die before giving way to barren, rocky ground. In the center of the bad earth was a solid black cube that must have been a hundred feet per side. Just looking at it, it felt vast, heavy, and dense, immovable and impenetrable. What is that?
Sky materialized beside me, appearing much as he had in the hotel room. River appeared beside him half a heart-beat later, and immediately danced over to the cube, peering at it consideringly with exaggerated motions, tilting her head one way then the other and leaning so far, it looked like she would tip over. Then she did. And floated upside down. I blinked. Woah.
Sky sighed. River, stop playing around in Dakota’s mind. It’s rude.
River glanced up at me as if she’d forgotten I was there. She settled her feet down and folded her hands politely.
Sky looked over at me with a shrug. “Sorry. She forgets herself.”
“No problem. But why are we here like this? I wasn’t expecting a cutscene.” I held my hands out in front of me to reassure myself that I was solid and visible like the others.
Sky smirked slightly. “Well, we were expected to be able to defeat the boss fight on our own, but it seems the developers had a more dramatic approach in mind.”
I grinned helplessly. “Thank you. Good man.”
Sky shook his head. “But back to the matter at hand.” Sky turned to face the cube again.
I glanced at the cube. “What is it? One of the blocks?”
Sky nodded. “Precisely that. And we have a problem.” He started walking and I followed him over to the massive black block. He lifted his hand and placed it on the block’s smooth side, and applied pressure. “River and I assaulted it, but it isn’t budging.”
I frowned. “What? No. No no no. You guys were supposed to be able to break it. You’re the powerful Mentalists. They said you’d be able to do it.” I was surprised at myself for an instant for saying all of that out loud. Then I remembered that the scene around me wasn’t really real, my mouth was just a figment of my imagination, and it made sense that my thoughts were pouring out of it even more readily than they did in real life.
Sky frowned slightly and adjusted his shoulders and set his feet. “I know.” He pushed again, and the cube may as well have been made of titanium for all it gave. “But it’s not budging.” He glanced at River who came over and stared at me pointed, then extended her finger and poked the wall daintily, then shrugged. “Even River can’t seem to move it. And with our power combined, well, we’ve never failed before. Though, we’ve never met an obstacle like this before either. It doesn’t seem to respond to our manipulations at all.”
River nodded and poked the cube again, then shrugged.
I felt myself deflating. My hopes were crushed. If these powerful psychic twins couldn’t remove the blocks in my mind, what could? I was doomed to never remembering what I’d lost, never reconnecting with the other half of my soul, to never shifting, to never truly joining my pack. I’d be a pariah, an outcast among them. I’d be a weirdo. A freak. Just as I’d been with my first family. And my pack would abandon me just as my parents had.
I blinked as River wrapped her arms around me, suddenly appearing before me without crossing the intervening distance. She hugged me gently and patted my back. Had I said all of that out loud again? This time, I wasn’t even sure. I glanced up at Sky as I slumped against his sister. My eyes stung with hot tears, and it took me a beat to realize that the feeling was coming from my real eyes, not the mind-dream-eyes on my mind-dream-face.
Sky gave me a reassuring smile. “Oh, do not despair just yet, Dakota. I said River and I could not move this block. I never said we were finished.”
I perked up with a sparkling of hope as River leaned back from me with a brilliant smile, then wisped her way over to the cube in a swish of inhuman movement that reminded me vaguely of a fish suddenly darting away.
Sky threw me a clever grin. “We can open a way for you.” He set his fingers against the cube as if gripping an unseen seam in the perfectly smooth surface, and set his features into a determined expression. He reached up with his other hand and rolled up his sleeve before gripping the cube with his second hand. River set her hands delicately against the stone and her fingers seemed to sink every so slightly into the blackness of the block. “And then you can take it apart yourself. From the inside.”
I blinked. “Wait, what? But how? What do I do?”
River shrugged and planted her feet against the cube, standing sideways on the wall. Sky focused on the spot where his hands touched the cube, closing his eyes for a moment before answering me as he glanced up. “You go inside. You see what’s in there, and you find whatever’s hidden. That should break the block apart.”
I frowned. “But, how will I know what it is? How can I find it if I don’t even know what I’m looking for?”
Sky set his feet. “You will know when you find it. We’re basically connecting your conscious mind with the memories that were locked away. When you remember whatever it was that you were made to forget, your conscious mind should shatter the block itself.”
“Okay… but what do I do in there? How do I know I even can do it?”
Sky and River both looked up at me. “You’re just going to have to try.” He said.
You can. Her expression seemed to say.
I took a deep breath, feeling my real chest rising and falling in the real body as I did. I stepped cautiously, uncertainly toward the block, and stopped before it. “What if I get lost? What if I can’t find my way back out? Can’t you guys go with me?”
River shook her head sadly. Sky frowned apologetically. “If you don’t want to go through with it, we can go back now. But if you want to find the truth, you have to go find it alone.” River gave me a hopeful expression. Sky gave me a confident smile. “But I’ve already seen what your mind is made of and I believe in you, Dakota Shepherd.” River nodded as if she agreed. Sky smiled at his twin lovingly. “And River believes in you too. River’s always right about these things, so I’d say you have a good shot.”
I felt my eyes burning with tears again. I barely knew these people, but they felt so close, so intimately a part of my life now. They had seen inside me, seen the real me that no one else could see. And they still liked me. They liked me for who I was. And they thought I could do this. I looked up at the immovable blackness that stretched up and up into the cloudy sky that was really my mind. I couldn’t turn back now.
I had to know the truth.
“All right.” I pulled a pair of sunglasses out of nowhere and put them on my face. “Let’s do this.”
River grinned at me then glanced over at Sky who nodded to her once, and with that, the twins started to pull in opposite directions. They leaned against their grips, leaned and strained. And for an instant, I was afraid that they couldn’t do it. But then, the cube suddenly snapped between them, and the surface of it started rippling, peeling back like the page of a book on Sky’s side, and flowing aside like a wave at sea on River’s.
They looked up at me as they held their mismatched opening wide. “Go!” Sky encouraged me. You can do it! River seemed to say.
So I stepped into the inky blackness at the center of the divide, and I immediately choked. I gasped for air in panic, and darkness filled my lungs. Darkness filled my vision. Darkness filled my mind. Then Darkness caved in all around me.
31
Remembering
What’s that sound? I shifted my pillow beneath my head. It was too early. I was too sleepy to get up. The buzzer on my alarm clock squawked at me annoyingly from somewhere near my head. I don’t want to get up. I threw my hand out from under the covers and smacked it around the nightstand until the squawking stopped.
My eyes opened slowly. The blocky red letters on the alarm clock stared back at me. Something about them wasn’t right, but I couldn’t figure out what. I sat up and stretched, then froze. I looked around the room. I wasn’t in my bed in my apartment. But, that wasn’t where I was supposed to be, was it? I peered around at the lavender painted walls, the posters and pictures… I wasn’t in my hotel room either.
I was in my childhood room, in my childhood bed, in my parents’ house in Knoxville.
I glanced down at myself to find a scrawny, practically flat-chested runt of a girl with Batman pajamas on. Oh, well at least nothing’s different there.
I slid my legs out to the side, and started to get up, and it was like my body separated from itself, continuing on and staying seated at the same time. I watched my younger self slip out of bed and hurry around the room with a sudden zeal as she rummaged through her messy closet, picking out an outfit. My hair had been so much longer then. I cringed at the curlers on the dresser, remembering how much I’d hated them. But mother had insisted I “at least make an effort to look nice”.
I started to stand up, but I had no substance, no form. My body seemed to dissipate from the scene until all I could do was watch.
Younger Dakota went through the motions of getting ready for the day. She darted into the bathroom then flowed back out, fresh from a shower and started getting dressed. She curled her hair, put on some makeup, and picked out her shoes. The calendar on the wall was covered in red X’s, all the days marked off save one, the thirty-first of October. My birthday.
Oh, that’s what this is. I was sixteen. I was about to go to the birthday party, my sixteenth birthday party, the first major milestone I’d lost to my faulty memory.
Or to whatever had altered it.
I watched myself finish preparing for a day that turned out to be full of undue amounts of propriety. Gosh, I was so different back then. I wanted so badly to please them. I watched myself showing off my perfectly adorable dress and hair to my mother who proudly approved of my choices. Not my choices. Her choices. I’d just accepted them because I wanted her to love me.
Awakened (Auralight Codex: Dakota Shepherd Book 1) Page 23