Raelya squeezed my arm and I glanced over at her. She was smiling at me reassuringly, as if she could sense my worried thoughts. And here I’d thought I was being discrete with my nervous jitters.
Apparently not. As I looked back up, I realized Ralof, Elisa, and Andrei were all staring at me too. I gave a sheepish smile and Ralof reached back to grip my shoulder firmly. “It will be all right, Dakota. No matter what happens, you are not alone.” I brimmed with the warmth of knowing my pack was there with me, and nodded once.
“Let’s do this.”
Ralof nodded to me and we poured out of the truck. I heard the screen door smack into its wooden frame as Nan came out to greet me, pulling up short as she noticed the posse surrounding me. She crossed her arms where she stood and waited for me to come over and explain myself. I glanced at Ralof and held up a finger to let him know I needed a moment, then walked over to her.
Nan was a strong woman, still fit and healthy despite her age. She had been a young woman during World War II, and had staunchly supported our troops, leading her local community of women in war support efforts, fighting the good fight on the home front as she’d always put it. The strict, unyielding air of military authority she’d taken into her self at that time had never left her, and it showed in everything from her trim, short-cut white hair, to her tidy clothes all tucked neatly and freshly pressed. As I approached, I noticed that she looked just the same as she had the last time I’d seen her, except for one new addition: her body was haloed by a swath of steely-blue light washed through with strands of cyan and white. Nan was Awakened.
Of course she is… What had I expected? I guess I hadn’t really thought it through.
I sighed and pushed myself forward, crossing the remaining few feet at a jog before coming to attention before my beloved grandmother with an exaggerated grin. “Heya Nan. I uh… brought company.”
I should have told her I was bringing others with me. Nan was a woman of propriety and she didn’t appreciate unexpected guests, and I’d well known that. Nan raised an eyebrow at me that told me she knew I’d known it too. I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly to show her how I felt. “So… You’re Awakened too… Imagine that…”
Nan hmph’d at me and spread her arms. “Well, come here child and give me a hug.” Her clever eyes, sharp as a hawk, peered past me at the company I’d brought. “What’s done is done. Ain’t no point in bein’ a stranger.”
I tried to relax as I gave her a hug and straightened back, letting out a deep breath. “Sorry… I should have told you I was bringing friends.” I glanced back at the others, gesturing first to Ralof. “Nan, this is Ralof—”
Nan cut me off with a scoff. “Hmph. I know who you are, wolf. And I figure I know why ya’ll are here.”
Ralof took a few steps closer. “We have no intention to bring trouble to your door, ma’am. We are only here to support Dakota.”
Nan glanced at me briefly. “What in the world for?” She glanced at me. Her eyes scanned mine as if searching for something, and her expression stiffened just a little when she apparently didn’t find it.
I sighed. “Nan… I got my memories back.”
Nan blinked, actually surprised. It was one of the few times I’d ever seen her taken off guard. Nan was used to being in charge. She wasn’t used to being in situations where other people had the advantage on her. But she understood the implications of my statement, and frowned, glancing from me to the wolves and then turning abruptly toward the house. “Well, if we’re gonna talk, may as well sit down. Dakota, take your friends around back and I’ll bring out some drinks and sandwiches.” And with that, she marched up the flower-bed lined path and disappeared into the house.
I glanced at Ralof, my nerves still standing on end. “Well, that could have gone worse I guess.”
Ralof squeezed my shoulder firmly. “It will be all right, Dakota. We are here.”
I nodded, took a deep breath, then led them around back. The backyard was a sprawling flower garden with a shaded patio. I invited my pack to settle into the chairs around the little patio table and excused myself momentarily to give Nan a hand with the refreshments. I might be crap with kitchen work, but when I was at Nan’s house, I was polite. Nan always expected good manners from me, so I did my best to give her that.
I went in and helped Nan assemble a sandwich tray in silence. She put a pitcher of fresh-squeezed lemonade and a stack of glasses on a tray and I carried two plates of sandwiches out to the patio table. Once we’d served our guests the refreshments, as was right and proper, Nan and I sat down. She glanced at Ralof and the others, then settled her gaze on me. “So, child, what’s this all about?”
“I’ve been struggling for days to think of a way to say this…” I sighed deeply. This was my Nan. Just my Nan. She loved me. I kept telling myself it would be okay, but my heart wasn’t listening. “But sometimes expressing your feelings is a lot harder than it seems. So I decided to get you this card instead.” I pulled the greeting card I had brought from behind my back and offered it to her. It was in a pretty pink envelope and covered in happy little stickers.
Nan raised an eyebrow at me, shook her head, and took the card. She opened it quietly, snorted at the crossed out “Happy Birthday” on the front that I’d replaced with “So I’m Awakened…” in black marker. She eyed the glittery rainbow unicorn as she read the front out loud then opened it and continued, “and it turns out you’re some kind of witch and you blocked out my memories and stopped me from turning into a wolf and I’m here to ask why. Please don’t hate me. I love you. Dakota.”
Nan snorted and shook her head. “Child…” I could tell by her tone she was amused, but the tension in my belly wouldn’t ease, and the wolf felt restless as well. Nan dropped the card on the table. “Only you would mark out all the words on a birthday card instead’a just writin’ a durn letter.”
I chewed at my lip fitfully. “So…”
Nan crossed her arms and fixed me with a stare. “So what? You know what happened now, and I figure you got questions, so ask.”
This was it. The question I’d asked in my memories that had burned at me ever since the shadow of Nan in my mind had failed to answer it. I ducked my head a little. “Why’d you do it, Nan?”
“To protect you.”
I frowned. “From what?”
Nan sighed and glanced off toward her flower garden. “Dakota… I wanted you to have a normal life. I wanted you to be able to grow up an’ have a family and just be happy. I didn’t want you to be a wolf.” She pressed her lips hard and I knew her well enough to know that was as close to crying as she’d ever get in front of me. She swallowed as I reached over and put my hand on her arm. “Your uncle Robert, my son, was a werewolf.”
“He was?” I had never known my uncle Robert. He’d died long before I was born.
Nan nodded. “He started turnin’ into a wolf when he was still just a boy. I got in touch with the local pack and got him what help I could. Tried to do everything right. Tried to support him as best I could.”
Ralof hmm’d thoughtfully. “That would have been before I took over the Lower Appalachian pack.”
Nan nodded. “It was. The fella what ran the place before ya was a piece of work, let me tell ya. Hateful, angry man.”
Ralof growled quietly. “Believe me, I know.”
Nan glanced back at me. “He helped us figure things out, anyway. And Robert needed helpin’ so we put up with bad attitudes and worse.” Nan breathed out heavily and shook her head. “Then Vietnam happened and Robert decided to follow in his Pa’s footsteps. Before I’d knew it, he’d done run off and enlisted.”
All of my packmates were listening intently despite making themselves busy with their sandwiches. I noticed Andrei and Ralof exchanging a glance at the mention of Vietnam and I wondered suddenly how old they were. I knew Raelya was old enough to have lived through World War II and that had to mean that Elisa was older than her, but Ralof and especially Andrei were still a c
omplete mystery to me on that front. Something told me that Ralof was older still.
“Went over there and got himself killed. That’s what he did. I reckon he figured since he was a werewolf that meant he was untouchable. He hadn’t spent enough time with the pack, hadn’t spent enough time learnin’ about the world. He ran off before I could stop him, and he went over there an’ got himself killed.” Nan’s mouth pressed firmly again and I squeezed her arm gently. I knew she wouldn’t appreciate me making more of a deal of things than that, but I felt bad for her.
Andrei looked up with a sympathetic frown. “Templar, I imagine. They did their best to make sure the Supernatural creatures that made their way into the armed forces couldn’t do much to turn the tides.”
Nan glanced up at Andrei and nodded. “We all reckoned so. He had a mess a’bullet wounds and a couple a’knife wounds for good measure. All of it silver. We figured it had to a’been someone that knew how to fight a werewolf anyway. Templar was as good a guess as any.”
Andrei nodded sadly. “They got a lot of us in ‘Nam. Got a lot of us in World War II.”
Nan nodded. “I learned a lot about just how much damage the Templar had done in the Great War an’ every other war since after Robert died.” She gestured toward me. “And wouldn’t ya know it, this one grows up an’ starts talkin’ ‘bout the Army, and then she starts shiftin’.” She shook her head steadily.
“I… I’m sorry Nan.” I lowered my head a little. “I didn’t know.”
Nan patted my hand. “Course ya didn’t, child. But what ya don’t know can still hurt ya.”
Andrei reached across Ralof and ruffled my hair lightly. “See, kid? It’s not all that bad. Your Nan was just lookin’ out for you.”
I smiled at him and nodded. Nan seemed to appreciate Andrei’s attitude. She picked up the pitcher of lemonade and offered to refill his glass. It was secret Nan-Approval language. I was starting to feel a little less tense now that she seemed to get along with at least one of my pack. “I can see that.” I glanced up at her. “You stopped me from being a werewolf so I wouldn’t get hurt. I can respect that. But…” I wasn’t looking forward to the aftermath of what I was about to say. “When I grew up and all, don’t you think you might should have talked to me about it?”
Nan shrugged. “I didn’t see any reason why I should.”
I blinked. “Uh… how about because it’s my life and I have a right to know the truth about my own mind?”
Nan sighed. “Dakota… Thing is, it’s not so simple as all that. Once a person gets a certain age… Awakening becomes well, dangerous. As people get older, they become more and more set in their ways. And Awakening is all about accepting the truth over what we’ve always thought to be true. Not everyone that gets faced with that sort of thing can actually handle it. Many people don’t Awaken when faced with a situation that should Awaken them. Many people just go insane.”
I frowned and glanced up at Ralof. He didn’t say anything, but the bare hint of a nod he gave me told me she was telling the truth. I considered that a moment then nodded slowly. “So once you’d put me back to sleep, you couldn’t try to Awaken me again without risking that I couldn’t handle it… risking that I’d go nuts?”
Nan nodded. “And I wasn’t about to go through all that trouble of fixin’ ya up and sortin’ ya out just to mess you all up again.” She smiled at me wryly.
But I still wasn’t amused. “I still don’t feel it was right.”
Nan pressed her lips hard and stared at me for a moment. It was hard not to look away. I could hold my own in a staring contest with the best, but I didn’t want to defy Nan. I respected her immensely and it hurt to call her out. “Well what do you want me to do about it now? What’s done is done. I did it because I love ya. You were so young, Dakota, and you were terrified of what you were becoming.” She shook her head suddenly, her expression disgusted. “Your mama couldn’t pull her head outta her ass far enough to recognize how much she was hurting you, and she wouldn’t listen to a word I said. I tried tellin’ her it weren’t worth it, that she was pushin’ you away, but she wouldn’t have it.”
I blinked a few times, pushing away tears I didn’t want. “You made me forget all that too. All these years, I’ve known somewhere inside that I wasn’t really welcome at home, but I’ve never really understood why. I blamed myself for that, you know? I didn’t remember how hurtful she was, how reasonable it was for me to stay away.”
Nan frowned honestly. “I am sorry for that, Dakota. I didn’t have to block that out, not entirely. But she hurt you so much, and I wasn’t sure your wolf wouldn’t break right out of my spell if I let you keep all that pain and rage. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to be safe. And if I had to do it all again, I woulda done the same thing. I won’t apologize for protecting my own grandchild from monsters, even the ones inside, and even the one I raised.”
I gave in and cried. My face streamed with tears that couldn’t decide if they were from the pain of remembering, or the relief of knowing my Nan wasn’t a bad guy after all. “I guess it’s simple enough. I could be mad at you. I am kinda mad that you lied to me, that you messed with my head without my permission… But I can’t blame you for trying to protect me, and I believe you did it out of love. So… I guess I’ll just have to accept that you did the best you knew to do, and there’s no changing the past.”
Nan nodded and held out her arms. “Well, then give me a hug and let’s put it behind us.”
I fell into Nan’s arms and hugged her tight. It wasn’t perfect, but I knew it would be all right. Given some time, and maybe a chance to talk again some time alone, our relationship could be mended. And for now, that was enough.
I settled back into my chair, and Elisa started up a conversation with Nan about her experiences during World War II. Nan had been a home-front hero in many ways. Never content to just wait around for the men to get things done, Nan had organized and motivated the women in her area to fight the good fight from right here at home. She had set up projects to produce supplies for the troops, organized advertisement to encourage people to ration materials and donate useful items to the war effort, and generally had been the backbone of her community.
Elisa conversed with her with interest, returning Nan’s tales with some interesting stories of her own about how she had escaped from Nazi Germany with her little niece, Raelya, who was just a girl at the time. I listened to the two older ladies speaking, marveling quietly at how they both looked decades too young to have been involved in the second world war. Raelya caught my eyes as Elisa spoke of the sounds of bombs falling and the shattering silence that followed. I gazed into her deep, blue eyes as she gazed into mine, and I could feel the weight of her experiences in her expression. She smiled at me quietly and I smiled back.
Nan spoke about Grampa’s tour and Andrei and Ralof got involved in the conversation again, adding their own valorous war stories. I wasn’t sure if it was my earlier nervousness, or just general nostalgia that had me remembering what it was like as a kid to sit around listening to Nan discussing adult things with other grown ups, but I felt a reminiscent need to remain quiet. So I leaned back in my seat, sipped my drink, and listened.
“I did not join until British and later American forces occupied Iceland.” Ralof said.
Nan eyed my Alpha critically. “How old are ya, then?”
Ralof gave a deep, honest laugh. “Closer to four hundred than three, by my reckoning.”
Andrei shook his head. “I never get over that, boss. It’s still some crazy sh—” Andrei glanced at my Nan who raised her eyebrow on cue. “Shtuff.” He grinned.
Ralof laughed again and my Nan snorted mildly. “As for the World Wars,” Ralof continued. “I was born in Greenland, yes, many years ago, and aside from some traveling in Europe, it is mostly where I stayed for a long time. When World War One came around, I mostly stayed to my home, since we were neutral and not involved. I, perhaps naively, imagined that it was not something t
hat affected us there. World War Two was different. I initially moved to Iceland when the threat of invasion in Greenland increased. But then, as I mentioned, British and then later American forces moved in to secure the island. It was only after speaking to some of the soldiers there that I truly came to understand how much world politics had changed and how important it was to not stand by and simply let this war happen. It threatened far more than just my home, after all.”
Nan nodded. “Far more’n most people would understand until it was too late to stop it.”
Ralof shrugged. “I was not concerned with what other people did, just what I felt was right for myself to do. At the same time, I hold no illusions that my involvement helped turn the tide of the war, or anything like that. I saved many lives. I made a difference. That was what mattered.”
Nan nodded and gave a little “hmph” which said to me in Nan-speak that she agreed with him and appreciated his sentiment.
Ralof continued. “I was there when the allies stormed Normandy. I figured that every bullet I took that could not kill me was one less that would strike down a mortal soldier.” Ralof shook his head, eyes staring backward into memory. “After the war, there were those, like Andrei,” He slapped an arm around Andrei’s shoulder with force. “Whom I had grown close to. And I began to look for us a place where we could have a home, a pack, together. I settled on America, and then eventually, here.”
Elisa snorted mildly. “Do not let Alpha deceive you. Was my choice. Did not wish to live on island far away from all cities. Was tired of cold.”
Ralof laughed and grinned at his mate. “Is that why we ended up in the South?”
Elisa snorted again and retrieved another sandwich. Raelya was grinning fondly at the pair of elder werewolves, still politely sipping her drink. I imagined that she was being quiet for similar reasons to my own. Then I remembered that Raelya was not so much younger than Elisa, a fact I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around completely.
Awakened (Auralight Codex: Dakota Shepherd Book 1) Page 27