For Bella.
Yeah, screw him. He was writing a whole script and staking his career on a woman he couldn’t even define his relationship with. And if this movie never got produced—which it most likely wouldn’t—he was going to give her the script as a birthday present.
December 19th. He had a deadline already.
Imagining the glee on her face when he gave her the script, he put himself in a positive frame of mind. Writing a script was a laborious endeavor at its best, and he’d need all the motivation he could get.
White sheets printed with black letters—the scene-by-scene, act-by-act outline he’d written yesterday, slept right beside his laptop on the worn out surface of the desk. A water bottle, three Mars bars, and sound-canceling headphones sat to the right—his tools.
A little ping from the built-in speakers of his laptop pushed him into action. Digits on at the bottom of his computer screen read 10:01 am.
Time to put his foot to the pedal and the pedal to the metal.
He was doing this. Alright.
Pummeling the keyboard, Jamie threw any words that entered his mind on the page. The flow of the story was so furious, it pulled him into the deep night, begging him to finish this scene, this line. Squeezing his watery eyes, Jamie willed his cramping fingers to soldier on, all while imagining sharing his work with Bella, anticipating her reaction. Her surprise. Her joy.
As the last of the words left his fingertips, and he started making typos in every other sentence, he knew fatigue had set in. It was time to wind down. Surveying his work, he glowed at his productivity.
He’d written an entire act in a day. Not bad at all.
When he shut down his MacBook Pro, he was still bubbling with energy. He wanted to tell someone about it. Reaching for his smartphone, Bella’s name was the first that came to his mind.
Over the weeks, he’d figured that she was a night owl, too. She often sent him late night messages. He decided to try his luck.
Jamie: High as a kite right now. He wrote.
Bella: How many lines did u snort?
Jamie: None, but I finished an act of a new script.
Bella: Gr8. Do u wanna talk about it?
Jamie: Not yet. But I’ll tell you soon.
Actually, he was so excited he had to restrain himself from telling her. He wouldn’t ruin her birthday surprise.
Bella: Can’t wait.
Jamie: What r u doing?
Bella: Vegging out on the couch.
Jamie: Doing what?
Bella: Vegging out, didn’t I say?
After a second, another blue text bubble appeared on his screen.
Bella: Wish I was productive like u.
Jamie: Ur amazing already. Don’t give the rest of us a complex by being productive, too.
Bella: Ur so good for my ego. J
He considered for a beat before he wrote the next thing.
Jamie: Can I take you out this Sunday?
Bella: U better.
Another message.
Bella: Uv been ignoring me all week.
Jamie: Sorry. Been busy. I’ll make up for it.
Bella: Txt me the location. I’m going to bed now. Gotta work tomorrow.
As if on cue, his phone vibrated with his agent’s call. The hour was late, even factoring in the coast-to-coast time difference, so it must be something important.
Jamie: Goodnight, angel.
He wrote and spent just another minute staring at the blank whiteness, waiting for a blue bubble.
Bella: Goodnight, cokehead.
That was all he needed to hear.
He got Patricia’s call before it went to his answering machine. “Patricia. Haven’t heard from you in so long. How’re things at the agency?”
“Busy. Listen, I have great news for you. Actually, this opportunity came unexpectedly, but I thought you’d be interested. One of the screenwriters I used to represent is now the head of the cinematic arts department at USC. He just called me, saying he wants you as adjunct faculty for their screenwriting program. Would you be interested?”
He didn’t have to think. “Definitely.”
Before he’d left for New York, he’d asked Patricia to put out feelers at universities that had openings. As amazing as writing was, it wasn’t a stable job. With his thirties fast approaching and his Midas touch fading, Jamie wanted some measure of financial stability. An adjunct gig would give him that stability.
“The salary’s decent, and the dean was dropping hints on the phone that he might convert you to associate professor in a few years. Plus, since you’re part-time, you’ll have a lot of time to work on scripts.”
“Sounds perfect.” With Troubled Domesticity done, Jamie had no reason to stay in New York any longer. LA was better for his career. It was where he’d lived most of his professional life and most of his youth. “And I’ve been missing California sunshine recently.”
“East coast weather getting to you?” Patricia’s neighing laugh came through the line.
“Never liked the cold.”
“And the forecast says it’ll get worse in November. My sympathies are with you.” Putting him on hold, she barked out instructions to someone. Judging from the whining tone that followed, it was probably her children. “I’ll let the dean know that you’re interested. You’ll have to fly down sometime next month for an interview.”
“No problem.”
“Good. I’ll see you soon, then. Bye.”
Jamie rejoiced for a minute before he realized the implications of what he’d agreed to. If everything worked out, he’d leave New York forever.
He’d leave Bella forever.
That thought scared him more than it should have.
He didn’t want to let go of her yet. There was something between them—it was only budding, but it deserved a chance to bloom. Jamie couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so happy in the company of a woman or lusted after her so badly. She was perfect.
Sexually, he was hooked on her. Emotionally, he was addicted. Physically, she was the most perfect thing he’d ever touched. Honestly, he wouldn’t mind giving her back rubs for the rest of eternity, which spoke volumes about his devotion, because he hated giving back rubs.
But there was a part inside him that knew he couldn’t be her ‘The One.’ She wanted a different sort of man. A man who’d want to stay and have babies, build a house, a family, a life together.
So how could he give up his chance for a better life in LA for her sake, when he could never be the man she wanted?
*
The internet broke on Wednesday.
And it wasn’t Kim Kardashian’s butt pics that did it this time. It was Bryan Singer’s announcement that he’d decided to call off his wedding with Nicole. The superstar couple of the century was no more.
Pictures upon pictures of a tear-stricken Nicole paraded in front of Bella’s eyes as she scrolled down TMZ.com, while Bryan looked like the unfeeling asshole that he was.
According to the ever-reliable internet media, Nicole was ‘devastated’ by the split that ‘she hadn’t seen coming in a million years.’ One of her close friends said that she still loved Bryan and was clinging onto the hope that he would come back to her.
Bella had to crack a laugh at that one. Bryan Singer never went back to a woman. Never.
He came back to you that night. He begged you to take him back.
He must’ve been stoned. Drugged. Or just feeling crazy. Clearheaded Bryan wouldn’t have said that. It must’ve been a mistake, because predictably, there had been no follow-through. No phone call, no email, nothing. If he wanted to, he could get a hold of her email address easily. It was on NYU’s website. But the fact that he hadn’t bothered to do that said a lot about his seriousness.
Reading further, she encountered something that slowed her heartbeat.
Bryan has confirmed through his blog, Facebook, and Twitter that his reason for calling off the marriage is that he is in love with another woman.
He has described this woman as someone he fell in love with eight years ago and has been in love with ever since. In his own words... ‘I let her go because I was a fool, because I didn’t know how to handle my feelings for her like a man. Recently, I ran into her again, and that’s when I knew I couldn’t marry Nicole. Not when I still had a chance to be with the love of my life. Nicole is a great girl, but she’s not my sunshine.’
Blood sloshed around Bella’s head. Sunshine. That was her nickname.
Goodness...he couldn’t mean her. How could she be the reason Bryan had called off his wedding with the gorgeous Nicole? Had he really meant what he’d said to her that night at the bar?
I want you back. And I’ll give up everything I have, to keep you this time.
No, it was crazy. She might’ve been the girl he’d dated the longest, but she couldn’t possibly compare to all his beautiful model girlfriends. She wasn’t thin, beautiful, talented or...anything.
The sharp tring-tring of her phone sliced through her muddled feelings.
“Dr. Bella Hopkins,” she answered, putting a lid on her frenzied thoughts.
“Hey, sunshine.” A rich baritone, raspy and entirely too familiar licked at her ear.
All her muscles hardened.
“Bryan, why’re you calling me?” she croaked, unable to push spit down her throat because Bryan’s voice had shocked her food pipe into closing.
“I finally broke things off with Nicole. I’m free now...no, I’m yours now. Take me back, sunshine.”
Heart-melting as he sounded, she couldn’t trust him. This was the guy who’d commercialized heart-melting, after all. And how dare he think he could erase everything he’d done to her with a simple ‘I’m yours’? An emotional scar like hers couldn’t be apologized away.
“I don’t want you,” Bella muttered through clenched teeth.
“You will, once I explain everything. Hear me out. I’m sorry for what happened that night. I was too drunk. I know I behaved like a jackass when we were together, but I never wanted to hurt you.” A breath was drawn. “Give me a chance, sunshine. I’ll make it better for you. I’ll tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to know”
Closing her fingers tighter around the receiver in anticipation, she flared her nostrils. Letting him control her again flew in the face of everything she knew and had learnt, but God help her, because she couldn’t resist the devil. Not when he whispered right into her ear.
“Talk.” She didn’t feel the vibration of those words in her throat.
“I know you’re mad about what happened. I’m mad at myself, too. I was controlling and demeaning.” He sniffed. What an actor. “But I didn’t do that because I hated you. All those times I told you you looked ugly in short skirts...I was just scared of other men noticing how beautiful you were. I hated imagining their eyes on you. I was terrified you’d leave me. I wanted you all to myself. I know, it was immature, but I loved you so much, I couldn’t think rationally.”
Loved me so much? Her inner voice screamed. How dare the asshat drag love into this? He’d never loved her, not for a teeny-tiny second. It had always been her in love. Alone.
“Ha. If you loved me so much, why did you cheat on me?”
Bryan could feed her all the BS he wanted, but let him try and explain this one.
“I’m sorry. That was a dick move.” His voice was fervent, shaking. “I never wanted to do it.”
“I’m curious. How do you stick your penis in someone’s vagina without wanting to?” Rage burned at the pit of her stomach. Tempted to pull her hair out at the pathetic excuse, she sipped some water to calm herself down.
Bryan Singer would not get to her ever again.
“Wait—” He grew louder, afraid that she might slam the phone down—which she rightfully should have done. “That didn’t come out right. The truth is, I was falling for you so hard that I wanted to give up touring to stay with you. That scared me. I didn’t want you to mean so much that I’d give up my dreams for your sake. So I fucked Carina to prove to myself that you didn’t have that kind of hold over me.”
“What?” Disbelief groaned inside her head. Good thing he wasn’t here, or she’d have clocked him in the face for that excuse.
Eight years. She’d waited eight years to hear this? That he’d cheated on her because he was scared he loved her too much?
Emotions boiled and bubbled inside her.
You bastard, do you expect me to buy this? Do you have any idea how devastated I was when you cheated on me? Do you know that my friends had to break into my house because I stopped eating, sleeping, and talking to them? Do you know I had to see a shrink for two years? Do you have any idea how many hours I spent crying every time your voice played on the radio, when your picture showed up in a magazine I was reading? Every time I saw you with another woman, my heart ripped into shreds.
Those words remained in her head. Saying them would be admitting how much he’d once meant to her, and she wasn’t going to give him that knowledge. So instead, she said, “I can’t forgive you.”
“I know I wounded you, but I also know I’m the only one who can heal you. We need each other, sunshine. Let’s give us another shot.”
“I don’t need you. I need to stay away from you.” Drying her stupid, weak little tears with the back of her hand, Bella shut her eyes and grounded herself. Breathe. Deep. Think of Jamie.
“Give me one more chance. Please. I’ve changed. Let’s meet somewhere. I don’t want to talk of our future over the phone.”
“What future—”
“I want to marry you.” This time, his voice held firm. Unnervingly firm. “I want you to be my wife. I want you to have my children—all five of them. I want you move to my house in LA and be with me. We’ll be a happy family, sunshine. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”
Chills cascaded through her body, fast and furious. Bella wished she could’ve said they were spooky chills. But they weren’t.
Yes. It’s what I always wanted. It’s what I still want.
“But not with you,” she barked out, a little disoriented.
“Why not with me? You know I’m perfect for you. Don’t you remember what we once had? It was good, baby. It was so good.”
Yes. It had been good. Once upon a time, before the cheating had started, it had been good. Once upon a time, his lack of intellectual depth, his lack of integrity and his deception hadn’t mattered. That ‘once upon a time’ had come to a ‘the end.’
“But it didn’t last, Bryan.” She managed to say the sensible thing.
“It’ll last this time. I swear I’ll make you happy this time. I’ve changed, sunshine. I’m man enough to love you now.” Hoarse, he continued to beg in that sex-god voice of his. “Meet me. Just once. I’ll convince you I’m serious.”
Feeling her heart rattling against her ribcage, Bella screwed her eyes shut and dared to hope.
Why couldn’t she meet him? She wouldn’t lose anything by giving him a chance to explain. Besides, Bryan sounded apologetic enough. And if he’d broken up with Nicole three days before his wedding, he must be serious.
And he wants to marry me and have kids with me. My October wedding could happen.
A flicker of exhilaration shot across her body. The promise of having him, of having anyone to say ‘I do’ was addictive.
She’d had enough of being single. Of waking up in the morning to a spiraling sense of doom. To a vague sort of emptiness in her chest, the constant churn of anxiety in her head. She was tired of hoping and dreaming a future that wasn’t anywhere in sight. Of wondering if love even existed and if she would ever find it.
She was sick of living in permanent anxiety and hopelessness. NYC dating scene was getting more depressing by the minute.
This might be her last chance.
No, this was her last chance.
Bryan was offering her a golden ticket out of Singleville, and she’d be stupid to not consider it. Beyond an age, a woman needed to accept reality and s
ettle for what she could get. Bryan was the only thing she could get right now.
Jamie was a moonshot. He was the hope that would forever just be a hope.
She needed to be real.
“Okay. Let’s meet.” Bella forced an airy whisper from the depths of her throat. Every syllable trembled, but she found the courage to stay the course.
“Do you mean it?” He sounded surprised.
“Yes. I’m willing to listen to your apology. Nothing more.”
They ironed out the logistics of their meeting and then his voice disappeared. Sitting in her ordinary room, she wondered if that had been a dream.
Not that what had happened had seemed dream-like at all.
In her dreams, she wouldn’t be meeting Bryan.
That encounter in his car weeks ago had been bad enough.
Maybe she needed to hear his apology and see that he meant it. Maybe once she saw that he really knew how much he’d hurt her, she’d be satisfied. Her anger would go. Her animosity would go.
And once she wasn’t angry with him anymore, maybe she’d forgive.
*
Damn the elevator!
Grant bounded down the stairs of the emergency exit.
The elevator in the building was taking longer than it should, and he couldn’t be bothered to wait. Plus, he was athletic enough to manage the workout.
He was joining his friends for drinks at The Sky, a nearby bar and he didn’t want to be late. They were all busy men, who had short lunch breaks.
As soon as he opened the exit door, he passed Eve. They brushed each other. Rather, their clothes brushed. But the was effect was as intense as if their bodies had touched.
Instantly, he felt ten times more alive. Though he was running late, he pulled her into the emergency exit.
“How’s your day been so far?” he asked.
“Stressful.” She waved a bunch of papers in his face.
He enclosed her face with his hands. “Let me make it better, then.”
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