Eve loved him? This stick-up-her-ass, demanding woman? How? Why?
“Now, don’t make this—”
She stacked one palm over the other on the table and hissed.
“All you want is a pretty, Botoxed arm candy who’s twenty years younger than you. I’m not that woman. I’ll never be.” Disappointment and regret poured out of her. “I always knew that. I just…hoped you would change. It’s the stupidest thing, right? People never change.”
“Don’t blow this out of proportion. It was only a suggestion, for fuck’s sake. And I said it nicely.” He found himself raising his voice, without intending to.
Eve went back to the chair and draped her arm over the back. Confrontation choked the air.
“You don’t understand. My children mean everything to me. I want them to like you. I want them to accept you.”
“Accept me for what?”
“For...” She gave up with a defeated breath. “Their father.”
“I don’t want to be their father!” He bellowed. “Nor do I don’t want to marry you just so you’ll let me inside your tight vagina. Do you know how ridiculous this situation is? I’m a legend in Hollywood, for Christ’s sake. What am I even doing with you?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? He’d been asking himself that question every day. What was he doing with Eve? What was he doing to her? What was she doing to him?
He was still asking.
Horror cut across her face. “I-I had no idea you thought about me that way. I thought you l-liked me.”
Grant balled his hands into fists. He wouldn’t let her crushed expression get to him. He couldn’t start pitying her. Or realizing how much he loved her now.
It was too late. She wasn’t the right sort of woman for him, anyway. Their worlds were different. And he was too confused by all the new emotions to be able to make any good decisions.
“Just because we had a few months together doesn’t mean I like you. I’ve kissed more women than you’ve met in your life. And trust me, most of them were better than you.”
Okay, maybe that had been below the belt. But this was a battle. He couldn’t be nice to her.
Gripping her head, she put her forehead on the table. “Fine. So that’s how it is. But I never misled you about what I wanted. Why did you think you could do it?”
This was the part that frustrated and baffled him the most. His inexplicable attraction to her. He couldn’t explain by any rational means why he’d thought it a good idea to date Eve. Or why he still thought she was worth clinging on to.
He’d changed so much he didn’t recognize himself. He was a different man. He didn’t want to be a different man. He didn’t want to be a man at all. He wanted to be a sex symbol. A legend. An icon. The eternal ladies man.
“I thought you’d change your mind once you got to know me. Be charmed and give in. But you’re never going to let anybody inside you.”
Two below the belt now.
Shriveling back in her chair, her head sunk low. “And here I thought you actually had some maturity in you. You’re not twenty. Why are you still judging women by their appearance?”
His head suddenly throbbed with a headache. A bad feeling cramped his gut, but all the damage was done, and he didn’t want to admit that he’d been too harsh.
“Stop PMSing.” He hurled her a scowl.
“Sure. Accuse me of PMSing. That’s what you always do whenever a woman says something you don’t like.” Pulling her hair out of the bun she’d tied it up in, she let it settle in loose waves over her neck and shoulders.
Plucking out sound from his vocal cords was hard. Even when he managed to say something, it wasn’t the apology it should’ve been. “If you’d had sex with me the first time it would never have come to this.”
He would never have gotten this close to her. He’d never have fallen in love. He’d never be at her house. He’d never be hurting her.
His role was fixed—the debonair sex symbol. He wasn’t going to start playing average Joe now.
“Is that what this is about? Did you never want anything more than sex from me?” Betrayal carried across her features.
“And now I don’t even want that.” Not that he was ever getting it now.
Eve let out a final, defeated breath. “I guess we should stop seeing each other, then.”
This was the point of no return. Inevitability.
Grant conceded. “Obviously.”
Thump. Thump. His feet slapped against violently on the way out.
“I regret I ever loved you.” Eve yelled over the gulf of empty space between them, and her cry was so broken, his heartstrings jerked. The words died into a whisper.
He didn’t bother to reply. He focused on getting out.
He could never belong with her. He should never belong with her.
Superstars like him didn’t settle for ordinary. Superstars didn’t want ordinary.
Even if the men inside them sometimes did.
*
Bella turned off the television, telling herself she wasn’t going to watch Love Me Like You Do again. If she watched it, she’d be reminded of Jamie.
And he wasn’t here. He was in LA. For some stupid business trip.
Rubbing her swollen eyelids, she picked up a fallen eyelash from over her cheekbone and blew it away.
The words crawling on the page of the book were starting to jumble. Information overload.
Snapping the thick tome shut, Bella discarded her glasses and propped her back over pillows on her bed.
It was ten-thirty pm. Too early to go to sleep.
She could text Jamie. But she didn’t want to seem obsessive. Already, she’d texted him fifty times today. She wasn’t his girlfriend, or an obsessive stalker, to be badgering him with so many messages.
At times like these—lonely, empty times—she longed for someone. A sweet word murmured against her cheek. Wit. Conversation. A snuggle. A man who would just be there for her.
As she spaced out, a heavy feeling nested in her chest. Her mind wandered to a familiar place—the future that didn’t exist.
She wanted to go places, do things—and not alone. She wanted to have milestones. Birthdays. Anniversaries.
The last couple of weeks had been unbelievable. Jamie’s company had brightened every second of her day.
But this—this was a reminder of what her life was going to go back to.
Desolation. Boredom. Unfulfilled longing.
If you’d only not been stupid to fall for him. You could have a husband now.
She desperately wanted someone she could turn to at times like this.
Unlike Kat and Ashley, she didn’t have any family. There was no mother she could call—her mother was God-knows-where. No sister—the last time she’d seen her sister had been on an internet porn site. Sara and she had been close during their youth, but past eighteen, Sara had just turned into someone Bella didn’t know anymore.
She had nobody. Only herself.
If she were to die right now, nobody would care. She meant nothing to anyone.
This was the part of being single that scared her. Wouldn’t it be sad to die without ever knowing what it was like to be loved? Without having had anybody look at her the way Alex looked at Kat or Andrew looked at Ashley?
Despite the mountain of issues she possessed, of one thing she was certain—she wanted love.
Not this pervading sense of hopelessness, of having nothing to look forward to, of wondering whether she’d ever be able to have her dream.
So tomorrow, when she met Bryan, she was going to give him a chance.
Because that was the only way to banish this isolation forever.
*
Bryan looked almost sober when she took a seat opposite him in the private dining room at Charlie Bird.
Well-versed in the art of being a celebrity girlfriend, she’d bundled herself in clothes until she was completely unrecognizable. It took her a while to crawl out of a
ll those unwanted layers.
A frown pulled down Bryan’s lips when he saw her sans the glasses and in nothing but jeans and a tee.
“What?”
“You didn’t put on any makeup.” He played with the table knife.
Irritation buzzed inside her. “I’m not going to dress up for you anymore. Start liking this face.”
There. She’d said it. The words she should’ve said long ago.
“Don’t be so prickly. I wasn’t criticizing you.” He leaned forward, until his hotness was in her face.
He was handsome as fuck, but her heart refused to even cough. It trilled at its slow, steady pace, unaffected by the perfect male specimen in front of it. Where was the mad sexual attraction from years ago? Where was it?
A waiter, elegantly clothed, stepped in and placed a bowl of leaves in front of her. “Your green salad, ma’am.”
“I didn’t ask for this.” Bella jerked her head up at Bryan, who nodded to the waiter.
“I ordered it for you. You’ll like it.” He set his palm to her back and slipped it down lower. Bella squirmed uncomfortably. His hands were the wrong size. The wrong fit. The wrong texture. The wrong color. The wrong person’s. “And it’s good for you.”
Popping a forkful of greens into her mouth, she speared Bryan with a sharp look. “I hope this isn’t the main course.”
“I ordered juice, too, just in case.” With a proud grin, he rubbed his thumb pad across her cheek. Her gut squeezed —not in a good way.
“Juice and handful of leaves cannot be my lunch. I need to eat more than that.” She pushed some water down her throat.
“Sunshine, you need to lose weight if you want to have kids. You’re already over thirty. Being fat will only make it harder.”
True as that may be, she hated him pointing it out. Anything from him only sounded like criticism.
“I never said I was having kids.” Slamming a palm down, she glowered.
“But you’ve always wanted to.” As his fingers threaded through hers, Bella felt a flutter in her stomach. “Imagine how cute our babies will be.”
Oh she could imagine it, alright. Kids with her double chin and his slimy smile and manipulative eyes. Not a great combination, really.
Still, there was a flutter in her stomach, as Bella imagined carrying a baby in her arms. She could be a mother. She hadn’t thought about that much.
“Back up a bit. Before we get to babies, don’t you think you need to get to that apology you owe me?” Gathering her arms in front of her chest, Bella stared him down.
“I’m sorry about what happened.” That heart-melting smile lighted up his face. “It’s the stupidest thing I did. Breaking up with you. I don’t even know what I was thinking. All I can say is I’m a completely different man now. I’m not the jerk I used to be. Please take me back.”
“Sorry, the ship’s sailed.”
“Bella, please,” He scratched the table. “I…there’s something I haven’t told you yet.” His eyes drew away from her and he raked a hand through his glossy hair. “The truth is; I’ve been depressed since my engagement to Nicole. Like, clinically. I take meds for it. Actually, when we were together the first time, I was depressed then, too, I just didn’t do anything about it. Fame is a strange thing—too much of it is scary and lack of it is scary, too.”
“You were at the top of the charts when we were together,” Bella curled a strand of hair around her finger. One year into their relationship, his second album had skyrocketed him to international fame and won him a Grammy. “You still are.”
“I know; but that was the first time I’d enjoyed so much success. In so many ways, it was a curse. Suddenly, I was being invited to all these parties, women were offering to sleep with me, producers wanted to talk to me, everybody wanted a piece of me. I got carried away by it, because it was all I’d ever wanted—to be recognized and acknowledged.” He leaned in. “But that feeling didn’t last. I started to get scared. What if I turned into a one-hit wonder? What if all these people didn’t care about me anymore? What if I went back to being a poor, broke artist? That drove me to depression, and then I made poor choices. But I’ve been seeing a therapist about it, reflecting on my life. And…I’m sorry. What I did to you was horrible. That night in my car, too. I shouldn’t have groped you. I was way too drunk to say or do anything sensible, but if I hadn’t drunk, I wouldn’t have had to the courage to approach you.”
Bella sighed. “Bryan, I want you to be honest here. One time in your entire life, just please tell the truth.” She looked into his eyes so he wouldn’t be able to lie. “Are you doing this just because you wanna sleep with me?”
“No, never.” She’d thought she knew all his tricks. All his expressions. But she was genuinely moved by his apology. There was actual remorse on his face. His words weren’t much, but looking at him swayed her. “You’re the only friend I ever had. You knew me before I was filthy rich and famous. I can tell you things I can’t tell anybody else. You’re the only one who knows how truly fucked-up I am.”
That I do, Bella thought.
“What about Nicole?”
“She thinks of me as this suave, put-together guy. Plus, nothing stays between her ears. Everything I tell her finds its way to her friends. If I tell her about my depression, it’ll be all over the news tomorrow.” A nostalgic smile lighted his face. “You’ll never tell anyone, right?”
“Never.” She might hate him, but she wasn’t vindictive.
“I knew I was right to trust you. Do you know why I call you sunshine? Because when you’re with me, there is light in my dark world.”
Bella swallowed, tears pricking her eyes. His lines were terribly cliché, but she was still falling for them. “Really?”
“Absolutely. You’re so funny, so loyal. When we talk, when we make love, I know I’m safe. I feel like there’s something worth living for. My feelings for you run deeper than you know. Even I didn’t know how deep, until I met you again.”
Giving up on the tasteless salad, she sipped some of the juice the waiter brought around. “I can see you’re sorry.”
“So…will you take me back, sunshine?”
“No.”
“You gave your mother a second chance. Why not me? I’ve never hurt you as much as she did.”
Bella’s gaze fell to the orange juice. “The thing is…I’m with someone else.”
Bryan gave an impatient tongue click. “Am I too late?” Dripping with artificial sincerity, he cupped her palm.
Something—most likely pity—shifted inside her. “But I’ll be free in the new year. He’s going away.”
Bryan’s eyes lit up like a million lightbulbs. “Really?”
“Uh-huh.” Bella kept her voice low. “But I can’t move to LA, though. I have a job here.”
She could always look for another one, but getting tenured teaching positions was tough in this economy.
“You don’t need a job anymore. I’ll take care of you.” He tried to force feed her some more of the green salad.
“Oh, I remember how that ended last time. No, thanks. I think I’m gonna hold onto my job,” she snarled.
“You’ll have to give something up if you want a family.” Shivers peppered her hand when he glided his over it.
“That something can’t be my job,” she retorted, temper getting the best of her.
“Okay, I get it.” She was shocked when he acknowledged that she was right. He’d never done that before. “Being an artist is really flexible, so I could move to New York.”
“You would do that?”
“There’s nothing for me in LA anymore. Besides, Taylor Swift moved here, too didn’t she? And look how well she’s doing.”
Smiling, she said, “Well...”
“It’s taken me a long time to get to this point in life. I’m ready for responsibility now. I’m ready for you. I want to be the friend you’ve been to me.”
She wouldn’t lie, his words struck her.
Ju
st thinking that he would be there for her, she felt a whole lot of relief. She could breathe easy. There would be someone to pick up the pieces after Jamie was gone.
And Bryan was right—she was the only real friend he’d ever had. And he was the only punching bag she’d ever had.
His features assumed a serious expression. “I’m going to stay in your life from now on, sunshine. Always.”
A year ago, she’d have thrown up at the thought of him always being in her life. Now, it soothed her fears. She wouldn’t be alone. She wouldn’t have to face that scary, empty, hopeless feeling that crept up every night.
In a way, that was probably why she understood him. He felt the same hopelessness too, but for a different reason.
“Okay.” Nodding, Bella picked her next words carefully. “We can be friends.”
She might be feeling all sympathetic for him now, but she had to make sure she wasn’t making impulsive decisions.
“Don’t friend-zone me, sunshine.”
“Bryan, I’m never going to date you again. I can’t do that to myself.”
She expected him to protest, to push her to go his way, but he considered and gave in. “Fine. We’ll start as friends. But I want more, Bella. I could never be happy with us just being friends.”
“I can only give you friendship now.” Those words were true. Jamie had all the other parts of her.
Bryan nodded. He had a resigned expression. “I’m recording my new album in November, so I have to fly back tomorrow. But I’ll be back here before Christmas. Let’s meet again, then.”
That was shorter than she’d anticipated. She didn’t want to shorten her time with Jamie even by a day. In a single day with him, she lived an entire year.
“I already promised to spend Christmas with my boyfriend.”
Guilt stabbed her the moment she thought of him. Why was she sneaking around behind his back doing this? He’d never do something like this behind hers.
“Boyfriend?” Bryan looked puzzled. “Oh, him.”
Extricating herself from the place, she piled the layers of clothing back on herself. “Call me if you’re ever feeling down.”
“I will,” Bryan said, chest deflating.
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