by T K Barber
“Mom, this is nuts. Who are all these people? Where are Aunt Tanya and Uncle Chris?”
Her answer was interrupted by another stylish man. He took her mother's hand and bent to place a kiss on it, under Rico’s watchful eye. Her mother inclined her head like a queen, and Scarlet furrowed her brow again, glancing over her shoulder to Nick, who shrugged.
“Mrs. Price, we're so sorry for your loss. Ian was a great man, and the entire community will mourn his passing. Please accept the Marcet family's sincerest condolences. If there's anything we can do, please don't hesitate to call us.”
Her mother patted his hand and smiled.
“Thank you, Antoni. You know he counted you among his friends, we both did. And do. Please send my love to Becca and the boys. How are they doing?”
Scarlet furrowed her brow in thought. She had never seen this man in her life, but her mother knew him and his family well enough to call them all by first name, even the kids! What the heck was going on? Antoni’s eyes glittered with pride and love as he smiled.
“They are all wonderful. Pete is a fireball, and Paulie is coming into his teenage attitude nicely.”
Scarlet grinned, matching their expressions, then her smile faltered. Though she would never admit it, she had always wished for a sibling. Things had been rather lonely with her dad gone all the time on business trips and her mom . . . doing whatever she did. She'd always been terribly busy. Too busy for a daughter, that's for sure.
“We’ll have to get together sometime soon.”
“Absolutely.”
He nodded deeply and turned a look to Scarlet. His eyes went wide, and he straightened, passing another glance to her mother.
“Is this little Scarlet, all grown up?”
Little? As if Nick could feel her discomfort, or from his own, he placed a reassuring hand on the front of her waist, distracting her with all sorts of yummy feelings. Antoni held out his hand and took hers to place a chaste kiss on the back of it.
“The offer extends to you, especially. Call us if you need anything at all.”
He patted her hand and nodded politely to Nick as he continued into the main lobby.
Scarlet put a hand over Nick's and squeezed. She sent him the psychic vibe that she was freaking out. He squeezed her waist back, and she prayed to God that meant 'I hear you, and I'll whisk you away to Jamaica right now.' She frowned when that didn't happen.
She looked at her mom and shot her a harsh whisper. “MOM, what is going on? How does that man know about me? I’ve never seen him before! What did he mean by the 'community will mourn him'? What did he mean by me 'especially'? You said Dad was a banker! I'm freaking out here, Mom. What is happening?”
Her mother shot her a glare, and Scarlet stood up abashed. She had never seen her mom do that before. Mrs. Price spoke in a hushed, rough and firm tone, with her hands folded and a fake smile plastered on her face.
“Scarlet Avalon Price, don't you dare embarrass me in front of our friends. These are good people, who worked closely with your father. Go make your peace with him and leave if you're not going to be polite.”
Mrs. Price quickly refocused on the line, and Scarlet's jaw dropped open as she squeaked out air meant for words. Katelyn had just walked up with a plate and a drink, and she immediately turned back around, covering her mouth with a cup. She walked back to the table, eyes wide.
Mrs. Price shook the hand of another man, and Scarlet turned on her heel, dragging Nick behind her. She reached the viewing room, steam practically coming from the top of her head. Nick put his hand on her lower back and leaned down to speak to her ear.
“Sca—”
Her hand flew up in the air in front of his face, and she shook her head. He fought a laugh and squeezed her shoulders a few times before he put his hand back on her waist.
When she reached the casket, she thought she’d prepared. Thought she'd be completely detached from the whole ordeal and leave just as unaffected as when she got there. She didn't expect that seeing his immobile face would be so heartbreaking.
Despite not having seen him for years, memories of him laughing or reading to her as a little girl swam through her mind.
She put her hand to her cheek. She saw him on Christmas morning, reclined in his wing back chair with her mom sitting on his lap, while they watched her open presents. She saw the time he tried to help her with a middle school project and ended up super gluing a marker to his thumb. She let out a small laugh and wiped her eyes.
She saw the day he handed her the keys to the car she had wanted so desperately; how happy he was. She saw how proud he was when she graduated high school and college.
She covered her mouth, struggling to keep the memories inside, to shove the tears back into her head. Nick stepped up beside the casket and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Katelyn had made her way in the room as well and looped an arm through Scarlet's.
Scarlet leaned back against Nick. At least she wasn't dealing with this alone. His body seized up, and his breathing stopped altogether. He cinched her tighter, and she spoke to him over her shoulder.
“Hard to see a dead body, isn't it?” She sniffled and looked back down at her dad. “White wasn't his favorite color. But Mom always said it looked the best on him, so he always wore it. Apparently even after they separated.”
She covered her mouth again and turned to embrace Nick, who stood frozen in place. Katelyn unhooked her arm and rubbed Scarlet's upper back.
“Sweetie I'll be outside, you take your time, okay?”
Scarlet nodded against Nick's chest, and Katelyn patted his shoulder on the way out. Scarlet was somewhat controlling her breathing, but Nick was taking short, almost panicked breaths. She leaned her head back and looked at him.
What on earth? His eyes were wild and terrified, and he took a step back from her.
She furrowed her brow and rested her palm on his chest. She had figured this wouldn't faze him, since he was so familiar with guns and seemed to be so unconcerned about maybe having to use it to protect her.
He closed his eyes and tilted his head toward ceiling, with an utterly devastated expression
“Hey,” she smoothed out a wrinkle in his shirt. “It's okay. Come on; we made the rounds, let's go get some dinner or something.”
He didn't move, but he put his hand to his mouth and finally looked at her. She had no idea what this new expression was, but it was heartbreaking to see. She put both her hands on his chest and stepped closer.
“Nick, what's wrong?”
He pulled his hand down and put it on his cheek. He struggled to find words, and worry blanketed her.
“Scarlet . . . I can't . . . God.” He roughly jammed his fingertips to his forehead and cleared his throat. Finally, he offered her the saddest forced smile she'd ever seen.
“Okay. Sorry. About that. It was,” he swallowed. “Harder than I thought to see.”
He took her hand and led her back to the nearly vacant lobby. Rico was off somewhere, and her mom was speaking to a tall man with blonde hair and a sharp jaw.
The invisible push and pull of their postures, mixed with the intensity of their glares made Scarlet quirk a brow. Who the hell was that? He looked familiar, but she couldn’t place where. Really familiar in fact.
They spoke in urgent whispers, and the man looked like he was trying to maintain his air of sophistication, but his pleading tone was almost heartbreaking.
Scarlet let Nick lead her right to them, and when they stopped, he cleared his throat. Her mom and the man both stared at him, until the man stepped regally to the side. His chin lifted, and he smirked as he glanced at Nick, making Scarlet furrow her brow. What a snob.
Nick dropped Scarlet's hand and stepped in front of her mom with his extended. She gave him a quizzical look but placed hers in his.
“Mrs. Price, I can't even express how sorry I am . . . for your loss. I am so, so sorry.”
She creased her br
ow and cleared her throat, clear as a bell to Scarlet that the grief in his voice got to her. Her mom almost passed a sideways glance up at the man but squared her shoulders instead, covering Nick’s hand with hers and smiled.
“Thank you, Nick, I truly appreciate that.”
She blinked away the shine on her eyes and gestured to Scarlet with her head. The sweet, caring expression Scarlet was most familiar with returned to her mother’s face.
“Mr. Lange, it might be presumptuous of me to ask, but it would make me happy to know that you were taking care of my daughter. I have a feeling she could use a good, strong man like you in her life.”
The tall man's smirk widened. Nick froze, swallowed, then applied another forced smile before he dropped her hand and took hold of Scarlet's again.
Maybe she shouldn’t have brought him. If she’d know it’d be this hard, she’d have just come alone. Poor guy.
Her mom stepped into Scarlet’s line of sight and placed her hands on her shoulders.
“Scarlet, I love you. Your father loved you immensely as well. Far beyond what you know. Please be careful. And don't forget to keep your phone on, in case I need to call you.”
She smiled, kissed Scarlet on the cheek, then gave her a brief hug which Scarlet returned with her free hand.
“I love you too, Mom. I will.”
Nick
The universe was sadistic.
That was the only explanation that made sense.
It showed him what happy would look like. What it would feel like. What it would taste like. Smell like. Sound like.
Then it snatched it away and knocked him straight over the edge he'd walked for so long.
He put his hand over his mouth and cast his eyes up. It became clear to him, at that moment, the punishment for his actions was a continuous, nearly unbearable level of heartache.
He was suffocating. He'd rather be dead.
They walked a steady pace, Nick boring holes in the pavement with his eyes as he held onto Scarlet's hand like she'd get lost on the way to the truck. He knew better. He knew he didn't deserve her.
He was violently ill, irrationally angry, utterly heartbroken and viciously guilty.
The best thing he could do for her would be to drop her hand, leave her with Katelyn, and never see her again. But now he knew what it was like to be with her, to have her in his home. In his heart. And he was trapped between what he should do and what he couldn't do. He was being selfish, and he knew it.
Getting involved with her was the worst thing he could have done to her. Second only to murdering her father behind a hotel.
How could he look her in the eye? Ever? How could he pretend he was good enough to share her air? Good enough to even think about her? He was the literal scum of the earth.
He had always remembered they were real people with real families, even if they were bad people. But being on this end of it was . . .
The pavement swayed under his feet, and he squeezed the back of his neck with his free hand.
His life must be the cosmic counterbalance required for other people to be happy. And she apparently had no idea what was going on. She had no idea her father was a mob boss. It completely explained the visitors and atmosphere of the viewing. Her mother must have sheltered her more than Scarlet could fathom.
But even if he was, that didn’t mean he deserved to die! Maybe he—Nick groaned inwardly.
What was he going to do now?! What, was he just supposed to go eat dinner with the two of them and act like nothing happened? Act like he wasn't the one responsible for this? Go to his house with Scarlet, make small talk, drift off to sleep . . .
Bile rose in his throat. He sucked in a deep breath and held it, willing his body and mind to go numb.
Even worse, she was in danger. She'd come to him for help. And he couldn't let her down or stand the thought of something happening to her. He put his hand on his hip and cleared his throat.
Katelyn stood by the truck and straightened up when they got closer. She noticed Nick's expression and pinched her perfect brows together.
“What's wrong, tall, dark, and broody?”
Scarlet chuckled, but Nick didn't even hear her. Katelyn frowned and forcefully poked him in the shoulder. He blinked and looked at her, feeling like he just woke up.
“Oh. Sorry. I was just . . .”
Jesus God. This was impossible. He didn't even want to exist, let alone talk.
Katelyn clucked her tongue and refocused her attention to Scarlet, beaming with a distracting, boisterous expression. She passed a glance to Nick as she pulled Scarlet's hand from his and turned her back to him.
“Scarlet, what say you to a round of drinks? Let’s all go to my house, and I’ll break out the good stuff. The stuff John keeps under lock and key.”
Scarlet smiled but didn't answer.
Nick cringed. He didn't deserve to see that smile.
Katelyn looked over her shoulder to Nick and knitted her brows in concern. “What do you think, Nick? Want to let our good friend alcohol chase away your demons for a little while?”
She glared at him imploringly and gestured to Scarlet with her head. It took him a minute to process what was happening, but he managed a nod.
“Great!” Katelyn exhaled and straightened up before plopping Scarlet's hand back in Nick's. Scarlet looked up at him with her sad eyes and smiled. He returned it with a tiny one of his own and squeezed her hand.
Karma was a nasty bitch.
“I'll meet you guys there. Be safe, okay?” She hugged Scarlet and Nick before trotting off to her car.
They stared after her a moment, holding hands. Scarlet hooked her other arm around his and squeezed as she rested her cheek against his bicep.
He ached inside, crying out for that contact and hating that he wanted it.
“I don't really want to drink, do you? I kinda just want to go home.” She cleared her throat and lifted her head a bit. “I mean, not my home obviously since it's not . . . I meant to say, back to your house. But, not to imply that I thought your hou—”
Nick stepped in front of her and cupped her face, halting her adorable ramble. Those gorgeous amber eyes locked on his, and for a second, he could pretend he was a good person. That they were a couple.
But he wasn’t, and they’d never be.
Now, all he could do was pray his memory would do her justice after he left her. Again.
When she licked her lips in anticipation, the response in his body was near instant and hated himself even more.
He'd never have those stolen moments again. Didn’t deserve to. Shit, never did.
He tugged her against him and leaned down, a short, hitched breath escaping his lump-filled throat before he kissed her.
This was just going to make it hurt that much more when she hated him. And she would. But he still craved it. He couldn't help it. He just needed her. Just wanted to be with her. Wanted to find his sister, keep them both safe, and wipe everything else away.
He winced harder and deepened the kiss, clutching her face.
It didn’t matter that they were standing on the sidewalk, obvious to every passing car. Let them see. Let the whole damn city see his world crashing down around him.
He needed to feel her there, taste her mouth, and hold her close one last time before he broke his own heart to save hers.
This was going to kill him. A death well-deserved.
She breathed deeply, exhaling on a small moan and reached down to grab the sides of his jacket for support. He wound one arm around her waist and lifted her up, holding her against his chest and gently cupping her face with the other as he kissed her with everything he had. She had just hooked her arms around his neck when a tear finally wrenched itself free from his eye.
She pulled back in surprise to wipe it away from her cheek and cupped his. Her touch made it better and exponentially worse.
The absence of her heavenly mouth on his dropped
him straight back down to hell. And that was where he'd stay.
“Nick, talk to me. What's going on? Is this about your dad?”
He blinked at her and raised his eyebrows. She had just given him a needle-thin strand he could hold onto and use to weave a time-buying lie.
He nodded and cleared his throat, finally able to find his words. He let her slide back down his body to the ground but still held her as close as possible, afraid any break in contact would create an unbridgeable distance.
Because it would. It needed to.
“Yeah, it is. And no, I don't want to drink either. If you're hungry, we can grab something on the way, but if not let's just go. Home.”
She smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist, and he hugged her tight. He chewed his lip and cast his eyes up.
Just a little longer, please!
She pulled back and slid her hands into his, giving him a playful smile as she pulled backward toward the truck.
“Good. We have to figure out where you're sleeping anyway.”
He blinked at her and a smile tugged at his mouth despite everything. And that's how much he needed her. Just being near her shined a light in his darkness.
“Me?” He cleared his throat. “It's my house, in case you didn't know.”
He smiled and rubbed his stinging eyes as he opened the door for her.
The smile fell, then dropped off altogether once he closed the door. He was the worst sort of monster, he truly was. And he was stupid to think he could be anything else.
He blew out a long breath as he rounded the cab and climbed in. She was texting, no doubt telling Katelyn they weren't coming. She dropped her phone in her purse and turned to him, smiling, with one of her knees resting on the seat, her foot under her other leg.
Obviously, that did distracting things with her skirt. A fact he could tell she knew quite well. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the steering wheel.
“If you're nice to me, I'll let you share a small corner of the bed,” she said, drumming her nails on the seat between them.