by Jax Hart
She should be in LA right now starting a new life; using her hard-earned degree in some corporate job. Instead, she’s about to leave for a job there’s no way out of. Her degree’s nothing but a worthless piece of paper; she never needed it to be a barmaid. But my Shanna more than anyone, deserves a chance at her dream. She’s too good for us all; a princess born to a viper king, the hand dealt her had shitty cards. And they only kept coming. But tonight; I’m dealing her a new hand.
Tonight, I’m gonna give her—her chance.
I’m setting my girl free.
I haven’t been stunned speechless many times in my life, but last week a letter came for me at the shop. It was from Colin. He begged me to look out for Shanna; to make her my bride someday, and to wait for her to get this stubborn notion out of her head that she’s gonna take care of him and put her dreams on ice.
He wrote pages. The poor bastard is bored, hurting bad and putting everything on paper. What brought me to my knees though—was the love letter he put inside. It was printed off a computer. He said he was snooping on Shanna’s laptop. It was a love letter to me. It reminded me how much we belong together; not that I needed reminding.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Shanna is that the more you push her—the more she fights. I needed to freeze all contact, let her wonder if I’m hurting too or burying myself deep in another woman. It will drive her crazy. I know she’ll come around. But she needs to do it on her time, not mine.
I keep her letter in my wallet. It’s already creased and worn from how many times I take it out reading her words to me. Words she doesn’t even know I have.
Using one foot to guide my bike out to the road, I’m resolute in what I’m about to do.
This might be my last ride.
If I get caught I’m looking at some hard-time, no doubt. But I’d serve a thousand life sentences to give my girl her dream.
Starting the bike, I throttle the engine, using one foot to guide her out to the road. It tears my heart to fuckin’ pieces to ride out in the opposite direction from where she’s going. But I have no choice. I can’t be seen anywhere near here tonight.
It does feel damn good to ride these roads again. There’s nothing like cutting through a hot summer night feeling the wind at your back while the moon shines down on you.
I’m meeting Will out by the old creek I used to play in when I was a boy. It’s the only place in Springdale where I have good memories before my old man got caught with my aunt and just like that—both my mother and aunt left my life. But I had my Gram to soften the blows my father would deliver when he was in a rage.
Passing the apartments where she lived, causes my gut to clench. But I keep going, slamming the door to my memories shut. I can’t afford old sentiments to fuck me up tonight.
The tip of Will’s cigarette tips me off to where he waits.
“Fuck. I was half-hoping you wouldn’t show.”
“You know me better than that.”
He inhales deeply, puffing out rings, “I do. And I know you’re too smart for this.”
“There’s no other way.”
“Alright then.” He shakes his head, reaches into the back pocket of his worn jeans and opens a flask. “Here.”
“No. I need to keep a clear head.”
“Does Meat know what you are planning?”
“No. But he’ll probably figure I had something to do with it.” Moving off the bike, my boots sink into the soft grass by the riverbank. It’s peaceful here, nothing but slow-moving water and moonlight. A few frogs croak nearby. I’m not nervous at what I’m about to do. I just hope I’m making the right decision. And that she won’t hate me for it; if I ever tell her someday that it was me.
“You got everything?”
He nods.
“Meet me at the lot behind the bar an hour after closing. We’ll need to cover our tracks.”
“It’s gonna rain around daybreak. I reckon that should do it.”
“I can’t take that chance.”
“Ok. I’ll have it taken care of.”
Taking one last look at a place I’ll probably never see again, I turn around and climb back on my ride. “I’ll see you there. I have a few more places to go.”
Kicking off, I ride like a bat out of hell only slowing when I get to the block where my old man’s house was. I sold it off dirt cheap, just to unload the place.
A single-mom lives there now. Tricycles and toys litter the yard.
“Good luck kids. Hope you have a better life livin’ in this house than I did.”
Five minutes later, my bike slows to a crawl. Out of respect, I glide into the cemetery. Flames flicker from candles people lit before sundown, causing eerie glows upon the headstones.
Parking under a tree, I walk as silently as the ghosts.
“Hey there you—old bastard. You won. I’ve been beaten; broken down by a woman half my age and size. I’d do anything for her. If I go to hell so be it. Livin’ without her is already hell. But you already know that. Guess that’s why you became such a son of a bitch after Dee Dee died. I read about it all. I wanted you to know… that I’m sorry. Sorry for not coming back.” My throat thickens, and I swallow, “… sorry I didn’t understand. But if I’m lucky enough to be a father someday—I’ll makeup both our sins to that kid. They’ll know nothing but the good side of love from me.”
I bow my head for a few second before turning and walking away.
She’s so goddamn beautiful—my eyes hurt every time I look at her. It takes all I have not run out of the shadows and haul her into my arms.
My fists clench. It’s been too long since I sucked her breath into my mouth and rocked my hips into her body. I miss the taste of her skin, the way she feels when I enter her.
I’ve been watching and waiting for the time to come. The crowd started to trickle out of the bar. Some alone, others going home on the arm of tonight’s hook up and a few couldn’t wait.
I stood in the dark and watched a couple fuck under the oak tree ten feet in front of me. They were either too lost or too horny to notice they weren’t alone. The woman had huge cantaloupe breasts that bounced all over the goddamn place as the huge man behind her tapped her ass over and over again. She rubbed herself as he pumped in and out before dumping his seed on the ground. Their sex was primal and raw. Just two people who needed to fuck. The smell of it wafted past me. When the man pulled back and zipped his pants—his face came out of the shadows.
Meat.
I chuckled softly. That old fucker’s still getting it in. He slapped the woman’s ass then looked over to where I was at as if saying, ‘Take that boy. That’s how you fuck a woman good and proper.’ Then he waited for Shanna to lock up before pulling out of the lot behind her. I swore he saw me despite the cloak of darkness. Fuck, if he did—I hope he doesn’t beat the shit out of me tomorrow. When the smoke clears—there’ll be nothing left but ashes.
Pulling my black leather gloves on, I reach into my pocket, pulling out the keys I copied from Shanna’s keyring. When I was living with her and Colin no one thought twice about me having a set. It fits into the old lock easily, and with a firm twist, the deadbolt slides back.
“We’re in,” I whisper under my breath to Will.
We squint in the dark, the only light coming from the Bud Light sign plugged in above the bar. Flicking on my Maglite, we carefully make our way through the room to the back office and flip the breaker switch to the power in the kitchen before we head in there.
My fingers grab the red bandana tied around my collar; I pull it up covering my nose. Will already has his face covered. He steps on an empty crate and opens the popcorn ceiling. Dragging a few wires down he carefully strips two with his pliers before wrapping them, so the copper touches.
“As soon as the power flips on… it’s gonna spark. Then all the grease on the grill and in the oven will make this bitch burn—it’ll be gone before the fire trucks even get here. They’ll blame old-wiring. There w
on’t be much to investigate since we didn’t break in. And there’s no alarm.”
“Good. Let it burn.”
He carefully places the ceiling tile back and moves the crate.
Together we walk back to the breaker. “It needs to be me.”
Without hesitation, I open the panel flipping the switch.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Will growls.
I follow but stop outside the supply room door. Kicking it open, the lock breaks and I take one last look. My heart hammers at the memory of touching her in here. I can’t do this to her… not like this. Racing to the bar, I find what I need and rush back to her small supply room.
It takes five minutes, but it’s done.
“Duke! We gotta go, man. It’s already burning.”
Smoke drifts down the hall.
Racing out the door, I turn locking the place behind me.
I need to get the fuck out of here but find myself unable to leave.
“You go. I’m gonna stay.”
He grabs my arm hard, “No. Get the fuck out of here. Now!” he hisses.
We run hard across the dirt lot to the woods in back. Both our bikes are hidden in the tall grass.
“I’m staying.”
“You fool. At least move further back.” He takes off just as the flames break through the roof.
Taking his advice, I roll the Harley back into the brush covering it with dead branches then I creep closer feeling the heat of the fire. Will was right. The kitchen grease was the perfect igniter to make this motherfucker burn.
I know she loved this place… as much as she hated it. It became a burden, another shackle, preventing her from starting her dreams. The insurance money alone will wipe her debt clean, but leave her with enough cash to hire a full-time nurse for Colin—freeing her to come to me. I’ll play dumb and ride this out. It might take her months, but she has to come to me knowing she’s free and clear. I want her to choose me—because she can. She’ll be pissed and hurt but, in the end—I trust in our love and know she’ll leave her Pops for me.
The ancients were right.
Fire is cleansing.
I always knew together—we were gonna burn.
MY HAIR SMELLED of smoke and fire. Soot covered my clothes. I couldn’t leave. They tried to make me. Friends, strangers, first-responders all put their arms around me, attempting to comfort me.
I stood there transfixed and hypnotized by the flames of fire. I never saw something burn like that before. The work of three generations of Flynn’s was extinguished tonight. When I got the call around three AM I thought it was a prank. There’s no way Stan’s was gone. I just left there an hour earlier.
But it was.
I got there in time to see a ball of fire as big as the building itself. An entire lifetime of memories burned. I grew up in that bar. Met the man I love there. Had so much pride in what I had made it become. But as I watched the hoses from the fire truck battle the blaze until all that was left was smoking embers, I was numb.
They think I was in shock.
I guess I was. But I also felt free, like a bird soaring from the ashes. No more nights on my feet, cleaning, and scrubbing until my shoulder’s ached. No more worrying if we will turn a profit or take a loss. No more drunks thinking they can buy more than a drink. No more nights crawling into bed too tired to shower and waking up smelling like stale beer and cheap cigarettes.
The fire marshal handed me a certificate stating it was an electrical fire above the kitchen. He said to use it for my insurance claim. Everyone says I can re-build. I’m not sure if I have the heart or stamina.
It took two days for the ashes to cool down enough to sift through. They didn’t bother to secure the perimeter thinking there was nothing left to guard.
Taking a shovel and pulling on thick boots, I carefully walk through the devastation.
I know where I’m standing. No one knows this place better than me. It was my birthright—my second home. No one knew where I kept the bar’s cash. Well, Duke saw me place the bills from the cash register in a few times.
Under the rug in the supply closet, I had Meat install a safe after he jack-hammered a hole in the foundation and poured fresh concrete. I hope to God that it made it.
Getting to work, I dig through the debris and ash, stopping when I hit something hard.
Blowing the rest of the soot away, I uncover the top. Fitting my key in the small hole, it opens. Pulling out the safe, spinning the lock combo, I’m stunned when it opens.
Inside is a red, origami Phoenix. Written in bold script is the phrase, “From the ashes, she’ll rise.”
An arrow pierces straight through my heart.
He did this for me, for our love.
He set me free because he knew I would never do it myself.
Taking the tiny bird in my hand, I close my eyes, holding it against my heart completely forgetting about the money.
Then my hand reaches in, taking out the money bag. But the tears streaming down my face aren’t because I’m holding three grand in cash in my hands. Beneath the bag are the two pictures that were taped to my register. The first was of Gramps, outside the bar the first day it opened. The second was of Pops and me. I was about five, sitting on his lap, while on his bike parked out front. The sign for Stan’s Café is clearly visible. He risked his freedom leaving this clue. But he told me, he trusts me with his life.
Tucking the treasured photos in my back pocket, I grip the money bag and walk away. I’d be sad; devastated even if I didn’t have a future to run to. But I do. Closing my eyes, I see the future that wasn’t possible a week ago.
I know how far he’ll go for our love. Now it’s time to show him just how far I’ll go for his.
I’m not surprised to find Meat’s large frame moving around my small kitchen fixing a pot of coffee. Pops sits in his wheelchair with an empty mug in front of him, his reading glasses perched on his nose.
Manila envelopes and papers are scattered across the table.
“What’s all this?”
Pops scribbles fast, holding the board to me. I’m selling the lot. It reads.
“What?”
“You’re not rebuilding. Pops is selling the property. It’s what he wants. We got an offer today. Some developer from out of town wants the land.”
“Huh. That’s surprising. Not much goes on around here for new business to come in.”
“Wrong. You did a nice job getting the businessman in. There’s money in catering to those types. Anyway, Pops signed all the documents; the lawyer came here. The deal is done.”
“What? So fast? Doesn’t that shit take a few days?’
“Not if it’s a cash deal,” he answers sitting down.
“What am I supposed to do now?” I ask more to myself than to them.
“Go make babies with your man,” Meat jokes.
I raise my eyebrow, biting a fingernail. “It didn’t end so good. I treated him bad, and he didn’t deserve it.”
“What you need is a grand gesture. You now go big or go home. Show up in a raincoat wearing a teddy underneath or some shit.”
“Yeah, okay. I’m not taking romantic advice from you,” I laugh, noticing even Pops is trying not to smile. I haven’t seen him smile in months.
“But you are right. He’s done too much for me. I need to show him… god. I don’t know how.”
“Yes, you do.”
I gasp in shock at how clear Pops said the words.
“There’s more Shanna. Pops is on a waiting list for a spot in a home in Ashland that’s only an hour north of here. It has 24-hour care. It’s like a glorified retirement home. It has a pool, spa, and dance hall. There’s a lot of shit to do. You can afford it now. The MC goes through Ashland on their runs up to Canada. He’ll have visitors weekly.”
“Well, the two of you have certainly been busy when I’m not home. You’ve thought of everything. But Pops, please don’t sell this place. It’s too much change for me at once.”
He places his large hand on top of mine. And for once I cry, letting the tears I normally hide, fall in front of the two men who raised me.
Meat comes over, hugging me from behind. “Our time with you is up baby girl. We did the best we could. It’s Duke’s turn to love you now.”
Three weeks later, I showed up in the dead of night on Duke’s doorstep in the rain with Pops’ truck packed with all my things.
He opened the door, holding his arms wide.
We needed no words.
I was home.
“SHANNA WE GOTTA GO GIRL. Get a move on!”
“Okay! Wait one minute. I would’ve been ready if you didn’t go all caveman carrying me back to bed!”
“It’s your fault for wearing those daisy dukes. I haven’t seen you in those since that night we fucked while the band played.”
Laughing, I come down the stairs with my overnight bag. It’s Meat’s sixtieth birthday. Duke and the boys planned a surprise party for him in Springdale. They even hired a private van to transport Pops, and I can’t wait to see him.
Duke sold his shop shortly after I came to stay with him forever. We moved to Malibu permanently but fly up to Oregon to see Pops at least once a month. I kept the house in Springdale but have been so busy starting my new life I’ve haven’t gone home much.
It’s been a year of new adventures better than any dream I ever had.
Duke is still Prez of the MC for now, but wants Will to take over. I got a job in Santa Monica at a marketing agency for hotels and restaurants. I don’t need to work, but it’s a part of who I am. I need it.
Duke opened another chop shop in Venice Beach. We both keep our lives full not depending on one another for everything. It keeps us strong.
Duke takes my bag, loading it in the back of his truck.
“We’re not taking the new Hesketh?”
My man just dropped sixty thousand on his new ride.
“Nah. It might get cold tonight.”
“Yeah. I forget how chilly early spring can be in Springdale.”