Wish List (How To Be The Best Damn Faery Godmother In The World (Or Die Trying) Book 2)

by Helen Harper

  ‘Wish list,’ I read aloud. I guessed at least one of the trolls had a sense of humour. ‘The Office of Faery Godmothers is to cease all operations immediately.’ Huh. It wasn’t much of a list.

  ‘Of course,’ the Director said, ‘that will never happen. There will be a war before this office ever closes down.’ She smiled grimly. ‘I’ll see to that.’ She wagged her finger at me. ‘Thanks to the trolls’ efforts, we are still behind with our targets for the month. Your human clients are not to be ignored because of this task force, Saffron. And I should add that you are only fact-finding. In the unlikely event that you find the trolls and uncover their plans, you are not to engage with them. There are plenty of other faeries who are better equipped for that. All you have to do is to try and find the bastards.’ She spat out the last word. It wasn’t hard to guess how the Director felt about the trolls.

  I squared my shoulders. ‘As we have the measure of each other, as you put it, are you doing this because you still want to get rid of me?’ I surprised myself by how relaxed I sounded. There was a faint flicker of approval in the Director’s steely gaze that emboldened me to carry on. ‘You clearly don’t think I’ll succeed. If I don’t find them, are you going to use my failure as a reason to sack me?’

  Her response was calm. ‘No. I meant what I said before: you do have some skills that are proving valuable.’ She tilted her head. ‘And although I honestly don’t expect results, I’m not setting you up to fail. I want the matter of these trolls resolved as much as you do. Without your efforts to bring Bernard to justice, things could have been far, far worse for us. You have a unique way of looking at matters which could be helpful.’

  I wasn’t sure whether to be grateful for this opportunity or to run screaming from the office while I still had the chance.

  ‘You can decline,’ the Director said. ‘It will not reflect badly on you if you do.’

  Except it would. And if I were the faery who stopped the trolls in their tracks, it would do wonders for my burgeoning career. I had more faith in my abilities than the Director did. It didn’t appear there was any choice for me to make.

  ‘I will do this,’ I said. ‘And I will try my best – although perhaps it would be better to wait until the audit is over.’

  ‘You will start tomorrow.’ She picked up her pen again, her signal that the meeting was over.

  Fine. I inclined my head. ‘As you wish.’ Then I crossed my fingers. I hoped I wasn’t making a massive mistake.

  Chapter Two

  ‘She’s fucking with you,’ Harry told me later that night over a pint. ‘And she’s definitely setting you up to fail.’

  I took a long swig of the amber goodness and sighed. ‘She might be. Though I believed her when she said otherwise.’

  ‘That’s because you want to believe her.’ He shot me a snarky grin. ‘Wishing doesn’t make it true.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah. The trouble is that I have my own wish list, just like the trolls do. And there’s only one item on my list, too.’

  Harry grinned. I didn’t need to tell him what my wish was – he already knew. And if taking the lead on the task force would help me become the best faery godmother in the world, I would throw myself into it with as much gusto as I could.

  At that moment music from the ancient jukebox in the corner filtered through the pub: Go West’s King of Wishful Thinking. My head snapped round. The barman was strolling behind the bar with his hands in his pockets and his lips pursed in an amused whistle. Everyone was a comedian.

  ‘So,’ I said in an undertone to Harry, ‘word’s gotten around the faery world that I’m a godmother?’

  ‘Word’s gotten around that you might have saved all the godmothers. Keep this up, Saffron, and soon you’ll be fêted as a hero up and down the land. They’ll be raising glasses to you in every corner of the country. Your picture will be displayed in every—’

  ‘Enough already.’

  He raised an eyebrow. ‘Fame doesn’t grab you?’

  ‘You know it doesn’t. I want to be the best in the world at my job. I don’t care who else knows about it.’ And then, because I couldn’t help myself, I added, ‘I’m not the Devil’s Advocate. I don’t need everyone to know who I am or to cower in deference when I sweep past.’

  ‘Uh-oh.’ Harry leaned in. ‘What’s happened?’

  I looked down. ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Saffron…’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

  Harry knew me better than that. ‘If you didn’t want to talk about it, you wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. And why have you gone back to using his full title instead of his name? You’re one of the few faeries allowed to call him Jasper instead of the Devil’s Advocate.’

  ‘I don’t even know why that’s his title,’ I said. ‘He’s not a lawyer. And I haven’t ever met anyone who would call themselves a devil, not literally anyway. And, before you say anything, it’s not a pejorative title because he likes arguing against what the rest of us faeries are doing. He doesn’t merely argue, he investigates and he advises. He stalks around with those long legs and broad shoulders, tossing his shiny hair like he’s in some sort of shampoo advert. Then he flicks you one look with his emerald eyes and you…’

  I glanced up and registered the expression on Harry’s face, something between stark terror, ground-swallowing embarrassment and unabashed amusement. ‘He’s behind me, isn’t he?’

  Harry grinned.

  ‘Hello, Saffron.’

  I turned slowly. Jasper looked neither entertained nor upset that I’d been talking about him; instead, his eyes were hooded and his jaw was set. It was as if he were deliberately trying to hide his thoughts from me. He did manage to loom over me most successfully, though. If there was one thing he was good at, it was looming.

  Harry coughed. ‘I’m going to get in another round of drinks.’

  ‘You’ve barely touched that one,’ I pointed out.

  He wagged his finger. ‘I’m obviously making an excuse to get away so that you two can have snuggly little chat. Don’t ruin the moment.’ And with that, he got to his feet and walked to the bar.

  Jasper remained where he was. Eventually, growing tired of feeling like a bug under a microscope, I snapped at him, ‘Are you planning to sit down or is this merely an attempt to intimidate me?’

  A ghost of a smile crossed his lips. ‘I’m not sure it would be possible for me to intimidate you, Saffron.’ He sat on the stool that Harry had vacated and leaned back. He still looked guarded and I felt the awkward silence starting up again.

  I began to babble to fill the air. ‘How are you feeling?’ I asked. ‘You’ve been let out of hospital, then. You were in quite a bad way after what happened with Bernard. I’m sure there must have been ill effects from that poison they attacked you with. Are there ill effects? I can’t believe that a troll was secretly running that café all along. I might have suspected if I’d known that trolls still existed. But I didn’t know what they looked like. I certainly didn’t know that they could use magic so easily without having to hold a wand at the same time. I know you can do that – I saw you do it. Is that because it comes in handy with audits? Is it a trick that comes with your job or could you always cast spells while wand-less?’

  Jasper leaned forward, steepling his fingers under his chin. ‘Which question would you like me to answer first?’ he asked softly.

  I told myself to slow down and act like the calm, rational faery I knew I really was. Or had the potential to be. I took a deep breath. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘All better,’ he answered. ‘Thanks to you. It took a week or so for the trolls’ poison to work its way out of my body, but there don’t appear to be any long-lasting ill effects. That’s just as well. I don’t want to delay the audit unless I have to.’

  ‘A delay might be a good thing,’ I said, folding my arms. ‘The faeries in our office have been through a great deal. I know there are a lot of problems and a lot of questions
over what sort of things have gone on in the past, but I think the Director appreciates that. She’s instituting all sorts of great new initiatives. Today we had group meditation.’

  ‘Sounds horrific,’ Jasper murmured.

  I sniffed and lied through my teeth. ‘I found it very relaxing.’

  ‘Then I’m pleased,’ he said. ‘But the audit is definitely going ahead from tomorrow. A delay will only add to everyone’s stress. I appreciate that changes are being made but things need to alter at an institutional level. The Office of Faery Godmothers has been allowed to go unchecked for far too long.’

  ‘Whose fault is that?’ I sniped. ‘It should have been audited long before now.’

  ‘I won’t disagree with that,’ he returned mildly. ‘Sometimes the wheels of bureaucracy move far too slowly.’ He leaned forward and I caught a sudden whiff of deep cinnamon. ‘We suddenly seem to be at odds with each other, Saffron. Has something happened?’

  If I told him that I was acting like a sullen teenager because I was jealous that he might now be stepping out with another faery, I’d sound like an idiot. Hell, I was an idiot. I told myself to get a grip.

  ‘The Director has asked me to head up a task force to investigate the trolls,’ I muttered. ‘As well as keeping up with my regular faery godmother duties. I’m not quite sure where to start or even why she’s asked me.’

  Jasper didn’t so much as blink. ‘She asked you because I recommended that she did.’

  I drew back, surprised. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because the only person I’ve seen with a drive and will to succeed that surpasses my own is you,’ he said simply. ‘What you lack in experience, you gain in determination.’

  I sternly berated myself for blushing. ‘I’m not sure I should be thanking you for that recommendation.’

  He nodded. ‘I understand that. And it’s quite possible that you won’t manage to uncover any new information.’

  My eyes narrowed. Apparently the Director wasn’t the only person who didn’t think I’d find anything.

  ‘No one is setting you up to fail, Saffron,’ he added. ‘If you don’t get anywhere, you won’t be blamed. I promise.’

  Well, there was no choice now, was there? I had to locate the trolls, put a stop to any further nefarious plans and be the hero the faery godmothers needed me to be. I bobbed my head resolutely. ‘I will find them,’ I said. ‘Just watch this space.’

  Jasper smiled and, for the briefest of moments, he looked like a different person. Softer, somehow. ‘If anyone is going to find out where the trolls are and what they’re up to, it’s you. We have to try. I’ll be on hand to help out as much as I can. Audit or no audit, I will be there as much as I can be.’ He licked his lips. ‘After all, I’m the Devil’s Advocate. A title which was originally given not because it entails the rather pointless task of arguing. Instead it involves seeking out devilish trouble before it begins, considering whether such trouble is justified and smoothing over the waters before any blood is shed as a result.’

  Ah. He’d overheard more of my whiny complaints than I’d realised. ‘Is that why you’re here?’ I asked. ‘To give me a stirring pep talk?’

  Jasper pulled back. ‘Actually no.’ He looked oddly uncomfortable. ‘I’m here to talk to you. I … want to talk to you.’

  All of a sudden my mouth felt dry. Any number of blithe quips ran through my head but, in the end, all I did was blink.

  ‘It might surprise you,’ he continued, ‘but this kind of conversation isn’t easy for me. My job often precludes a social life. Other faeries are intimidated by my position. I don’t spend much time outside work with faeries such as yourself. ‘

  ‘You’ve been spending time with Lydia DuChamp,’ I blurted out before I could help myself. ‘She’s like me.’ Or she used to be anyway.

  He shifted in his chair and avoided looking at me directly in the eye. ‘She’s nothing like you.’

  My eyes narrowed slightly. What was that supposed to mean? I wasn’t from a rich, reputable faery family like Lydia but, despite my earlier suspicions, I hadn’t really expected that my lower status would bother Jasper. Maybe I’d been wrong.

  ‘Lydia has been through a tough time,’ Jasper said. ‘I’m supporting her. She had a traumatic ordeal with the trolls and she’s finding it hard to move on.’

  I had no doubt that she was. And I had no doubt that Jasper was indeed supporting her. Despite his steely exterior, he was that kind of guy. But there was more to this than he was telling me. I wasn’t completely stupid.

  Unfortunately, I was beginning to get a very good idea why he’d really sought me out. ‘I’m sure,’ I said carefully, ‘that you’re helping her a great deal.’

  He shifted in his chair. ‘I would like to think so.’ He clasped his hands together in his lap and sighed heavily. ‘Saffron, I don’t have many friends—’

  ‘And,’ I interrupted, ignoring the brief stab of disappointment that attacked my chest, ‘despite the sexual tension between us as a result of our teaming up to beat Bernard, that’s what you think we should be.’ I nodded vigorously. ‘I totally agree. It wouldn’t be appropriate for things to go further when you’re about to conduct an audit of my office. We should both move past whatever we might have felt before. In fact,’ I added brightly, ‘I’ve already moved past it. It’ll be fun to count the Devil’s Advocate as one of my friends.’

  Jasper folded his arms. His expression was inscrutable. ‘Fun isn’t a word that’s normally associated with me.’

  ‘Well,’ I said, ‘that’s because most people don’t get to know you very well. They think that you’re the big, bad scary wolf when really you’re just the sweet guy next door.’

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘The guy next door? That’s how you see me?’

  Hell no. Jasper was the mysterious man in the castle on the other side of the forest who invaded your dreams and your thoughts, and whose taut body you imagined sweaty and naked at the most inappropriate of times. I swallowed. Whoa. I really shouldn’t go there. He’d all but told me we should just be friends. I could do that. Of course I could. I wasn’t some nutty stalker. I didn’t lust after the man that much. Honest.

  ‘Yep.’ I managed a smile. ‘I bet that if I ran out of sugar, you’d be the perfect person to lend me a cup.’

  ‘I don’t have any sugar in my house. I don’t use it.’

  ‘That’s because,’ I said with a straight face, ‘you’re already sweet enough.’

  ‘Sweet?’

  ‘You sent me a bunch of dandelions. That was super sweet.’

  ‘Uh huh.’ A muscle throbbed in his jaw. ‘And the kiss we shared in the park? Was that … sweet?’

  Fuck a puck. I couldn’t lie convincingly about that, I just didn’t have it in me. ‘No,’ I admitted. ‘It was steamy and sexy and it made my toes curl.’

  For the first time since we’d started down this line of questioning, a tiny smile curled the corners of Jasper’s mouth. ‘Of course it did.’

  I frowned. Hang on a minute. He was here to tell me that we should just be mates but he was still smugly satisfied that I’d confessed that he’d turned me on? Maybe he was more like other men than I’d realised.

  ‘You do realise how arrogant that sounds, right?’

  ‘It’s not arrogant if it’s true.’ He smiled wolfishly. ‘I’ve never had any complaints.’

  ‘It takes two to tango, buster. Our kiss was good because I was the other party. Funnily enough, I’ve never had any complaints either.’

  The smile snapped off his face. ‘You’ve had a lot of experience then.’

  ‘Apparently so have you.’

  ‘I…’ A series of conflicting emotions flitted across his green eyes. ‘I think,’ he said stiffly, ‘we are at cross-purposes here. I don’t want to argue with you, Saffron.’

  ‘You want us to be friends.’

  A beat passed. When he spoke, his response was quiet. ‘I do.’

  I sniffed. That was that then. ‘I
t’s just as well that we both take our jobs seriously so that we can act like adults and ignore what happened between us. We won’t let it affect our work.’

  ‘Nothing really happened between us.’

  ‘I guess not.’ I scanned his face but he wasn’t giving much away. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘in the interests of friendship, can I get you a drink?’

  Jasper got to his feet. ‘No, I’d better go. I’ve still got a lot of preparation to do before the audit starts.’

  ‘I can’t wait,’ I said drily.

  He frowned at me. ‘It’s a serious undertaking, Saffron.’

  As if I didn’t know that already. ‘You’d better get a good night’s sleep then,’ I said. And not, I added silently, spend the night having rampant, tumultuous sex with Lydia DuChamp. I held out my hand awkwardly. ‘Friends.’

  He hesitated a moment then took it, gripping harder than I’d expected. ‘Sure. Friends.’ He abruptly released my hand and walked away.

  Chapter Three

  First thing the following morning I put on my best suit, the one that clung to my curves in all the right places. I wanted Jasper to see what he was missing. Then I took it off. I wasn’t going to dress up just for him. I no longer cared what he thought. Except it was important that he thought well of me professionally, so I should make an effort to look my best. I put the suit back on again. And took it off once more.

  In the end I compromised by dressing in neither my best nor my worst work outfit and tried to stop thinking about it. I would concentrate all my efforts on my job. That would make me happy. Besides, I had a lot to do; I was a busy, important faery godmother – not to mention the troll task force leader. At this rate, I’d need to arrange my own theme tune.

  I hopped off the bus at the end of the street and walked the last few hundred metres to the office. I made a deliberate point of strutting because it helped me feel more confident. If I could walk like I owned my life and was in full control of every little detail, maybe sooner or later it would be true. Unfortunately, I was so enamoured of my own swagger that I collided with a shuffling bloke who veered without warning into my path.