by Adam Zorzi
“I don't know what the Flemings told you, but I know the documents we signed. The documents expired—ceased to be legally binding—when you became an adult at eighteen. Yes, I provided funds to be given to you well after you became an adult. A dozen years afterward. Even to me at age twenty-two, the Flemings appeared to be old. Reports on their health indicated they shouldn't die before you became an adult, but their financial resources weren't vast. Your father was a civil servant. Your mother's family was wealthy, but not spectacularly so. Women need money of their own. I couldn't predict the future. I didn't know how much you'd earn or whether you'd marry someone who was financially well-off. I intended to make sure my daughter had a small financial cushion. C'est tout.”
LouLou sat upright. “What do you mean your reports on my parents? You investigated them?”
Bella made one of her most delightful, trilling laughs.
“LouLou, I'm not the ogre you seem to have imagined me to be.” Bella moved closer to LouLou. “Even as a young student, I knew a child of mine with Daniel would be bright and special and deserve everything the world offered. I'd no intention of relying on adoption agency reports. I conducted independent private inquiries both in Washington, DC and Paris. There were candidates who were far wealthier, younger, and more prestigious than the Flemings, but the Flemings desperately wanted you. They thrived on all the things Daniel and I do—music, art, books—and they were loving people.”
Bella stood directly in front of the sofa where LouLou sat with a scowl on her face.
“LouLou, make no mistake. I chose the Flemings. I rejected other couples I was pressured to accept. The Flemings were the best family for you. I knew it from my investigations and from meeting them. Whatever monetary concerns I had about them could be offset by a small blind trust. The reason you have them as parents was my decision, not theirs.”
LouLou's small shoulders slumped. Apparently, it had never occurred to this dim, self-centered woman that the biological mother decided where her baby was placed. The Flemings hadn't selected her from a cabbage patch of adoptable infants. Again, Bella marveled that she and Daniel had produced such a naïf creature. Schizophrenia was the least of LouLou's problems.
LouLou didn't move or speak. Bella really had reached her limit of patience. She sat on the sofa away from LouLou and spoke softly.
“Ma cher, what's troubling you? What can I do to help?” Bella didn't want to spook LouLou. Quite frankly, she wouldn't know what to do if LouLou started to have an episode. She was out of her element. She at least had the telephone number of LouLou's psychiatrist in her phone from the day of the deposition.
“I'm in love with a ghost,” LouLou whispered. “He left and I don't know how to get him back. It's been more than a year and I can't pull myself together. I do all the right things. I take my meds, give myself injections, and see my psychiatrist. I exercise, eat properly, get lots of rest. None of it matters. I'm so sad I can't stand it.”
Ah. LouLou was certainly Daniel's daughter. She felt things deeply and irreversibly. “I'm sorry.”
“I can't even talk to anyone about him. I never told my friends or family I had a man in my life.” She looked at Bella with those unusual eyes. “Bella, how can I make him come back?”
Ah, Gregg. Bella had limits as to what she could say. After all, she'd been the one to take Gregg away.
“LouLou, what makes you think I can help?”
LouLou blinked at her with those abnormally large blue eyes as though the answer was obvious. “You're a ghost. You know how ghosts think. You said you'd be gone in two years and you have a plan. You're the only one who can help me.”
Bella really didn't know how to respond. LouLou didn't seem to notice and her questions kept coming.
“Just tell me what it's like. How did you become a ghost? The aide at the hospital said you were a crazy criminal who killed yourself.”
This she could easily handle.
“I'm not a criminal,” Bella lied. Technically, her crimes were committed after she became a ghost. She'd been a law-abiding human. “Perhaps the aide meant I committed a sin. It doesn't matter.
“I never had a mental illness. I died of grief. I was thirty when my husband died suddenly of an aggressive cancer. Nine months later, three hundred seventy-two people who were my colleagues, clients, and friends were killed on 9/11 in the World Trade Center. I was at a meeting in midtown. Otherwise, I would've been among then. No matter. I literally sat in my apartment getting phone call after phone call that people I was close to had died. I don't recall whether I turned off my phone or cell reception ceased. My heart couldn't hold anymore grief.”
“Your husband? You married someone else? Not Dan?”
Bella nodded. “Yes. I met a fantastic man and we had a fabulous life together until his death. I didn't intend to become a nun because I couldn't be with Daniel.”
“You had almost four hundred friends?” LouLou seemed incredulous.
This girl, her child, flitted from topic to topic. She couldn't focus. She seemed more damaged than Bella could handle, but she put aside her feelings long enough to answer.
“LouLou, I knew them from work, law school, and through my husband. Some were my closest friends. All of them died. Just evaporated in less than an hour. I couldn't grieve enough. I grieved too much. I hanged myself and it was over.”
Bella willed herself not to cry. She sat still and waited. LouLou would eventually say what she wanted or needed.
“How did you know to come back? Did you come back for Dan?”
“And you,” Bella responded. “I was in the ambulance with you after that accident at Christmas. I stayed until your uncle got to the hospital. I sensed you needed me.”
“The accident was when Gregg left.”
“I see.” Having caused the accident that precipitated Gregg's departure, Bella remained silent. She could hardly kill another ghost, but she'd transported him to another spot on the globe to separate the couple. Payback. LouLou had sent Daniel back to Petersburg. If Bella couldn't have her lover, she made sure LouLou didn't have hers.
Also, with her father dead and Gregg gone, Bella hoped LouLou would accept Daniel into her life. She hadn't. She cost Daniel more time in Commonwealth Psych when he'd been so desperate to see LouLou. She'd filed charges that he was cyber-stalking her. Silly woman. Even with the loss of Gregg, LouLou didn't relent regarding Daniel.
“LouLou, ghosts return when they need to finish something. For me, I must close that hospital and be with Daniel. Did Gregg say why he came to you?”
She started to cry. “He said he'd always known I'd be the woman he loved. He was a musician—a composer. He spent thirteen years at Commonwealth Psych, composed all that time, and stored the music in his head. With me, it was recorded, published, and performed.
“It wasn't all about music. Gregg loved me. The barn owl tattoo. That was our symbol. He suggested drawing one because it was beautiful and monogamous just like you said. I thought you must know Gregg because you knew about the owl.”
“LouLou, darling, I don't know him. Most people who grew up in Virginia have seen barn owls. Was he from here?”
“Norfolk,” she whispered.
“Tidewater, then. I grew up in Virginia Beach. We saw the same wildlife. I'm sure he knew about egrets and cardinals and thrashers. None of that means I could pick him out in a crowd.”
LouLou seemed to believe her. She hugged her sweater tighter. “Gregg loved me. He came back as a ghost for me, but he left without me. I want him back. Tell me what to do, Bella. Please.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
LouLou sounded dangerously distressed, but the most interesting thing to Bella was that Gregg had a connection to Commonwealth Psych. “Gregg was at Petersburg?”
LouLou nodded. “He wasn't a psych patient, though. He was mentally healthy.”
This sounded odd, but Bella let LouLou continue. She spoke in fits and starts so Bella had no intention of interrupting her.
“Things must have been very different then,” LouLou said. “He was picked up as an undesirable in the 1960s and released one night years later. He didn't know what a discharge plan was when I asked him. He said the night nurse woke him and told him to leave, unlocked the door, and let him walk out at midnight. He was disoriented and fell into a creek and drowned.”
“That's horrifying. I'm sorry for him.” Bella wondered if it was true. There was more to the story if he had unfinished business and became a ghost.
“He came back to be with me and to compose as he was meant to do. Do you think his reasons were accomplished? Is he at peace, or can he come back?”
Of course, he could come back. He hadn't finished his mission. Bella had interrupted it.
“He wasn't good at being a ghost. He was invisible except to me, a Sensitive, and Dan.” Tears streaked LouLou's cheeks.
“Daniel is a Sensitive,” Bella said decisively.
“That explains it. Gregg couldn't do any of the things you do. You're visible to everyone. You shake hands with people. Everyone can hear you. How do you do it?”
“Ghosts are people in another form. We're all different. I was in a hole of grief for probably the first five years of being a ghost. When I realized I was a ghost, I experimented until I could do things. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm entirely self-taught so I don't know what others do. I didn't have control of myself for a long time. Even now, it takes great concentration to be visible or invisible to everyone.”
Bella was going to have to pry everything out of LouLou. “What did Gregg say about his abilities?”
“He said he didn't know where he went when he wasn't with me or at the record store where he spent most of his time. He was nervous about traveling to places he'd never been. He and Skylar, the friend who is a Sensitive, experimented with short car trips and then longer ones. He took a bus trip once. He never went from one place to another by just concentrating.
“He said he didn't know how long he had with me. When it was time to go, he said he couldn't help himself and left. I was surprised when you sounded so confident that you'd be here months, if not years. How do you know?”
“That's my mission. That's how long it takes. I can't tell you more than that. I don't know.”
LouLou started to cry again. “Bella, tell me everything you know about ghosts. Any detail. Where do you go when you're alone? How do you have so many clothes? What do you do about eating in public? Do you know other ghosts?”
These were all easy questions and completely irrelevant to coaxing Gregg back.
“Darling, it really comes down to lying and stealing. I get clothes by invisibly going to stores when they're closed, trying things on, and wearing them when I leave. Sometimes, I put things back if it was a one occasion dress.
“Ghosts eat like anorexics. I'm vigilant about food. I've developed hundreds of excuses—I just ate, I'll get something to go, I'm fasting today—anything to deflect attention from what I'm not eating. In situations where it would be rude not to eat, I move food around on my plate, slip it into my napkin, and discard it. I've found if I walk around with an apple and a bottle of water, the issue of whether I'm eating never occurs to most people.
“I can only tell you my experience. I live among Sensitives and other ghosts. We meet in places ghosts seem to enjoy. London, for example. When I don't want to socialize, I disappear. I go nowhere. It's not a place. It's just blank.
“You'd call it dozing. I keep an eye on my mission and anything that affects it, but otherwise, I just wait.
“The main point about ghosts is that we're people in another form. We don't gain any special powers by dying. I can't practice witchcraft or foresee the future or reverse time. I can't read people's thoughts any better than I could when I was human. I can't will things to happen. All I can do is what I used to do although now that I'm invisible, I can do it secretly.”
“Like what?”
“Obviously, I walk through walls. That's how I got here. I didn't think you'd want to explain who I was to your neighbors should they ask.”
“Gregg could do that. What else?”
“Let me think.” She couldn't tell her that she'd just popped into LouLou's loft two years ago and left her a note. She couldn't tell her about the case. Something benign.
“For example, if I needed a hat that I knew was in a trunk in someone's attic, I couldn't just will the hat to come to me. I'd have to go into the house without making a sound if someone was home and into the attic. I'd hunt around until I found the trunk and then I'd look through everything until I found the hat. Then I'd leave. The worst that could happen is someone might see a hat walking itself down the stairs. They'd never be able to see or feel me so they'd just think the wind blew it.”
LouLou didn't respond. Maybe she was thinking. Or spacing out. Bella had no idea. She'd never have survived motherhood. It was too stressful.
“Gregg wouldn't lie or steal,” LouLou finally said.
“Do you know that for certain?”
She nodded. “When he was here, if he needed something, like to rent an oboe for a month, he had Skylar rent it for him. He always insisted I buy two movie tickets even if no one would see him. He never lied to me or Skylar.”
Admirable, but not helpful to a prolonged life as a ghost.
“That's my experience. Perhaps other ghosts use different techniques.”
“Gregg didn't seem to get any better at being a ghost. He looked online, but all he could find was information about ghost sightings. Nothing about ghost behavior.”
“Do you mind if I stand and walk around?” Bella needed something to do so she could think.
LouLou shrugged, but cautioned her. “Don't even think about touching the piano.”
Bella walked to one of the enormous windows and looked over the river. She couldn't help LouLou. She had no idea where Gregg was now. He could still be in Phuket, unwilling or unable to travel back to LouLou. He wasn't practiced at space travel. He could take regular transportation if he'd become street smart in order to get money and tickets. She'd tell LouLou generalities and let her take it from there.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-ONE
Bella walked back to the sofa and sat. “LouLou, ghosts are drawn to places we've been or somewhere that was significant. We follow people to whom we have an attachment. You're obviously Gregg's person, so he'd probably follow you. He died on the grounds of the hospital in Petersburg, is that right?”
“I think so. He said he was looking for a road. I don't know where the creek was.”
Bella wanted to scream. LouLou was hopeless. Schizophrenia or not, LouLou seemed to have no reasoning ability or inquisitive nature. She could've Googled Commonwealth Psych to look at a map and hadn't done it. She'd just sat. Waiting.
“That's something to research. Google the hospital. Look for a creek on or near the grounds of the hospital. Look at the Petersburg newspapers. There was probably a morning and evening edition back then. There might have been a newspaper article about a man drowning around the time he died.”
“Okay.” LouLou made no move to write down the suggestions.
“Your loft is important to you and Gregg. Anywhere else?”
“Vinyl, the record store Skylar owns. Gregg went there every day. The art house theatre on Cary Street. We went there a lot.”
“You went other places, but they weren't significant, right?”
“I don't know.” More tears.
“LouLou, I'm trying to help, but you have to do the work. I can only do so much.”
LouLou looked at her with something close to contempt. Bella ignored it and made a sincere suggestion.
“Take the notebook I just gave you and write that you should do a Google search on information about Gregg's death. There might be clues if there's a newspaper article. Then write down the places you and Gregg went regularly or once if it was significant enough. I'd start with the Exit Number on I-95, where he left.”
The no
tebook came with a pen. LouLou picked it up and looked at the blank pages. She was overcome and started to sob. Between heaving sobs, LouLou asked for her tote bag. Bella found a red leather tote near the piano and handed it to her. LouLou dug around for a slick silver pill case and slipped a blue pill under her tongue. She held out her glass for a refill of water. Bella freshened her glass with ice and chilled water.
After about ten minutes, LouLou stopped crying and looked at Bella with animosity. “What then? What if I make a list of all the places that were important. Then what? Am I supposed to just camp out there until he shows up? I've been sitting in this loft every day since he left and he hasn't shown up here.”
Good. LouLou had some life in her. There was hope.
“Then I'd say you can cross this off your list,” she said reasonably. “Skylar will tell you if he appears at Vinyl. So that crosses two off the list. You don't have to do it this minute. Think about a place and decide if it's likely that Gregg would expect you to be there.”
LouLou seemed relieved at the thought of two places that could be crossed off her list.
“What if I'm not home when Gregg comes?”
Bella held her temper. “LouLou, if Gregg has come back from the dead for you, he's not going to give up if you happen to be out for a walk when he returns. He'll wait.”
LouLou brightened at that thought and then plunged into the darkness around her.
“Bella, what if I killed myself? I wouldn't die of natural causes and maybe I could find Gregg in the ghost world.”
“There is no ghost world. There are places that are important to individual ghosts. There are lots of ghosts in London, but it's not a place where all ghosts go. Has Gregg ever been to London?”
LouLou shook her head.
“Then there's absolutely no reason to think he'd be there. You must concentrate on what's important to Gregg. From what you've told me, that's you and his compositions.”