KNEEL (Sins of Seven Book 1)

by Dani René

  “I said I’d be your slave, not your fucking punching bag!”

  “I never hit you!” I bite out, anger taking precedence, my body shuddering with rage. Fear and love, lust and desire all meld together in a dangerous storm.

  “No, you didn’t. You hurt me in other ways, Nate. You made me love you,” she says. “I fell in love with the monster, the man, and even though they’re one person, I can’t live with either of them. Not anymore.”

  “Melly, last night was…” I trail off my explanation because I don’t know what to say. How to keep her. I don’t know how to explain that my hunger for her takes control and I can’t help myself. “You wanted it. You could’ve called out your safe word. You know this.”

  “Yes,” she sighs, dropping her gaze to the floor. “I just wanted to trust you wouldn’t go too far. I did trust you. I’m just not made for this… And… I love you, Nathan, but I can’t give you the dark you desire so much.”

  “I told you I can’t love. I’ve never been able to feel anything other than what we have.” When I try to take a step closer to her she once again moves away, holding up her hand to stop me in my tracks. Her body shivers, her eyes are glossed over with tears which turns my blood cold with frustration.

  “I’ve called a cab. Don’t call me. Just… don’t come near me again.” Her voice is filled with resignation. It’s over and it’s all my fault. My inability to love, to give her affection has ripped her from me.

  “Melly, I can’t lose you.” The rasp in my tone drips with loss. As if part of me is being torn violently and I’m useless to stop it.

  “Why? Why Nathan? Tell me you love me!” Anger dances in her eyes. Like the sun rising behind us, shedding light on our relationship, I see her, I see the tears I’ve caused. And I can’t answer her. I can’t tell her I love her because I’m not built that way. Love isn’t something I can feel. Yes, I care for her, I want her. Owning her is all I can do, and I know that’s not what she needs.

  “I can’t.”

  “Bullshit, Nathan! You refuse to even allow it near you. That’s exactly why I’m leaving. You allow your monster to rule your fucking life, Nathan. You are capable of so much, you can love! But you know what, you don’t want to. That’s your problem. And you know why?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer, instead, she finally touches me by prodding my chest, shoving me backward and I can’t do anything to respond because I’m in shock at her fire. “Because you’re a fucking monster! You love hurting me! You get hard when you see me cry! Who does that? Only a vile fucking monster!”

  The word rings in my head, I know I am. I know it’s true. Can I love? If I allow myself to feel, could I ever love Emelia? No. I know I can’t. I’ve never been able to.

  Her eyes drop to my hands which fist at my sides and a smirk, both angry and amused, curls her lips. She nods with knowing. Understanding paints her beautiful face, her eyes no longer glimmer with sadness, but pity.

  “You knew who I was and what you were getting into, Melly. This,” I gesture between us with my index finger. “It’s something you walked into eyes wide fucking open. You saw my monster and you still loved me.” I hiss in frustration. If she thinks I’ll fall to my knees for a woman, she’s sorely mistaken. I may care for her, maybe even love her, but I will not be topped from the bottom.

  “Goodbye, Nathan Ashcroft. I hope you burn in hell.” Her words are venom seeping into my veins. I want to hurt her right now. The need to bend her over, whip her with my belt is the only thing I can focus on. I can’t even bring myself to hold her, to want to wrap my arms around her and keep her safe. But who am I keeping her safe from when I’m the one who hurt her?

  She spins on her heel, with her purse and coat in hand, I watch her walk out the door, slamming it and I’m left alone. Shutting my eyes, I allow the pain and agony to take hold. I don’t cry. I don’t feel sadness, I feel anger.

  Tonight, I’ll walk into Sins and I’ll find a willing slut to take my punishment. And when I do it, I’ll picture her in all her naked glory. Those incredible curves, that long chocolate hair, and those eyes. Piercing, judging, pitying. Some pain slut will pay tonight.

  Eva

  Warmth cocoons me, but as soon as I roll over, pain jolts me upright. “Oh god,” I groan.

  Hands, strong and gentle, stroke my back, my skin tingling from the sensation. When he touches me, it feels as if he’s a balm to my wounds. A healing force to the pain I once endured. Men are dangerous creatures. They’re also animals when it comes to hurting and healing, they’ll easily break someone, but putting that person back together is not in their forte.

  After everything we went through last night, I should walk out immediately. Perhaps he thinks that too, but I can’t. There’s no way I can leave him. We both broke last night. We were two damaged souls coming together and with our fragmented pieces, they fit perfectly. It was as if both dark, shimmering parts had always been the missing portion of the other, creating an artwork fit for hell.

  “Sweetheart,” he says. His voice is tentative, and I know why.

  That same voice which gave me pain, pleasure, and surety last night, calms me in the bright light of day. Physical pain is easier to understand than emotional, it’s easier to come to terms with. Last night, it wasn’t what he’d done that changed us, or me, it was the way he cared for me after.

  The tenderness he touched me with, and the affectionate words weren’t that of a monster. As much as he believes he is, I don’t see him as one. I see him as a man so deeply in need of love, that I already find myself falling. Can you love someone in such a short time? Is that even possible?

  “What’s the time?” I ask, shifting onto my sore ass, attempting not to wince as I roll over. “Shit, that seriously stings,” I say, glancing up into his regretful eyes. “Nate?” I murmur, frowning.

  “I’m sorry,” he says, breaking eye contact and shifting off the bed. He leaves me cold and lonely. His body is rigid. His eyes are swollen and the dark circles that surround them make those deep brown orbs black. It’s clear he didn’t sleep last night.

  “For what?” I push off the bed slowly. My body aches and creaks as I move, but in the pain, I easily recall the pleasure he gave me. No man has ever been able to wipe away my fears the way he has. Since that night, when I went to a stranger for what I needed, no other man, not even Carrick, could bestow the darkened, sick desire I have for it, for breath play, for forced role play, for the things most women shy away from.

  All my life I thought I was sick for wanting it. I thought I’d been broken by a man I trusted. Even when I let Carrick take my virginity, he couldn’t wash away the pain and agony of what had happened to me.

  “I’ve called you a cab, it will be here in an hour. You need to eat and—”

  “Wait!” Stalking over to Nate, I grip his arm, turning him to face me. “You’re sending me away?” I demand, anger slowly heating my skin, turning me livid with rage. “What the fuck, Nathan? You can’t do what you did last night and expect me to walk out of here. Am I not meant to choose? The contract still stands. Unless you want me gone. Was last night a fuck you goodbye?” I’m screeching by the time I finish my tirade, but he just watches me. Doesn’t move.

  “I can’t be with you, Eva. I’m a monster. I’ll hurt you.”

  Without thinking, I rear back, finding his cheek with my hand. I feel the sting as soon as I hear the sound. My palm smarts with the force of the harsh slap I’ve just delivered. “Fuck you!” Storming by him, I don’t make it very far when he’s on me. His body, so much larger than mine, tackles me to the soft red carpet. I grip the wool below my fingers, trying to drag myself from his vice grip, but I can’t. His hand is in my hair. His hips pin me to the floor.

  “Eva, calm the fuck down,” he growls in my ear, but I don’t see past the anger and heartache he’s just caused. I can’t see him because my monster has come out to play, and she’s not happy. The mirror reflects us in an image of vileness. My head is tugged back; we stare ea
ch other down in the glass. “Look at that! Look! You see us? We’re fucked up, Eva.” He grunts forcefully in my ear, his lips on the smooth shell causing me to shudder with need that’s coiling low in my gut. “You need someone who’ll calm your storm.”

  “I need someone who’s going to dance in my fucking hurricane and not run from it. If you’re such a fucking coward, then leave me alone. I’ll find another man who isn’t afraid.” My words are hateful, spitting venom where I know he’s hurting. We’re dangerous together, a force of nature that could most probably kill the other, but I know without him, I’ll be lost. “I’ll find a Master who’ll give me what I need if you’re so scared to give me you,” I spit angrily. I’m taunting him. Provoking him to do what I need. My words slam into him because when I look in the mirror again, his gaze has darkened.

  Black.

  Sinful, depraved, and filthy.

  “I’m a fucking coward, am I?” he grunts, pressing his hips against my ass, which is still hurting from what he did to me last night, but I find myself squeezing my thighs, my body reacting, responding to the need for more. I crave the violence, I ache for it.

  “Let me go, Nate,” I order, but it’s no use. He’s too far gone. He shoves my panties down. His fingers find my core easily. He knows my body better than I do. A smirk curls his lips when he probes my already wet hole.

  “Seems like my sweet slut wants to play,” he says, his face grinning manically in the mirror. I raise my hips in response.

  Yes, I do want to play. I want him. I need him. He’s the only one who understands my need.

  “I want you, Nathan. I’ll sign the contract,” I manage to utter, stilling him immediately. His fingers inside my core, his hand fisting my long dark hair, his eyes boring into me. Piercing me with questions, confusion, and agony.

  Before I have time to fathom what’s happening, he shifts off me, the heat of his body leaving me as he moves away. I’ve never seen a man so feral and so scared at the same time. Like an animal that’s been wounded, he scurries back on his ass, his cock hard, jutting out from his boxers. I’m on my knees, crawling toward him.

  “Leave. Get out. I want you to go,” he commands.

  “What?” I glare, shooting daggers from my eyes, hoping to kill him with a look. The room darkens like the stormy sky before a thunderstorm. It swirls around us as I move closer to him.

  “Get the fuck out!” His voice booms around me, and I blink, my mind blank of responses because shock has stolen words from my brain. He doesn’t move and stupidly, I decide to go to him. I shouldn’t, his mood tells me to obey, but my heart, that fragile damaged muscle, tells me otherwise. I move toward him, my hand out in surrender.

  “I’m not leaving you,” I tell him firmly, not wavering in my response, no confusion in my voice. He looks up, his eyes trained on mine. When my hand touches his leg, he seems to flip from the enraged monster to a man and I see him.

  He reminds me of the story of Jekyll and Hyde. Before my very eyes, as if a switch is flipped on and off, the man himself turns from one to the other. Monster and man. He’s fighting the dark with everything inside, but it taunts his soul as it slowly eats away at him.

  “You should,” he sighs, finality in his tone. The sadness that now hangs around us is stifling. I need to do something to force it away.

  Shaking my head, I manage to wiggle my way onto his lap, tugging the boxers down freeing his shaft. As soon as I straddle him, I feel the heat of his cock at my wet pussy. I don’t give him time to object, reaching between us, I grip his shaft, and slowly sink down onto him until he’s balls deep inside me. We’re connected. There’s nothing that can break this tether.

  My hands find purchase on his shoulders. The tension eases at my touch, and I watch his head drop back in pleasure when I move. Allowing my hips to rock back and forth, moving slowly, gently at first, but when his hands grip my body, he moves me faster.

  “Fuck me, sweet slut. Ride my cock,” he utters with his eyes shut so tight as if he’s in pain if I don’t, but in agony if I do. “Use me for your pleasure, I need you,” his words tumble between us, hanging in the air like promises, threats, and dangerous vows.

  He lifts his head, opening his eyes, and watches me. Sweet and slow has never been my thing, I’ve never let it affect me. When I’ve been fucked, it’s been deep and hard, fast and brutal, but this is something else. Even though I’m on top, riding him, he’s very much in control. It’s not the angry fuck we had last night, or almost did moments ago, this is filled with affection.

  His fingers stroke the skin on my hips, circling the smoothness, teasing and taunting me. I lock my eyes on his heated gaze. It’s electric, shooting currents through my veins, and every inch of my skin erupts in goose bumps. We may fight this, we may convince ourselves that it’s best if we part ways, but deep down we both know it’s a lie.

  “I need you, Nate. Don’t push me away,” I tell him, emotion cracking in my voice. My throat raw from last night’s begging and pleading, with the tears I shed in pain and pleasure. His hands move over the globes of my ass, gripping the flesh painfully, opening me up, and I know he’s looking at me in the mirror. Watching me move above him, taking my pleasure along with his in a slow and gentle fuck. It heats my blood, sizzling through me, alighting my core with a blaze, along with my heart.

  My thumb is positioned on his neck and I can feel his pulse, it’s skittering in his neck. I watch his throat work as he swallows. He knows as much as I do, this is it. There’s so much more between us than two people enjoying carnal pleasure.

  “You’re so beautiful. Every inch of you. I want to own all of you, Eva.” His fingers tease my puckered hole, it’s sensitive from his brutal fucking last night, but the way he’s stroking it so gently causes my pussy to clamp down on his cock. “Yes, that’s it. Come for me, sweetheart.” Tenderness laces his words, sending me over the edge as I find release. It’s the most incredible feeling, tightening my belly, my core pulsing around his rigid hardness. His fingers teasing me.

  My body wracks with an orgasm and as the tears fall, I revel in the saltiness that reach my lips. A waterfall of emotion erupts from me along with a release so heartfelt I’m left breathless, my fingers digging into his skin as if I’m trying to draw blood.

  As I come down from my high, I watch him through the blur of emotion that’s broken forth. His lips quirk into a sad smile which causes my heart to ache. It feels as if I’ve known him all my life. And just the thought of him wanting me gone grips me painfully, leaving me an utter mess.

  With care, he lifts me off his cock, and I don’t ignore the fact that he didn’t come. “Is everything okay?” I ask as he pushes off the floor. Offering me a hand, he tugs me up, pulling me into a tight hold. He doesn’t answer me and something inside me aches. Something’s wrong. So very fucking wrong.

  “Eva, I need you to make sure that this is what you want. Don’t sign the contract because I asked you to. All of what happened last night, that’s something I need. I promise you, sweet girl, one day I’ll hurt you. One day the monster you so actively seek will shatter you one final time. I don’t want you to go, but I don’t want you to stay either. This has to be up to you.”

  “I’m a big girl, I can make my own decisions. And I’m not scared of you, Nate.” My words cause him to flinch, but he doesn’t respond. Instead he turns away and I miss his eyes on me. The way he runs his fingers through his hair tells me there’s so much more he’s hiding. More to the elusive man I find myself intoxicated by. Drunk on want. High on desire. And craving my next fix.

  “Then you’ll find the paperwork in the living room. I’ve set out a pen, sign it. Once that’s done, we’ll go for lunch.” He leaves me gaping at his retreating form. I move around the room, finding my discarded clothes, and quickly pulling them on.

  As I step into the living room, I find the contract like he said on the table. My phone beside it buzzes with a message. When I swipe my finger over the screen, I read the message slowly.
Word for word, my blood runs cold. They’ve found me.

  I thought I could escape. I thought if I ran far enough, kept a low profile, she’d let me live my life. But that’s what happens when you allow yourself a false sense of security. Picking up the contract, I stare at it, wondering if this is a good idea. Not because I shouldn’t sign it, but because I don’t want Nathan to be dragged into the shit my life has always been. I don’t want her to know about him. And right now, she won’t give up until she’s run me out of town.

  Life is full of choices. And this is my fork in the road. I should walk away. But I’m selfish, I’m greedy for everything he offers. So, I pick up the pen and sign my name on the thick black line.

  I’m now owned by Nathan Ashcroft.

  Nate

  One week later

  My phone buzzes again. I know who it is. Even though I should, I don’t look at the screen, I don’t want to respond. I’ve kept her at bay with lies that I’d let Eva go, keeping our relationship a secret. I should’ve known that secrets will eventually come to light.

  Even though she signed the contract, I’ve still not told her the truth. The reason I’d found her two weeks ago. It’s been fourteen days of bliss with her. I’ve never been in love, but I can tell there’s something different about what I have with the raven-haired beauty. She’s given me everything—her mind, her body, and her soul. But she’s holding back. There are still secrets she hides and I have a feeling I know exactly what they involve.

  Her heart is still hidden, it’s locked away and each night we bare ourselves to each other, I know she hasn’t yet allowed me into that one place that she’s kept locked up tight. I’ve given her my heart. I’ve placed it in her hands without regret.

  The phone buzzes again. It’s been ringing off the hook, I’ve ignored it all morning and I know deep down the more I do, the deeper the hole that’s going to swallow me gets. I shouldn’t have taken her, pursued her. But once again, my selfish nature, my addiction to beautiful women, to Eva specifically, has slowly eaten away at my resolve and I couldn’t help myself. I’d convinced myself that we could work.